Chapter 68: We Can’t Go Back, Can We?

Chapter 68: We Can't Go Back, Can We?

Behind Yun He, the LED screen projected a kaleidoscope of colors. When the last note was played, the entire venue fell silent. The melody was so poignant that it involuntarily made people's breaths grow lighter.

From his booth, Gu Jiabei watched Yun He on stage. His emotions swirled in his eyes as he clenched his hands tightly by his sides. He couldn't quite recall this piece anymore, especially since he had casually played it for Yun He during that summer vacation years ago.

It was originally a cheerful tune, but now it conveyed a multitude of bitter, helpless, and sorrowful feelings.

Nonetheless, Gu Jiabei recognized the song. He remembered Yun He mentioning that he wanted to write lyrics for it. Who would have thought that the words he heard years later would stir such a tremor in his heart? It was impossible not to feel a pang of sadness or distress. Looking at Yun He on stage, who was gazing back at him, Gu Jiabei couldn't help but feel conflicted.

After all, Yun He was the only person he had ever liked since childhood, and that affection hadn't faded over time. Instead, it had erupted like a geyser upon their reunion. Perhaps this was the result of suppressing emotions; the more you held back, the more they resurfaced. Nevertheless, he needed to continue observing Yun He with composure, for he didn't want to be abandoned again.

Being the one left behind was pitiful.

"Thank you. This melody isn't mine, but the lyrics are. I once liked someone very much, deeply and earnestly. But back then, I was naive and foolish, hurting others while believing I was doing them a favor. For so many years, I hid away like a turtle in its shell. However, that person is back now, and I don't wish to make the same mistake. I want to ask him, if he hasn't found someone he likes yet, would he consider giving us a chance?" Yun He sat calmly on a high stool in the center of the stage, his gaze unwavering as he looked at Gu Jiabei below.

A soft rustling and urging emerged from the audience, with many pairs of eyes turning towards Gu Jiabei in the corner.

"D*mn... No wonder he went crazy learning the guitar back then... Someone so afraid of pain kept playing even with bleeding fingers..." Lin Yong, watching from backstage, had tears shimmering in his eyes.

Amidst the audience's gazes, Gu Jiabei stood up, causing Yun He's heart to race with anticipation. However, in the next moment, his heart plummeted as Gu Jiabei turned and left.

Yun He set down his guitar, flipped around, and leaped off the stage, following closely behind.

Gu Jiabei hadn't gone far; he was merely standing at the entrance of the restaurant, lighting a cigarette. As Yun He pushed open the door and stepped out, he saw him.

They stood facing each other in silence.

The street was bustling with traffic, noise filling the air.

Gu Jiabei leaned against the wall by the entrance, puffing on his cigarette steadily.

"Give me one too," Yun He approached Gu Jiabei, standing directly in front of him.

"Can you handle it?" Gu Jiabei asked, concealing his emotions beneath a calm facade.

Yun He nodded.

Gu Jiabei pulled out a cigarette, which Yun He took from him. Then, Gu Jiabei fished out a lighter, intending to light it for Yun He, but Yun He dodged the gesture.

"Use your lighter to ignite mine," Yun He said, placing the cigarette between his lips.

Gu Jiabei glanced at Yun He and then slightly bowed his head, aligning their cigarette ends together. Their faces were almost touching, Yun He's bright eyes fixated directly on Gu Jiabei.

Once the cigarettes were lit, Gu Jiabei straightened up. Yun He took a deep drag.

"When did you start smoking?" Gu Jiabei asked in a low voice.

"In my first year of high school," replied Yun He.

First year of high school... Why did he start smoking back then? Gu Jiabei didn't inquire further.

They smoked in silence for a while.

"Take me home," Yun He said after a few more puffs before extinguishing his cigarette. In truth, he didn't particularly enjoy smoking.

"Alright," Gu Jiabei responded, extinguishing his own cigarette and extending his hand toward Yun He.

Yun He looked surprised at Gu Jiabei, placing the stub in the warmth of his palm. Their fingertips brushed against each other, Gu Jiabei's hand dry and comforting.

Gu Jiabei disposed of their cigarette butts in the trash can beside them.

After getting into the G-Class SUV, Yun He gave his address, and they rode in silence as the neon lights outside streamed past quickly. Soft, ethereal music played automatically inside the car.

When they arrived at Yun He's building, Gu Jiabei turned off the engine, and both remained seated without moving.

"Would you like to come up for a bit?" Yun He asked.

"What then?" Gu Jiabei responded.

"Then we could... have a chat..."

"What would you like to talk about?" Gu Jiabei looked at Yun He. "Shall we discuss our feelings for each other?"

"You don't have to if you don't want to," Yun He suppressed the bitterness in his heart.

"Why would you ask me to come up then?"

"I'm not finished yet." Yun He undid his seatbelt and leaned in towards Gu Jiabei, his face close to Jiabei's as he whispered, "It's alright if you don't want to give it a try with me. We can be not just friends, not just lovers… we could simply make love… Would that be okay?…"

Yun He pressed his lips against Gu Jiabei's, feeling utterly wicked. After learning that Gu Jiabei still had feelings for him, he'd become uninhibited and no longer cautiously tested the waters.

He had deliberately lured Gu Jiabei here, sang for him, and then provocatively pushed the boundaries in this moment, under this ambiance.

Gu Jiabei's breath grew hot.

Pushing Yun He away, Gu Jiabei gazed into Yun He's face before softly saying after a long pause, "Upstairs."

In the elevator, they stood decorously, one in front of the other, but as soon as the doors opened, Gu Jiabei fiercely pinned Yun He against the wall. While responding to the kiss, Yun He fumbled for the keypad, unlocking it with his fingerprint before they tumbled inside together, Yun He hooking his foot to close the door behind them.

"..."

Yun He found himself lying on the bed, with Gu Jiabei above him.

"Condom," Gu Jiabei stated tersely.

"There aren't any. No one comes here, so I don't need them," Yun He replied, looping his arm around Gu Jiabei's neck.

"Who taught you these things? So coquettish and wanton," Gu Jiabei said, leaning down to pin Yun He beneath him and biting his earlobe fiercely.

Yun He huffed. "That's how I am when I see you."

"Mr. Yun, how can you be a role model like this?" Gu Jiabei taunted.

Yun He frowned. "My clothes..."

"I'll pay for them." As Gu Jiabei spoke, he undid his own tie and pressed Yun He's hands above his head, using the tie to bind his wrists together.

"What are you doing?" Yun He panicked, wriggling to sit up.

Gu Jiabei forcefully pushed him back down. "Tonight might take a while. I'm afraid you might escape if I don't restrain you."

"..."

With a fierce expression, Gu Jiabei silenced Yun He's lips, continuing his relentless exploration and domination.

Eventually, Yun He truly grew weary, listlessly submitting to Gu Jiabei's actions. The stamina displayed by Gu Jiabei left Yun He in awe.

Unconsciously, Yun He recalled Ji You's remark about Gu Jiabei's strong libido.

So, did Gu Jiabei really sleep with many people...

A wave of bitterness washed over Yun He like a flowing river.

"On your previous... occasions... how did you... take care of it..." Yun He was flipped onto the bed by Gu Jiabei.

"..."

Gu Jiabei ignored him.

"Besides being with your ex-boyfriends... ah... in bed... have you been with anyone else..." Yun He bit his lip and looked back at Gu Jiabei behind him.

Gu Jiabei frowned, lifting his eyelids slightly. Yun He's reflection could be seen in his dark, bottomless eyes.

He didn't need to say a word to make Yun He fall for him all over again.

"..."

"Gu Jiabei... are you... still... in love with me...?" Yun He asked, trembling with uncertainty.

Yun He's tears slid down onto the bedsheet.

Gu Jiabei turned Yun He over to face him again and loosened the tie bound around his wrists.

"I'll carry you to freshen up." Gu Jiabei scooped Yun He up in his arms and took him to the bathroom.

Yun He submitted obediently to Gu Jiabei's tender care, allowing himself to be washed clean before being carried back to the bedroom by him.

The bedroom was in utter disarray, with the bed sheets and duvet bearing witness to a tumultuous scene.

"Where's the bedding?" Gu Jiabei inquired.

Yun He pointed to the wardrobe. "Top shelf."

Gu Jiabei reached up to retrieve a set of sheets for a change. Afterward, he tossed the soiled ones into the washing machine.

Both of them tacitly brushed aside Yun He's earlier question, buried beneath their shared desire.

"Hold on, don't leave. It's too late. Just sleep here tonight," Yun He whispered, looping his arms around Gu Jiabei's waist.

"What kind of relationship are we?" Gu Jiabei asked.

"We can be whatever you want us to be, or nothing at all. We can even just have physical intimacy without emotions," Yun He replied. "As long as I get to see you."

"Didn't we manage just fine without seeing each other all these years?" Gu Jiabei said.

"It only seemed fine on the surface," Yun He whispered, pressing his face against Gu Jiabei's chest and listening to the strong heartbeat. "Aren't you the same?"

"So confident?"

"I wasn't so sure before, but my body isn't lying." Yun He gazed into Gu Jiabei's dark eyes. "It seems like you can't resist me. You give in every time I purr a little."

"It's just dopamine at work," Gu Jiabei lightly bit Yun He's lip. "Even if you didn't purr and were just naked against me like this, I'd still be drawn to you."

Gu Jiabei pushed Yun He back onto the bed. "You're too flirtatious. I never noticed that before."

The sheets and duvet cover had been freshly changed.