Chapter 38

Chapter 38

Cui Xun was visibly stunned.

Li Ying's face, as white as snow, lit up with bright eyes. She smiled and asked again, "Cui Xun, are you worried about me?"

Cui Xun finally came to his senses. He released her wrist and took two steps back. His gaze was once again calm and unruffled. Instead of answering her question, he said, "Pei Guanyue has many Taoist priests and monks around him. Are you trying to die again by tracking him?"

When he said this, Li Ying did not feel any disappointment this time. She did not press further but instead smiled gently and said, "Okay, I won't do it again. Don't be angry."

Cui Xun was taken aback again and muttered, "I'm not angry."

But the latter half of his sentence remained unspoken. He sighed lightly and changed the subject, "Did you find anything when you tracked Pei Guanyue?"

"Yes," Li Ying replied. "It was indeed them who destroyed my tomb."

"As expected."

"There is another discovery."

"What is it?"

Li Ying's gaze shifted to the old bow in Cui Xun's hand, then to the exposed wrist at the cuff. His wrist was beautiful, cold and white like jade, and his fingers were long and clean—remarkably handsome. Yet, such a beautiful hand could no longer even draw his old bow.

Li Ying raised her eyes, not mentioning what Pei Guanyue had said about Cui Xun's situation at the Imperial Court of Justice. Instead, she said, "Pei Guanyue mentioned that the censor Jia Fang, who impeached you, was dismissed by Mother. Also, several others from their side were dismissed. He thinks Mother is venting her anger."

Upon hearing this, Cui Xun pondered thoughtfully. Li Ying smiled slightly, "You previously said that Mother stopped pursuing the case to prevent you from investigating further. But actually, she did pursue it."

Her smile was as fresh and bright as early spring flowers. She was easily pleased by small things, so knowing that Mother had not ignored her made her genuinely happy—a joy of being loved in return. She knew that Mother had never forgotten her.

Cui Xun looked at her smiling lips, yet he still had some doubts. Could the Empress Dowager's fury be solely because he had uncovered someone close to her? But facing Li Ying's bright eyes, he couldn't voice his concerns.

So he turned his face away, looking at the moonlight shining on the blue stone bricks outside the alley, "Yes, I was too suspicious."

Li Ying was slightly taken aback and whispered, "You're not a petty person."

Cui Xun, who had been called a "petty person" countless times, found her words somewhat novel, "Oh? Not a petty person, then what?"

Li Ying seriously considered his question. A good person? He didn't qualify. A bad person? No, she didn't think so. What should he be?

After thinking for a while, she said, "You are... a man obsessed."

This time, it was Cui Xun who was slightly stunned, "Why do you say that?"

"Obsession leads to madness. You are fixated on one thought, trapped by one thought. Aren't you a man obsessed?"

Cui Xun pondered her words carefully. After a moment, he chuckled softly and said, "Obsessed with life, death, light, and darkness. It can't be changed."

Li Ying did not urge him to let go of his obsession. She simply gazed at him quietly, her eyes soft like the glow of the moon. Cui Xun suddenly asked, "What does the princess think of herself?"

"I," Li Ying said, "am someone without great ambitions or lofty ideals. I only hope for the well-being and safety of those I love, nothing more."

Cui Xun ran his finger over the bow in his hand. The bow, once rusted, was now smooth and polished. He shook his head, "The Medicine Buddha said that upon attaining enlightenment, one's body becomes like crystal, clear inside and out, pure and spotless. So, I think the princess is someone with a crystal heart."

Before Li Ying could reflect on his words, Cui Xun continued, "Let's go. Uncle has agreed to report the cat ghost incident to Mother. She will be fine."

Li Ying nodded. Under the moonlight, they walked together, one with a shadow, the other without. The hazy moonlight fell on Cui Xun, casting his shadow onto Li Ying's side. Li Ying looked down at his tall silhouette. His posture was elegant and graceful, his robes swaying slightly with each step. His wrists, visible through the sleeves, were slender and his fingers distinct. Li Ying couldn't help but reach out, her fingertips lightly touching his elongated shadow. Cui Xun's fingers twitched, as if drawing her fingertips into his shadow. Li Ying jumped back, quickly hiding her hand in her sleeve. She glanced at Cui Xun secretly, but he seemed unaware, still walking calmly ahead. Li Ying relaxed and looked at his shadow again, curious and slightly excited, cautiously touching his shadow with her fingertips. Her lips curved into a smile. She hadn't spoken for a while, and Cui Xun finally turned his head, intending to say something. Li Ying, caught in the act, hastily hid her hand behind her back. Cui Xun asked, puzzled, "What's wrong?"

"N-nothing," Li Ying lowered her head, hiding her blushing cheeks, stammering, "I was just... thinking about something and got startled..."

"Is that so..."

"Yes, exactly."

Cui Xun nodded. Li Ying asked, "What were you going to say just now?"

Cui Xun looked at her and said, "Nothing much."

He had merely noticed her silence and wanted to talk to her.

He turned his face away, looking at the white moonlight on the blue stone bricks. The night was quiet and peaceful. He pursed his lips and said, "I was going to say that the moonlight looks like crystal."

-

As the night passed, the moon gradually faded, and the sun rose.

Cui Songqing acted swiftly. Besides sending people to fetch the green twelve-pattern robe from the stone house, he also hurriedly reported the cat ghost incident to the Empress Dowager. Unfortunately, when the cat ghost was injured in the Ghost Market, Jiang Liang had already sensed something and disappeared with the cat ghost from the stone house.

The imperial physicians followed the ancient prescription used to treat the cat ghost's curse, using seeds of love, castor beans, and cinnabar wax. The Empress Dowager's condition improved significantly. The emperor, known for his filial piety, was deeply distressed upon learning of the incident and knelt before the Penglai Palace to take responsibility, saying that his negligence led to his mother's harm.

The Empress Dowager did not blame the emperor. Why should he be held responsible for the witchcraft of others? She supported herself despite her illness and personally helped the emperor up at the Penglai Palace. After receiving her forgiveness, the emperor summoned the ministers and ordered the Imperial Court of Justice to capture Jiang Liang alive. Chang'an was thrown into chaos, but the mother-son bond was praised as a model of filial piety.

At this time, Cui Songqing suggested to the Empress Dowager that Cui Xun be reinstated for discovering the cat ghost. Initially reluctant, the Empress Dowager was convinced by Cui Songqing's argument that Cui Xun was adept at handling secret investigations and that the cat ghost's removal was crucial for her peace of mind. Compared to her health, Cui Xun's past mistakes could be set aside.

Finally, Cui Songqing asked, "Does the Empress Dowager trust Cui Xun or the Imperial Court of Justice?"

After a moment of silence, the Empress Dowager agreed to meet Cui Xun again.

When Li Ying heard this news, she was delighted. If Mother was willing to see Cui Xun, it meant he had a chance to be reinstated. However, she wondered how he would answer Mother's questions about investigating her inner circle.

Li Ying pondered this for a long time but couldn't come up with an answer. She decided to ask Cui Xun and headed to his room. However, during the day, his door was tightly shut, and the windows were closed.

Wasn't he supposed to go to the palace soon? Why was he locked inside?

Curious, Li Ying knocked on the door, but there was no response after a long while. Her curiosity turned to worry. Had something happened to Cui Xun?

Thinking of Shen Que and Pei Guanyue plotting against him last night, Li Ying became even more anxious. She hesitated for a moment, then her transparent figure passed through the closed door and entered his room.

As soon as she stepped into Cui Xun's room, she was startled. Cui Xun sat facing away from her at a zitan desk, seemingly unharmed. However, his inner robe was off, revealing a back covered in new and old wounds. In his hand was a dagger, which he was using to cut into a wound on his back.

-

Li Ying couldn't help but exclaim in surprise. Cui Xun also noticed her; he stopped what he was doing and quickly put on his robe before turning his head and saying, "How did you get in here?"

"You didn't open the door, so I thought something was wrong."

"I'm fine," said Cui Xun.

Li Ying looked at the dagger on the desk, its silver glow catching her eye. She asked, "If you're fine, then what were you doing just now?"

Cui Xun's expression remained calm. "Doing what needs to be done."

"What do you mean by 'what needs to be done?'" Li Ying was utterly confused. "If I'm not mistaken, you were trying to hurt yourself. Your lash wounds have just started to scab over. Do you want to reopen them?"

Cui Xun remained silent, merely saying, "Go out first."

Li Ying gritted her teeth and said, "I stayed up day and night taking care of your lash wounds for them to heal this quickly. If you don't tell me why, I won't leave."

Having said that, she really did sit down opposite Cui Xun, determined not to budge.

Seeing her stubbornness, Cui Xun had no choice but to sigh and say, "I have no choice but to do this."

"Why?"

"The Empress Dowager hates me," Cui Xun explained. "When the Empress Dowager hates someone, she wishes them dead. If I appear unscathed when I see her, she won't feel satisfied. But if I am visibly injured, she will feel much better. This way, my chances of being reinstated would be greater."

After hearing this, Li Ying was momentarily speechless. In fact, such psychology is common among people, but it was Cui Xun who would be injured, and she didn't want him to do this at all.

She shook her head. "There must be another way, one that doesn't require you to harm yourself."

"It's too late," Cui Xun said. "If this attempt fails, I don't know when I'll get another chance to be reinstated."

Li Ying fell silent. Suddenly, she asked, "Cui Xun, are you so determined to be reinstated for yourself or for the fifty thousand fallen soldiers of the Tianwei Army?"

Cui Xun did not answer. After a long pause, he said, "There's no difference."

Li Ying bit her lip as she looked at Cui Xun. Many scenes flashed before her eyes: him stooping to pick up dirty coins, the sight of him with tears streaming down his face as he heard the entire Tianwei Army kneeling to thank him, and him digging out Sheng Yunting's remains with his bare hands in the rain. Her voice trembled slightly as she said, "Cui Xun, can't you be a little kinder to yourself?"

Cui Xun looked at her, his eyes filled with a mix of sorrow and pity, and then he gently shook his head.

Li Ying did not speak again. After a while, she pulled the corners of her mouth into a bitter smile. "I took care of your injuries, so if you reopen them, I should be the one to do it."

She picked up the dagger from the table. "Let me do it."

Cui Xun watched her silently, nodded quietly, turned around, and removed his robe, revealing his scarred back.

Li Ying held the dagger, its cold gleam reflecting the sharpness. Her hand trembled uncontrollably even before the blade touched Cui Xun's wound. She suddenly threw the dagger away and collapsed onto the table, sobbing uncontrollably.

She lay there, crying until she could barely breathe. Cui Xun watched her shaking shoulders, somewhat taken aback. He raised his hand as if to comfort her, but his slender fingers paused mid-air and eventually dropped back down. He remained silent, watching her quietly until she finished crying.

Li Ying didn't know how long she cried. After a while, she lifted her head, wiping away her tears. Then, with trembling hands, she picked up the dagger again. Cui Xun turned around once more. Li Ying closed her eyes and lightly ran the blade across a healed lash wound on his back.

The dagger sliced through the skin effortlessly, reopening the scar and causing fresh blood to flow. Cui Xun winced slightly, but Li Ying hesitated to make another cut. Not hearing any sound, Cui Xun turned to look at her and saw that she had hidden the dagger behind her back, her eyes swollen like peach pits, her voice still hoarse from crying. She insisted, "It's enough."

Cui Xun reached out, but Li Ying refused to give him the dagger. Tears welled up in her eyes. "One wound is already frightening enough. It's enough."

She looked as if she might burst into tears again. Cui Xun gazed at her red, swollen eyes and sighed softly, trying to keep his voice gentle. "Yes, it's enough."

He tried to reach for his robe, but Li Ying said, "Let me do it."

Cui Xun remained silent, lowering his hand. Li Ying put the dagger aside and helped him put on his robe. However, she inadvertently saw the terrifying old scars on his bare waist and abdomen. She remembered Ashina Jia's words in the plum grove, Shen Que's mention of his year in the Imperial Court of Justice, the public's scorn towards him, and Cui Songqing's words, "Why didn't you die in Turkic?" A wave of overwhelming sorrow surged within her, and her tears flowed uncontrollably, falling like broken pearls onto the ground. She wiped her tears, but they only increased. Finally, after a long time, she bit her lip and choked out, "Cui Xun, does it hurt?"