Chapter 38: Hilarious Variety Show

Chapter 38: Hilarious Variety Show

When Fu Zeyu and his companion arrived, Chu Yan was busy teaching Lu Zhaoyang how to carry manure.

"Don't fill it too much. Yes, just like that, slung over your shoulder," Chu Yan instructed, steadying the carrying pole for Lu Zhaoyang. "It's best to hold the buckets with both hands; it'll sway less."

"Also, bend your waist a little; don't stand so rigidly straight."

Under Chu Yan's clear instructions and demonstration, Lu Zhaoyang quickly grasped the knack, performing the task with surprising proficiency.

Chu Yan, going above and beyond, followed Lu Zhaoyang to the vegetable patch, meticulously showing him how, where, and how much to water the plants.

Lu Zhaoyang was so engrossed in learning that he didn't even notice the arrival of the two young masters.

The livestream audience grew increasingly agitated.

"I'm dying! Chu Yan actually knows how to do this!"

"Is this really a skill to brag about? Have you ever seen a young master from a wealthy family doing such a thing? LOL, the Chu family must be so mortified. Good thing they disowned him."

"But seriously, a diligent and dedicated younger brother is so endearing. I'm a sucker for good looks; my values follow my aesthetics."

"Count me in! His looks are absolutely my type!"

"The two young masters gagging while secretly trying to learn is absolutely hilarious, hahaha!"

"Hey, did you notice? They only came trotting over after Fu Zeyu took a phone call, even though they clearly didn't want to. So, who called him?"

"Could it be Fu Hongan? Did he ask him to look after Chu Yan?"

"Dream on! Chu Yan spent fifteen years fawning over Fu Hongan, and what did he get? A broken engagement. If Fu Hongan cared, why would he call off the engagement?"

"So, who on earth called Fu Zeyu?"

As the manure-carrying continued, the livestream's focus gradually shifted, with #WhoCalledFuZeyu quietly climbing the trending topics.

Fu Hongan was the most discussed candidate, being the most logical choice. However, in response to netizens' speculation, Fu Hongan dismissed it as wishful thinking. Although he was roughly the same age as his uncle, or even a few years older, he held little authority over him. Fu Zeyu wasn't afraid of him; this uncle of his even dared to defy the patriarch and was a spoiled brat at home.

So, if Fu Hongan had called him to shovel pig manure, Fu Zeyu would likely have cursed him out instead.

Thus, the question remained: who did Uncle Fu Zeyu talk to on the phone?

The Chu family was equally perplexed, though their confusion centered on Chu Yan. When had he learned these skills? How could he be so composed around such foul and disgusting things? How were his movements so practiced? Wasn't Chu Yan supposed to be a useless good-for-nothing?

They had so many questions. Everyone was shocked to realize that they seemed to have never truly understood the person who had lived with them for eighteen years.

………………………………

Chu Yan was also quite puzzled by the sudden appearance of the two young masters. Had they been struck by some strange competitive urge again?

Perhaps a shoveling showdown? Or even a manure-carrying contest?

Ugh, the world of the rich was truly unfathomable.

"Ahem, Chu Yan, let me help you shovel~"

Fu Zeyu somewhat haughtily snatched the large shovel from Chu Yan's hand. His eyes darted around as he spoke, his movements awkward. Despite his obvious disgust, he held his breath and forced himself to do it—a truly contradictory sight.

Zhou Yun, mimicking him, grabbed the carrying pole from Lu Zhaoyang's shoulder, only to nearly get the filth on himself, flailing in panic and yelping.

"Damn! I'm making too great a sacrifice! If this show doesn't become a hit, I'll kill the director!"

Chu Yan and Lu Zhaoyang exchanged glances, both seeing confusion in each other's eyes.

But hey, if they wanted to do it, who was going to stop them?

So, Lu Zhaoyang took charge of watering the field, while Zhou Yun went back to carry more. Though clumsy and stumbling, after several failed attempts, he finally managed to do it somewhat decently.

Fu Zeyu, imitating Chu Yan, began shoveling pig manure. The overpowering stench, even through multiple layers of masks, was unbearable. Fu Zeyu gagged as he shoveled, his mind racing to recall when he had offended his third brother so badly that he would arrange such a variety show just to punish him.

Chu Yan saw that while Fu Zeyu wasn't doing the cleanest job, he at least looked the part. Since Chu Yan had already completed 70-80% of the work, he decided to let him be. Besides, there wasn't much left. He simply grabbed a water hose to rinse the floor and began the finishing touches.

Without any surprises, Chu Yan's team should have finished the task quickly. But just then, an accident occurred.

As Chu Yan was rinsing the floor, a bloodcurdling, earth-shattering shriek suddenly erupted from outside the pigpen wall.

"AAAHHHH! I'm dirty! *Blegh*~ Help! AAAHHH! *Gag*~ Goddammit! AAAAHHHH!"

The screams were punctuated by violent retching. Fu Zeyu was the first to rush out, and soon after, he let out an equally earth-shattering burst of laughter.

There stood Zhou Yun, impeccably dressed, struggling to carry a half-filled bucket of pig manure. He wobbled precariously on the concrete path, then stepped squarely into a puddle of spilled wastewater. His feet slipped, and he went down, sprawling head over heels.

The bucket flew, pig manure and urine splattered everywhere, covering the ground. Zhou Yun himself landed spread-eagled, right in the middle of the mess.

OH GOD! How was this any different from falling into a cesspit?!

The esteemed Second Young Master of the top-tier Zhou family, a pampered, legendary playboy, had fallen into a pile of sh*t!

The livestream erupted in laughter, even Zhou Yun's own fans were cracking up, guiltily knocking on wood.

In that instant, Zhou Yun's mind buzzed, leaving only primal screams. The overpowering stench was right there; his clothes, pants, shoes, even his hair were covered in shit! AAAHHH, he was losing his mind!

Just as Zhou Yun was on the verge of a breakdown, his arch-nemesis Fu Zeyu burst out of the pigpen, letting out a crowing, rooster-like laugh.

Zhou Yun was devastated and despairing. He could already foresee a lifetime of humiliation in front of Fu Zeyu.

But fate had a twisted sense of humor. Fu Zeyu, reveling in the spectacle, gleefully rushed closer to mock him. He laughed so hard that he wasn't paying attention and stepped into the exact same puddle.

The same outcome repeated itself. Fu Zeyu landed spread-eagled, his backside taking the brunt of the impact.

After a chaotic scramble, the two elite young masters found themselves sprawled together in a ridiculous, filthy mess.

"AAAHHHH, Zhou Yun, I'm not done with you! You caused this! *Sob* *Gag*... You bastard! *Gag*..."

"HAHAHA! That's what you get for laughing at me! *Gag*... I hope you choke! *Blegh*~ Karma! HAHAHA! *Gag*..."

They traded vicious insults, each word a fatal blow, arguing incessantly.

"Hehehe~"

Just then, Chu Yan's face, sporting a wide grin and two rows of pearly white teeth, popped up over the wall. He looked down at the two manure-covered young masters, his smile harder to suppress than an AK-47's recoil.

"Need a hand?"

The two young masters simultaneously looked up at him. If one were humiliated alone, they might wish to vanish from the earth. But if someone shared the humiliation, the embarrassment would be halved. However, if that someone was your sworn enemy, then the humiliation took on a whole new dimension.

"GET LOST!"

They yelled in unison.

Chu Yan, however, bared his mischievous little fangs. "Don't be shy~"

With that, he pulled out a water gun from who-knows-where and aimed it at the two outside the wall, blasting them.

"Ahhh! Chu Yan, are you insane?! How dare you spray me?! AAAHHH! Stop it right now! *Sob* *Sob*... Stop it, you *gag*... Stop it, *sob* *sob*..."

"Chu Yan, you're dead! Fu Hongan listens to me the most! *Sob* *Sob* *Gurgle* *Gurgle*..."

Chu Yan sprayed directly into his mouth, laughing as he did so, not forgetting to mock, "My apologies, Young Master Fu, it seems there's pig manure in your mouth... Oh dear, and in your hair... Someone, quickly bring some shampoo for these two young masters!"

"Ahhhh! I'm going to kill the director! *Sob* *Sob* *Sob*..."

"*Gag*~ I'm dying! *Gag*~ Chu Yan..."

Amidst the chaos, the two young masters were drenched like drowned rats. But truly, Chu Yan swore he was helping them.

"Though you're soaked, at least you're clean now."

Chu Yan swore on it, raising four fingers.

But seriously... who taught him to swear like that? Would he dare kneel and put down one of those fingers?

"Hahaha, this is hilarious! The two young masters look so adorably clueless."

"Hahaha, I feel like Yan Yan is a little mischievous, but so cute! That scene was surprisingly harmonious."

"Ahh, all three of them are so good-looking! Young Master Fu and Young Master Zhou are a bickering couple, Young Master Zhou and Chu Yan are the tsundere puppy and the cunning outcast. And Young Master Fu... isn't he Chu Yan's uncle? Ahhh, the forbidden dynamic is even more delicious! Which ship should I choose?!"

"The person upstairs is truly desperate; shipping everything will only harm you!"

"I think, as long as the three of them live well, that's all that matters."

"I second that!"

"Seconded!"

...

Unaware that the livestream had devolved into a shipping cult, Chu Yan happily completed his tasks for the day. While the two young masters went to change, he helped Lu Zhaoyang finish watering the remaining plots. By the time they cleaned up and returned to the meeting point, it was already past six in the evening.

Everyone was hungry and exhausted, especially the two young masters from wealthy families, who had never worked so hard in their lives—even though they seemed to have done nothing.

It was only then that Chu Yan realized Xu Meng's team hadn't completed their task. No wonder Xu Meng seemed so strange tonight, no longer putting on her goddess act. She looked utterly defeated, as if she had completely given up.

However, Chu Yan instinctively felt that this version of Xu Meng seemed more authentic.

While Chu Yan's group was wrestling with pig manure, Xu Meng and Li Wenzhang's team was taken to the fields to herd ducks. Initially, everything went smoothly under the villagers' guidance, until two hours into herding, their minds were filled with the constant quacking of ducks. Their heads buzzed, and their emotions grew increasingly irritable.

Just then, they needed to herd the ducks back, and that was when their true breakdown began.

They would herd them one way, and the ducks would run the other. When they ran to that side, the ducks would run from another direction. For a full hour and a half, they ran back and forth along the field ridges. Xu Meng's long, straight black hair was a tangled mess, and she gradually became agitated. Li Wenzhang wasn't faring much better; they even fell several times in the field.

Gone was the goddess's elegance. Her white casual pants were covered in mud, her hair messy and dirty. Both their faces clearly spelled out two words: "miserable fate."

Finally, they managed to herd the ducks out of the field and onto the road. But then, whenever they reached a fork in the road, the ducks would scatter, some running down one path, some down another. Xu Meng and Li Wenzhang were already half-dead from exhaustion, and now, even if they ran until their legs gave out, they couldn't stop these frantic ducks from heading home.

The two completely broke down and simply chose to abandon the task. Xu Meng, in particular, completely gave up; she stopped pretending.

*Whoever wants to play the role of a fairy can have it.*

Afterward, they learned that the ducks scattered at the forks because they knew their way home. To gather two hundred ducks, the production team had to borrow them from several villagers. They were brought together, but they weren't a single flock. And so, when it was time to go home, they revealed their true nature, each heading to their own home, driving the two guests insane.

Unbelievable, this production team was truly ruthless.

The director announced the results: Team ① and Team ② completed the tasks assigned by the production team; Team ③ did not.

Team ①, in first place, earned the right to choose six ingredients. Team ② could choose three. Team ③, having failed the task, could not choose any ingredients.

Well, Xu Meng had completely given up at this point. *Whatever happens, happens.*

Fu Zeyu, after all, still had some pride. Since Chu Yan had completed ninety percent of the afternoon's task, he felt too embarrassed to step forward and choose ingredients. Of course, another reason was that he had no idea how to cook.

As the first-place team, Chu Yan could choose six items. From the ingredients provided by the production team, he selected pork, beef, potatoes, eggplant, green beans, and a set of seasonings like scallions, ginger, and garlic.

Team ②, Lu Zhaoyang and Zhou Yun, exchanged glances, confirming that both were culinary novices. However, Lu Zhaoyang stated that he could cook instant noodles, so they picked a pack of instant noodles. For the remaining choices, they picked the only meat dish available, a fish, because Lu Zhaoyang also said that while he couldn't cook, he could clean a fish. Finally, they picked a block of tofu.

Xu Meng's team couldn't choose anything. The production team offered them steamed buns and pickles, but only after the other two teams had finished cooking.

Adding insult to injury, Xu Meng completely gave up. *Might as well all starve together.* Even Li Wenzhang found it difficult to maintain his amiable persona.

However, the frustration of having no ingredients was matched by the cluelessness of having ingredients, because... it seemed no one knew how to cook.

The four looked at each other, wide-eyed, their stomachs rumbling incessantly. Fu Zeyu felt he might faint from hunger. Zhou Yun, who had thought skipping one meal wouldn't kill him, also saw his vision dimming.

"What now? If I had known, why bother with these stupid tasks today? Wouldn't it have been better to just lie down and sleep?"

"Useless," Fu Zeyu scoffed at Zhou Yun. "It's just cooking. With so many ingredients, you're still going to starve yourself? You're truly something."

"You do it then." Zhou Yun sneered. If he couldn't, what made Fu Zeyu think he could?

Fu Zeyu actually stepped up. He picked up a potato, gave it a perfunctory wash—it wasn't even clean yet before he prepared to cut it. Peeling? What's that? He gripped the knife with both hands, adopting a stance as if he were splitting logs, then brought the knife down. The potato rolled away, and the knife got stuck in the cutting board, unable to be pulled out.

The livestream erupted in laughter again, and so did Zhou Yun.

Lu Zhaoyang calmly suggested, "How about we two teams just cook some noodles together? I can do that."

The two young masters' eyes immediately lit up as they looked at him. Lu Zhaoyang continued, "We can add more water and just throw all the ingredients in together."

The livestream nearly popped their eyeballs out hearing this, but surprisingly, the two kitchen novices, almost fainting from hunger, actually nodded seriously, their mouths practically watering.

Chu Yan looked at the three of them, his vision dimming. Finally, he couldn't listen anymore.

Chu Yan raised his hand and pushed the three idiots aside, signaling them to get lost.

The trio: "?"

"Idiots, useless, morons," Chu Yan called them out one by one, hoping they would claim their titles. "All of you, get out of my way."

Zhou Yun and Fu Zeyu glared, ready to pounce and kill this audacious bootlicker. Even Lu Zhaoyang, who could cook instant noodles, felt offended. But then Chu Yan calmly uttered a single sentence:

"I can cook."

*Gasp.* The three idiots immediately stood obediently to the side, like three large dogs waiting for their owner to dole out dog food.

Let them curse; it was better than starving to death.