Chapter 41 How He Yearns for This Person

Chapter 41: His Deep Longing

Once in the carriage, Yan Weichu's mood brightened considerably. He turned to Xie Xiao again, "Cousin, did you truly come all this way just to fetch me?"

"Mhm." Xie Xiao handed him a hand warmer. Their walk had left Yan Weichu's nose red from the biting cold.

Yan Weichu was secretly pleased, though he feigned indifference. "Was that really necessary? It's not as if I wasn't going back. This is Yaotai; it's quite improper for you to come here without an imperial summons."

Xie Xiao replied, "I came early to spare you from staying here and being bullied by His Majesty."

Yan Weichu chuckled. His cousin was indeed quite petty, still nursing a grudge over the Emperor's jest about bullying. "If His Majesty truly bullied me, what would you do, Cousin? Challenge him to a fight?"

Xie Xiao met his mirthful gaze, paused, then said, "Then I would have no choice but to act disrespectfully before the throne and offend His Majesty."

This declaration filled Yan Weichu with even greater delight. He moved closer to Xie Xiao, embracing one of his arms. "That won't be necessary. Your intention alone is enough."

Meeting Yan Weichu's bright, shimmering eyes, Xie Xiao's gaze lingered. He asked softly, "Are you happy now?"

Yan Weichu was momentarily stunned.

*Ah, has Cousin truly changed his ways?*

"Well…" He smiled. "Just barely, I suppose."

They returned to the manor early that day. A steward delivered an invitation received earlier, for a full-month celebration in two days for the newborn child of one of Xie Xiao's paternal uncles.

Xie Xiao had no time to attend, and Yan Weichu was disinclined to make a public appearance, but gifts still needed to be sent.

Normally, such matters would fall to the lady of the house. Xie Xiao was married, but his wife was a young master even more demanding than he was, and thus unreliable. Coincidentally, Xie Yunniang was also away from the manor these days, leaving Xie Xiao to oversee everything himself.

Xie Xiao proved reliable, meticulously instructing the steward on what gifts to prepare, covering every detail.

Besides gold, silver, and jade items like longevity locks, necklaces, and bracelets for the infant, there were also clothes, shoes, hats, and stuffed toys.

Yan Weichu sat nearby, sipping tea, casually listening. Suddenly, the tea lost its flavor.

After the steward withdrew, he stroked his teacup and remarked, as if casually, "A new addition to the family brings joy—it truly is one of life’s great pleasures. Don't you agree, Cousin?"

Xie Xiao glanced at him, perhaps guessing his thoughts, and replied calmly, "Indeed, it is. But if one has children, so be it; if not, that's fine too. There's no need to force it."

Xie Xiao had said this before the Emperor, and now he repeated it to Yan Weichu. Unsure if these were his true feelings, Yan Weichu felt increasingly uneasy.

He casually set down his teacup. Xie Xiao had already risen and approached, bending slightly to rest his hands on the armrests of Yan Weichu's chair, meeting his gaze directly. "A Li."

Yan Weichu looked back. "What is it?"

Xie Xiao said, "Give me a smile."

"..." Yan Weichu thought to himself, *I'm not some entertainer. You tell me to smile, and I smile? Do I have no dignity?*

His temper flaring, he asked bluntly, "Cousin, you're so knowledgeable about children's toys. If you had a child of your own, you'd surely be a good father. Don't you regret things as they are now?"

Xie Xiao, however, countered, "Regret what? Regret that you can't bear me a child? Perhaps we should try harder? Who knows?"

Yan Weichu was instantly speechless.

*How utterly improper.*

*Which scoundrel has corrupted my Cousin? I'll have them chopped up and fed to the dogs...*

Xie Xiao chuckled, then grew serious. "A Li, don't dwell on such thoughts. I've said it before—I will not take concubines or father children. I mean it. I have no regrets. But if you wish for it, I won't stop you."

Yan Weichu retorted angrily, "Who wishes for that? Cousin, you wrong me."

He had already married down as the Emperor, going to such lengths to secure alliances. The sacrifice was immense.

As for whether the court officials would hang themselves before Fengtian Gate over the lack of an heir... *Let's enjoy tonight; I'll worry about that later.*

Xie Xiao smiled. "Let's not talk about this anymore. Come, let's go drink in the garden."

By the stream in the back garden, artfully stacked rocks formed a secluded grotto, with a clear spring cascading between them, murmuring softly in the twilight.

Xie Xiao had wine set up in the garden pavilion, with a hotpot simmering. He dismissed all the servants, leaving no one to attend to them.

The wine was excellent—besides the tribute wine "Snow Stream Spring," there was also the Suzhou wine sent by the Marquis of Loyal. Drinking both together was a sure path to intoxication.

Yan Weichu sat on the daybed, chin resting in his hand, watching Xie Xiao pour wine for him from across the low table. He mused, "Cousin, you're acting quite strangely today."

Xie Xiao's hand was steady as he poured, without looking up. "How so?"

Yan Weichu couldn't quite pinpoint what was strange. He tilted his head, leaning closer to Xie Xiao, trying to meet his eyes up close.

Xie Xiao gently held him still. "Don't fidget so much. You'll knock over the pot and scald yourself."

Yan Weichu drawled, "Cousin—"

Xie Xiao, long accustomed to this, simply hummed, "Hm?"

Yan Weichu suddenly had an epiphany. "Cousin, are you doing all this to cheer me up because I was upset that day and then stayed away from home for several days?"

Xie Xiao set down the wine pot. "So why were you upset that day?"

Caught off guard by the sudden question, Yan Weichu's heart skipped a beat. His eyelashes fluttered, and for a moment, he forgot how to respond.

Xie Xiao raised an eyebrow. "What are you daydreaming about?"

Yan Weichu blurted out the same line he'd used before: "Cousin, you're truly handsome."

The so-called "Jade-faced Asura, heart-piercing and bloodthirsty"—perhaps it was his own heart being pierced.

"You're even more handsome."

Xie Xiao spoke calmly, serving him cooked vegetables from the pot.

Yan Weichu ate, his mind wandering. They say food and sex are basic human instincts, but at this moment, his attention was entirely on the latter.

Xie Xiao asked him again, "You still haven't answered me. Why were you upset that day?"

"That…" Yan Weichu didn't really want to say, and he was too embarrassed to.

He didn't quite understand it himself—he just was upset.

But his relationship with Xie Xiao was different from that with Bian Shen or Ji Lanshu. Feeling jealous and unhappy seeing others being intimate seemed rather absurd.

Perhaps he had simply been provoked by that scoundrel Zheng Shize and felt his dignity had been compromised.

Xie Xiao was still waiting for his answer.

Yan Weichu gave an awkward laugh, "I forgot."

He sounded part serious, part joking. Xie Xiao looked at him, fell silent for a moment, and then dropped the subject.

Night deepened. Yan Weichu, eyes hazy with drunkenness, leaned against the windowsill of the daybed, gazing at the scattered stars twinkling in the ink-black night sky outside.

The moon's reflection shimmered in the mountain stream, melting the winter chill into a serene tranquility.

The hot pot on the low table before them still bubbled softly. Xie Xiao continued pouring wine for him.

Yan Weichu waved his hand and mumbled, "No more. I'm drunk."

Xie Xiao paused, set down the wine pot, and reached over to brush aside the hair at Yan Weichu's temple, gently massaging his temples.

"Truly drunk?"

Yan Weichu's eyes were half-open, half-closed. He had never heard Xie Xiao's voice so deep and tender before. Instinctively, he grabbed Xie Xiao's hand. "Cousin, tell me more about the battles. I want to hear."

Xie Xiao softly stroked his hair. "There's nothing much to tell."

Yan Weichu insisted, "Tell me, please. I want to hear."

Xie Xiao relented, thought for a moment, and said, "One early winter, I led troops to raid a supply camp of the Wuerhun people. While clearing the battlefield, we found an old man beside a dead warhorse."

"He was covered in blood, clutching a *huqin*, though the instrument itself was clean. My personal guards tried to take it from him, but he held on tightly, refusing to let go. I told them to leave him be."

It was an unexpected beginning. Yan Weichu's curiosity was piqued. He gazed at Xie Xiao, waiting for him to continue.

"That night, after we set up camp, the moon had just risen when the sound of the *huqin* suddenly started. It was an indescribable melody—broken, rising and falling—unsettling to the heart. One of my lieutenants grew irritated and cursed, wanting to go out and stop it. I held him back."

"The music never ceased. Wherever it drifted, the noise died down. No one found it pleasant, yet they couldn't help but lose themselves in it. Even the restless warhorses in the stables seemed to calm down. The restlessness in the camp gradually softened under those notes."

Yan Weichu narrowed his eyes. "What happened after?"

Xie Xiao took a sip of wine, paused, and continued, "Later, as we marched, he followed the prisoner convoy. Every night, his music would play—sometimes mournful and suppressed, sometimes light and cheerful. No one understood it, but everyone grew accustomed to it."

Yan Weichu laughed. "Cousin, how could you be so careless? Weren't you worried it might be some trap by the Wuerhun people?"

Xie Xiao said, "I did consider it. But at that time, we were marching through the desert with only a few thousand troops. We got lost, encountered sandstorms, and when desperately thirsty, we even saw mirages. Morale was low, and many didn't make it. His music gave everyone hope. After we left the desert, I had him released. Never saw him again."

Yan Weichu was taken aback. "...Is that the end?"

"It is," Xie Xiao lowered his voice. "A Li, I've never been the undefeated god others claim. The battlefield is full of dangers—survival depends not just on strength but also on luck. Perhaps I've just been luckier than most. Knowing this, would you still admire me?"

Yan Weichu stared straight at him, his eyes shimmering like pools of water.

When others spoke of Xie Xiao or the Xie Family Army, they mostly glorified the victories. Only from Xie Xiao himself did Yan Weichu hear these unexpected stories.

He thought of himself back then, confined to the West Garden, drowning in wine and pleasure to deceive outsiders. Every night, someone would play the qin for him, melodies of romance and beauty.

Perhaps there was a moment when he, in the West Garden, and Xie Xiao, thousands of miles away in the desert, both lay awake with uncertain hopes for the future, listening to the music as they fell asleep, strangers even in dreams.

That was his earliest admiration and longing for Xie Xiao—something no one else ever knew.

He desired this person so deeply that whether it was love or not hardly mattered.

"Cousin..." Yan Weichu whispered softly.

Xie Xiao, noticing Yan Weichu's increasingly flushed face and feeling the heat of his skin, knew he was truly drunk. He rose from the daybed and walked over, lifting Yan Weichu horizontally into his arms as before.

"Let's go back."

Yan Weichu leaned quietly against him, wrapping his arms around Xie Xiao's neck.

As Xie Xiao carried him back, he heard Yan Weichu chuckle softly by his ear. "Cousin, have you really changed today? You're so different."

Xie Xiao slowed his steps, holding the man in his arms steadily. "How so?"

"Hard to describe," Yan Weichu smacked his lips. "You're especially gentle today."

Xie Xiao tilted his head to look at him. "Is that bad?"

Of course, it wasn't. Yan Weichu was almost overwhelmed by the favor.

Even as emperor, this warmth—unrelated to his status—truly moved him.

Back in the room, Xie Xiao set him down. Yan Weichu kept his arms around Xie Xiao's neck and answered the earlier question. "Cousin, what should I do? I admire you even more now."

Xie Xiao was equally pleased by this. Gazing into his eyes, he asked, "And now? Are you happy?"

Yan Weichu nodded vigorously. "Yes."

He had come to terms with it. If there were no kisses, so be it. His cousin was reserved and expressed himself differently. He understood—there was no need to emulate his father and dad.

Sulking over such a thing wasn't worth it.

Though he still felt a twinge of regret.

Under Yan Weichu's intense, unwavering gaze, Xie Xiao misunderstood his meaning. Leaning close, he whispered by Yan Weichu's ear, "Shall we go to the bathhouse?"

Yan Weichu inwardly muttered, "No wonder they call you a lecher," but nodded obediently. So Xie Xiao carried him to the adjacent room.

Yan Weichu's body was submerged in the bath, his upper torso resting against the cool edge of the pool while Xie Xiao's heated form pressed against him from behind.

Xie Xiao favored this position, and Yan Weichu didn't mind—after all, it went deep and felt exhilarating.

The sensation in the water was uniquely intense. Yan Weichu soon couldn't hold back, panting heavily.

Xie Xiao wasn't faring much better, his ragged breaths echoing by Yan Weichu's ear.

Their dark, cascading hair tangled together, swaying with each thrust, occasionally brushing against Yan Weichu's cheek.

Yan Weichu, feeling restless and ticklish, turned his head to nuzzle against Xie Xiao's temple.

"Cousin, slower..."

Xie Xiao ignored him. If he went too slow, Yan Weichu would complain anyway.

At times like these, Xie Xiao always liked to bite him, leaving marks on his neck and body.

It was winter, so though not obvious, it wasn't entirely unnoticed.

A couple days ago, when Liu Zhu came to report matters, he glanced up, saw Yan Weichu's neck, and nearly failed to maintain his composure, his expression one of sheer disbelief. Even with Yan Weichu's thick skin, he felt somewhat awkward then, though he had to pretend nothing was wrong and continue discussing official business.

Yan Weichu's haze-filled mind vaguely recalled this episode, and he whined coyly, "Don't bite... His Majesty will scold me if he sees..."

Bringing up the emperor so abruptly was truly a buzzkill.

Xie Xiao felt somewhat displeased, his resentment toward that emperor growing a little stronger. He bit down harder and thrust deeper.

How could Yan Weichu possibly know what Xie Xiao was thinking? In his dazed state, he had already climaxed several times and was filled up inside.

In his haze, he thought: if he really could get pregnant, he would be pregnant by now.

Really, still talking about trying hard and giving it a shot—who was his cousin trying to fool? This was clearly a case of all work and no payoff.

Xie Xiao bit him again: "Don't you dare zone out..."

Yan Weichu trembled, letting out a moan, and was soon swept away by Xie Xiao, completely lost in sensation.