Chapter 4

Chapter 4

That evening, Chang Li summoned the physician.

Early the next morning, for the first time in the half-year since she married into the Lu family, Shen Anning sent word to Qinyuan to excuse herself from the customary morning and evening greetings, citing illness. Upon hearing this, Xiao Wenying immediately came in person to check on her.

Everything was unfolding step by step, precisely as it had in the dream—the dream and reality matched perfectly, without a single discrepancy.

The difference was, in the dream, that night she had dragged her fever-ridden body out of bed to personally prepare a meal for Lu Suian. Even in her weakened state, she couldn’t help but accommodate him, watching him consume the soup she had made with her own hands. Even without a single word exchanged, even with a splitting headache, even after learning he was taking a concubine, she still felt a foolish, fleeting sense of satisfaction.

That feeling was like licking honey off a knife blade, searching for sugar among shards of glass—a bloody sweetness, but sweetness all the same.

Indeed, love blinds one's vision, reducing people to dust.

After a long night of shock and confusion, Shen Anning finally had to admit and accept this bizarre and fantastical turn of events—the possibility that the dream might become reality.

Shen Anning didn’t know why she had such a dream, or was it even… a dream?

The seven years in the dream felt as if she had lived through every moment herself—so melodramatic, so full of clichés, so utterly tragic, and… so fragmented, trivial, and unbearably bitter. Each detail was so vivid and real that there was no room for denial.

It was clearly her entire life!

Or perhaps it wasn't a dream at all, but her actual experience. As for why it had manifested as a dream, compressing seven years of time and experience into a series of images that flashed into her mind while she was ill and vulnerable—

Shen Anning didn’t understand the reason.

There are many inexplicable things in this world—spirits, ghosts, Buddhas, monsters—no one can truly discern truth from falsehood in such matters.

Perhaps it was a specific time and place that granted her some kind of precognitive ability?

Or perhaps she had truly died once, and while entering the cycle of reincarnation, the underworld made a mistake, accidentally sending her back to the mortal world, allowing her to live a wasted life with her memories intact.

Or maybe her humble life experience had moved some celestial being to pity, granting her a chance to live again?

Who knows?

All she knew was, since heaven had opened an extra window for her, giving her a chance to live again, then from this day forward, this was her day of rebirth. Because she clearly understood that if she continued to humbly compromise and endure as she had before, the outcome in the dream would undoubtedly become her reality.

As for the trajectory of that dream and all the experiences of those sixteen years, she would simply treat them as her past life.

From this moment on, she would live for herself, and only for herself!

She would never allow that nightmare to repeat itself!

“Such a serious illness, why didn’t you send word to Qinyuan? You’re such a good child in every way, just too undemanding. In a sprawling mansion compound like this, being too gentle and yielding will inevitably lead to some suffering.”

Early in the morning, Xiao Wenying had the kitchen prepare fine red bird's nest soup, personally selected numerous tonics, and came to Chuanze Residence to visit the patient.

She had left the mansion yesterday afternoon to inspect some shops, as several accounts had issues, and hadn’t known about her daughter-in-law’s serious illness. It wasn’t until dinner that she learned Shen Anning was unwell. At the time, she had smiled and shaken her head, thinking it was due to the couple’s intimacy since Sui Geer had returned that evening, feeling somewhat pleased that Shen Anning had finally come around.

It wasn’t until before bed that she learned the eldest son had sent for a physician in the middle of the night and understood the full situation.

Xiao Wenying was forty-one or forty-two, but looked no more than thirty-five or thirty-six. She wore a peacock-blue soft satin beizi, her hair neatly coiled up to reveal a full, rounded forehead. A jade hairpin with an auspicious cloud pattern was tucked behind her right ear, and a string of agarwood beads adorned her right wrist. Beyond these, she wore no other accessories, yet she exuded a calm and gentle aura.

In terms of looks, Xiao Wenying was far less striking and vibrant than Fang Shi. But in terms of temperament, the gap between Fang Shi and Xiao Wenying was more than just the difference between a daughter of humble origins and a prestigious family. Fang Shi relied on beauty to serve others, while Xiao Wenying was refined and profound, possessing an elegant, serene grace—like still waters run deep, cultivated both internally and externally, like a secluded orchid in the deep mountains, inspiring admiration from afar rather than casual approach.

Such a mother-in-law… in the dream—no, in her past life—had been Shen Anning’s idealized figure of a birth mother. Noble yet gentle, dignified yet calm, lofty yet approachable, in that brief and humble life, she had been one of the few bright spots in Shen Anning’s heart.

Now, reborn with those lengthy and trivial memories, Shen Anning’s gaze toward Xiao Wenying held a trace of complexity.

The Lu family was different from others. Their background was extremely complicated, which was one reason why Shen Anning, coming from the countryside, had struggled to integrate into this illustrious family. Faced with such towering walls and deep courtyards, she had found it hard to adapt. Moreover, she had two mothers-in-law: Xiao Wenying and Fang Shi.

Xiao Wenying and Fang Shi were co-wives of the eldest branch. Xiao Wenying was the first wife of Marquis Lu Jingrong, while Fang Shi was married five years later. The eldest young master, Lu Suian, and the Fourth Young Master, Lu Jingxing, were both borne by Fang Shi. For some reason, however, when Lu Suian was three years old, he was taken to be raised by Xiao Wenying.

In her past life, Lu Suian disliked others mentioning his origins. Shen Anning had privately inquired and heard two rumors: some said Xiao Wenying, having borne no children for years, had forcibly taken the eldest young master; others said Fang Shi neglected her eldest son, paying him no mind, and Xiao Wenying, pitying the boy, had taken him in to raise.

Based on Shen Anning’s understanding of the two mothers-in-law, the former seemed unlikely. As for the latter, though she knew Fang Shi was malicious and heavily favored her younger son, she still found it hard to believe and accept—could there really be such a mother in this world?

Thus, Shen Anning had never fully believed either rumor, treating them merely as gossip.

Aside from the complexities within the eldest branch, the entire Lu family situation was even more convoluted and bizarre. For example, though there were only two branches, both were of legitimate descent. The eldest branch inherited the nobility title by convention, yet the second branch was more prominent than the eldest. This meant the eldest branch’s position was not secure. Of course, all this was tied to the court’s rise and fall, changes in dynasty—a situation accumulated over decades.

It was not something a woman of peasant origins could easily handle.

Especially not as the wife of the eldest son—a critically important position.

Thus, in her past life, Shen Anning’s difficulties were nearly all-encompassing.

And Xiao Wenying was the only one in the entire marquis household who genuinely cultivated and cared for her. Yet, she was Meng Anran’s adoptive mother, treating Meng Anran as her own, even more dearly than her own biological daughter.

She had been a close childhood friend of Shen Anning’s birth mother. It wasn’t her fault she ended up caring for the wrong person. But over those seven long years, watching Shen Anning cautiously try to please others, watching her humbly, even degradingly, accommodate everyone, lowering herself to the dust—what must this close friend of her birth mother have felt?

Including later, when Shen Anning fell seriously ill, and Meng Anran was taken as a concubine, then elevated to principal wife, allowing her adopted daughter to bear two children in succession for the heir, even allowing this wrongly raised daughter to completely replace the biological daughter of her close friend—did Xiao Wenying play a part in going with the flow, or turning a blind eye?

Or perhaps that was the outcome she truly wished to see?

After all, before Shen Anning appeared, Xiao Wenying had wholeheartedly been preparing Meng Anran to be the wife of the eldest grandson!

So, at this moment, Shen Anning wasn’t sure how to face this mother-in-law who was like a birth mother to her.

“Fortunately, Sui Geer made arrangements and sent for a physician for you yesterday. It seems the young lord does care for you.”

“Though he may be emotionally distant by nature, there’s a saying: ‘Constant dripping wears away a stone.’ As long as you two work on your relationship and unite your efforts, life will surely get better.”

Xiao Wenying personally adjusted the blankets around Shen Anning, sat on the edge of the bed, and gently bantered.

The same words, the same scene, played out once again before Shen Anning.

In her past life, Lu Suian sending someone to fetch a physician for her had made Shen Anning feel both bittersweet and satisfied. The next day, Xiao Wenying’s teasing made her blush with shy delight.

Now, hearing the same words again, Shen Anning felt not a ripple of emotion, only a faint sense of irony.

Xiao Wenying looked at Shen Anning’s face, saw her lowered eyes and silence, and assumed she was still too ill to respond quickly. After a moment, she resumed her role as mother-in-law, earnestly advising, “However, as the wife of the eldest son, you must eventually establish yourself. The situation within the household is deeply entangled, and outside affairs are complex. Fortunately, the men handle external struggles, but we women cannot relax either. We must manage the internal affairs properly, coordinating from within and without—that is the long-term strategy for a family’s prosperity!”

Xiao Wenying patiently imparted the fundamentals of establishing a household, but since Shen Anning was ill, it wasn’t the time for lengthy advice. Changing the subject, she added, “Of course, none of this can be rushed. It must be done gradually. Right now, your priority is to recover your health. After that, it would be best to bear a child. That will strengthen your marital bond, consolidate your position, and everything inside and out will naturally fall into place.”

Xiao Wenying smiled and slowly stood up.

Hearing these words, especially the last part, would once have made Shen Anning shy and hopeful. Now, for some reason, they felt strangely grating.

Just before Xiao Wenying left, Shen Anning suddenly called out to her, “Madam.”

Xiao Wenying stopped and turned to look at the person on the bed. Shen Anning raised her eyes, gazing directly at Xiao Wenying’s noble and gentle face. Looking straight at her, she asked, word by word, “If one day—I mean, if one day—I truly cannot fulfill the role of the Lu family’s eldest daughter-in-law, may I request a divorce?”

Shen Anning was still seriously ill, her voice weak and frail. Yet, when she asked this, her gaze was calm, her tone even.

It was the first time she had met someone’s eyes so directly. Her crystal-clear eyes seemed to hold a kind of clarity and composure, as if having weathered many storms.

As a result, Madam Xiao froze momentarily. She stood frozen for a while before she managed a faint smile and said, "Silly child, the fever must have made you delirious. Why are you talking such nonsense?"

As she spoke, she thought of Jinyuan. She had heard some rumors about Madam Shen’s experiences there, but since Qinyuan and Jinyuan held equal status, and she and Madam Fang had no reason to interact, it was not appropriate for her to interfere too much. After all, Madam Fang was Madam Shen’s actual mother-in-law.

Assuming Madam Shen had faced setbacks in Jinyuan and recalling the guests from the Fang family the day before, Madam Xiao's thoughts raced before she earnestly reassured Shen Anning, "Your marriage with Sui Ge’er was bestowed by the Emperor. Rest assured, no one in this world can tear you two apart!"

"Focus on recovering your health and don’t overthink things!"

Madam Xiao gave Shen Anning a reassuring look.

As soon as she finished speaking, Shen Anning responded with a faint, subtle smile but said nothing.

When Madam Xiao reached the bedroom door and lifted the beaded curtain, she couldn’t resist pausing to glance back one more time.

She couldn’t tell if it was her imagination, but she felt that today, young Madam Shen seemed somewhat different from before.

It was also at this moment that she noticed, for the first time, how vastly different young Madam Shen had become compared to the country girl who had entered the mansion half a year ago.

Author's note: