Chapter 30

Chapter 30

With a thunderous roar, something shattered in her mind.

The brief three-word question echoed in her ears like a sudden clap of thunder, striking Shen Anning with such force that she was thunderstruck and felt like her soul had left her body.

It left her lying dazed on the bed, momentarily forgetting to struggle, unable to collect herself for a long moment.

“Who are you... really?”

Only when the grip on her neck tightened, coiling around it like a poisonous snake, did she clearly sense that slimy, eerie sensation.

Shen Anning suddenly came to her senses.

What did Lu Suian mean? Who was she?

Who was she, really?

Had he... had he noticed something?

But how was that possible?

For a moment, a shudder ran through Shen Anning’s whole body, her heart pounding wildly as if it were about to leap out of her throat.

It was a soul-deep terror and dread.

It felt as if her skin had been peeled away, her heart and lungs dug out, exposing the deepest, most hidden secret she had tried so hard to conceal, laying it bare under the sun and before the world.

In these times, most people prayed to gods and Buddhas and believed in supernatural tales, for there were many things in this world that defied logic and explanation, too many inexplicable phenomena with no answers, all attributed to myths and legends.

Shen Anning didn’t know whether she believed or not. She had never seen any ghosts or gods, yet she feared the supernatural. She had witnessed eerie will-o'-the-wisps in the mountains and been frightened by unidentifiable dark shadows. In her childhood village, there were countless inexplicable and bizarre legends.

Moreover, something just as bizarre had happened to her personally.

What was this that had happened to her?

Had she dreamed it all? But who in this world could have such prophetic dreams?

Was it a case of reoccupation of a corpse? Rebirth? Or had she returned to the past after death?

Even Shen Anning herself didn’t know what had truly happened to her.

But one thing Shen Anning was almost entirely certain of: Lu Suian would never believe in any tales of ghosts or gods.

He was the future Vice Minister of the Court of Judicial Review. The cases he handled were bizarre and mysterious, and the lives he had taken numbered in the hundreds, if not thousands. If he believed in the supernatural, how could he have solved those shocking cases that stunned the capital? If he believed in ghosts, how could he sleep soundly at night, unafraid of vengeful spirits coming for him?

But if he didn’t believe, what would he think of her?

A fake, a fraud whose identity had been swapped? Or a deceitful trickster playing mysterious games?

Would he lock her up in the Court of Judicial Review’s prison and interrogate her until everything was laid bare?

Would he dig to the bottom of it, using every means at his disposal to lay bare her true intentions, just as he did with the criminals he dealt with?

Shen Anning was unsure of Lu Suian’s motive or purpose behind his question. She hadn’t revealed a word about her dreams, not even to Bai Tao. An ability to foresee the future—if it were to spread, who knew whether it would bring fortune or disaster?

She hadn’t expected Lu Suian to be so perceptive. But then again, he was the future Minister of the Court of Judicial Review, overseeing the nation’s judiciary. He had his own sharpness and extraordinary insight.

Yet, no matter how sharp his eyes or how deep his suspicions, she was Shen Anning herself—that was undeniable. Even with memories of two lifetimes, he would find no clues. How could he possibly find someone identical to her in this world to prove who she was or wasn’t?

Thinking this, Shen Anning forced herself to calm down bit by bit.

Soon, a faint, mocking smile curled at the corners of her lips as she spoke coldly, word by word: "Hah, who am I? Shouldn’t you, the one who shares my bed, know best? Or perhaps, who do you wish I were—"

Shen Anning sneered, her tone dripping with sarcasm.

After a pause, her expression suddenly grew distant, and she murmured to herself, "Perhaps I’m just a wandering ghost in this world, one who should have perished in the flames sixteen years ago, gone with them, ending it all once and for all..."

She spoke softly, her face tinged with inexplicable sorrow and self-mockery.

Lu Suian stared down at her fragile, broken expression, his eyes narrowed, the sharpness in his gaze undiminished. Yet, the grip of his hand loosened abruptly.

In truth, when those words had left his lips, even he didn’t know why.

He was never one to act impulsively.

Yet the thought had surfaced so boldly in his mind, without any evidence or basis—just a peculiar intuition unique to him.

This intuition was strange and peculiar, yet it lingered persistently in his thoughts—

It had started even before leaving the capital, when he had keenly sensed subtle changes in his wife, Shen. At the time, there were plausible reasons, so he let it go. But today, at the Qinian Hall, Shen’s stunning performance and sudden brilliance had caught everyone’s attention.

No one in this world could change so drastically overnight. Even if it were possible for one’s temperament to shift, habits, knowledge, eloquence, courage, and the wisdom gained over time could not be altered in a day.

Shen’s confident, fearless demeanor in the hall had astonished everyone, but it had also planted the seed of doubt in Lu Suian’s mind.

Not even Xiao, who came from a noble family, or his father, Lu Jingrong, would remain so composed in such a setting—they would surely feel nervous. Yet Shen had been perfectly calm, displaying the poise of a noblewoman even more than many well-bred daughters of prestigious families.

Was this the behavior of someone who had been reduced to living as a country girl for over a decade?

Not to mention the hidden mechanism in that small perfume ball, which she had spotted at a glance, skillfully stirring up chaos in the entire marquis’ household with minimal effort.

If he hadn’t known her before, or if this were early in their marriage when they were still unfamiliar, it might not have mattered. But now, after being married for over half a year, even if Lu Suian didn’t know his wife well and seldom involved himself in household affairs, it didn’t mean he was blind.

All these suspicions and clues came to a head the moment Shen resisted him, both physically and emotionally.

Yet, when faced with her frail yet resilient expression, Lu Suian paused.

Though he didn’t understand the reason, one thing was certain: she was undoubtedly Shen.

The reason for such a drastic change from head to toe, however, remained a mystery to him.

Perhaps the Shen before him now was the true, unadorned Shen, while the submissive and accommodating version from before was merely a facade she had put on to please others.

With this thought, Lu Suian’s grip loosened slightly.

In the dimly lit canopy, a warm fragrance lingered. Shen did not care for perfumes nor apply any scents; the faint aroma came from her clothes, subtly intoxicating in the enclosed space.

At this moment, the two were intimately close. Beneath his strong, sturdy frame lay her soft, delicate form, like a pool of spring water.

Though Lu Suian was not one to indulge in women and had little interest in such matters, the person before him was his lawful wife. Sharing a bed was both an obligation and a responsibility.

Lu Suian went with the flow.

Perhaps it had been too long since he last engaged in such intimacy, or maybe it was the stark contrast between his robust strength and her delicate frailty—like a thick pestle forced into a narrow mortar—that made Shen Anning feel as if she were being chiseled by knives and axes, enduring unbearable pain.

She clutched the brocade quilt beneath her, her body soaked in cold sweat.

In such moments, the effect of force is mutual, much like a spear and shield: when the shield is pierced, the spear is also damaged, often to an equal degree.

Even Lu Suian pressed his lips into a thin line, the muscles of his jaw taut.

He found it even more grueling than the previous two times.

Though he was not particularly enthusiastic and had little technique, men naturally possess an instinct for such matters. In an instant, Lu Suian brushed away the damp strands of hair from her face, cradled her neck gently, and leaned down to press a kiss to Shen Anning’s slender neck for the first time.

Though Shen Anning no longer resisted, she instinctively turned her head away.

This subtle movement made Lu Suian hesitate.

He had never forced himself on anyone, nor did he have the habit or inclination to force a woman.

In the past, Lu Suian would have lost interest and pulled away immediately. Yet, this was the third time—the third time she had rejected him.

This subtle rejection felt far more insulting than an outright refusal.

"Unwilling?"

"Why unwilling?"

Lu Suian lifted his head, his sharp gaze bearing down on her like a spotlight, illuminating every nuance of her expression.

Unwilling?

Why unwilling?

Shen Anning never imagined that one day she would hear such words from Lu Suian.

In her previous life, for seven long years, she had asked daily: Why unwilling?

Why unwilling to touch her, to be close to her, to treat her kindly? Why? Why?

She had nearly screamed herself hoarse and cried until her tears ran dry, yet she never received any response from him.

Never did she expect that one day their roles would be completely reversed.

The irony was almost laughable.

In her past life, she had suffered immensely from this very indifference.

Now, amidst the unbearable pain, resentment surged within Shen Anning. Before she could even collect herself, the words escaped her lips before she could think, and she sneered coldly, "Naturally, it's because the heir... lacks skill!"

She gritted her teeth and said it deliberately.

The moment the words left her mouth, the air froze.

The world fell into utter silence.

It was as if time itself had stopped.

The hand still resting beneath her neck pulsed rhythmically.

The sharp eyes above seemed instantly filled with a chill of millennia.

Lu Suian’s thin lips pressed into a tight line, the muscles of his cheeks clenching.

His expression turned icy, as if shrouded in eternal frost.

A nameless fury surged from within him, burning through his veins.

There wasn’t a man in the world who would take that lying down upon hearing such an evaluation.

He lacked skill?

Never in his life had Lu Suian been so insulted.

He stared expressionlessly at his wife beneath him, torn between rage and humiliation, on the verge of losing control, almost crushing her neck in his grip. His hawk-like eyes sharpened wave after wave, each gaze capable of slicing through iron and killing without shedding blood.

Yet, when his eyes met the disdain and mockery on her face, the resistance and coldness in Shen Anning’s expression extinguished his anger in an instant.

Suddenly, everything felt utterly meaningless.

After what felt like an eternity, the large hand behind her neck withdrew abruptly. At the same time, Lu Suian pulled out without hesitation or tenderness.

His actions were decisive, almost cruel and emotionless, as if he were an emotionless puppet devoid of feeling.

Lu Suian had never forced a woman, and he disdained touching one who lay like a dead fish. Cold-faced, he rose from the bed and moments later, the door to the main chamber slammed shut with a loud bang.

Lu Suian left without looking back.

Soon, chaos erupted in the courtyard.

"Heir... Heir, it’s so late, why are you leaving?"

Outside, the voice of Bai Tao, who was on night duty, sounded anxious and confused.

The commotion woke the matrons guarding the courtyard, and after some rustling, everything outside soon settled back into silence.

Inside the room, his sudden absence left a void. The pain and soreness vanished, but in their place, a bitter sense of hollowness welling up.

It was the body’s most primal reaction.

It was the abrupt void of an interrupted act.

It was also the loneliness and emptiness she had felt during the seven long years of her previous life, nearly always alone in an empty room.

It was a familiar state for Shen Anning.

For a moment, she curled up, holding herself tightly.

It wasn’t out of longing or attachment—she was merely embracing herself, holding tight to her present self and her past self.

After an indeterminate amount of time, rustling sounds came from outside the bed curtains, and someone asked cautiously, "Madam, are... are you alright?"

Bai Tao's voice carried a hint of concern and worry.

Shen Anning suddenly came to herself, stretched out her body and collapsed onto the bed. After a long while, she replied distractedly, "Bai Tao, could you bring some more water? I’d like to soak in the bath."

Shen Anning said, utterly exhausted.

Bai Tao immediately complied and hurried away.

Hot water was soon delivered.

Shen Anning sank her entire body in the water, letting the warmth soak into her skin.

It eased the pain and emptiness in her body.

She scrubbed herself hard, washing away every last trace of the remnants.

She had thought she was prepared, but she realized she wasn’t at all.

The memories of her past life were like a deep, ugly scar forever etched into her heart. Even if the blood had long dried and the wound had healed, that scar would always remain, unforgettable.

Yet she knew that as long as she remained in the Lu household, such matters could be avoided temporarily but not forever.

That night had been utterly exhausting—the intense day at the palace, the chaotic evening at the estate, and the dealings with Lu Suian. Each event had drained her mentally and physically alike, making the day feel longer and more tiring than ten ordinary days. Shen Anning felt completely spent and soon fell into a deep sleep, setting everything aside.

…

The next morning, Shen Anning awoke early as was her habit. Seven years of habit was hard to break overnight.

Just as she opened her eyes, Xia An from the old residence arrived and reported, "Madam, someone from Lingshui Village has come."

"Master Wu, Madam Wu, and Young Master Wu have all arrived in the capital."

Upon hearing this, Shen Anning immediately shook off her thoughts about the previous night and became alert.

She had just dealt with Bai Tao’s matter when another important matter came up. It seemed everything was moving in a positive direction, wasn’t it?

Shen Anning quickly pushed the previous night’s incident and all unrelated people and matters from her mind.

After breakfast, she went straight to Qinyuan to inform Lady Xiao, saying that her adoptive parents had arrived in the capital and she wished to return to the Shen family’s old residence to visit and settle them.

Lady Xiao looked surprised.

She knew that Shen Anning had once been lost among commoners and was adopted by a farming couple in Jiangnan. The details were unclear, but it was said they had lived in extreme poverty. Since marrying into the Marquis’s household, Shen Anning had never mentioned her adoptive parents, making Lady Xiao assume their relationship was strained. She hadn’t expected them to suddenly arrive in the capital and settle in the old residence. It seemed Shen Anning had taken it upon herself to bring them to the capital.

But why had there been no advance notice?

After all, Shen Anning had always consulted her about everything beforehand.

Lady Xiao considered for a moment before smiling and saying, "That’s only right. They raised you for many years after all. Now that they’re in the capital, they should be properly settled."

As she spoke, she inquired further, "Are they here just for a visit, or do they plan to settle in the capital permanently?"

Shen Anning replied, "My adoptive father once lived in the capital. They are getting older now, and farm work in the countryside is exhausting. I intend for them to settle here permanently so I can care for them in their old age and fulfill my duty to repay their kindness."

Shen Anning said sincerely.

Lady Xiao praised her filial piety, saying, "Once they’re settled, bring them to the estate for a gathering. I must thank them on behalf of your mother. If she were still alive, she would surely do the same."

Lady Xiao took Shen Anning’s hand reassuringly and, after a moment, patted it gently and said, "You may go now."

Shen Anning then made a graceful curtsy and left.

As soon as Shen Anning was gone, the smile on Lady Xiao’s face faded a little. After a while, she half-closed her eyes and remained silent for a long time. Just as the maids in the room thought she had fallen asleep, Lady Xiao suddenly spoke, "What do you think of Shen Anning today?"

Wang Ma, Lady Xiao’s confidante and long-time maid, pondered for a moment before replying with an unrelated remark, "I heard Lu Suian did not stay in the main chamber last night. I wonder if it was because of what happened yesterday."

After a pause, she added, "So much happened yesterday at the palace and in the estate, yet today she acts as if nothing happened. She didn’t mention anything, neither acting arrogantly because of the palace’s support nor questioning last night’s events. The young madam’s behavior is quite puzzling now. Perhaps you underestimated her before, my lady."

Lady Xiao showed no reaction to the first remark, saying calmly, "Lu Suian has always been aloof. There’s nothing unusual about that."

But at the latter comment, she rubbed her temples and said, "Indeed, Shen Anning has been quite surprising lately. It’s as if she’s become a different person. I wonder what her intentions are with these successive actions—"

She paused before adding, "Perhaps she’s gotten too big for her breeches."

As if talking to herself, she continued, "Yesterday, the Marquis suggested I delegate the household management to her, saying the daughter-in-law has improved greatly and it’s time for her to take on responsibilities."

Wang Ma did not dare respond carelessly on this matter. After a moment’s thought, she said, "Managing a household is no simple task. Although the young madam seems to have improved, she is still young and hasn’t been married long. Coming from the countryside, she can’t even distinguish between fine silks and jewels. Without your guidance, who knows what chaos might ensue?"

After a pause, she tentatively suggested, "If the Marquis insists on delegating authority, why not let her try? It would be a good opportunity for everyone to see how difficult managing a household is. Besides, you’ve worked hard all these years and deserve a break."

"Once she’s had her fill, it’s likely you’ll still be needed to set things right."

Wang Ma had little faith in Shen Anning, given her rural background.

But Lady Xiao, recalling Shen Anning’s demeanor the previous day, did not respond. After a long silence, she said, "The most pressing matter now is Ran’er. Let’s wait until her matter is settled before discussing anything else."

Author’s Note:

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Thank you all for your support. I will continue to work hard!