Chapter 51

Chapter 51

A wave of daze washed over Shen Anning as she watched Lu Suian, so patiently and eloquently, before her.

This was the first time in two lifetimes—seven married years in her past life and two months since her rebirth—that Lu Suian had taken the initiative to speak so extensively with her.

The scene, both familiar and unsettlingly new, momentarily pulled her back to her past.

He was the man etched in her memory.

Yet, he was not quite the man she remembered.

Lu Suian was lucid and rational, his thoughts clear and well-articulated, even citing classics and presenting reasoned arguments with a notable degree of tolerance and objectivity.

As a husband, there was nothing objectionable or criticizable about his words today—save for the complete absence of emotion.

In truth, Shen Anning had always known Lu Suian was not a harsh or demanding man. Even though she resented and hated him after dying once, there was one thing she could never fault him for: throughout their seven years of marriage in her past life, she had never borne him a child, yet he had never once reproached her for it.

Despite the prominence of the second branch of the family, under the expectant gaze of her father-in-law Lu Jingrong, and amid the eager anticipation of the main branch for an heir, even as Lu Suian bore the weight of the main branch’s—and indeed, the entire family’s—hopes and expectations, even when he nearly became a historical disgrace to the family, he had never once complained or blamed her.

After her miscarriage, though he was not particularly comforting, he had still said, "There will be more in the future."

But later, as time passed—three years, four years, five years—she could hardly remember how long it had been. By then, Fang Shi had tried for the seventh or eighth time to arrange another marriage or a concubine for him. Even Lady Xiao had subtly hinted that she should provide Lu Suian with an heir. Shen Anning had indeed agreed, but Lu Suian had never consented, merely saying indifferently, "Let fate decide. Perhaps I am fated to have no sons."

In this regard, Lu Suian was beyond reproach, and it only made her past self feel more devoted and guilt-stricken.

He was, in fact, quite decent. In such a feudal and patriarchal society, he was even better than most husbands. He was simply cold-natured and emotionally distant, and not deeply in love with her.

In her past life, Shen Anning had not understood this. She only knew she had the right to love, but didn't realize others had the right not to love in return.

She only knew that she devoted herself to him, that her entire world revolved around him, unaware that he placed no value on it whatsoever—that her devotion and wholeheartedness might even become a burden or an obstacle to him.

In truth, if Lu Suian had taken another wife or concubine in her past life, Shen Anning would not have complained. By then, she was seriously ill and loved him so deeply that if he had wanted to remarry or take one or two more concubines, she would have gladly agreed.

But he could have been honest about it.

No one knew that, upon learning of her serious illness, she had secretly begun looking for his next wife in her heart. She had even taken notice of the family’s adopted daughter, Lu Anran, for the first time. Yes, she had once thought of letting Lu Anran replace her as his next wife.

But just as she was consumed by sorrow and heartache, fate dealt her a cruel blow.

She hated, hated so intensely that she spat out a mouthful of blood on the spot.

She hated that, at her most critically ill moment, while she was dragging her failing body and still wholeheartedly planning for his future, he had stabbed her in the back so viciously.

She hated that they could not even wait a little longer—were they eagerly awaiting her death?

She hated that she had misplaced her affection and devotion!

She hated even more that they had secretly carried on behind her back, that their love had been so persistent, so fervent, so restrained, and so unfulfilled, making her years of humility and efforts seem like a colossal joke.

She hated even more that the other woman was Lu Anran!

While she was fervently planning for their future together, the two of them had plotted against her.

She hated Lu Anran even more for rubbing salt in the wound, for revealing all the truth to her in her final moments, ensuring that even in the afterlife, she would be tormented and unable to find peace.

But now, as she looked at this lucid and rational husband before her, she suddenly felt how absurd and laughable her hatred and resentment were.

He was proper in every way, even when discussing marital matters with such calm and composure, as if discussing official business.

Shen Anning suddenly realized that the mistakes of her past life could not be blamed solely on Lu Suian, nor on Lu Anran. Perhaps she herself was at fault.

If she had been more detached and indifferent, less obsessive, and more selfish and cold-hearted—like the current Lu Suian—would she have avoided the fate of failing health, humiliated existence, and tragic death in her past life?

Look, she had only taken a step back, relaxed a little, and he had immediately followed suit.

Cheap affection is cheaper than grass.

In her past life, she had not even been worth as much as grass.

Perhaps her own mistakes were the root of everything.

She had been utterly wrong in her past life!

Wrong to an extreme!

With these thoughts, when she looked at Lu Suian again, all her hatred and resentment suddenly melted away completely.

Shen Anning felt as if a weight had been lifted, experiencing an unprecedented feeling of freedom.

The heavy burden of her past life had been weighing heavily on her in this life. Perhaps it was time to say goodbye to the past—to the Lu Suian of her past life, to the Lu Anran of her past life, and most of all, to her past self.

In this life, the one she should cherish most was herself.

With this realization, as she looked at her husband again, her emotions settled, and her heart gradually grew calm and peaceful.

Well, since he had shown goodwill, life had to go on.

Tension and mutual disdain were not sustainable in the long run.

Though she had repeatedly spoken of separation and even encouraged Sister Wan to seek one, both Zhang Wan and she knew well that the possibility of their marriages ending in separation was almost negligible.

For others, striving for separation might be possible, but for her and Zhang Wan, it was exceedingly difficult.

With this in mind, Shen Anning decided to reach a consensus with him. For now, they would make the best of it. At least until she had gained more power, it seemed this was the only way.

He had rarely spoken at such length, and Shen Anning had once wanted to say something in return. But when she opened her mouth, she found he had already covered all points thoroughly. After some thought, the only matter left was Lu Anran. But Lu Anran was already under house arrest and arranged to marry far away, so there seemed to be nothing left to say.

Moreover, she still had not fully figured out whether he and Lu Anran had been involved from the very beginning or if their affair had started later.

In the end, after a long silence, Shen Anning smiled calmly and said, "Very well, let it be so."

With that, she raised her alluring peach-blossom eyes to meet his gaze and added, "If someday you have any intention of taking another wife or concubine, there is no need to hide it. Please inform me in advance."

This was Shen Anning’s only request.

When the time came, she would willingly step aside.

Thinking this way, Shen Anning suddenly found that it was quite refreshing for a couple to discuss their private matters as if they were business—free of emotional baggage.

Noticing Shen Anning’s mention of "taking another wife or concubine," Lu Suian frowned slightly. He remembered having already expressed his stance to her not long ago—that he had no intention of taking a concubine, let alone the absurd idea of taking an equal wife. Just as he was about to reiterate this, he saw a faint smile appear on his wife’s face, as if a weight had been lifted.

It seemed the matter was already settled, and bringing it up again would only be redundant.

Seeing her expression soften, he also breathed a sigh of relief, keeping additional comments to himself. In the end, he simply gave her a deep look and asked, "Is there anything else you wish to say?"

Lu Suian's calm gaze remained fixed on Shen Anning's face, studying her deeply.

It seemed there was more beneath his words.

After a moment, Shen Anning thought carefully and said, "My Lord, there is one matter I wish to discuss with you."

Lu Suian rarely allowed a slight curl of his lips, looking at her with composure and unusual patience as he replied, "Go on."

Shen Anning lowered her gaze slightly and said, "Today, a kinsman of the Shen family came seeking refuge. He is my cousin, the grandson of my grandfather’s younger brother—an illegitimate half-brother. He is of Shen bloodline. When the Shen family faced disaster, his grandmother remarried, allowing him to avoid the calamity. Now, after years of wandering and hardship, my cousin and his mother have come to seek shelter. I see that my cousin is impressive in bearing and gifted, having already passed the *Tongshi* exam at a young age, showing some of the qualities of my father and grandfather—"

At this point, Shen Anning slowly raised her eyes and looked directly at Lu Suian, saying word by word, "I intend to let my cousin stay in the Shen residence. Since I am now a married woman and have certain limitations due to my status, I wish for him to offer sacrifices to our ancestors on my behalf during festivals, to maintain the Shen family lineage—"

She paused briefly, as if gathering her thoughts, then continued resolutely, "Including my cousin and Gui Geer, along with some distant relatives who have recently sought refuge—all are kinsmen of the Shen family. My grandfather and father are no longer here to manage their affairs, but as they have suffered because of the Shen family, I cannot stand by idly. Therefore, My Lord, after discussing with the estate’s senior steward, I plan to reopen the old Shen family school, hire a few tutors, and allow them to continue their studies. This will not only nurture the next generation of the Shen family but also cultivate talents for the court and the nation. It will carry on the Shen family’s legacy and fulfill the lifelong wish of my grandfather and father—loyalty to the sovereign and upholding the state. This is the only way I, as their daughter and granddaughter, can console their spirits in heaven. What does My Lord think of this?"

Shen Anning shed her earlier casual air, sitting upright with an unusually serious expression.

She had initially hesitated whether to bring this matter up to Lu Suian, knowing that even if she didn’t, he and the entire Lu family would soon learn of it.

But since they had reached an understanding, there was no need to hide it, so she took the opportunity to bring it up.

Though her tone suggested consultation, it was clear her mind was already made up.

As soon as she finished speaking, Lu Suian narrowed his eyes sharply.

His dark gaze scrutinized her inch by inch, his lips pressed into a tight line for a long time.

He had spoken openly earlier, hoping she would do the same—especially regarding the matter of dissolving the marriage. He had expected her to openly discuss her feelings under his guidance, so they could resolve the issue once and for all.

Yet, not only did she avoid mentioning it, she casually dropped a series of shocking revelations instead.

A cousin?

Acknowledging kinship?

Offering sacrifices on behalf of the Shen family?

Was it just a cousin, or was she planning to treat him as a blood brother?

And reopening the Shen family school to educate the kinsmen?

Any one of these matters was no small affair, let alone all of them at once.

In fact, each proposal she voiced left him stunned—they were truly remarkable actions.

After all, any one of these tasks would typically fall to a man, and even then, not easily accomplished.

Her actions and thoughts reminded him once again of her astonishing display at the Qinian Palace banquet, where she had shone brilliantly.

It forced him to reexamine the woman before him once more.

Such grand visions and principles were not something an ordinary woman could articulate. Yet, this woman was no ordinary person—she was a descendant of the Shen family, the lineage of the great Elder Shen Zhong, who had once upheld Confucian virtues for all.

Her words were groundbreaking, yet they also felt entirely fitting. As a descendant of the Shen family, it was only natural for her to possess such depth of vision and wisdom.

If any ordinary woman had spoken with such wisdom, courage, and strategy, it would have certainly caught his attention.

But this woman was not only a descendant of the Shen family—she was also his wife, Lu Suian’s wife.

Acknowledging kinship, taking in kinsmen, reopening a school—each of these ambitious undertakings would inevitably lead to consequences. What kind of implications would they bring?

Is it truly just to take care of the clan members? To fulfill the elders' dying wishes?

Is this another backup plan or an alternative?

Lu Suian felt a weight in his heart, and the earlier ease and joy mostly vanished.

However, faced with his wife's reasonable, compassionate, and inspiring gesture, Lu Suian seemed to have no reason to refuse.

He had thought their conversation today had gone quite smoothly. Although the threat of separation had not been entirely resolved, her earlier words suggested things were improving. He feared that raising the topic abruptly might cause unnecessary complications or resistance, and he did not want to risk another confrontation with her at this moment.

Winning her affection, after all, could not be rushed.

Lu Suian’s mind was a whirlwind of thoughts, complex and conflicting. In the end, he—

Accepted it.

What else could he do?

At the very least, tonight had opened a small crack, a fragile start.

As for the rest, they would play it by ear.

With this in mind, Lu Suian remained silent for a long while before finally giving in, saying, "Regarding the Shen family matters, you may decide as you see fit, Madam."

After a pause, he added, "Is there anything I can assist with?"

Then, recalling his former mentor, he continued, "Why don't you bring your two younger brothers to the residence someday? Let me meet them. If they show promise, I can recommend some tutors for them."

Shen Anning seemed relieved. Noticing that Lu Suian was more gentle than usual today and knowing he generally kept his word, she gradually softened her attitude, no longer as aloof as before. She took the rare initiative to say, "Thank you, My Lord. We can talk about that later. I already have a tutor in mind and plan to visit him tomorrow."

"Oh?" Lu Suian’s gaze fixed on his wife’s face, his eyes piercing and intense as he asked, "Which tutor? Is he well-known?"

Shen Anning hesitated, recalling the scene at the Shen family’s doorstep last time. To avoid unnecessary complications, she omitted Pei Yujin’s role as an intermediary and just gave a faint smile, saying, "He is an old friend of my grandfather’s, living at the foot of Little Qiong Mountain."

She did not mention the tutor’s name.

Lu Suian’s expression shifted slightly, as if he had something to say, but he held back.

He initially intended to offer to accompany her tomorrow, but remembering some minor matters at the Dali Temple, he suggested instead, "If you’re not in a hurry, Madam, perhaps you could wait until my day of rest, and I will accompany you."

Shen Anning, however, seemed reluctant to have him join her and politely declined, "I’ve heard this tutor has lived in seclusion for many years and seldom descends the mountain. I’d like to feel things out first. If I cannot secure his help, I will seek your assistance then."

Lu Suian pondered for a moment before replying, "Alright."

Having cleared the air, both of them became more amicable and patient. Compared to the evasiveness, coldness, and tension of previous days, their conversation now was calm and harmonious.

It was a rare moment of peace in the past two months.

With their thoughts laid bare, their worries seemed to ease.

By now, the tea in their cups had cooled, the night grew quiet, and the candlelight stretched their shadows long across the room.

After speaking, they fell into a simultaneous silence, neither saying a word.

The murmur of voices and footsteps barely reached them from the courtyard.

In the distance, the frogs and cicadas by the lake were making their final calls of the night, intermittently chirping and croaking.

The night grew deeper and intensified.

Lu Suian picked up his teacup and took a slow sip. The tea had steeped too long, tasting slightly bitter.

Just as he was about to set the cup down, his gaze suddenly fell upon the daybed behind the Eight Immortals table. It was neatly arranged, impeccably tidy, as if nothing had ever happened there.

Yet, that morning, it had been in disarray, a scene of wanton indulgence.

Well-fed and content, thoughts turned to—

Lu Suian's eyes darkened slightly.

Shen Anning noticed him staring blankly at something and paused for a moment before following his line of sight. When her eyes landed on the daybed, her face flushed slightly.

She was about to rise and leave.

Just then, Lu Suian shifted his gaze abruptly, fixing it directly on her face. He looked at her deeply and suddenly asked out of the blue, "Does it still hurt?"

After a pause, he added two more words: "Last night."

He watched her quietly, the darkness in his eyes deeper and more still than the night.

Then, as if remembering something, he retrieved an item from his sleeve and placed it on the Eight Immortals table. "If it hurts, you can take this medicine. I applied it for you last night. If you're still uncomfortable, you can take another dose tonight."

He suddenly recalled that the medicine required a different method of use and, with rare patience, corrected himself: "Not orally, but... for internal insertion."

At first, Lu Suian's tone was ordinary, but as the last four words left his lips, he paused briefly, and a faint, almost imperceptible smirk touched his features moments later.

His gaze toward her grew even darker and more intense than before.

When Shen Anning understood his meaning, her face flushed instantly. After a long moment, suppressing her embarrassment and anger, she gritted her teeth slightly and said, "There's no need for my lord to trouble himself. I am rather tired and would like to rest early."

With that, she rose and retreated into the inner chamber.

Lu Suian watched as his wife disappeared behind the screen, the faint pink blush on her earlobes as she turned away stirring a faint itch in his heart.

After they had both bathed, they retired to bed one after the other.

With their heartfelt words now spoken, the lingering resentment between them gradually dissipated.

However, sharing a bed as husband and wife still felt somewhat unfamiliar to Shen Anning.

This was only the third time they had shared a bed since she had that dream two months ago.

The first night, one of them slept on the bed while the other took the daybed, so it hardly counted. The second time, they parted on bad terms, and he left in the middle of the night. The third time was last night, when Shen Anning, exhausted and unconscious, woke to find no one beside her, leaving her no chance to adjust.

Strictly speaking, tonight was the first time they were truly sharing a bed as husband and wife.

The canopy bed was silent.

Extremely quiet.

So quiet that they could hear each other's breathing.

Lu Suian lay still, his breathing steady, as if asleep.

Shen Anning lay on her side, facing away from him, maintaining the same position for so long that her limbs began to feel slightly numb. When she heard no movement from behind her, she shifted gently, turning over.

Unexpectedly, the next moment, she found herself lying directly against a solid, unyielding wall. In an instant, a long arm reached out, and Lu Suian’s arm came down from above, settling directly on her waist. With a slight pull backward, he drew her entirely into his embrace.

Her slender, jade-like back pressed against his firm chest.

In that moment, Shen Anning’s entire body tensed.

Lu Suian wasn’t asleep? And he was holding her?

This was something that had never happened in their two lifetimes and seven years together. The unfamiliar contact, the unfamiliar behavior, and the unfamiliar atmosphere left Shen Anning utterly rigid.

Instinctively, she clutched the brocade quilt tightly, gripping it with all her strength.

This sudden intimacy left her thoughts in disarray.

She instinctively wanted to pull away, to resist, but they had only just reconciled.

To reject him now would seem affected and artificial.

Just as her mind was in turmoil, a low voice suddenly whispered in her ear: "Shall we have a child too?"

Lu Suian’s deep, husky voice sounded abruptly beside her.

Having two children in three years seemed like a rather good choice?

Lu Suian thought of Sun Miao and his wife’s conjugal successes and felt a competitive urge.

As the words left his lips, he tightened his embrace around the soft, fragrant form in his arms, his thin lips brushing against her delicate, supple earlobe.

The iron arm wrapped around Shen Anning’s waist seemed to tighten even more.

Yet Shen Anning was momentarily stunned, her mind dizzy and reeling, still struggling to process the shock of his words: "Shall we have a child too?"

By then, the hand at her waist had already skillfully parted her thin robe and slipped inside.

The snowy peaks, lofty and trembling, were soon entirely within his grasp.

"Don’t worry, I know how to be gentle."

Lu Suian murmured soothingly to her.

No sooner had the words left his lips than his fingers suddenly closed together.

At the same time, his thin lips gently nibbled at her earlobe.

By the time Shen Anning reacted, he had already succeeded.

Shen Anning felt a surge of embarrassed anger, furious and annoyed, but at this critical moment, how could she push him away? Trapped between an iron arm in front and an unyielding wall behind, she could barely move.

Sensing his wife’s "tacit consent," Lu Suian’s lips curved slightly. Before long, he firmly grasped one of her fragrant shoulders.

Both were lying on their sides.

He held her in his embrace.

This position, this attempt, was somewhat challenging, but the moment he entered, the place he reached was an entirely new and unexplored territory.

Beads of sweat gradually formed on Lu Suian’s forehead.

He gritted his teeth, not daring to make a sudden move.

For a moment, he focused on steadying his breathing.

Then, little by little, he carefully allowed her to fully receive him.

The night was long, and the road stretched far ahead—I would keep searching relentlessly.

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Author's Note:

s2100 10 bottles; Liu Yanfen 9 bottles; 55058522 3 bottles; Bookworm, Taoyuan Xiaozhu, Chuanlianzi (an herb) 1 bottle;

Many thanks for your support—I'll keep doing my best!