Chapter 35

Chapter 35

After just a few days apart, Wei Jinchuan was completely like a changed person.

The clear and aloof temperament Shen Yue had first seen in him had vanished, as had the helplessness from their last meeting. Wei Jinchuan was pressed down by a low, heavy atmosphere, his eyes bloodshot from days of poor rest, looking utterly haggard.

Shen Yue opened his mouth several times but couldn’t bring himself to recognize this version of Wei Jinchuan. The latter, however, knew the drill, silently taking the luggage from Shen Yue’s hands, loading it into the car trunk, and carrying it back into Shen Yue’s home—not saying a single word throughout.

Shen Yue had never seen Wei Jinchuan like this before. An overwhelming tide of unease flooded him, making him feel as if he were sitting on pins and needles.

The atmosphere in the living room was oppressive. Shen Yue tried hard to break the discomfort that constrained him and stood up to pour himself a glass of water. But Wei Jinchuan saw his intention first, pouring a glass of warm water and placing it on the table directly in front of him.

Shen Yue looked at the filled glass and suddenly didn’t feel thirsty anymore.

He took out a cigarette and was about to light it when Wei Jinchuan took it away. His hand suddenly empty, Shen Yue looked at Wei Jinchuan and finally couldn’t hold back: “What exactly do you want?”

Wei Jinchuan snapped the cigarette in half and threw it into the trash. He lowered his gaze, staring intently at Shen Yue as if nothing had happened between them. “Smoking is bad for your health.”

“I’m smoking it myself, not forcing you to. Aren’t you overstepping a bit?”

Wei Jinchuan frowned. “I’m doing this for your own good.”

“I thank you,” Shen Yue said, his temples pulsing. He took the last cigarette from the pack and placed it between his lips. “I don’t need it.”

His tone was sarcastic. Ever since he’d had Edward answer Wei Jinchuan’s call that day, he really had no intention of pretending anymore.

Just as Shen Yue was about to light the cigarette with his lighter, Wei Jinchuan snatched it away again—this time, not just the cigarette, but even his gaudy lighter and the half-empty pack were all tossed into the trash.

This time, Shen Yue was really angry. He kicked the nearby trash can hard. “Wei Jinchuan!”

“I’m here,” Wei Jinchuan struggled in pain, a moment of reluctance on his face immediately replaced by determination, as if he had made up his mind. “You forced me into this, Shen Yue… I’m going to verify something now.”

Shen Yue was bewildered, but the unease in his heart only magnified.

Wei Jinchuan pressed his hand to force him to sit on the sofa, then leaned his upper body over him, his arms loosely enclosing Shen Yue, trapping him in the square inch between himself and the couch.

“I’ve always found it strange. I can’t see through what you’re thinking. I feel like you love me, but then again, like you don’t.”

His voice was hoarse and gloomy, his eyes like hooks locking onto Shen Yue’s gaze, leaving no room for evasion.

Shen Yue instinctively sensed danger and tried to push Wei Jinchuan away, but the man’s strength was too great. Despite his best efforts, the man before him remained unmoved.

His heart raced faster and faster, as if warning him of Wei Jinchuan’s unusual state. Shen Yue forced a confused smile. “What do you mean?”

Wei Jinchuan’s gaze was ghost-like. “Do you really like me?”

It was a commonplace question, one Shen Yue had answered many times before with ease. But for some reason, the unease in his heart did not disappear.

He steadied his mind. “What do you think?”

“I think you must have liked me,” Wei Jinchuan emphasized the word “liked,” “at least before we slept together, you should have still liked me, right?”

Shen Yue’s mind was shaken, as if something was about to surface.

He wasn’t sure if Wei Jinchuan knew something, but… how could that be? The concept of a "world’s will" was too mystical. If he hadn’t experienced it himself, Shen Yue would have remained a firm materialist his entire life.

Shen Yue’s heart pounded wildly. “Jinchuan, I’m really sad that you’re actually doubting my love for you now.”

“If only you truly loved me,” Wei Jinchuan murmured lowly. He stepped back, and the large shadow around Shen Yue dissipated, making the surroundings feel more spacious.

Shen Yue breathed a sigh of relief. He watched as Wei Jinchuan strode to the other end of the sofa and sat down, his gaze focused and spirited, like a bewitchment. “Shen Yue, come here and kiss me.”

It was as if a thread of rationality in his mind was snapped by these words. A buzzing filled Shen Yue’s ears, and his heart was panicked, but his body moved against his will. Propping himself up on the sofa, he crawled halfway over, cupped Wei Jinchuan’s face, and pressed a kiss like a dragonfly skimming water onto his lips.

Wei Jinchuan closed his eyes, a single tear tracing down his cheek before disappearing into the sofa.

His cold, thin lips issued another command, this time trembling, with a bit of self-abandoned resignation. “Shen Yue, say you like me.”

Shen Yue bit the tip of his tongue hard until a metallic taste of blood filled his mouth, finally making his mouth obey him slightly.

Trying not to let Wei Jinchuan see his distress, he looked at him affectionately and said with a half-smile, “Of course I like you.”

“Shen Yue.”

Wei Jinchuan did not take the bait. His eyes were deep and lightless, as if dipped in black ink. “I want to see your chat history with Zhao Lian. Is that okay?”

A declarative sentence disguised as a question.

Before he could say a word of refusal, Shen Yue had already stood up to fetch his phone.

No matter how much he resisted, it was useless; his body completely betrayed him, turning him into a sacrifice offered to Wei Jinchuan.

Shen Yue had left his phone on the table when he entered, which perhaps weakened the effect of that unknown force on him, preventing him from immediately responding to Wei Jinchuan as before.

However, the level of efficiency didn't mean he could let his guard down. Shen Yue still followed Wei Jinchuan’s wishes; no matter how slow the speed, he was still executing it steadily.

His fingertips trembled slightly as he reluctantly unlocked the phone, pressing the wrong numbers several times due to his emotional resistance.

Wei Jinchuan’s gaze never left him. Even as he took the phone, he was still studying the emotions in Shen Yue’s eyes. He held the phone close but didn’t actually look at it, merely glancing at it before pressing the power button. He clearly saw Shen Yue give a slight sigh of relief the moment the screen went dark.

“Your rationality is resisting me. You want to refuse me… You don’t love me anymore, do you?”

Wei Jinchuan verified his guess. Though he occupied the upper hand with Shen Yue, he was not as happy as he imagined.

He knew there were no winners in this game—not him, and not Shen Yue. One couldn’t control his body, and the other couldn’t control his heart. Suddenly, he regretted why he had to pierce this layer of window paper, causing them both to be wounded.

In a tone almost like self-destruction, he said to Shen Yue, “But your body can’t refuse me… Am I right?”

Though he had anticipated it, hearing the truth from Wei Jinchuan’s lips made Shen Yue’s heart sink bit by bit.

Every word Wei Jinchuan spoke felt like he was stepping on the tip of his heart, heart-stoppingly terrifying.

He could only play dumb. “Are you crazy… What are you talking about?”

“You should know exactly what I’m talking about,” Wei Jinchuan threw the phone back into his lap, enunciating each word. “I should thank you. I never would’ve thought this much, but you abandoned me… Those days, I ran across almost the entire island. I went everywhere, but I couldn’t find you… Shen Yue, you’re too cruel.”

Shen Yue accepted all the accusations. By comparison, he still felt that Wei Jinchuan’s action of wanting to kill him and inherit his inheritance was far crueler.

“I should’ve guessed it earlier. The inconsistency between what you said and did was too split. But I didn’t dare think about it—this kind of thing is too mystical… Shen Yue, I know you didn’t want me to find out, so I just let it be. I didn’t want to threaten you or do things you didn’t want to do… But Shen Yue, you’re too cruel!

“I really didn't want to force you or make you sad. But you? What did you do? You left me alone, and you… you even stayed with another man!”

The more he spoke, the more distressed he became, until he even had a faint crying tone. He reached out both hands to touch Shen Yue. “Don’t blame me… It’s all your fault for letting things become like this… Shen Yue, I hate you!”

“I don’t understand what you’re talking about,” Shen Yue said. The moment he heard Wei Jinchuan say he hated him, his heart sank heavily, but he dared not show any weakness, his face still packaged very well. “I’m tired. I have work the day after tomorrow. Can I recover from jet lag first?”

“No, you want to hide, but can you escape?” Wei Jinchuan was relentless, grabbing the wrist of Shen Yue who wanted to escape. “I don’t want to use force, Shen Yue. Let’s be dignified. Don’t force me.”

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Shen Yue quietly watched Wei Jinchuan, seeing his own reflection in those eyes. He had always been proper, refined, and elegant, like a proud peacock. His life had been smooth sailing, never encountering any extreme situations, so he had never realized that a person could become so despicable.

How did it come to this... How did things end up like this?

Wei Jinchuan had discovered his secret and was using it to threaten him—no, he didn’t even need to threaten anymore. Shen Yue now treated Wei Jinchuan’s words as gospel. Whatever Wei Jinchuan wanted, Shen Yue couldn’t resist. With just a slight beckon, Shen Yue would obediently come crawling back, like a dog.

—Just like those three months when he had pursued Wei Jinchuan.

If offering his heart to be trampled on was his own fault—a punishment for his overconfidence and pursuing a straight man—then why, when he had already wanted to give up and admitted his mistake, did the universe still not let him off the hook?

Why did Wei Jinchuan have to uncover everything, refusing to leave him even a single fig leaf? Was it because the first twenty-something years of his life had been too smooth, so he had to be forced into such humiliation?

"I don’t want to hear you lie to me. I want the truth."

Wei Jinchuan held Shen Yue’s hands, pressing his forehead against them in anguish, and said painfully, "I want the truth... Can you say it?"

Shen Yue remained silent, his eyes like a stagnant pool.

But the silence didn’t last long. Perhaps because of Wei Jinchuan’s earlier words, the force restraining Shen Yue’s body gradually dissipated. He tried to open his mouth, his voice icy and detached: "Have you said enough?"

—All previous tenderness vanished. As he spoke, a tidal wave of disgust and hatred surged forth, enveloping both of them, suffocating them.

Wei Jinchuan trembled, lifting his face to look at Shen Yue in disbelief. "You..."

"You want the truth, don’t you?" With Wei Jinchuan’s permission, the shackles on him vanished as if they had never existed. "But Wei Jinchuan, can you actually take it?"

Wei Jinchuan stared at him blankly, confused.

The accumulated anger and helplessness of the past weeks had been building up, weighing Shen Yue down until he was suffocating. Those negative emotions had long surpassed a safe threshold, like a dam about to burst, waiting for the right moment to rush out of his heart and destroy the already fragile bond between him and Wei Jinchuan.

"What the fuck do you want me to say? You’ve already guessed it all, haven't you? What else do you want me to say?"

Finally, he raised his eyes, revealing undisguised mockery—though it was unclear whether he was laughing at Wei Jinchuan or himself.

"You feeling real proud of yourself now? Yes, I despise you. I want you out of my life. I want to cut ties with you. I’ve wanted to do this for a long time, but I can’t. I’m fucking powerless! Does that make you happy? I can’t even be my own master; I can only flatter and please you. Now that you know everything, what else do you want to ask? What the hell else do you want to do?"

Wei Jinchuan hadn’t expected such intensity. Shen Yue’s anger was like a blazing fire, incinerating all of Wei Jinchuan’s own rage.

He mumbled, "...That’s not what I meant."

"Then what did you mean?" Shen Yue seared into him. "You want the truth? Fine, I’ll tell you the truth. You figured it out. After we slept together, I stopped liking you. I don’t love you. I hate you. Are you satisfied? I hate you!"

Even though he had already guessed it, hearing Shen Yue say it aloud was far more impactful. Wei Jinchuan grew paler with each word. "You hate me?"

Shen Yue made no attempt to hide his bitterness, stating clearly, "Yes, I hate you."

Wei Jinchuan couldn’t bear to see such hatred in his eyes and immediately reached out to cover them. The one who had demanded the truth was now unable to handle it. "Why? What did I do to make you hate me so much?"

Shen Yue grinned, flashing a row of white teeth. "Why does there need to be a reason? There was no reason when I liked you before. Why does there have to be a reason now that I hate you?"

"No, it’s not like that," Wei Jinchuan admitted he had overestimated his ability to endure. He had wanted the truth, but now he couldn’t bear to hear it. He shook his head repeatedly. "You still love me, Shen Yue. Say you still love me... Say you still love me!"

Shen Yue didn’t understand the point of such self-deception. His body still refused to obey him, forcing him to play along with Wei Jinchuan’s games, which only added to the irony. "Yes, I still love you. Of course, I love you."

He parroted Wei Jinchuan’s words back. The latter rubbed his thumb against Shen Yue’s cheek and began to weep quietly.

Wei Jinchuan watched Shen Yue’s lips part and close, as if possessed, and suddenly leaned in to kiss him. He bit down hard as if punishing him, then immediately covered those hated lips. His expression was pained yet devout. "...I love you too."

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Author’s Note: Sorry, I’m trash, and I’m also a pervert.

But I genuinely find this kind of toxic relationship compelling—where one knows every word the other says is a lie, but because they’re too insecure and have no other way to verify, they can only rely on repeated lies to reassure themselves that they’re still loved. (If it’s not compelling, it’s definitely because I didn’t write it well!)