Chapter 51: Not Wanting to Kiss Him

Chapter 51: He Didn't Want to Kiss Him

When Zhao Yu woke up, his head was pounding like it was about to split open. He leaned over the side of the bed, gagging, but couldn't throw anything up. As he came to, he realized he wasn't in the hotel—he was in Gu Hansheng's bedroom.

The last thing he remembered was going to the beach to drink. He had no clue what happened after that, how he ended up at Gu Hansheng's place, or how he'd gotten into a clean set of pajamas.

He forced himself up, gritting his teeth against the sharp pain in his stomach, and headed downstairs to pack.

The bedroom was still a mess, just as he'd left it. He opened his suitcase and shoved his clothes in haphazardly.

Just as he finished packing, Gu Hansheng's voice came from the doorway: "Where the hell are you going now?"

Zhao Yu didn't answer or even look at him. He just dragged his suitcase toward the door.

Gu Hansheng grabbed the suitcase handle. "I asked you where you're going. Didn't you hear me?"

"Move. Since Chen Xitong's awake, our deal's over, isn't it?" Zhao Yu said.

"Don't get it twisted. Whether it's over is up to me," Gu Hansheng said.

Zhao Yu let out a dry laugh. "How about this: I leave, you pull your funding, and together we bankrupt Chen Li. I'd actually love to see her end up as a stray dog. But you probably wouldn't go for it, since Chen Xitong's stuck in the middle. If you're too harsh, he'll end up hating you."

Gu Hansheng's voice went cold. "You sure?"

"Sure."

There wasn't a hint of a joke in Zhao Yu's face or voice—he even said Chen Li's name with pure hatred. Gu Hansheng had always assumed Zhao Yu was swallowing his pride for Chen Li's company, and even now, he still hadn't figured out he was wrong.

If he'd paid even a little more attention to Zhao Yu, or dug a bit deeper into Zhao Yu's relationship with Guo Lin, he'd have realized the person Zhao Yu actually cared about wasn't Chen Li at all. Gu Hansheng had once seen Chen Li slap him across the face, and even then, he hadn't picked up on how messed up that mother-son relationship was.

Not paying attention, not giving a damn—that was his attitude toward Zhao Yu. His ingrained arrogance convinced him he could control Zhao Yu without ever needing to dig into his past.

"What does Mr. Gu mean?" Zhao Yu stared at the hand still gripping the suitcase handle, his tone dripping with sarcasm. "Not letting me go—are you saying you don't really love Chen Xitong, but me, the knockoff?"

"Don't flatter yourself." Gu Hansheng let go of the handle but didn't move aside. "If you leave my place and go jump in the ocean again, it'll be a huge pain in the ass for me."

Flatter himself. Zhao Yu ground his teeth, forcing down the faint ache creeping up in his chest.

Loving him was hard, but so was pulling away. But at least he could stop being so pathetic. If he stopped caring about every word Gu Hansheng said, and buried even his hatred, he could eventually erase this miserable past from his memory and break free from these out-of-control feelings.

"Even if you jump in the ocean, I won't. Move!"

"Won't? Then what the hell were you trying to do last night?"

"I just went out for a drink last night. How did you know I was there? What did you put on my phone?" Zhao Yu yanked out his phone, his face darkening as he rummaged around the room for a box of toothpicks, ready to pop out the SIM card.

Gu Hansheng hadn't expected him to be so drunk that he'd not only blacked out last night but was now flipping the blame. A vein bulged in his temple. "I didn't install anything. The bar owner called me."

But Zhao Yu had already popped the SIM card out. He tossed the phone on the table. "Almost forgot—you bought this. Here, take it back."

When Zhao Yu cooperated, he was docile. But the moment he stopped, his words and actions both cut deep—like a hedgehog you couldn't get a grip on.

"You'd better think long and hard. Take one step out that door, and you'll deal with the consequences."

Zhao Yu met Gu Hansheng's gaze without flinching, then dragged his suitcase past him and out the door, the wheels rolling like a deliberate taunt. He didn't even bother closing the door, swaggering down the steps and across the front yard right in front of Gu Hansheng, not once looking back.

Gu Hansheng watched him walk away, a sudden knot of anxiety tightening in his chest as everything seemed to spiral out of control.

Without his phone, Zhao Yu dragged his suitcase a long way before finally flagging down a cab on the street. He didn't notice the car trailing him all the way to the hotel.

Gu Hansheng watched Zhao Yu disappear into the hotel, drumming his fingers on the steering wheel, then texted his assistant the hotel address: Keep an eye on Zhao Yu.

Back at the hotel, Zhao Yu unpacked, ironing each piece of clothing downstairs before carefully hanging them in the closet. He didn't have many things left that belonged to Guo Lin, but even though they weren't worth much, every single one mattered.

After putting his clothes away, he sank back into a bottomless emptiness, sitting on the bed staring at nothing for hours. Then he remembered he needed a new phone, so he went out again. After buying one, he came back, showered, and lay in bed, eyes wide open, staring at the ceiling.

An hour passed, then another. His mind was drained, but sleep wouldn't come.

He genuinely couldn't sleep without drinking. His throat was dry and raw, his body ached with weakness, and his stomach kept spasming with a nervous cramp.

Assistant Wu was dozing in the car. It was already past midnight when he suddenly spotted Zhao Yu walking out of the hotel again. He followed carefully, reporting to Gu Hansheng in real time: Left at midnight to buy booze, back at 12:30 AM.

The next afternoon—left at 4 PM to buy booze, back at 4:30 PM.

The third night—left at 1 AM to buy booze, back at 1:30 AM.

Gu Hansheng drummed his fingers on the desk, his temples pulsing. The only time Zhao Yu left the hotel was to buy alcohol. Even if he didn't jump into the ocean, he'd drink himself to death.

Without even changing his clothes, Gu Hansheng headed downstairs, got in his car, and drove straight to Zhao Yu's hotel. He took the stairs to the third floor and hurried to Zhao Yu's room.

"Bang, bang, bang!"

"Open the door!" Gu Hansheng yelled.

No sound from inside. He pounded on the door again, so hard that even the person across the hall poked their head out to see what was going on.

Just as Gu Hansheng was about to head to the front desk for a key, Zhao Yu's door finally cracked open. A wave of alcohol fumes hit him, strong enough to make anyone's head spin.

Zhao Yu leaned in the gap, completely wasted, and slurred: "Delivery... just leave it at the door."

Gu Hansheng shoved the door open and stepped inside, spotting an overturned bottle against the wall. Half a bottle of liquor had soaked into the carpet, staining it a muddy brown.

Zhao Yu leaned against the door and yelled: "I said leave the delivery at the—the door! Who the hell let... you in?!"

Furious, Gu Hansheng stormed over and grabbed him by the collar. "What the hell are you trying to do?!"

At the sound of that familiar voice, Zhao Yu squinted, trying to focus. "...Gu, Gu Hansheng? What are you doing here? This is... my place! I didn't invite you! Get out!"

Calling a two-hundred-yuan-a-night dump his home—he was absolutely plastered. The thought that Zhao Yu had been like this every single day made Gu Hansheng's temples throb again.

Gu Hansheng grabbed the half-empty bottle from the table and headed for the bathroom. Zhao Yu lunged to snatch it back, but Gu Hansheng pinned him to the wall with one hand.

"What are you doing?!" Zhao Yu thrashed and yelled. "Give it back! You have no right to touch my stuff!"

Gu Hansheng ignored him, pouring the liquor down the sink, then hurled the empty bottle at the wall. It shattered with a loud bang!

At the crash, Zhao Yu went still. Panting, he slid down the wall into the corner, his clear eyes now shot through with red.

He glared at Gu Hansheng, nothing but hatred in his eyes.

"Don't look at me like that." Gu Hansheng's chest tightened. He gripped Zhao Yu's chin, teeth clenched. "Drinking this much—are you trying to kill yourself?"

"Die... isn't that just lying there, not breathing, no warmth, calling out to her and getting nothing back, not a single word..." Zhao Yu's gaze went distant, seeing everything that happened after Guo Lin's death. "Then a fire, and it's all gone. A couple of funeral songs, a few eulogies..."

Gu Hansheng's heart jolted. He tightened his hold, leaning in close. "Shut up. Stop talking."

Zhao Yu kept going, as if he hadn't heard. "Then a little boat takes it away, ashes scattered at sea, everyone says a few nice words... dead, but the soul is free..."

Gu Hansheng cut him off with a kiss.

Zhao Yu struggled violently, his teeth scraping against Gu Hansheng's lips causing a sharp sting, the taste of blood spreading across his lips and teeth. He had bitten Gu Hansheng hard enough to draw blood, but Gu Hansheng still did not let him go.

Only when he gradually lost the strength to struggle did this bloody kiss finally come to an end. The bitterness in his mouth spread all the way down his throat, his heart feeling as if someone were clenching and wringing it.

He used to love Gu Hansheng's kisses so much. Every time they kissed, he felt as though he had gained a little bit of love, and his fantasies about the future grew deeper with every kiss. But Gu Hansheng had only been playing with him, treating him like a toy in his palm.

As long as the real one is kept hidden away, the fake can be brought out and played with freely.

Zhao Yu leaned against the corner of the wall, his vision blurring again. He murmured to himself, "I shouldn't have fallen for you."

Gu Hansheng was taken aback. "What did you say?"

Zhao Yu did not answer. Suddenly, he stripped off his clothes and said, "Since my body... satisfies you so much, then let's have sex one last time... Don't come around bothering me anymore after this."

"I didn't come here for that." Gu Hansheng grabbed his wrist, a storm brewing in his deep, dark eyes. "I'm asking you, what did you mean by what you just said?"

"It means nothing. If you want to do it, strip. If not, get lost."

Zhao Yu's icy attitude stabbed at Gu Hansheng. Even sober, he was like this.

He was so malnourished he had no strength to struggle, looking like a gust of wind could knock him over—yet he was still shouting about doing it one last time.

If he wasn't even afraid of death, why would he fear Gu Hansheng's anger?

This infuriated Gu Hansheng. Even if Guo Lin was dead, he would not allow Zhao Yu to follow her to the grave.

He pressed Zhao Yu against the wall again and kissed him hard. He would not sleep with Zhao Yu, but he would not leave either.

Over the past three days, unable to sit still, he couldn't figure out what he truly wanted, only that he didn't want Zhao Yu to slip away from him. He was used to controlling everything, yet he was not a particularly obsessive person. In past relationships, he came and went freely, never sinking too deep.

But this time, he lost control and became obsessively fixated. The more he felt he couldn't hold on, the harder he tried to hold on. It was as if a piece of his heart had been hollowed out, and no matter what, it couldn't be filled.

"Get... away...!"

Zhao Yu struggled violently, not wanting to kiss him.

Time and again, Gu Hansheng seemed to know exactly what he hated, always hitting the exact spot in his heart, making him bleed and hurt.

This kiss pushed Zhao Yu to despair. He gave up struggling, his eyes stinging and aching, the scene before him blurring into a haze, tears falling uncontrollably.

In this life-and-death struggle, Gu Hansheng tasted a trace of saltiness. He had never known his tears could taste like this—so bitter.