Chapter 53: Live for Yourself from Now On

Chapter 53: From Now On, Live for Yourself

Because Zhao Yu was fasting and couldn't drink water, Zhuang Shubai declined to prescribe sleeping pills for him that night, but the IV medication made him drowsy as a side effect, and he started getting sleepy shortly after nightfall.

Closing his eyes, Zhuang Shubai's words came back to him. He really couldn't come to terms with the sea burial, but since he wasn't a direct relative of Guo Lin, he knew he had no voice in her funeral arrangements, so he'd been holding back his feelings the whole time.

All he could do was watch her ashes scatter into the sea, desperately wanting to ask her how she really saw him—as family, or as a pitiful child who needed help. Even if they put up a tombstone, would his name even be on it?

None of his questions would never be answered, but hearing Zhuang Shubai's words, he slowly started to find his way out of that dead end.

Guo Lin's love for him was beyond doubt—it didn't matter where she was laid to rest. And she gave up treatment simply because she didn't want to suffer through chemo anymore, wanting to spend her final days in peace.

He started trying to convince himself, slowly finding his inner peace again, and that night, with the help of the meds, he fell asleep peacefully.

When Gu Hansheng arrived, the room was dark. Zhou Lan was sitting by the door, with Fang Yuming sprawled across him, his head resting on Zhou Lan's lap, dozing.

Zhou Lan glanced at the time and said, "He finally fell asleep, so you'd better not wake him, Mr. Gu."

Gu Hansheng shot them a glance and pushed the door open.

"Can we head out now?" Fang Yuming asked.

"I told you to go home and get some sleep. I'll leave in a bit."

"I already booked us a room at the hotel nearby."

"What do you mean, 'us'?"

"You and me, in one room."

"I don't want to share a room with you," Zhou Lan said firmly. Seeing that Gu Hansheng hadn't woken Zhao Yu, he pulled Fang Yuming up and rushed him home.

Gu Hansheng stood by the hospital bed, careful not to wake Zhao Yu. A man who went crazy when drunk and picked fights when sober—only in sleep was he quiet and still around Gu Hansheng.

For a long time, Zhao Yu had been very well-behaved around him—never causing trouble, never defying him, taking whatever he gave without question, and never asking about Chen Xitong.

Gu Hansheng liked it that way. Zhao Yu, aside from the occasional stubborn streak, was sensible in every way, knowing when to push and when to back off, never causing him any trouble.

He enjoyed Zhao Yu's attentiveness and slowly started taking it for granted.

Zhao Yu's constant bowing of his head could easily give the illusion that he was easy to push around. On the contrary, he only bowed his head when he was willing to be controlled. But when he didn't want to, you couldn't force his head down even if you tried.

What Gu Hansheng couldn't figure out was why Zhao Yu had said those things in front of Chen Xitong that day. Why cause trouble and drive a wedge between him and Chen Xitong?

When he heard Zhao Yu's words, he was consumed with rage, charging in to stop him as if he'd touched a raw nerve. Part of it was for Chen Xitong, but another part—one he didn't want to admit—was that Zhao Yu's razor-sharp words had cut through some hidden truths.

He loved Chen Xitong, yet he kept sleeping with Zhao Yu, and he'd never really seen Zhao Yu as a stand-in.

If he didn't need a substitute, then why keep Zhao Yu around? What was he even for?

Zhao Yu had asked him this once, and back then Gu Hansheng had been insufferably arrogant, believing he could do whatever he wanted without needing a reason.

But now, the question Zhao Yu never got an answer to resurfaced—this time, Gu Hansheng was the one asking it.

If he hadn't started thinking about the same thing, he would never have understood Zhao Yu's confusion and pain.

His phone buzzed softly—a text from Chen Xitong.

"Mr. Gu, have you found my brother? My mom and I are really worried about him."

Gu Hansheng was about to tell him Zhao Yu was in the hospital. He typed it out, thought for a moment, then deleted it, and just said: "He's doing fine."

"Where is he?"

"He's staying at a hotel. He just needs some space. Don't worry."

Gu Hansheng figured Zhao Yu probably didn't want to see Chen Li, so it was better to keep her away.

And what about himself? Judging by the things Zhao Yu said every time they met, his attitude toward Gu Hansheng was slowly becoming the same as his attitude toward Chen Li.

Gu Hansheng was restless, unable to figure out where things had gone sideways. Before he could sort out all these questions, the bigger problem was how to stop Zhao Yu from destroying himself.

After thinking it over for a long time, he finally thought of someone who might be able to help.

...

Two days later, Zhuang Shubai examined Zhao Yu. The bleeding in his stomach had healed nicely, and he could finally eat some soft food.

Just as Zhou Lan was about to head out to buy congee, an unexpected person showed up in the ward carrying a food container.

Zhao Yu looked at Cao Xu, who had appeared out of nowhere, and sat up awkwardly: "Master... what are you doing here?"

Cao Xu opened the food container, took out a bowl of thick, sticky white congee, and said to Zhou Lan, "Can you give us a minute alone?"

Zhou Lan nodded and stepped out, pulling the door shut behind him.

The congee was still steaming, the rice grains boiled until they'd almost dissolved. Even though it was just plain white congee, the thick, creamy color was appetizing. Zhao Yu swallowed and caught a faint whiff of chicken broth underneath.

Cao Xu said, "I remember I only approved one week of leave for you. Do you know how many days you've been gone without permission? When are you planning to come back to work?"

Zhao Yu lowered his head in shame. With other people, he could be bold and stubborn, but he couldn't face Cao Xu. He respected his master and was deeply grateful for everything he'd taught him, but he had no reason to go back to Yatai.

He thought for a long time before speaking quietly: "I got the job at Yatai through someone else's connections. I don't want to owe him any more favors. I'm sorry, Master."

Cao Xu's voice turned stern: "Are you saying I only took you on as an apprentice because you had connections?"

"No, no, I know you're not like that..."

"Why would you say that?" Cao Xu cut in. "Getting in through connections only got your foot in the door. Staying at Yatai was all because of your own skill."

Zhao Yu was quiet for a moment, then said: "I originally became a chef so I could help my aunt open a restaurant someday, but her restaurant's already been sold."

Cao Xu had a lot he wanted to say, but he really wasn't good at long speeches. He let out a helpless sigh, thought it over, and just pushed the bowl of congee in front of Zhao Yu. "I made it. Try it."

Zhao Yu picked up the spoon, stirred the congee, and took a sip. He immediately felt a warmth he'd been missing flow down his throat into his stomach. It had been a long time since he'd had a proper meal. Sometimes he'd be so hungry his vision would blur, and he'd dig through the pile of bags on the table for something he'd bought God knows when, the cold food tasting worse than the plastic bag itself.

Cao Xu asked, "What's in it?"

"Chicken broth simmered with astragalus, goji berries, red dates, and ginger. Just a little salt, and a touch of sesame oil."

"Anything else?"

Zhao Yu tasted it more carefully. "Codonopsis root."

Cao Xu asked, "What are you thinking about right now?"

Zhao Yu froze, then set down his spoon.

When he didn't answer, Cao Xu said, "You must be thinking about how they got the broth and the congee to blend so well, and whether a little more salt would make it taste even better."

Zhao Yu was speechless, because he had hit the nail on the head. Whenever he tasted something delicious, his instinct was to figure out how to recreate it—that had become a habit of his.

"Why do you have to be a chef just for someone else? Can't you do it for yourself? If you still love this profession, come back. I'll keep a spot for you."

After Cao Xu finished speaking, Zhao Yu's eyes instantly welled up. He had never thought about what he actually liked doing, or that he could simply live for himself.

The road ahead hadn't vanished—he had paved it step by step with his own two feet, and he could keep walking it.

At 12:30 in the afternoon, Gu Hansheng kept glancing at his watch. Cao Xu should have arrived at Zhao Yu's place by now, wondering how the conversation was going.

Not long after, Cao Xu texted—he was coming back to work.

Going back to work meant Zhao Yu was ready to get back to a normal life.

Gu Hansheng couldn't figure out what Cao Xu had said to convince him, pulling him out of that rock-bottom state.

When Gu Hansheng had gone to Cao Xu, he hadn't held out much hope, since Cao Xu was famously tongue-tied and had a notoriously bad temper.

Yet this very man had gotten through to him better than he had.

That didn't sit right with Gu Hansheng.

...

Chen Xitong spent every day with the piano. When he looked at the black-and-white keys in front of him, his mind would grow strangely calm.

"Bang!"

The piano sound abruptly stopped as Chen Xitong turned to look at the new assistant, who had knocked over the kettle, spilling tea onto the carpet.

"Sorry, I'll clean it up right away." The new assistant scrambled into the kitchen to grab a rag.

Chen Xitong watched him clean the carpet, displeased. He'd lost count of how many times this had happened—this new assistant was always clumsy, banging around the house, nowhere near as attentive as Zhou Lan.

But Zhou Lan had gone to Zhao Yu's place—Chen Li said Zhao Yu needed him more.

Zhou Lan had been with Chen Li for years, often driving Chen Xitong to school and helping him with all sorts of little problems in life. Chen Xitong was used to being taken care of by him, yet Chen Li had sent Zhou Lan to look after Zhao Yu and swapped him out for someone inferior.

Chen Xitong coldly flipped a page of sheet music, and as the new assistant kept scrubbing at the stain that wouldn't come out, he said with a smile, "Just toss the carpet. You can head home and rest."

"But it's still early, and tonight—"

"It's fine, go home. I don't have an appetite for dinner today."

"Alright then, feel free to reach out if you need anything."

Chen Xitong smiled as he watched him leave, but the smile vanished the moment the door closed.

Since Zhao Yu had appeared, many things in his life had changed, and he was someone who hated change.

The tea canisters in the cabinet had been turned the other way, the painting on the wall was slightly crooked, showing a mark on the wall, a few pens he hadn't bought had appeared on the table—many subtle changes, all evidence that Zhao Yu had lived there.

Had Zhao Yu played this piano?

Chen Xitong suddenly hurled the sheet music away, his chest heaving with fury.

He had taken the initiative to invite Gu Hansheng to dinner, expecting him to be overjoyed, to push aside other commitments to see him like he used to. But Gu Hansheng had declined, citing company business.

Since he had come home, Gu Hansheng hadn't reached out to him once on his own. Even when Chen Xitong initiated contact, the responses were lukewarm at best, sometimes taking a whole day to get a reply—as if he had been forgotten, only to receive a perfunctory response when Gu Hansheng suddenly remembered him.

Didn't you love me so much? Why have you changed?

And Chen Li, and Zhou Lan—everyone was focused on Zhao Yu.

That brother who had known how to win people's hearts since childhood still loomed over him like a shadow.