Chapter 92: Trying to Start Over

Chapter 92: Trying to Start Over

When the morning sunlight streamed into the room, Zhao Yu got woken up by the light. Just as he was about to turn over, he immediately felt a heavy arm pressing down on him.

He yawned and opened his eyes, immediately got hit with a face full of handsome.

If Gu Hansheng had any real competitive edge—money aside—his face was definitely at the top of the list. Unless you had some serious willpower, it was hard not to be tempted by that face.

Some people sleep all sprawled out, mouth hanging open, eyes all squinty; others sleep like a Renaissance painting, every hair curl in the exact right spot.

Zhao Yu rubbed his eyes, took a second to fully wake up, then shoved his arm off and got out of bed.

"Where are you going?"

Before he could get off the bed, his wrist was grabbed. Gu Hansheng cracked one eye open and looked up at him, his messy hair giving his face a bit of a wild look.

"Wash my face."

As soon as Zhao Yu got out of bed, Gu Hansheng sat up and followed, totally naked since he didn't have any pajamas. Zhao Yu closed the gap in the curtains and tossed him some clean clothes.

Gu Hansheng shook out the clothes and took a look—a printed white tee. He suddenly remembered that one time outside Zhao Yu's place, he'd seen Zhuang Shubai wearing Zhao Yu's clothes—not this one, though.

That thought bugged him. He put the clothes on and followed Zhao Yu to the bathroom door, opening his mouth to speak a few times before stopping. Since he couldn't tell from Zhao Yu's face if he was in a good mood, he swallowed his words.

Zhao Yu finished washing his face and casually pushed his hair back from his forehead, thinking he should find time to get it cut shorter. Seeing Gu Hansheng standing at the door, he said, "I gotta pee. Close the door, will you?"

Gu Hansheng's eyes flicked down for a second, then he obligingly closed the door, lost in thought.

That look made Zhao Yu's brain sync up with his, and thinking about last night, he silently cursed him for being a pervert, trying hard not to make too much noise.

He didn't know what time they'd finally fallen asleep last night—Zhao Yu couldn't remember anyway. He just felt dead tired and his back was sore. After using the bathroom, the second his ass hit the sofa he collapsed onto it, weakly opening a food delivery app.

"I already ordered breakfast," Gu Hansheng said, suddenly getting up and walking over to him.

Zhao Yu put down his phone and felt the man's hand land on his waist. He turned his head to look at him. "What are you doing?"

"Doesn't it hurt?" Gu Hansheng's hand worked at his waist with steady pressure—not exactly precise, but the strength was decent.

Zhao Yu gladly accepted the service, closing his eyes again, still half-asleep.

Gu Hansheng watched his side profile, and after a few minutes asked, "Feel good?"

Zhao Yu was already half-gone from the massage, humming a sleepy "Mm."

Gu Hansheng asked again, "Want me to drop you off at work later?"

"Mm."

"It's supposed to rain tonight."

"Mm."

"Move in with me."

"Mm... mm?" Zhao Yu's eyes snapped open, suddenly alert. "Didn't agree to that one."

The guy was sly and relentless. Zhao Yu tried to get up, but Gu Hansheng didn't let go. Even through the fabric of his shirt, the warmth of his palm was almost scalding.

He leaned over, caging Zhao Yu against the sofa, his deep brown eyes locked unblinkingly on his face, and asked in a low voice, "So what are we now?"

Faced with his desperate need for confirmation, Zhao Yu raised an eyebrow. "A one-night stand?"

Gu Hansheng could barely hide his disappointment, but his expression only slipped for a second before he put on a look that said he'd accept anything. He stood up and said, "Okay."

"I'll go wash my face." He turned his back to Zhao Yu, his mouth drooping again. The one who wants love more is always at a disadvantage, with no right to say no. Even if Zhao Yu said there was nothing between them at all, it seemed like he'd just have to accept it.

"I was joking."

Hearing Zhao Yu's words, he turned back around, his emotions tossed up and down like a ball, hanging in the air after the drop.

Zhao Yu looked at the gift agreement for Xiaolin Restaurant sitting on the table. He knew this gift was pricey. Based on Jinyan's revenue, he could pay Gu Hansheng back for the restaurant by next year.

But this time, he didn't want to count every cent so carefully, drawing a line that couldn't be crossed between them.

"Thanks for the gift. I'll take it." There was still a hint of uncertainty in his heart, unsure if he was making the right call.

After mulling it over for a moment, he finally spoke. "Even if I still have some feelings for you, I'm not gonna kowtow to you like before. When I'm in a bad mood, I'll argue with you. When I'm busy, my phone's gonna be on silent—I won't answer every call. I won't tell you where I am all the time. When I don't wanna do something, I'll say no—even if it's just a kiss, I might turn you down. I'm not gonna just go along with you... If you can accept that, we can try starting over."

Gu Hansheng had somehow made his way over and crouched down beside him, watching him seriously, listening to every word. When he finished, Gu Hansheng answered without a beat of hesitation, "I accept."

"Think it through," Zhao Yu said again. "If you only love someone who does what you say, there's no point wasting your time on me."

Gu Hansheng took in all of Zhao Yu's worries, but the person he loved wasn't someone who just obeyed. Whether Zhao Yu was stubborn, cold, or fought him tooth and nail, he still chased after him, still wanted to love him.

"If you ever feel disrespected, you can push me away at any time," Gu Hansheng said. "But I will never let that happen."

"You said that yourself." Zhao Yu lowered his head, looking deep into his eyes. "Next time we part, it'll be as strangers. There's absolutely no chance of getting back together."

Gu Hansheng said nothing. He didn't want to rehearse the day they'd part at the very moment he had just gotten him back.

Maybe Zhao Yu was still thinking about how to pull himself out if he got hurt in the future, like stepping cautiously onto a precarious piece of floating ice.

But the fact that he was willing to take the risk was already a tremendous show of trust. Gu Hansheng knew that well.

With that, Zhao Yu leaned in and kissed him, taking in the trembling light in his eyes.

In the past, they had no clear or proper relationship, yet they had done all the most intimate things. Now Zhao Yu had given the relationship a legitimate label, but Gu Hansheng was no longer as reckless as before—even his kisses were gentle.

Outside, the leaves rustled in the wind, predicting rain that night, yet the morning was clear and bright, with a crisp chill in the air.

...

Before they knew it, November had arrived, and the weather was getting colder.

Zhuang Peiying finished attending a symposium by a renowned psychology professor. She called her assistant to organize the meeting notes as quickly as possible while walking out, but before she even made it outside, she couldn't help calling Zhuang Shubai.

"Hello? Bro, you picked up pretty fast today. Not busy?"

"Just stealing a moment of leisure. What's up?"

"I came to the hospital here for a symposium, right? Guess who I ran into?"

"A classmate, an idol, a fiancé."

"Why would I need to tell you about running into them?" Zhuang Peiying said. "I ran into Zhao Yu."

There was a pause on the other end of the line. "What's wrong with him? Why is he at the hospital?"

Zhuang Peiying stopped in her tracks, thinking to herself that he clearly still cared about that man, yet insisted on playing the gentleman. So she dragged it out a little: "He seemed fine, actually. He even said hi to me, and I chatted with him for a bit..."

“Yingying.”

“Alright, alright, I’ll tell you. He came to see a psychologist.”

“By himself?”

“Of course, with the person you dislike the most. See? You just had to ask.” Zhuang Peiying’s eyes twinkled mischievously. “But you still have a chance. I’ve already done some preliminary analysis on his case, too. He trusts you quite a bit, doesn’t he? Bring him to my clinic, and you’ll have another chance to reconnect. Who knows, maybe you could even...”

“Never mind.”

“Are you sure?”

Zhuang Shubai was silent for a moment, then seemed to let out a sigh. “I know my own heart. Stop worrying about me. And quit scheming.”

Someone who avoids revisiting traumatic memories, yet lets another person come with him to a psychologist—whatever Gu Hansheng had done, he’d clearly earned Zhao Yu’s trust.

Zhuang Shubai wasn’t the only one—Zhuang Peiying understood what that meant too.

She could only say, “Fine, as long as you’re clear-headed about it.”

Not long after Zhuang Peiying left, Zhao Yu and Gu Hansheng came down together. The driver was already waiting out front. Gu Hansheng opened the car door, caught Zhao Yu’s scarf as it slipped off, then sat down next to him.

“I told you it wasn’t cold enough for a scarf yet,” Zhao Yu said.

“And it’s not warm enough for short sleeves, either,” Gu Hansheng replied.

“Who knew it would get so cold all of a sudden? Besides, I’m wearing a jacket.”

The car’s heater was on, so Gu Hansheng set the scarf aside and pulled out the anti-anxiety meds the doctor prescribed, reading the label.

Zhao Yu asked, “The print’s so tiny—what are you reading?”

“Just the side effects.”

“What side effects?”

“Dizziness, drowsiness, and memory loss.” Gu Hansheng’s expression darkened. The doctor said the meds were only for acute anxiety attacks, but he wasn’t about to let Zhao Yu face that alone again.

Every time he remembered how pale Zhao Yu’s face went during a claustrophobia attack, his chest tightened. Sometimes he felt he’d let Zhao Lianfeng off too easy. And he didn’t really have a leg to stand on in that regard.

He’d hinted more than once about seeing a therapist. That night, when Zhao Yu sat on the balcony all night, he stayed right there with him.

Ever since they got together, he’d been watching Zhao Yu’s every move. Even though Zhao Yu never asked for his help or brought up the past, he knew he should be there for him—even if it was just sitting there in silence, it was better than doing nothing. And little by little, Zhao Yu got used to having him around.

Zhao Yu had finally gotten over that mental hurdle and admitted that the past had really messed him up. Even though seeing a shrink felt like admitting defeat to his past, he’d already beaten Zhao Lianfeng. Now it was time to face his own weaknesses and take full control of his life.

Listening to Gu Hansheng rattle off the side effects, Zhao Yu stayed optimistic: “If I get sleepy, I’ll sleep. If my memory goes, I’ll just zone out.”

As he talked, he was texting someone.

Today was his first therapy session. It was only the start, but talking with the doctor had put him in a pretty good mood.

Gu Hansheng put the meds away and, seeing the smile on Zhao Yu’s face, couldn’t help asking, “Who’re you texting?”

Without looking up, Zhao Yu said, “Dr. Zhuang.”

Hearing that name from Zhao Yu’s mouth after so long made Gu Hansheng’s eye twitch. He was dying to know what sweet talk Zhuang Shubai had used to cheer him up, but seeing how happy Zhao Yu was, he held back.

He held back for a beat. Then another.

Gu Hansheng said, trying to sound casual, “I heard Zhuang Shubai got engaged again. Guy moves fast.”

Zhao Yu didn’t look surprised: “It’s not him—it’s his sister.”

“How do you know?”

“When you went to the bathroom earlier, I ran into her. We talked for a bit, and I promised to get her a wedding gift.”

“You ran into Zhuang Peiying?”

“Yeah.” Zhao Yu glanced at his phone, then said, surprised, “Dr. Zhuang’s actually older than me?”

Gu Hansheng raised an eyebrow, annoyed. “He’s obviously older than you. Why do you suddenly care?”

Zhao Yu said, “No, not that Dr. Zhuang—Dr. Zhuang Peiying!”

Gu Hansheng couldn’t help leaning over to look, only to realize he was texting Zhuang Peiying—he’d forgotten both siblings were doctors.

He’d just gotten rid of the brother, and now the sister was coming for him. Was there no end to the Zhuang family?!