Chapter 23: Chang Yuan Scooped Out a Big Glob of Balm

Chapter 23: Chang Yuan Scoops Out a Big Chunk of Balm

The officials lined up too, slathering every bottle and jar on the table onto themselves, each one coming out smelling like a flower garden.

As he was leaving, Chang Yuan even pulled out a small clay bottle from his chest and, right in front of Xiao Zhuzi, dug out a big glob of face cream and stuffed it in.

"Hey! Hey! Hey! Lord Chang, what the heck are you doing?"

Xiao Zhuzi was stunned, on the verge of tears, and rushed to block him.

"What? My face is dry. Can't I grab a bit to apply later? Is the Emperor forbidding it?"

Xiao Zhuzi froze. The Emperor really hadn't said anything about that. Who'd think to spell out a rule like that?

Who knew you bunch of thieves would smear it on AND take it!

Chang Yuan stashed the bottle, hummed a tune, and strolled out looking mighty pleased with himself.

The officials behind him saw this and quickly copied him, scooping out a big glob into their palms and walking out with it.

Xiao Zhuzi bit his lip, stuck out his pinky, and shook like a leaf.

"Thieves, a bunch of thieves! I'm telling my godfather!"

With that, he turned away, whipped out a little notebook from his robes, and started scribbling.

The moment Chang Yuan got home, he couldn't wait to find his daughter.

"Facai, go get the young miss."

"Yes, sir."

Facai scurried off.

Chang Chun was in the courtyard practicing her swordwork with her second brother, Chang Jiu.

"Dad's back?"

Chang Chun sheathed her sword, hiked up her skirt, and hurried over, thinking something big was up.

Chang Jiu chased after her.

"Dad!"

Chang Yuan, grinning from ear to ear, waved his daughter over.

"Chun'er, Dad brought you something nice from the palace."

Chang Jiu tried to squeeze in for a look, but his dad was too big and solid, so he couldn't get past. He had to go around to his sister's side, and the three of them huddled up, heads together, whispering sneakily.

Chang Yuan, like he was showing off a treasure, pulled out the little clay bottle he'd been holding the whole way, opened it, and held it out to Chang Chun.

"Ta-da! Chun'er, take a whiff. Isn't it nice?"

Before Chang Chun could say anything, Chang Jiu butted in.

"Whoa, that's nice! Even better than Mom's. Dad, you smell this good too—you're not sneaking off to the Yihong Brothel behind Mom's back, are you?"

"Shut up!"

Sure enough, Chang Jiu got a big smack upside the head from his dad and shut right up.

Chang Chun, not wanting to put it down, opened the rough little clay bottle and gave it a careful sniff. A fresh, rich floral scent drifted out.

"Dad, this balm smells amazing. Where'd you get it?"

"This is from the palace. The Emperor gave it to your dad."

Chang Yuan didn't mention the balm was kept in the outhouse, afraid his daughter would be grossed out.

Chang Jiu didn't buy it and gave his dad a suspicious look.

"The Emperor gave it to you, and you only brought back this tiny bottle? Yeah, right."

"Ow!"

Chang Jiu clutched his head, tears welling up, and didn't dare say another word.

Chang Yuan glared at his dumb son.

What a headache! Of the three kids, the second one was the biggest blockhead.

"It wasn't just for your dad. All the ministers at court can use it! It's set out at the royal, uh, royal grooming station."

Chang Yuan's tongue got tied, and he almost blurted out "outhouse."

Chang Chun covered her mouth and whispered.

"But it's kept in the palace. Are you allowed to take it out?"

"Of course. The Emperor didn't say no, so your dad, quick as a wink, scooped out a big glob and brought it back."

Chang Chun was speechless...

Classic dad move.

"Use it on the down low. There's only this much. Your mom doesn't even have any. Don't let her catch you."

Chang Yuan put the lid back on and handed it to his daughter.

"Oh, you two! I'm telling Mom!"

"Ow!"

Chang Jiu once again got two big smacks, one from his dad and one from his sister.

"What are you guys doing?"

When Chang Qing got back, he saw his dad, little sister, and second brother, all three with their butts in the air, sneaking a look at something by the rock garden.

"Yikes!"

Startled by his elder brother's voice, Chang Jiu fell flat on his bottom.

Chang Chun quickly stuffed the bottle into her bosom.

Her eldest brother was the most rigid. If he found out their father had stolen palace balm for her, their father would be in for another lecture.

"Ahem, nothing much. Just looking at grasshoppers here. Dad's leaving."

Chang Yuan, with his hands behind his back, walked away quickly with a nervous look on his face.

Chun'er also darted off in a flash, leaving only Chang Jiu, who was slow to react. The other two had already bolted, leaving him hemming and hawing in place.

Chang Qing narrowed his eyes.

"What were you three doing? You're acting so shady."

"Hey, don't look at me, I'm innocent!"

Though Chang Jiu was sturdy, he was quick on his feet. At that moment, he nimbly slipped under his elder brother's arm and scampered away all pleased with himself.

"Chun'er, wait up for me~"

"Facai, what was the master doing here just now?"

Facai trembled and shook his head.

"I don't know, I didn't see a thing, honest."

Chang Qing shook his head helplessly, strolled over with his hands clasped behind his back, and peeked under the rockery.

Grasshoppers? What grasshoppers? I didn't see any...

In the Hall of Mental Cultivation:

Yuanbao stood off to the side looking constipated, while Yun Ran continued sketching various designs.

"What's the matter? With that look on your face? Speak up if something's on your mind."