Chapter 41: Easing Doubts

Chapter 41: Easing Doubts

"Are you feeling unwell?"

Consort Shu remained in her bowing position, feeling rather awkward, unsure whether to speak or not.

The inner chamber was a private space, and the Emperor had come to visit Su Jiaojiao. Though she, like Jiaojiao, was a consort of the Emperor, the situation felt awkward no matter how she viewed it.

After the Emperor placed her back on the bed, Consort Shu cautiously spoke, "Since Your Majesty has come to visit Consort Lian, I won’t intrude any longer. I take my leave."

Shen Huai glanced at her and said nonchalantly, "It’s late. Cai Shan, see Consort Shu back."

Su Jiaojiao, nestled in the Emperor's arms, smiled and said, "Your Majesty is sending Sister back already? Won’t she feel hurt?"

"I’m here for you, yet you’re worrying about others," Shen Huai said as he put her down, pretending to leave, raising an eyebrow. "If you wish, I can go to Consort Shu."

With that, he pretended to leave. Su Jiaojiao hurriedly reached out and gripped the Emperor's sleeve, her voice soft and nasal, "Don’t go."

Her cool hand held onto him tightly, her bright eyes slightly reddened, and she repeated softly, "Your Majesty, don’t go."

Seeing her timid and pitiful expression, Shen Huai's heart softened slightly. He paused and said softly, "I was teasing. I won’t leave."

He looked down at the nearly untouched bowl of plain porridge on the table and asked Yu Ying, who was standing by, "Is this all Consort Lian had for dinner?"

Yu Ying curtsied and replied, "The imperial physician advised a light, easily digestible diet during illness. The Shangshi Bureau prepared plain porridge. The Mistress had just woken up and only managed a few sips before rising to greet Your Majesty. She hasn’t had the chance to finish it."

Shen Huai nodded, personally picking up the bowl of porridge, saying, "It’s still warm, perfect to drink."

He spooned a bite and held it to Su Jiaojiao’s lips, watching her stunned and astonished expression, he said with a faint smile, "Are you out of it?"

"Or do I need to feed you myself to get you to eat?"

The palace maids, under Yu Ying’s blushing gaze, followed her out, leaving only the Emperor and his consort in the vast Pixiang Hall.

Su Jiaojiao, her face red, drank the porridge offered to her lips and weakly said, "Maybe I should do it myself."

Shen Huai paused in his action of feeding her and said casually, "Fine."

"When you’re better and I call you to serve, you can handle it yourself too."

The words were spoken naturally and subtly. Su Jiaojiao was momentarily stunned, not immediately understanding.

But when she met Shen Huai’s blatant gaze, she realized what the Emperor meant by "handle it yourself."

Every time she served him, enduring alone was exhausting enough. If she had to do it herself, she might need half a month to recover after just one night.

No way!

Su Jiaojiao immediately shook her head, her eyes shy and timid, "My hands are tired. It’s better if Your Majesty feeds me."

Shen Huai, with a composed expression, fed her another spoonful, his gaze unconsciously darkening, "Behave, and you’ll recover quicker."

Unconsciously, the bowl of porridge was finished, and Su Jiaojiao’s stomach was filled, the initial fatigue upon waking slightly alleviated.

The two chatted casually for a while, and Su Jiaojiao’s ears turned red again from embarrassment. At that moment, there was a knock on the door, and Yu Ying cautiously said, "Your Majesty, the Mistress’s medicine is ready. Should it be served now?"

From inside the room came the Emperor’s deep voice, instructing to bring it in. Yu Ying breathed a sigh of relief, afraid of interrupting the Emperor and the Mistress’s intimate moment.

She carried the medicine in, slightly bowing her head, and gently placed the tray on the round table beside the Emperor, then respectfully curtsied, "Then I’ll take my leave."

Before leaving, the Emperor asked, "Why didn't you send any candied fruits?"

Yu Ying was stunned and looked at the Emperor, unsure of what to say.

Her mistress had always been unbothered by taking medicine, never needing candies or candied fruits to go with it. She said she didn't find it bitter and that eating other things would interfere with the medicine's effectiveness.

Yu Ying had always accepted these words as gospel and never considered that one might need sugar to take medicine.

Perhaps other noble ladies were more finicky, finding the medicine unbearably bitter and always needing something sweet to mask the bitterness, but her mistress had always been tough since childhood. Though she looked delicate, she was far stronger than she appeared.

Suddenly questioned by the Emperor, she was at a loss.

Just as she was considering the best way to respond, her mistress, reclining on the bed, spoke softly, "Your Majesty, Jiaojiao has never needed candied fruits with medicine since childhood. I don't find it bitter."

Shen Huai tilted his head to look at her and asked indifferently, "Is it that you don't find it bitter, or that you can bear it?"

He tapped the table a few times and ordered, "Fetch some osmanthus sugar."

Su Jiaojiao's heart fluttered, and she was momentarily at a loss for words.

Ever since her mother died and her father remarried, no one had ever asked her if she found the medicine bitter.

When she was in the Su residence, she was not favored by her stepmother and rarely enjoyed any luxuries. She had learned to endure hardship from a young age. To survive in peace, she would claim to like things she didn't and dislike things she did.

Having grown used to enduring everything, she now even felt that she had gotten used to the bitterness, and whether she ate sugar or not didn't matter.

Unexpectedly, the first person to show concern for this after she grew up was the Emperor.

But—

The Emperor could never belong to her alone, not now, nor in the future. He was the ruler of the empire, the master of the world.

She didn't refuse and smiled, her eyes curving, "Thank you for your concern, Your Majesty."

After Su Jiaojiao took the medicine and obediently let the Emperor feed her a piece of osmanthus sugar to suck on, she heard him say, "There are still state matters to attend to in the Tai Chi Hall. I will come to see you another day."

Su Jiaojiao nodded, and with the candy in her mouth, she asked somewhat indistinctly, "Will Your Majesty summon other sisters to keep you company after finishing the memorials?"

Shen Huai looked down at Su Jiaojiao, who was leaning obediently by the bedside. Her eyes were brimming with unmistakable anticipation, her words unclear yet soft enough to melt his heart.

But the question somehow didn't sit right with him.

He flicked her forehead lightly with his finger and said indifferently, "No."

Su Jiaojiao immediately beamed, her eyes sparkling like stars, "Jiaojiao bids farewell to Your Majesty."

After the Emperor left, Yu Ying dared to tiptoe in and whispered with a smile, "Mistress, I can see how much the Emperor cares for you. No wonder you are so favored now."

Su Jiaojiao glanced at her and pressed a finger to her lips, smiling helplessly. She whispered, "The Emperor's favor changes quickly. Temporary favor means little. Go prepare the writing materials. I'll copy the Buddhist scriptures twice more before sleeping."

"Yes."

In the Tongxin Hall of Yong'an Palace.

Lü Wan quietly approached with a cup of strong tea and whispered, "Your Highness, it's getting late. This tea is too strong, perhaps you shouldn't..."

"Bring it here," said Lady Yu Gui, finishing the last character on the bamboo gold paper before placing the brush on the stand and picking up the tea.

Her originally charming face, under the flickering candlelight in the Tongxin Hall, appeared even colder. She stared fixedly at the stack of palace rules she was copying as punishment, her eyes filled with resentment and confusion.

She couldn't fathom the Emperor's true thoughts.

Even if Lv Yao had erred and she bore the punishment, no matter what, she was still the Emperor's cousin, a sister who had known him for years and shared a close bond. Now, with their ties strengthened by her entry into the palace, how could the Emperor disregard her after her confinement?

Moreover, how could he favor that Su woman who had led to her confinement?

It was true that Su was the victim in that incident, but since Noble Consort Mi had already handled it fairly, the Emperor had also balanced the scales by rewarding her with crabs the next day. Regardless, after Su had served the Emperor, he should have made time to visit her.

But...

Today, Su had protected the Crown Prince, earning not only a promotion to Concubine but also a personal visit from the Emperor after dinner.

Even the Crown Prince hadn't been granted such favor.

Fairness... how could it be fair!

She was meant to be the favored one, how could Su outshine her!

Concubine Yu's hand, gripping the edge of the table, clenched suddenly, the more she dwelled on it, the more resentful she became. In a burst of anger, she hurled the porcelain cup of hot water to the ground, the white porcelain colliding with the floor, emitting a sharp, short crack.

Lv Wan, startled, looked up at Concubine Yu with concern, "Your Highness, please don't anger yourself; it's not worth harming your health. You've just entered the palace, and many are watching the Hall of Unity closely. The more you lose your composure, the more they delight; why torment yourself?"

With that, she walked over to the mess, crouched down, and began gathering the pieces one by one, sighing softly, "Your Highness, have you considered that the Emperor's current neglect might hold a deeper meaning?"

Concubine Yu looked up at Lv Wan, her voice heavy, "What do you mean?"

Lv Wan paused in her task of picking up the pieces, asking, "You've just entered the palace, and you have a past with the Emperor. People in the palace must be watching you closely, hoping you make mistakes and lose the Emperor's favor, right? What if someone more prominent emerges now, diverting everyone's attention?"

She stood up, saying, "Have you considered that this might be the Emperor's way of shielding you?"

Concubine Yu hesitated, her certainty wavering. She pondered, her cold demeanor softening, and asked again, "Are you sure it could be like this?"

Seeing that Her Highness didn't believe, Lv Wan threw the fragments in her hand into the wooden bucket, stepped forward, and gently helped her to the table, "Given your past with the Emperor, how could he truly neglect you? Now, maintain your composure. Once the confinement is lifted, even if the Emperor forgets to come on his own, you can take the initiative to request an audience at the Hall of Supreme Harmony. Then, reminding the Emperor of the past will be as easy as flipping your hand."

Concubine Yu sat down following her advice, Lv Yao saw that she was receptive, and continued slowly, "A month is ample time for the palace's mistresses to acclimate to you. Let Concubine Lian bask in the favor; many will be displeased."

Two days later, the autumn wind suddenly rose.

The sky above was still blue, a scene of clear and crisp autumn weather.

Looking further away, however, there were rolling masses of gray clouds, the mist and clouds blending as they approached, quietly climbing to the eaves under the glazed tiles.

Due to the Empress Dowager's death anniversary, the abbot monk of Baoxiang Temple was welcomed by the imperial carriage all the way, invited to the palace to pray and perform rituals for the Empress Dowager.

Su Jiaojiao's health was not yet fully recovered, only about sixty to seventy percent.

But because of the special occasion today, she got up early in the morning and sat at the table to copy another Buddhist scripture.

When she finished, the ink was still fresh, and it was left by the window to dry for a while before it dried completely.

Su Jiaojiao asked softly, "What time is it?"

Ling Xiao, while wiping a vase, turned her head and said, "It will be time for lunch in another quarter of an hour, I will order someone to fetch it now."

Her gaze moved down, seeing the fresh Buddhist scripture in Su Jiaojiao's hand, and she added, "The previous ones have all been placed neatly in a box by me, I will go fetch them and put them together to avoid missing any."

Su Jiaojiao nodded, looking at the stack of papers in her hand that was by no means small, lost in thought.

Baoxiang Temple is one of the top temples in the world, with tens of thousands of devout men and women traveling thousands of miles to pray and burn incense every year. From members of the royal family and high officials to common people, Baoxiang Temple is the best place for pilgrimage. Among them, the abbot monk is the most respected, possessing immeasurable merit. It is extremely difficult to invite the abbot for consecration, divination, sutra lectures, or prayers. This time, the abbot monk could enter the inner palace only because the Emperor ordered him to be invited, allowing the monk to stay in the palace for three days.

The concubines in the harem are typically confined to the inner palace and rarely allowed to leave. Even something as simple as burning incense and praying for blessings, like common folk do, is nearly impossible for them. Given this rare opportunity to meet the monk, they are sure to seize it.

Noble Consort Mi, still grieving the recent loss of her child, will surely go to see the monk in person, whether for salvation rites or other rituals. In any case, this meeting is inevitable.

Su Jiaojiao’s plan is to reach the monk before Noble Consort Mi to have the Buddhist seal affixed, then go to the Buddhist hall to burn the scriptures and pray for blessings. If Consort Mi witnesses any of these steps, Su Jiaojiao’s goal will be achieved.

However, the monk’s time is in high demand, and there must be many people seeking his help to fulfill their wishes. If she doesn’t act quickly, the monk may be swarmed by the senior concubines, leaving no time for her.

Thinking of this, Ling Xiao arrived with the stack of scriptures, their ink varying in intensity. Su Jiaojiao immediately decided, "Tell Yu Ying to skip fetching lunch today. I will carry these scriptures myself. Go and get two umbrellas."

Ling Xiao instantly understood, handed the scriptures to Su Jiaojiao, and quickly said, "This morning, I noticed ants relocating in the grass of Guanju Palace. It seems it might rain by nightfall. I’ll go get the umbrellas now."

Once everything was ready, Su Jiaojiao cradled the thick stack of neatly organized scriptures and walked to the Buddhist hall with Ling Xiao.

It was noon, and the monk was likely still at Yongshou Palace, wrapping up his final duties. After that, he would take the palanquin bestowed by the Emperor to the Buddhist hall.

The senior concubines in the palace are well-connected. If nothing unexpected happens, Noble Consort Mi should finish her lunch and wait for the monk to arrive at the Buddhist hall before taking the palanquin.

Setting out now would not only demonstrate her sincerity but also ensure perfect timing.

The Buddhist hall stands in a serene spot, nestled on the right side of the Fourteen Bridges, by the water, far from the palace and noise, leaving a tranquil atmosphere. The hall is situated on high ground, like a small temple, with seventy-two white jade steps. Only those with true devotion can ascend.

Su Jiaojiao intended to first obtain the Buddhist seal, then perform three kneelings and nine kowtows before ascending the hall, showing utmost sincerity.

The autumn chill was sharp, and the wind was especially strong today. Su Jiaojiao, still weakened by her lingering cold, coughed repeatedly as the wind assailed her.

Her pale green cloak fluttered gently in the breeze, but she still held the scriptures tightly, not letting go. After walking for roughly an hour, she finally spotted the monk in his kasaya, accompanied by four disciples, strolling at a leisurely pace.

Su Jiaojiao quickened her pace and called out before the monk ascended the jade steps, "Venerable Monk, please wait!"

The monk had a kind face, a calm demeanor, and eyes that seemed to contain boundless wisdom. Upon seeing Su Jiaojiao, he clasped his hands together and slightly bowed, saying, "Might I inquire as to your identity?"

Ling Xiao, while solemnly returning the greeting, politely introduced, "This is Consort Lian, Venerable Monk. May you be in good health."

The monk glanced at Su Jiaojiao and then looked away, asking, "I am Monk Kongjing. May I ask what Consort Lian needs from me?"

Su Jiaojiao, with a respectful expression, replied, "I have transcribed several Buddhist scriptures and humbly request that you affix your seal to them. Then I will go to the Buddhist hall to burn incense and pray for blessings, hoping to fulfill my wishes."

"Please hand the scriptures to me," Monk Kongjing extended his hands calmly. After receiving the scriptures, he carefully examined them and was somewhat surprised, "There are no errors; all are the Mantra for the Dead."

He remained calm, handed the scriptures to the person beside him, and clasped his hands together, "I hope Consort Lian will forgive my directness, but may I ask if you have suffered the loss of a child?"

Su Jiaojiao lowered her eyes and smiled faintly, "No, but Noble Consort Mi recently lost her unborn child. She has been kind to me, and I..."

She seemed unwilling to continue, her faint smile fading as she softly said, "It is related to me, so I also want to do my part to pray for the royal child to ascend to paradise and be reborn."

As she finished, Monk Kongjing was about to speak when he saw a group of people approaching from afar. The leader was radiant and splendid, sitting upright on a palanquin. Seeing this, Monk Kongjing clasped his hands together again and bowed.

Su Jiaojiao also turned to look and saw Noble Consort Mi sitting on the palanquin, staring at her with an inscrutable expression.

The palanquin landed, and Noble Consort Mi, supported by Yu Ling, slowly walked over, her voice quite cold, "I didn’t know Consort Lian had such thoughts."

She glanced at the stack of scriptures held by the young monk, and Yu Ling immediately understood, taking them and handing them to Noble Consort Mi to peruse.

Noble Consort Mi slowly flipped through a few pages, her grip on the paper unconsciously tightening.

The ink on the paper varied in depth, and the paper itself was both new and old, clearly not the work of a single day. During the time since her child was lost, she had often recited scriptures in the palace to pray for the child, and she was very familiar with the Mantra for the Dead on these pages.

She had believed that in this heartless palace, she alone grieved for her child.

She never expected that Su Jiaojiao, whom she resented, would also care about her child's journey to the afterlife.

For a mother who had just lost her child, this was the most touching gesture.

After quickly flipping through a few pages, Noble Consort Mi's eyes welled up with tears.

Realizing her vulnerability, Noble Consort Mi stopped abruptly and glared at Su Jiaojiao, demanding sharply, "Why did you do this?"

Su Jiaojiao bowed her head and curtsied, her voice trembling, "I know I am to blame for what happened, and it has haunted me ever since. When His Majesty ordered me to pray at the Buddhist hall during the summer retreat, I never missed a day. Every night before bed, I copied the Rebirth Mantra to find solace."

At this point, Su Jiaojiao was deeply moved, tears streaming down her face as she continued, "Your kindness has always been on my mind, and I’ve never stopped thinking of ways to repay you. Later, when I heard the monk had arrived in Chang'an, I wrote more mantras and asked him to add the Buddhist seal, hoping it would amplify the prayers. I rushed here at noon, worried my low status might prevent me from meeting the monk..."

Her posture became even more humble as she wept, "I don’t ask for your forgiveness—only that the Rebirth Mantra works and grants your wish."

Noble Consort Mi's eyes reddened, and she slightly lifted her chin, unwilling to let her tears fall in public, yet still maintaining her composure, she coldly scoffed, "When you seduced His Majesty, did you ever think of my child!?"

Su Jiaojiao dared not rise, her voice trembling even more, "I’m of lowly status, and for three years, it was only because of your guidance that I could even see His Majesty. His Majesty’s favor is overwhelming, and I, like a fragile willow, couldn’t refuse. As fellow concubines and women, you understand the struggles of palace life—the things we can’t control, which can’t be changed by mere wishes."

Consort Mi stared at Su Jiaojiao for a long time, and it was impossible to say she wasn’t moved.

After losing her child, she had learned much.

In the past, she was young and naive, her heart and eyes fixed only on His Majesty, and she’d feel bitter without his favor.

But now, after experiencing the fickleness of human emotions and His Majesty’s coldness.

She realized the women of the harem were like birds in a gilded cage, fighting for His Majesty’s favor and their families’ glory—all pitiful creatures.

She didn’t like Su Jiaojiao receiving favor, but without her, there’d be someone else.

If the favor wasn’t hers, it’d go to someone else.

Better to let her have it than those who wished her dead.

Even if it was only because Su Jiaojiao was the only one, besides herself, who remembered the child she’d carried, she could let it go.

Noble Consort Mi took a deep breath, stiffly looked away, and said haughtily, "Rise. It seems you have a heart."

Su Jiaojiao murmured her thanks and rose shakily, nearly toppling in the wind.

As she stood, her body swayed, and she nearly fell, but Ling Xiao caught her.

Noble Consort Mi glanced at her coolly, "You’re not fully recovered, yet you rush out in the wind. If you fall ill again, how will you serve His Majesty?"

Hearing this, Su Jiaojiao knew Noble Consort Mi was moved and curtsied gratefully, saying, "The monk’s time is precious; I won’t delay."

Noble Consort Mi said nothing more, stepping onto the stairs and saying lightly, "Yu Ling, reward Su with the wild ganoderma from the storeroom when we return, and summon Imperial Physician Lin to check her pulse."

Yu Ling whispered, "Yes, Concubine Lian is sincere and kind-hearted; Your Highness could make good use of her."

At the foot of the stairs, Su Jiaojiao looked pale but spoke gently, "It’s cold outside, Monk Kongjing. Please go ahead and add the Buddhist seal to the scriptures. I’ll take my time with the three kneelings and nine prostrations. I’d hate to trouble you."

Monk Kongjing clasped his hands and bowed, "Your sincerity is enough; the Buddha will understand without the three kneelings and nine prostrations. You’re unwell—don’t push yourself."

With that, he led his disciples up the jade stairs, leaving only Su Jiaojiao and Ling Xiao below, looking up at the Buddhist hall with determined eyes.

Su Jiaojiao was determined to succeed, no matter the obstacles—she would never back down.

The path in the harem was like walking on thin ice; if she was not harsh on herself, others would be harsh on her.

If she could not stay ahead in everything, how could she ascend to the heights.

Suddenly, faint voices reached her ears.

She turned to see a woman in a deep purple palace dress sitting on a palanquin, heading towards the Buddhist hall.