Chapter 157 Like the First Meeting

**Chapter 157: As If First Meeting**

**Coming to Terms with Oneself**

Su Jiaojiao’s delicate brows knitted slightly in an instant, her expression touched with a hint of disbelief and discomfort at his words being so blunt. She turned her face away and said, “This is your brilliant plan?”

Shen Huai finally dared to take another step forward, naturally taking her hand as he spoke earnestly, “Jiaojiao, once you have a child, showering you with favor would be perfectly reasonable. You wouldn’t appear too inferior to the Empress in the eyes of the court officials. Even if someone later petitions out of dissatisfaction for the Empress, the ministers would have something to say in defense.”

His gaze was fixed and intense, searching Su Jiaojiao’s eyes for any trace of joy. “Whether it’s a prince or a princess, I will cherish them equally. But if it’s a prince, I will name him Crown Prince.”

These were not idle words—they carried immense implications.

Su Jiaojiao understood their weight all too well and knew Shen Huai wasn’t teasing or joking with her. Her heart hammered wildly, her breathing becoming imperceptibly ragged as she instinctively pulled her hand back.

The harem ladies fought tooth and nail their entire lives, all for the sake of their sons ascending to the position of Crown Prince—and themselves becoming the rightful Empress Dowager.

This was Su Jiaojiao’s future goal, the very core of the life-and-death struggle between the Empress and the former Noble Consort Wang.

Now, without even being pregnant, this position had been promised so effortlessly from Shen Huai’s lips.

After years of carefully cultivating her position, she had never imagined that this moment would come so easily on such an ordinary night.

So easily that it left her heart unsettled, unreal.

Her pulse raced, breath shallow.

Who wouldn’t want the Crown Prince’s position? But at this moment, with the Empress still in power, the great clans still influential, and herself not even carrying a child—

Even if these words held truth in the future, she needed to stay calm and steady now.

Su Jiaojiao looked up at Shen Huai, only to find him gazing deeply at her, his usually cool, detached eyes now burning with intensity.

It was hard to imagine that Shen Huai, such a ruthless sovereign, would go this far for her—willing even to promise the Crown Prince’s title.

Having never truly loved someone before, Su Jiaojiao didn’t understand this. She didn’t know how love could change a person so drastically.

Shen Huai had once been an extremely rational, cold-blooded ruler. Yet time had passed, and both love and hate had grown equally absolute.

The lamp wick crackled, breaking the silence at last.

Su Jiaojiao’s expression was complex as she looked at Shen Huai. Her sharp, frosty edges thawed just a little, though her tone remained indifferent. “Words without proof are meaningless. What matters is whether you can deliver.”

She paused, her lashes fluttering down as she spoke stiffly, “Without an heir now, all this talk is pointless.”

Since first receiving his favor, Su Jiaojiao had been the consort most often summoned to his chambers.

She had never deliberately avoided pregnancy, nor had the Emperor ever given her any contraceptive medicines. Strangely, she had never conceived.

Before, without a child, she hadn’t pressed the matter, choosing instead to focus on securing her position and letting matters follow their natural course—after all, she was still of tender years.

But now, at seventeen, if she still couldn’t conceive… perhaps she was barren.

Shen Huai didn’t seem bothered. Instead, he took her silence as tacit approval, hope kindling in his eyes like obscure tides in night-dark eyes. “It will happen eventually.”

His throat tightened slightly. “Where there's a will, there's a way.”

While this was still just speculation, the mere possibility made Su Jiaojiao's heart sink heavily, her tone growing even colder.

She couldn't bear to listen to his arrogant talk.

"What if I can't conceive? Haven't we shared the Emperor's bed enough times over these past few years?"

Her gaze turned icy as she wrapped herself in a blanket and walked alone toward the bed. "I'm not in the mood for this tonight. Just go."

Shen Huai paused briefly, surprised by her thoughts, then quickly followed and wrapped his arms around her slender waist.

Holding her tightly, he said hoarsely, "Jiaojiao, conception depends on fate. If you're worried, have the imperial physicians examine you and help you recuperate."

"Don't let unfounded fears upset you."

Caught off guard in his embrace, Su Jiaojiao instinctively struggled before suddenly recalling his earlier promises.

If she could conceive her own child...

Her stiff body gradually relaxed its guard.

Intimacy blossomed between them under the glow of red candles and the spring bed curtains.

Su Jiaojiao was lifted into his arms and carefully placed onto the bed.

The gauzy bed curtains fluttered down, and a candle in the chamber silently flickered out.

"Jiaojiao..."

Ever since the Empress became pregnant and was poisoned, her health had deteriorated as the months passed.

Already weakened from the autumn hunt incident, her condition worsened despite Imperial Physician Lin's careful treatment.

As a last resort, palace affairs were once again entrusted to Noble Consort Shu, and this year's Spring Banquet was canceled due to the Empress's condition.

Before long, May arrived, temperatures rising as the Dragon Boat Festival approached.

Preparations for the festival banquet began, and with the pleasant scenery, kites dotted the sky of the imperial garden—Su Jiaojiao often joined in the kite-flying.

With the Empress too ill to manage affairs, the palace enjoyed unusual peace, and at Su Jiaojiao's request, Consort Mi was released from house arrest.

By now, the hierarchy in the inner palace was clear.

Consort Zhen and the Empress were locked in rivalry, forcing the other concubines to quickly pick their allegiance.

Since they were willing to comply, Su Jiaojiao had no reason to be harsh with them.

After all, once the Empress fell, the position of Empress would be within her grasp.

In the imperial garden, Su Jiaojiao sat in a pavilion with a few close maids. A marble table held dainty sweets and a freshly brewed pot of premium Longjing tea.

Holding a white jade teacup, she gazed coolly at the sky, where seven or eight kites of various designs soared high and low.

Ever since Yu Ye was gone, no one in Yaoxian Palace begged to make kites together with Su Jiaojiao anymore.

Yu Ying, Ling Xiao, and Ling Yun were all composed by nature—only Yu Ye had been childlike at heart.

Now that she was gone, though Yaoxian Palace seemed unchanged, it had lost much of its joyful energy, missing the spark and vitality it once had.

During the Dragon Boat Festival, as spring gave way to summer, every day dawned bright and clear.

But the Su Jiaojiao of now was no longer the same woman she once was—she could only muster the energy to watch others fly kites.

Su Jiaojiao took a sip of tea and withdrew her gaze. “What news from the Su residence? Any progress?”

Yu Ying nodded and spoke softly. “When we reconnected with Lord Su in February, we received word that he had been quietly investigating. This morning, our contact brought fresh news—the beast-tamer from the autumn hunt has been sighted in the Western Regions. However, Lord Su’s reach doesn’t extend that far. It will take time before he can be captured.”

After a pause, Yu Ying hesitated before adding cautiously, “Your Highness, Lord Su has always cared about you. He’s asked after your well-being several times… but knowing it displeases you, I never told you.”

“Back then, you thought Lord Su had cast you aside, but all this time, he never stopped looking into the matters you entrusted to him. Even I didn’t fully understand what happened between you and His Majesty, let alone those outside the palace.”

“Imperial Consorts rise and fall like the tides. At first, Lord Su had no idea what had occurred. Only later, when he sensed something amiss and sent people to investigate within the palace walls did he begin to suspect a rift between you and His Majesty.”

Seeing Su Jiaojiao’s indifferent expression, Yu Ying lowered her head further and whispered, “You and Lord Su are two vines from the same root. Since he truly wants to make amends, perhaps Your Highness could reconcile—not with affection, at least without enmity.”

“In the future, you’ll still need his influence in court. Rather than remaining estranged while his wife whispers in his ear, why not take the first step toward healing? If you show even a hint of willingness, Lord Su would be overjoyed—and driven by guilt, he would work tirelessly for your benefit. With the Su family behind you, who in the harem would dare challenge you?”

“I know in your heart you understand all this. It’s just… you can’t get past what’s weighing on your heart.”

Yu Ying knelt and kowtowed twice. “I’ve spoken out of turn today. Please punish me, Your Highness.”

As the painful topic of family was broached, the laughter outside seemed to fade beyond the pavilion. Despite the warm spring sunshine, Su Jiaojiao’s heart turned to ice. She remained silent for a long while.

Gently placing the porcelain cup on the marble table, she sighed and helped Yu Ying up.

“I understand everything you’ve said.”

Her expression darkened. “But when I think of Mother dying bringing me into this world, of his remarriage, and the years of neglect… I just… can’t let go.”

“Scabs may form and flesh may heal, but the wounds were real. They don’t vanish.”

She looked at Yu Ying—the one constant since her girlhood—her eyes slightly reddened. “Yu Ying, am I too stubborn?”

Seeing her mistress distressed, Yu Ying shook her head fiercely, tears falling. “Don’t say that, Your Highness. You've borne too much pain to simply forgive.”

“Having served you all these years, I know better than anyone what you’ve endured.”

“But Your Highness, let those scars mark the guilty, not chain your hands and feet.”

Su Jiaojiao’s heart trembled faintly, and she fell silent.

With red-rimmed eyes, Yu Ying finally voiced what she had long wanted to say: “Since Yu Ye’s passing, though you appear unchanged on the surface, both I and the others can tell—real happiness has become more and more elusive.”

“That quarrel and disappointment with His Majesty, coupled with Yu Ye’s death, seem to have turned your guarded heart to stone. Disillusioned with the Emperor, estranged from Lord Su, devoured by your need to avenge Yu Ye and erase that person from your heart—how could joy find you, wrapped in schemes and vengeance?”

“You should learn to let go and cherish the present. That’s how you honor Yu Ye’s memory.”

“I’m not asking you to embrace anyone. But Your Highness, you must put yourself first, mustn’t you? The way you paste on smiles and swallow your words—not only do we see it, but… even His Majesty does.”

From New Year’s Eve until now, these five months, Su Jiaojiao had never quite surfaced from the depths of Yu Ye’s loss.

All this time, the people of Yaoxian Palace had watched over her carefully, reading her every mood, yet helpless as they saw her sink deeper into resentment toward the Empress.

Outwardly, she seemed better—eating, smiling, planning for herself, even trying to reconnect with His Majesty. But everyone knew.

It was all just pretending.

Shen Huai knew it too.

Even if she allowed him to embrace her, even agreed to be intimate, there was not a trace of love in her eyes—nothing but indifference.

Yet he knew that once trust was fractured, it was difficult to mend. He was willing to wait, as long as Su Jiaojiao no longer pushed him away.

For this year's Dragon Boat Festival banquet, Shen Huai planned to have Su Jiaojiao accompany him and raise her status even further.

Walking past the wooded walkway of the imperial garden, Shen Huai turned and saw Su Jiaojiao sitting in the pavilion with her back to him.

Hearing the sound, she slowly turned around. Her lovely but distant eyes were slightly red, a tear clinging to the corner, as she gently bit her lower lip.

So fragile. So delicate.

Just like when he first saw her in the pear grove at the end of spring that year.