Chapter 105: Transparency

Chapter 105: The Feeling of Being Understood

The sensation of being seen through

Su Jiaojiao was quite astonished and looked at the wet nurse, asking, "Why do you say that, Nurse?"

The nurse gestured for her to sit by the bedside and then smiled kindly, saying, "I was Consort Lian's wet nurse. I've been by her side since she was a child, serving her. I watched Consort Lian grow up, and I watched His Majesty grow up too. A child raised by one's own hands—I know his true character best."

"This bracelet isn't merely something Consort Lian once wore. It was a bracelet she never took off, constantly. It was given to her by her parents at her hair-pinning ceremony, bought at great expense, so she treasured it dearly. After entering the palace, this bracelet became her only solace when she missed her family, making it even more precious."

Gently patting Su Jiaojiao's hand, the nurse asked in return, "His Majesty grew up seeing this bracelet and knew how important it was to Consort Lian. Among the countless precious items in the palace, why would His Majesty choose this most meaningful one to give to you?"

Su Jiaojiao's heart lurched. She had never imagined such a backstory, and faced with the nurse's question, she found herself rendered speechless.

It was disbelief—and something she dared not answer.

Seeing her stunned expression, the nurse smiled faintly, guessing she had grasped the deeper meaning. With a tone of tender affection, she said, "It's lonely at the top. If someone could warm His Majesty's heart by his side, perhaps he would be happier."

Su Jiaojiao lowered her eyes and gently held the nurse's right hand with both of hers, whispering, "Nurse feels for His Majesty."

"How could I not feel for a child I raised with my own hands?" The nurse's eyes reddened. "You share the same beauty and kindness as Consort Lian. Though you don’t look alike, the spirit in your gaze is equally touching. Seeing you, I feel a sense of familiarity. It’s out of selfishness that I wished to speak to you about His Majesty."

Tears streamed down the nurse's face as she said, "If you could find your way into His Majesty's heart, it would be my blessing—and His Majesty's as well."

Su Jiaojiao searched her heart. Since gaining favor, His Majesty had treated her quite well.

Whether it was daily comforts or standing up for her, His Majesty had often taken her side.

In private, he was indulgent toward her, never putting on regal distance. If one set aside their status, the two of them seemed more like a harmonious couple.

Yet Su Jiaojiao had also wondered—was His Majesty fond of her for her beauty, her obedience, or perhaps because of Su Chang?

Never had she considered that His Majesty's affection for her might not be merely the fondness one has for a pet.

She didn’t know how other consorts interacted with His Majesty in private, assuming he was simply accustomed to navigating women with ease—honeyed words flowed easily to him, never truly held in his heart.

But now, knowing the origin of the bracelet, Su Jiaojiao found herself at a crossroads.

If it was something her mother had worn close to her skin, something so deeply meaningful, Su Jiaojiao would never dream of parting with it for anyone.

Yet here it was, now unmistakably gracing her wrist. The gesture left even the usually composed Su Jiaojiao uncertain.

Today’s revelations were forbidden palace knowledge, not to be spread. Yet now that she knew, His Majesty would know too.

He wouldn’t blame the nurse he revered so deeply—but how would he view her? Would he resent her for hearing what she shouldn’t, or pretend nothing had happened?

The nurse had expressed hope for someone dear to stand by His Majesty’s side—meaning she wished Su Jiaojiao to be that person.

But His Majesty was inscrutable, his thoughts profound. Even in his favor, he always kept a careful distance.

In truth, Su Jiaojiao understood well—just when she thought they might grow closer, His Majesty would withdraw. All warmth on the surface, but cool at heart.

How could she ever reach his heart? How could she stand by his side?

Su Jiaojiao felt a creeping dread, yet a faint intuition told her today’s events might be her undoing—or her making.

A heart that smolders beneath a frosty veneer—once moved, becomes an inextinguishable flame.

If she could seize it, the road before her would become more certain, and the imperial favor and standing she gained would prove more enduring.

The Matron had just mentioned that before her death, Consort Lian had broken all decorum, questioning the late Emperor why he didn’t believe her, and speaking of how she had lost a child for him.

Listening to it, it felt oddly familiar, as if she had heard it somewhere before.

Upon reflection, she realized that on the day she was framed by the poisoned needles hidden by the Deposed Lady Jiang, she had said the same words before His Majesty.

Perhaps the reason His Majesty spared her life that day was because it reminded him of Consort Lian’s death, stirring a sliver of pity for the Deposed Lady Jiang.

The way of kings lies in calmness and balance; personal emotions must never disrupt the stability of the realm.

Thus, His Majesty remains distant, restrained, and inscrutable, keeping his emotions tightly controlled within his grasp to ensure everything remains under his command, never losing control.

It is also why, within His Majesty’s cold and indifferent heart, Consort Lian remains his only warmth and softness.

Su Jiaojiao spoke softly, "I wish to care for His Majesty more, but I don’t know where to begin."

"You know His Majesty best, Matron. Please guide me."

The Matron smiled warmly and said, "Then let this old servant tell you about His Majesty’s childhood."

"Since childhood, His Majesty feared the dark. If he slept alone, he always needed a lamp by his bedside, but if someone was beside him, it wasn’t necessary. Consort Lian was skilled in the Lüyao Dance, and His Majesty never tired of watching it, from childhood to adulthood. Though the palace pastries are soft and delicious, His Majesty particularly favored the horse-hoof cake made by Consort Lian. When making it, the dough had to be mixed with cold milk, and Consort Lian would also add some osmanthus honey, making it exceptionally soft and sweet with the fragrance of osmanthus."

"If you’d like, you may try making it too. But since this method was Consort Lian’s own creation and unconventional, there’s no need to mention it to others."

Su Jiaojiao nodded gently. "I understand. Thank you, Matron, for sharing so much with me."

After speaking at length, the Matron seemed to regain some energy, looking much more spirited than when she first woke. Su Jiaojiao helped her lie down and said softly, "Matron, you are elderly and live far from the palace in the mountain villa. How can you be without attendants? Later, I will send someone from the Jade Rain Pavilion to care for you."

Once settled, the Matron replied, "His Majesty and you likely share the same concern—several palace maids have been assigned to this old servant. But precisely because I am elderly, I do not wish to tie them down with my care, wasting their youth."

"At first, it was manageable. The imperial physicians come every few days to check my pulse, and meals and necessities are delivered without fail—why trouble others? But these past few days, my injuries have weakened me, and I must trouble you, my lady."

Su Jiaojiao wiped the sweat from the Matron’s brow with a handkerchief, her voice clear and caring. "Matron’s good health is what His Majesty wishes most to see."

The Matron said, "You are now a consort, and no matter what, this old servant is but a lowly one. To receive such care from His Majesty and you is a blessing of three lifetimes."

She gently brushed Su Jiaojiao’s hand away. "Your jade-like body is too precious, my lady. There’s no need to do such things yourself."

Then she added softly, "Truthfully, this old servant can see that you and Consort Lian are not the same."

"Consort Lian was far too gentle, unwilling to fight for anything, never harboring ill intent, which made her life difficult, sustained only by the late Emperor’s fleeting affection. Having served in the palace for so long, though I have no other merits, my eyes remain sharp. I can see that though you appear delicate, my lady, you are remarkably resilient and wise."

"The late Emperor loved Consort Lian in the beginning but later lost interest, becoming infatuated with the alluring Consort Rou. He was easily swayed and quick to fancy, making favor easily gained and just as easily lost. But His Majesty—he never lets himself care for anyone."

"For you to have come this far under such circumstances, my lady, must have required overcoming countless hardships. This alone is something Consort Lian could never match."

The Matron’s gaze at Su Jiaojiao was both tender and sorrowful, as if looking at her yet also through her at Consort Lian. Her voice was warm yet tinged with grief. "A woman like you, my lady, was never meant to be ordinary. You are destined to rise to heights others cannot reach."

"Wisdom and calmness spare you from heartbreak, and you are rarely kind-hearted. Since His Majesty favors you, if you put in some effort, it would benefit both him and you without any drawbacks. Had Consort Lian possessed even half your wit and temperament, she would not have met such an end."

Su Jiaojiao met the Matron’s gaze and said, "I will remember your wise counsel today, Matron."

As they spoke, a soft knock came at the door. Yu Ying’s hushed voice reminded from outside, "They say His Majesty is nearly here."

"I understand." Su Jiaojiao turned back calmly, smiling at the Matron. "His Majesty truly respects you—he is coming to see you in person."

Before long, the voices of attendants kneeling in greeting could be heard outside. Su Jiaojiao quickly rose to welcome him, curtsying deeply. "Your servant greets Your Majesty."

Shen Huai gave her a measured look, saying coolly, "Rise."

He knew that Su Jiaojiao wore that jade bracelet every day, and he also knew that if the old nanny saw it, she would inevitably be reminded of his mother.

So that open secret—she must have learned it by now.

To be fair, Shen Huai hated the sensation of being laid bare.

Those past events that both the late emperor and he had tried to conceal were a sacred, untouchable part of his heart.

He could read others effortlessly, yet he refused to let anyone truly know him.

But now, knowing that Su Jiaojiao had learned about his past from the old nanny, Shen Huai suddenly felt as though he had been stripped naked, laid open—as if Su Jiaojiao could pierce straight through to his soul.

Raw and completely unmasked.