Chapter 21

Chapter 21

Ji Mian had a ten-day vacation during the summer.

He returned, but someone downstairs began losing sleep.

Duan Zhuo rarely dreamed, but ever since Ji Mian came back, dreams that had never even haunted him during his adolescence began tormenting him night after night.

The belated restlessness in his life transformed into thousands of ants, all acting together every late night, crawling out from all parts of his body, gnawing at his spine and heart.

After being jolted awake at dawn for nine straight days and washing his underwear with a scowl, Duan Zhuo began to suspect that something was wrong with his body.

He had remained single his entire life, and this was the first time such a situation had occurred.

Duan Zhuo lay back in bed; it was early morning, yet he was so hot he felt restless.

He cranked up the air conditioner, setting it to the lowest temperature, but it still couldn’t alleviate the heat baking from his chest.

His dreams felt deeply unsettling, because in them, the person gasping softly beneath him, whether in terms of gender or identity...

Duan Zhuo looked at the dark ceiling above him, his body trembling slightly.

He thought he should feel disgusted, or at least uncomfortable, with the content of his fantasies. But apart from the accelerating heartbeat and an indescribable mix of desire and guilt, Duan Zhuo had no other feelings of aversion.

He chalked it up to "excess energy" and took on more orders at his wood carving shop a few days ago, but even so, the troubling dreams still crept in every night.

A few minutes later, feeling his body grow restless again, Duan Zhuo got up from bed, quickly changed his clothes, and decided not to sleep anymore.

He washed up in a hurry and headed out for a morning run. It seemed that through this method, he could suppress those despicable thoughts in his mind.

In the southern summer, even the early morning is stiflingly humid, and it’s hard to breathe after just a few steps outside.

Duan Zhuo ran for more than an hour at a fast pace. By the time he returned, he was drenched in sweat, and his vest was soaked through.

Morning runs are indeed an effective way to burn off energy. His body was exhausted, and his mind briefly escaped the dreams of the night before.

Duan Zhuo actually felt a bit relieved.

He pushed open the entrance door on the first floor, and just as he stepped in, he ran into Ji Mian coming down the stairs.

"Brother?" Ji Mian looked at Duan Zhuo, who was soaked all over, in astonishment.

For a moment, the boy’s clear voice seemed to blend with the slightly husky voice from his dream.

Duan Zhuo paused, and the content of the dreams that he had managed to hide began to surface again.

"Did you go for a run?"

Ji Mian said, stepping down two steps, while Duan Zhuo took a step back, and the foot that had crossed the threshold retreated back outside.

He didn’t want to get too close to Ji Mian. After all, he was covered in sweat, and he didn’t exactly smell great at the moment.

"Yeah. What about you, where are you going?" he asked.

As soon as the voice came out, Duan Zhuo realized that his throat was also hoarse.

He stared intently at Ji Mian’s face, searching for something in those familiar features. The hand holding the entrance door unconsciously exerted force, and the knuckles turned white.

No one noticed that Duan Zhuo’s body was trembling a little. Ji Mian didn’t notice, and Duan Zhuo himself didn’t even realize it.

"I’m heading out to grab breakfast and thought I’d see if Sis Yuman is home," Ji Mian said. He scratched his head, wearing a slightly shy smile. "Brother, do you know where Sis Yuman has been lately? I’ve been back for a while now and haven’t seen her yet."

At the mention of Mu Yuman, his tone lifted with a lightness—

Duan Zhuo’s body suddenly cooled down.

"Brother?"

"I don’t know," Duan Zhuo said coldly.

His restless mind cooled, and the inner and outer heat dissipated in an instant. The tormenting heat that had kept him up for many nights was completely dispelled by just one sentence from Ji Mian.

For Duan Zhuo, this felt like a relief.

Ji Mian sighed regretfully, "Oh." Then he asked, "So, brother, what do you want to eat? I’m about to grab some."

"...No need."

"Oh..."

Seeing Duan Zhuo still blocking the door, Ji Mian quickly stepped out the front door.

As soon as he stepped outside, the front door slammed shut behind him.

Ji Mian turned back to look, but the steel door blocked his view. He couldn’t see Duan Zhuo’s retreating figure.

*

The two-week break came to an end, and Ji Mian returned to school to start his senior year of high school.

When it came to hard work, even if Ji Mian wasn’t the top of his class, he was definitely in the top three.

Along with his strong learning ability, which was better than most high school students, he managed to climb from the bottom of his grade to the middle of his class in just one year.

And in his final year, he worked even harder than he had as a sophomore.

But Ji Mian noticed that Duan Zhuo wasn’t as kind to him as he had been during his sophomore year. Every time he came back, Duan Zhuo’s reactions were always too cold.

Even when he showed Duan Zhuo his report card, ranking him in the top 100 of his grade, Duan Zhuo just gave it an indifferent glance, muttered a few bland words, and ended the conversation.

This left Ji Mian feeling deeply discouraged.

For some reason, he really craved Duan Zhuo’s approval.

Noticing Duan Zhuo’s indifference, Ji Mian stayed quiet at school for almost two weeks.

Last weekend, he didn’t call home to say he was returning. It was Ji Mian’s first weekend staying at school, but he didn’t get any calls from Duan Zhuo checking in on him.

During this time, Ji Mian couldn’t ignore how Duan Zhuo was neglecting him.

He suddenly started to wonder if his brother didn’t really expect him to come home.

But he couldn’t figure out why and didn’t want to jump to conclusions, so he was left with a heart full of restless doubts. One moment he worried he’d done something to upset Duan Zhuo, the next he feared something had happened at home, and later, he tried to comfort himself by thinking Duan Zhuo was just too busy lately.

After feeling this way for several days, the next weekend arrived. Still, he received no word from Duan Zhuo.

On Saturday night, Ji Mian did some homework and then pulled out his Nokia old phone from the drawer.

It was a gift from Duan Zhuo.

Originally, Duan Zhuo wanted to buy a smartphone, but Ji Mian refused, saying, "I don’t have enough self-control; it would affect my studies." Duan Zhuo thought about it and agreed, so he gave him an old phone from home to use for calls.

Ji Mian still remembered when his brother gave him the phone and said, "Call me if you need to talk, don't hold it in."

Now, he had been holding in his distress for two weeks.

After hesitating for a while, Ji Mian finally dialed Duan Zhuo's number.

Just before the ringing stopped, the call was finally answered.

"Hello?" Ji Mian said softly into the receiver, "Brother?"

A few seconds later, Duan Zhuo's voice came through, just a few words.

"What's up?"

It felt like a cold slap in the face.

He was truly at a loss for words, and the words he wanted to say were all forgotten in his daze.

"...Nothing," he stammered, "Brother, are you... busy?"

"Busy."

"..."

Ji Mian knew when he wasn't wanted. He gripped the Nokia tightly, but he only calmly said "Okay" and pressed the end call button.

"Aren't you mad?" The system, seeing this, was very displeased.

Ji Mian lowered his eyes, "What's the point of getting angry?"

"You're pathetic!" The system scolded him and then disappeared into Ji Mian's consciousness.

Ji Mian shoved the phone back into the cabinet and buried his head in the English reading on his desk.

He read the first paragraph over and over, but it just wouldn't stick. After half an hour, he still couldn't grasp the main idea.

His roommates turned off their lights and got into bed one by one.

Ji Mian stayed downstairs for a bit, but realizing he couldn't focus, he turned off his lamp and went to bed.

The dormitory went dark, with only the faint glow of two smartphones on the opposite beds. But soon, they too went completely dark.

Ji Mian pulled the blanket over his head, curled up, and stayed silent.

Late that night, when everyone was asleep, the muffled sound of sobbing came from Ji Mian's blanket.