Chapter 56

Chapter 56

Two weeks after Lu Ge stopped coming over to the Xu household, Ji Mian suddenly realized that Qin Yan was visiting the Xu household more often.

At first, he assumed Qin Yan was there for Xu Zhixia, until Qin Yan started bringing food three times in a row, staying by his side and encouraging him to eat.

Ji Mian wasn’t dumb; he instantly thought of Lu Ge.

Sitting with Qin Yan at the bedroom table, Ji Mian slowly swallowed a piece of shrimp.

His mind was on Lu Ge, and he hardly glanced at Qin Yan sitting next to him.

Qin Yan glanced at his profile, remembering what Lu Ge had asked him over the phone, struggling to believe it came from the usually distant man.

Lu Ge’s request was straightforward: for Qin Yan to drop by during his free time and encourage "Xu Chiqiu" to eat more.

But such a simple request left Qin Yan feeling a bit disoriented.

He and Xu Chiqiu had been friends for over ten years. How long had Lu Ge even known Chi Qiu?

As soon as he hung up, Qin Yan was overwhelmed by an indescribable shame, as if he were being accused of neglecting Xu Chiqiu all these years.

Objectively, Qin Yan hadn’t been a bad friend. Since childhood, whenever Xu Chiqiu was hospitalized, Qin Yan would skip class to be with him.

But everyone’s patience has its limits. Without deep love, no one could stay that patient for ten years.

"Chi Qiu," Qin Yan blurted out.

Ji Mian glanced over at him.

His eyes were calm and gentle, but they didn’t have the familiar spark Qin Yan remembered—the bright light that always lit up Xu Chiqiu’s eyes when he saw him.

How long had it been since Qin Yan had really looked into those eyes? He couldn’t recall when that light had begun to dim.

Qin Yan suddenly realized he’d lost something that once meant the world to him.

"What’s wrong?"

"…"

Qin Yan shook his head, his smile bitter. "…Nothing."

Surprisingly, his heart didn’t hurt much—it just felt numb, like a gaping hole had been ripped open, leaving it hollow. The cold wind rushing through that hole hit Qin Yan like a slap, leaving him feeling ashamed, embarrassed, and utterly lost.

But he also knew that he was powerless to fill it.

*

When Qin Yan left Ji Mian’s bedroom, he bumped into Xu Zhixia, who was coming up the stairs.

Seeing Qin Yan’s distraught expression, Xu Zhixia couldn’t help but frown.

"Brother Yan," he greeted, then moved to pass Qin Yan and go upstairs.

Qin Yan stared at Xu Zhixia in a daze.

In recent days, Xu Zhixia had been subtly distancing himself, and Qin Yan had noticed, but he had been too busy with work to pay much attention to the change.

But now, the emptiness in his heart had completely thrown him off balance, making him anxious and insecure.

A strong sense of panic suddenly seized Qin Yan. He reached out and grabbed Xu Zhixia’s wrist.

"Zhi Xia... I have feelings for you."

"..."

Xu Zhixia looked at him in shock.

From what he knew about Qin Yan, the other man shouldn’t have confessed to him right now. Qin Yan valued stability and hated failure, and the timing wasn’t right.

Qin Yan's confession was unexpected, though it fit into the plan he’d already given up on.

It shouldn’t be like this... he had clearly given up.

Xu Zhixia felt a strange unease, as if everything was about to fall apart.

His heart raced, and he was overwhelmed with panic. "Yan Ge, I’m sorry, but..."

"Zhi Xia," Qin Yan interrupted him, "please, don’t turn me down..."

Just... not now.

The bedroom door behind Qin Yan clicked open.

When Xu Zhixia saw the person walking out from the door, the ground beneath his feet seemed to give way, becoming soft and unreal.

As he met Ji Mian's silent gaze, that overwhelming fear became real, a gaping void opening beneath his feet.

There was no turning back now, with no way to undo it.

The world around him seemed to warp and twist, and Xu Zhixia struggled to break free from Qin Yan's grip, desperate to escape the unstable ground.

He instinctively tried to step back, but forgot the abyss waiting behind him.

Xu Zhixia fell into nothingness.

As the sensation of falling took hold, he felt as if he’d stepped into a bottomless pit, with flames of hell licking at his back.

Just like many years ago, when he stood on the steps, looking down at the blood-stained boy in hell.

In that moment, he had thought about saving the person he loved most.

Xu Zhixia thought that perhaps both he and his parents had been wrong.

What he should have done was not to yield to his brother, but to love him, more openly and passionately.

Xu Chiqiu's heart was like a bottomless pit, and no amount of love could ever fill it.

But at least, if his love could become a small spark to light up the black hole in his brother's heart, Xu Zhixia thought, then he wouldn’t be in such pain now.

Someone, quicker than Qin Yan, caught Xu Zhixia’s hand.

"Zhi Xia!"

"Idiot!" the system shouted.

Ji Mian's body was light, and the force with which he grabbed Xu Zhixia's right hand was also light. His slender figure fell along with Xu Zhixia.

He instinctively closed his eyes, hearing a heavy "thud," and thought it was over.

But a few seconds later, only a sharp pain shot through his right forearm. He opened his eyes to find himself safely cradled in Xu Zhixia’s arms.

Blood gushed from the back of Xu Zhixia's neck.

He crashed into the cabinet at the foot of the stairs, and the blood from the cut on his neck was blocked by the bottom edge of the cabinet, forming a small fan-shaped pool.

Xu Zhixia was barely conscious, but he tightly gripped Ji Mian's wrist, as if clinging to his last hope.

As he fell, "Xu Chiqiu" reached out to him.

Xu Zhixia saw it clearly.

He seemed to feel no pain, his dazed eyes still locked on "Xu Chiqiu," his eyes clouded with confusion.

—His brother had tried to save him.

But why?

*

A few hours after being admitted to the hospital, Ji Mian's right arm was heavily bandaged, looking like a mummy.

After tumbling down such a long staircase, he got off with just a sprained wrist and a few scrapes.

He wasn't badly hurt, and after hearing the news that Xu Zhixia had woken up, he went to check on him.

Xu Zhixia had a neck brace on, his head wrapped in layers of bandages.

He quietly watched the person who entered, not wearing his usual compliant mask, but simply gazing calmly at Ji Mian.

Suddenly, it hit Ji Mian, his heart skipping a beat.

At that moment, he suddenly understood what this boy—the one who kept a photo with his brother in his bedroom—had been yearning for all along.

He met Xu Zhixia's eyes, seeing the hope that had been repeatedly crushed but never fully extinguished, hidden deep within the other's heart...

But, he had reached out to save him, not out of love for this younger brother, but simply as Ji Mian's instinct.

Even if it wasn't Xu Zhixia, but Qin Yan or someone else, he would have reached out to save them all the same.

"Brother," Xu Zhixia smiled at him, a near-desperate smile, "I'm sorry."

Ji Mian pressed his lips together, reaching out to smooth Xu Zhixia's messy hair.

He didn't offer any response.

After all, he wasn't Xu Chiqiu, nor could he replace Xu Chiqiu in forgiving anyone.

Ji Mian clearly felt that the heart in his chest, even now, was still beating with a slow, mocking rhythm.

That cold pulse belonged to Xu Chiqiu.

Ji Mian looked at the boy in front of him, struggling to smile up at him, and his usually bright eyes clouded with helpless sorrow, for Xu Zhixia, and also for Xu Chiqiu.

The love that Xu Zhixia longed for and hoped for was destined from the start never to be his.

The only thing Ji Mian could offer was the faint, fleeting touch of an outsider's soul.

But that wasn't love.

Xu Chiqiu would never love him.