Chapter 20 Knowing

Chapter 20 Knowing

Xie Chong instinctively closed his eyes.

He stopped breathing.

He didn't dare breathe.

Mou Wen cradled his face in her hands, and he felt her clumsily bite at his lips. The world came crashing down around him with a deafening roar.

His arms finally came up, gripping her shoulders. He meant to push her away, but she'd already looped her arms around his neck.

He didn't respond, and her disappointment was plain. She looked at him, eyes slightly open. She'd never seen him this close, never touched his face. The autumn wind was cold, but his face burned.

He opened his eyes a crack and met Mou Wen's tear-misted gaze. Was she crying? He wanted to ask, but she suddenly leaned in again.

Mou Wen didn't want to think about anything else. She just wanted to be a marauder, plundering Xie Chong. She knew, clearly, that her feelings for him had spiraled out of control.

Mou Wen didn't know how to kiss.

She thought kissing was biting, so she bit at his lips, refusing to let him pull away. Her arms tightened around his neck even more.

Xie Chong grabbed her wrists, trying to pry her off. He knew he was using a lot of force—his strength laced with anger.

But she was pure brute force.

Mou Wen was the strongest person he'd ever met, stronger than any man he knew. That night, he didn't realize how skewed that judgment was.

"Mu—" He tried to call out to stop her, but it gave her tongue the chance to barge in. In that instant, their tongues touched, and everything stopped. The panicked breathing stopped, the pushing and pulling stopped—only the sharp sensation spread through them.

Mou Wen knew, in that instant, what this kiss was. Drunk and unrepentant, she bravely curled her tongue around his. Xie Chong resisted vaguely, retreating until his back hit the old tree by the road, with nowhere left to go.

Mou Wen was crying, it seemed.

She kissed him through her tears, so pitifully.

Xie Chong's hands somehow found her waist, pulling her to him.

He seemed drunk.

He blamed Mou Wen for all of it.

He didn't want this kiss, yet he held her tight and kissed her back. He didn't know where to begin, only responding to her tongue on instinct, pressing the back of her head to pull her closer.

His body radiated endless heat, wrapping around her.

Mou Wen remembered the school playground, the dim corner, the wet, muffled sounds of that couple locked in an embrace—no more noble than this.

She felt real joy from kissing Xie Chong. Her "pretty man" had soft lips and clean breath. Even as he struggled, his struggle was polite. He was a gentle person; he didn't forcefully push her away.

Mou Wen's drunkenness seemed to clear halfway, her mind full of this kiss. She knew that even ten or twenty years from now, until the day she died, she'd remember this, her first kiss. But her body was completely drunk; she had no strength left, and finally leaned into Xie Chong's arms, clinging to him.

Xie Chong felt a fury he couldn't name. He kept taking deep breaths, and only after a long moment did he grip her shoulders and push her away, asking, "Is your roommate home? I'll walk you to your door."

Mou Wen shook her head, slurring, "Not home, not home..."

Her brain seemed starved of oxygen, so much that she couldn't keep her eyes open. She dozed off in Xie Chong's car. Later, she sensed him holding her with one arm, her heavy backpack in the other. She felt him lean her against her front door, then bend to rummage through her bag for the keys. She heard him try each key, getting it right on the third try... She heard the lock click, and he stepped into her home.

Xie Chong carried Mou Wen inside.

The room was pitch dark, smelling faintly of flowers. The window must have been open, because a cool draft blew through. He fumbled for the light switch, and Mou Wen, still half-aware, tried to help. But she only got in the way—her arms too heavy to lift, pressing painfully on his wrist.

"Don't move!" Xie Chong shouted, pinning both her hands with one of his, and finally got the light on.

He saw a small, clean living room first. There was a small dining table with a glass vase holding a single peony in full bloom. Papers were scattered on the table, but Xie Chong had no time to look. He kicked off his own shoes, then stepped on the backs of hers to slip them off, and guided Mou Wen into the bedroom by feel.

He flicked on the bedroom light.

There were two neat little beds, divided by a long, narrow table. On the table sat books, small trinkets, and a vase. On it, Xie Chong spotted the "Little Pixiu" piggy bank he'd given Mou Wen. He guessed Mou Wen slept on the bed by the window, because on that pillow lay a copy of *Towards a New Architecture*.

"Is this the bed by the window?" he asked.

Mou Wen didn't answer, but she climbed into her own bed.

Xie Chong noticed her socks had cute little cat patterns, matching her small floral country-style bedsheets. On her windowsill sat rows of small potted flowers—some in bloom, others lush with leaves. A breeze made the flowers sway.

She lay on the bed and fell into a peaceful sleep.

Her face was flushed, her eyelids slightly swollen. She really had been crying.

This was the first time in his life Xie Chong had been alone in a woman's home. It was a warm, clean home, with nothing to hide.

He closed the window for Mou Wen and drew the curtains, leaving a small gap between them. He thought that if something happened to her from the drinking, or she died suddenly at home, someone could spot her body through that gap from outside—so she wouldn't rot and stink unnoticed.

Just then, her phone rang in her backpack. She heard it and stirred. Even drunk, she worried it might be a client, mumbling about answering. She was about to tumble off the bed when Xie Chong grabbed her, pushed her back, and fished out the phone.

He pulled it out—a red-and-white Nokia 5300. He remembered her saying she hadn't called because she'd lost her phone. He hadn't planned to press her on it, thinking the excuse didn't hold up, but seeing her phone now only confirmed his suspicion that she was brushing him off.

Xie Chong couldn't read Mou Wen.

Sometimes she was so genuine, other times she completely forgot about him. He thought they were friends now—he was ready to offer his sincere heart and be good friends—but she didn't seem to care. That was fine; he wouldn't blame her. But then she kissed him, as if being friends wasn't her goal at all.

Xie Chong glanced at the phone. The caller ID said "Mom." Mou Wen was in no state to take the call, and answering would only worry her mother, so he declined it and opened her texts to reply: "I'm working late, I'll call you tomorrow!"

He mimicked her tone, sent the message, then placed the phone by her pillow without looking at anything else.

He'd intended to leave right away, but worried about Mou Wen, so he left the bedroom door half-open and sat in her small living room. It was then he saw what was on the table—some "casual writings" belonging to her and her roommate. Hers were fine-line sketches and reading notes; her roommate was likely a journalist, with "interview outlines."

Mou Wen's reading notes were neat. She seemed to jot down thoughts whenever they came, page after page—the "foundation" she'd built coming from her small town. Her fine-line sketches showed no formal training, but they were full of life. Her drawings of buildings were beautiful.

Xie Chong had imagined that for Mou Wen to have come from that place called "Yakeshi," she must have been buried under countless practice problems and homework—a hard, grueling path of study. Now, all of that became real.

He couldn't stay angry with Mou Wen.

No matter what her purpose was in getting close to him, he couldn't be angry. Because when he thought back, it seemed every meeting had been orchestrated by him in some way. She'd never made the first move.

If she had a purpose, then he'd willingly offered himself up. It was his own fault.

Xie Chong sat in the little living room until four in the morning. Mou Wen snored softly, evenly. Only when he was sure she'd be okay did he get up and leave her little home.

The night had been a battle. He was exhausted, and when he got home, he buried his head under the covers and slept, only to be woken at noon by Qian Song's call. Qian Song was angry because Xie Chong had promised to help him level up in the game the night before but never logged on. Qian Song asked if he'd made other friends. Xie Chong said, "I don't have any other friends."

"A girlfriend, then?"

"No girlfriend either."

Mou Wen woke around noon. The moment she opened her eyes, she remembered Lin Weisen's words. Even though she disagreed, Mou Wen realized this was how society worked. It was a society built on countless relationships between people, and she couldn't exist outside those "relationships."

After thinking it over, she decided to call a few colleagues.

She called Lin Weisen first. "Mentor, you're right. I've been so wrapped up in work that I never made an effort to build relationships with my colleagues. That's on me. Mentor, let me treat you all to a meal?"

Lin Weisen didn't seem surprised by Mou Wen's shift. She was naturally sharp—just needed a little push to get the hang of office politics. That was Mou Wen's strong suit. Lin Weisen said, "Let's eat tonight then. I'm taking the kids to the park this afternoon."

"Great!" Mou Wen said. "Tonight, let's go to the Golden Leopard restaurant! I've never been!"

Lin Weisen hesitated a bit.

Golden Leopard was way out of Mou Wen's price range, but Mou Wen said it didn't matter—Golden Leopard it was.

She then called Xiao Gu and the other three coworkers one after another.

With each call, she felt like her heart was bleeding. But she quickly reasoned with herself: if you take advice, you'll be better off—if they don't sabotage her future client meetings, she'll save herself a ton of headaches.

She counted out cash from her wallet: 100, 200, 300... counting slower and slower with each bill... Was this some kind of compromise? She had no answer. Even though she was conflicted, she still treated everyone to Golden Leopard.

The buffet had a long wait, so she got there early and told the others to go shop, saying she'd call them when the table was ready. As she waited in line, she watched parents chasing after their kids, old friends chatting away, and couples holding hands while reading magazines... This was a world away from her own life.

In her free time, she'd hit the bookstore or grab Guilin rice noodles on her way home. She'd never just kicked back and enjoyed a pricey meal like this—not once.

Mou Wen envied them, but she didn't feel pitiful.

Either way, she'd have this kind of life sooner or later.

At dinner, Mou Wen didn't hold back on her appetite. Since the money was already gone, she might as well eat well. She was a meat lover, so she loaded up on lamb chops, steak, shrimp, and crab. With all that food in front of her, she was already feeling content.

She ate with gusto, not saying a word about the "Miss Li" deal that had been snatched from her, just chatting casually. She was naturally easygoing, so the meal went off without a hitch. By the end, everyone was full and happy.

"Buffets are the best," Mou Wen said. "I love buffets."

Lin Weisen chimed in then: "Mou Wen's been here a while now, and we haven't really gotten to know each other. Let's look out for one another from now on. We're a team—we make money together."

After Lin Weisen said that, everyone went quiet.

Mou Wen said, "Thank you, Mentor."

As they left, the others had already taken off, but Xiao Gu hung back. She asked Mou Wen, "You spent this much on dinner—will you have enough to get through the month?"

"Enough, enough. I make over ten grand a month; I can afford a meal." Mou Wen said. "Don't worry."

Xiao Gu went "oh" and then tried to comfort Mou Wen: "Engineer Mou, don't take the Miss Li thing to heart. Honestly, in this industry, nobody's a saint. You've gotta be careful—don't take everything at face value, because you never know who might stab who in the back. I've been here a long time, and I've seen people go at each other's throats over promotions, raises, and money."

Mou Wen listened carefully, taking in everything Xiao Gu said, including her last line: "Even Engineer Lin... whatever he says, you should also..."

"I get it, Xiao Gu." Mou Wen cut her off. "Thanks."

Xiao Gu let out a sigh of relief. "So don't be upset, okay? You have to forget those harsh words and not care. And also..." Xiao Gu bit her lip, hesitant, but finally seemed to make up her mind and said, "I actually wish you did have someone backing you, someone big, like they say. There's no shame in that."

Xiao Gu said, "Having connections is a skill too. People always ask why I put up with so much at home... You know, Engineer Mou, my life now is already so much better than it was back home... I want even better, but my abilities only go so far..."

Mou Wen stepped forward and hugged Xiao Gu. "I know you've worked hard and suffered. Things will get better, for both of us."

Xiao Gu nodded at that and hugged Mou Wen back before leaving.

Mou Wen escaped from a kind of "bustle" and let out a long sigh.

Walking the autumn streets, she didn't want to go home, didn't know where to go. Feeling a bit lost, she sat down on a bench by the roadside.

Then she thought of Xie Chong.

She finally thought of Xie Chong.

Mou Wen remembered kissing him and remembered him taking her home. Xie Chong was a good person—he had shown her complete restraint and courtesy. He was probably the same with everyone else.

She wanted to call him, but realized she didn't have his number. She thought about going to his place, but feared he'd bring up last night.

Mou Wen used to think she could handle everything well, but now she felt she could also mess everything up.

She had only one thought: she wanted to see Xie Chong. Even if he'd definitely bring up yesterday, even if he might never speak to her again—what did it matter? She had to go see him.

Mou Wen took the bus to Xie Chong's place.

She stood at the door, took a deep breath, and rang the bell. She heard movement inside, and then Xie Chong opened the door.

"About yesterday... I... I'm sorry, I drank too much." Mou Wen finally understood why so many people "use alcohol as an excuse"—it really was a good one.

"What about yesterday?" Xie Chong asked.

"I kissed you..."

"Really? You must be misremembering. That never happened." Xie Chong said. He started to close the door, but Mou Wen slipped in first, standing between him and the door, staring at him intently.

"Xie Chong, I know you don't like me. That's fine." Mou Wen said. "I like you."

Her gaze met his bravely: "Yes, I like you."

Xie Chong couldn't help but furrow his brow. He let out a sigh.

"Don't say anything, Xie Chong. I know. I know everything."