Chapter 24 Clinging Desire

Chapter 24: Craving

Xie Chong first met Jiang Wu's husband at a wedding.

The man was nothing like what Xie Chong had imagined.

He was lean and dark-skinned, stern and taciturn, with nothing to his name. The wedding ring he gave Jiang Wu was a ten-yuan silver band, nothing more. The man was an extreme sports coach—skiing, surfing, horse riding, skydiving—and occasionally did travel photography. He drifted around the world on a whim, broke and free.

He wasn't like any of the men who had pursued Jiang Wu before—not the luxury car guy, not the artsy guy. He was just someone Jiang Wu met at the beach and decided to marry the very next day.

Xie Chong didn't understand.

He couldn't fathom why Jiang Wu would do this to herself. It was as if she harbored a deep grudge against herself.

Qian Song didn't understand either.

Qian Song looked at the man and whispered to Xie Chong, "Is this guy on something? What's his deal? Looks like a damn monkey!"

Actually, the man wasn't bad-looking. He was a very masculine-looking guy. He had fierce, big eyes set in a chiseled face, his thin lips always pressed together.

Jiang Wu asked Xie Chong what he thought of the man, and Xie Chong said, "As long as you're happy." Jiang Wu let out a soft laugh and said she really liked him. Jiang Wu felt her husband was different from Xie Chong—Xie Chong was too polite, like a phony. Her husband wasn't polite at all—he was wild.

It was barely even a wedding. They had simply booked out a small bar, and a dozen or so friends just sat around drinking. The man had a few "partners in crime," all his colleagues, extreme sports enthusiasts.

Xie Chong didn't usually drink. He sat quietly, watching the commotion before him, thinking of Jiang Wu's parents.

In the summer of 1998, the stables went up in flames. Jiang Wu's father dragged them out of the stables, then went back to save the horses. He was struck by a falling beam and got badly burned, spending six months in the hospital before returning to work at the stables. Because the burns had disfigured his face and he worried about frightening the children, he switched to stable maintenance work instead.

In the summer of 2004, Jiang Wu's father took the horses to the stream to drink and accidentally fell in.

Some said it wasn't an accident, but once he was gone, everything was just speculation.

In 2006, Jiang Wu's mother found a job working with horses in Xinjiang and left Beijing.

Xie Chong had already stopped taking riding lessons by 1998, but back then he didn't have anywhere to eat. Sometimes, when he didn't want to go to restaurants, he'd go to the stables and just hang out in the dorms. On the day of the fire, Jiang Wu's mother had made him lamb stew.

Jiang Wu's mother didn't attend her wedding—or maybe Jiang Wu just never told her.

Qian Song didn't drink either.

He was irritated by Jiang Wu's husband's friends. Those people were like maniacs, bouncing around like crazy.

"What a bunch of idiots." Qian Song nearly spat. That gesture was noticed by one of them, who exchanged a look and brought the others over to challenge Qian Song to a drinking contest. Qian Song didn't want to drink, but the man said, "So Jiang Wu's friends can't hold their liquor either?"

That got Qian Song riled up. Who were they to act tough? He was ready to drink with them. Xie Chong held him back, not wanting him to act on impulse, but Jiang Wu's husband said, "Have a drink. I believe you're all sincerely blessing Jiang Wu."

Qian Song was backed into a corner. His former riding classmates joined him, and they started drinking with the other group. But Jiang Wu's husband kept staring at Xie Chong. When Xie Chong wouldn't drink, they focused on pouring drinks down Qian Song's throat. Seeing that a fight was about to break out, Xie Chong raised his glass.

It was for Qian Song.

And to avoid ruining Jiang Wu's wedding.

Xie Chong thought: Jiang Wu's father was such a good man. If his spirit in heaven knew that his daughter's wedding was ruined by the reckless kid he once saved, how heartbroken would he be? Repay kindness with kindness.

Once he raised his glass, those people wouldn't stop making him drink. Jiang Wu's husband seemed to hold a grudge against Xie Chong—calling him "brother" while signaling others to keep pouring. Seeing this, Xie Chong knew the friendship between Jiang Wu and their riding group was over. Her husband wouldn't want her to keep hanging out with them. He felt a pang of sadness.

How had Jiang Wu come to this?

But he drank without showing any emotion.

By around three in the morning, things had gotten chaotic. He pulled out his phone and said, "I need to return a call," but before he could dial, Qian Song snatched the phone away. Qian Song said, "There are so many women in the world who like you..."

Xie Chong got up from the sofa and stopped Qian Song, saying, "It's not like that, it's not like that..."

"Then what is it?" Qian Song was drunk too. "What is it?"

"I..." Xie Chong was nauseous from drinking but finally managed a complete sentence: "I think Jiang Wu deserved better."

"Deserved better..."

With his last shred of rationality, Xie Chong led his riding classmates out of the bar.

Beijing's winter night arrived without warning.

The cold wind was biting, cutting through to the bone. They leaned over the trash cans and vomited. The classmates asked Xie Chong why he didn't let them go after those guys—what a bunch of idiots.

Xie Chong said, "Coach Jiang would be upset."

Everyone fell silent, and eventually they each took a cab home.

Qian Song was yelling that he wanted to sleep at Xie Chong's place. How the two of them eventually got back, Xie Chong couldn't remember at all.

The next day, he slept until noon. When he opened his eyes, he had a vague memory that Mou Wen had called him. He called back, but it was turned off. He checked his call history—he had made five or six calls to her in the middle of the night, and the last one had gone through.

He didn't remember making a call at three in the morning. He woke Qian Song and asked him, but Qian Song was just as confused.

"What Baturu? What's Baturu? Why would you call Baturu in the middle of the night? That never happened." That's what Qian Song said.

Xie Chong got up and packed his bags. He was going to Hong Kong to attend an auction.

Xie Chong had been invited to several auctions before, but he never bid himself—he held the bidding paddle for others, purely to broaden his horizons. He drew a lot of inspiration from the auction pieces, then went home to sketch, sent the designs to the factory, and handled everything from design to production.

This time was different—Wang Xianhe was paying him to go. He was a major client of Wang Xianhe's law firm, paying her a lot of money every year. This time, Wang Xianhe said Sotheby's was auctioning a piece of porcelain, and her client had asked her to find someone to check it out. Among Wang Xianhe's clients were genuine collectors and artists, but she thought Xie Chong—the "all-rounder"—was the most suitable, so she asked him to help.

Xie Chong finally had a chance to recoup some money from Wang Xianhe, so he demanded 100,000 yuan plus a stay at the Four Seasons Hotel. Wang Xianhe had no choice but to go along with it.

After packing, Xie Chong tried calling Mou Wen again, but she still didn't answer. He vaguely sensed that Mou Wen might be dealing with something, so he decided to stop by her company. At the entrance, he ran into Lin Weisen and made small talk. When he asked about the assistant Mou Wen, Lin Weisen said she was working very hard and had gone out to take measurements at a property that day. He asked if Xie Chong was trying to find her.

Xie Chong noticed the curious look in Lin Weisen's eyes and said, "No, I don't really know her. A friend of mine needs renovation work—I'll introduce them to Lin later." Then he left.

Meanwhile, Mou Wen had finished changing her phone number and returned to her office to keep digging into "Mr. Chu." Xiao Gu came back from an outside meeting and saw her practically glued to her computer screen, so she walked up behind her and massaged her shoulders, telling her to take a break.

Mou Wen noticed Xiao Gu seemed a little off and whispered, "What's wrong?"

Xiao Gu leaned in close and said, "They cut my bonus."

"Why?"

"My baby was sick last month and I took leave, so they took away my perfect attendance bonus," Xiao Gu said.

"That's not right—you swapped shifts, didn't you? Didn't you make it up?" Mou Wen said. "Why would they cut it?"

"The boss said if everyone did that, people would just swap shifts whenever they wanted and things would fall apart." Xiao Gu sighed. "It's fine, it was only 450 yuan."

"What kind of boss is that? Wasn't it my mentor who approved it?" Mou Wen said. "I covered for my mentor when she took leave before... and she didn't lose her attendance bonus."

"How would you know whether it was cut?" Xiao Gu pinched Mou Wen. "Don't meddle in other people's business. Have you forgotten the company rule about keeping pay stubs confidential?"

Mou Wen was a bit angry, and Xiao Gu said to her, "Don't be angry on my behalf. Just be careful yourself in the future. The company's management policies change every day now—you need to watch out."

"Oh." Mou Wen said, "I'll treat you to a meal. Let's go get something good to eat. And no moping around."

"Let's get Haidilao hot pot."

"You got it!" Mou Wen agreed readily.

The next day, she went to the site and saw Mr. Chu and Ms. Wang again.

Ms. Wang quietly said to Mou Wen, "Mr. Chu hasn't reached out to any other design firm."

Mou Wen was a bit surprised: "Why not? Didn't he say we'd be pitching against others?"

Ms. Wang smiled: "Mr. Chu said, 'It's rare to meet someone from the same hometown in Beijing.'" Then she looked puzzled: "Are you from Yakeshi too?"

Mou Wen smiled: "Yes, I am."

Ms. Wang seemed to get it.

This girl was sharp. She had quietly played the "hometown card" without batting an eye, effectively shutting out the competition. Ms. Wang, worldly and good at reading people, immediately sensed this girl was no ordinary person.

Her eyes were bright, her mind sharp, and ambition was already taking flight, ready to soar into the sky.

Ms. Wang didn't mind people like that, because she was one herself.

"Go get 'em, little Yakeshi girl." Ms. Wang teased her: "You can talk more with Mr. Chu about what he's looking for. If there aren't any major issues, you can sign the formal contract in December."

"That's great! Thank you."

Mou Wen turned and went to see Chu Yuxi.

Chu Yuxi was walking across the open space, pacing something out step by step. When he saw Mou Wen, he asked, "Are there still a lot of horses out in the pastoral areas?"

Mou Wen lit up at the mention of the pastoral area. She ran up to Chu Yuxi and told him how amazing the horses were, how much the herders loved them, and that they still rode horses into town. You'd often see herders riding horses down the streets of Yakeshi.

Chu Yuxi nodded.

"My grandfather was a herder," Chu Yuxi said. "But I left the pastoral area when I was five, so I don't remember much from before. I can't find them either."

"If Mr. Chu wants to know something or find someone, you can tell me. My dad knows Yakeshi like the back of his hand—he's driven his little car all over Hulunbuir and the Greater Khingan Range, and he knows many people." Mou Wen said: "My mom's bun shop is also a hub for info."

"Good to know. If I ever want to find someone." Chu Yuxi went back to pacing the ground, and Mou Wen cautiously asked him, "Are you... thinking of growing vegetables...?"

Chu Yuxi glanced at Mou Wen again but didn't say anything.

So Mou Wen stood quietly, waiting for Chu Yuxi to speak. She sensed his silence wasn't arrogance but deep focus. This time, she wasn't as scared of him.

When they parted, she asked Ms. Wang for her address and, back at the office, sent her some local specialties, and asked her to share them with Chu Yuxi.

Chu Yuxi called her once on his own to thank her for the hometown gifts. On the phone, he said, "It reminded me of when I was a little kid, drinking milk tea out on the pasture. Thanks, Engineer Mou, for bringing back those childhood memories."

Mou Wen said sincerely, "When I first came to Beijing, I encountered many unhappy things. When I felt down, I'd eat some hometown snacks, and I'd feel better." It was like her hometown was standing right behind her.

Chu Yuxi said, "Well, thank you. Once my funds come in December, we can sign the contract and I'll pay the initial amount."

"Thank you, Mr. Chu. No rush—I'll make sure to do a good job first."

She was really busy for the next few days.

Sometimes she'd think of Xie Chong, pull out her phone, hover her finger over his number, wanting to call. But then she'd flip the phone over and set it down.

Mou Wen realized she could control her longing.

She could fill her days with other stuff, spinning like a top, and Xie Chong would get pushed to the back of her mind.

One day in early December, after working late, she returned home and saw a familiar figure at her doorstep.

Mou Wen recognized Xie Chong at a glance.

He was standing under the tree by the entrance, waiting. In the bleak winter, his smoky gray scarf was the only bit of color in the night.

Mou Wen thought: Xie Chong's got time to be friends with me again. But by now, she didn't really want to step into his world anymore.

She walked over and said, "Xie Chong, long time no see."

"About a month," Xie Chong said. "I was traveling for work—Hong Kong, Tokyo, and London."

Mou Wen had apparently changed her number again, but she hadn't told him or reached out. He'd tried calling her a few times but couldn't get through. Xie Chong thought Mou Wen was a strange one—she changed numbers all the time without telling anyone, like there was no one in Beijing she wanted to keep in touch with.

"How did it go? Smooth?" Mou Wen asked.

"Not bad." Xie Chong took a bag from the tree branch and handed it to her: "A little souvenir."

"Oh, thanks." Mou Wen took it, looking at Xie Chong.

"The night before I left, you called me. When I called back, I couldn't get through. Did something happen that day?" Xie Chong asked.

Mou Wen thought for a moment, then shook her head: "No, I accidentally pressed the wrong button. If something had come up, I would have called you again."

"Did you lose your phone again?"

"Not this time. This time I changed my number." Mou Wen replied. But she didn't elaborate, thinking Xie Chong probably wouldn't care.

Xie Chong kept his hand in his coat pocket for a long while, then finally took out his phone and handed it to Mou Wen, asking her to enter her new contact information.

"Huh?" Mou Wen teased him: "Aren't you the one with an eidetic memory? I could just tell you!"

"No need to memorize your number—you'll change it again in a few days anyway."

Mou Wen nodded and entered her new number into Xie Chong's phone. He put the phone away and said, "Keep in touch." Then he turned and walked off.

Back home, Mou Wen opened the bag Xie Chong had given her.

A cashmere scarf from London, white chocolate cookies from Japan, and butterfly pastries from Hong Kong. Everything was lovely. She noticed the tin box of white chocolate cookies featured a watercolor painting of a little sheep standing in a meadow, and she found it beautiful.

When Chu Ling came back, Mou Wen showed it off: "Chu Ling, look—this white chocolate cookie box has my hometown on it."

"It's custom-made!" Chu Ling said. "That's clearly a custom order."

"What?"

Chu Ling laughed, opened her laptop, and searched for the original design to show her. Mou Wen hugged the tin box, thinking: So Xie Chong, during his long travels, did have a moment or two when he thought of me.

He thought of me too.

Three days later, Mou Wen left for work wearing the cashmere scarf Xie Chong had given her. She was in a good mood that day because Mr. Chu was coming to the office to sign the service contract, paying an initial fee of 50,000 yuan, with subsequent payments to be made in batches after the final renovation plan was confirmed.

On the way, Mou Wen received a call from a client saying the plumbing was misrouted and asking her to check it on-site. Mou Wen agreed. She checked the time—still enough—so she went to the client's place first. Fortunately, it was a false alarm; there was no issue, just a misread drawing. By the time she rushed to the office, the meeting room was empty.

She called Ms. Wang, who said the contract had already been signed and she looked forward to the collaboration.

Mou Wen's intuition told her something was wrong. She found a colleague and pulled up the contract, only to see the lead designer listed in the additional terms: Lin Weisen.

Mou Wen didn't understand. She went directly to Lin Weisen.

Lin Weisen said to her, "Mr. Chu is a high-value client. You're too inexperienced to serve as lead designer. The company will give you a 10% service bonus. You don't need to worry about anything else."

Mou Wen was stunned.

She had often heard Chu Ling talk about the under-the-table dealings at her company, and back then she'd said, "That's so gross, how could they do that?" She never imagined she'd encounter something even more disgusting in the near future: blatant theft.

Blatant theft, wrapped in fancy-sounding words.

Lin Weisen then said, "Wenwen, I've been mentoring you since your internship. I know you're capable, but right now you truly aren't equipped to serve a client of this caliber. Let me guide you through this one last time, help you get your footing, and after that, you'll be officially on your own."

"Thank you, mentor. Then let me be the lead designer, and you can guide me. I'll give you 10% of the bonus money. Is that okay? Mentor, I just arrived in Beijing. I need this money."

"If you screw up with this client, you'll have nothing!" Lin Weisen said. "This is for your own good. If you think I'm wrong, you can take it up with the boss."

Mou Wen understood. Since they dared to do this, they must have already colluded. They were banking on her having nothing in Beijing, that even if she had to swallow this huge injustice, she'd do it with a smile.

And sure enough, they were right. Mou Wen smiled and said, "Then I'll leave it in your hands, mentor. If things go well, maybe you can share a bit more of the bonus with me."

Mou Wen walked out of the company and nearly got blown over by the wind.

Beijing's winter night had whipped up a gale. Billboards were ripped up, exposing their bare frames; branches snapped off, whipped into the sky, and came crashing down to dangle somewhere; plastic bags finally got their freedom, soaring through the air. People no longer walked tall but hunched over, hugging their shoulders, trudging along miserably.

The wind had turned Beijing inside out.

Nothing was left with any dignity.

Mou Wen had always been strong-willed since childhood. If someone took her things, she'd take them back. Whatever she wanted, she fought to get. She never took a loss lying down. So she'd never known that swallowing a loss in silence was the hardest thing to do.

Now she knew.

She walked against the wind in the stormy night, trying to shake off that sick, wronged feeling. No, she couldn't just let this slide.

Xie Chong called her at that moment. Mou Wen hung up without a second thought. She didn't want to answer. She didn't want to talk to anyone. She stopped, stood in the cold wind for a moment—and in that moment, a thousand thoughts raced through her mind, each one a way out or a way forward.

She called Xie Chong back.

Xie Chong heard the wind howling through the phone and asked, "Where are you?"

"I'm hungry. I want to eat something," Mou Wen said. "Can I come to your place for something to eat? Do you have anything? I can cook myself."

Her voice was a little raspy, like she was holding something back. Worried something was wrong, Xie Chong said, "Okay. I'll come pick you up."

"No need. I'll come myself."

Mou Wen hailed a taxi—rarely did she do that.

The cab drove all the way toward Wanliu, Mou Wen staring out the window the whole time. Her heart was in turmoil. When she got out of the car, the wind jolted her again.

She thought: If someone has to win, why can't it be me? Why can't the one who wins be me?

She pressed Xie Chong's doorbell, and the moment he opened the door, she stepped forward and kissed him!

Xie Chong's mind exploded in an instant. The raging wind outside had flipped his world upside down too. He pulled Mou Wen fiercely into his arms and kissed her back urgently.

She seemed to regret it, her body pulling back. He reached out, gripped her neck, pinned her against the door, and pushed his tongue into her mouth.

Panic, helplessness, clumsiness, recklessness—he kissed her with pure will, not asking why she'd done this. Breath was scarce, their cheeks pressed together as they gasped, then he tilted his head and caught her lips again.

Mou Wen's heart was full of surging currents and cries, all of them fighting to break free. She knew there was nothing wrong with this!

"It's okay if we're just friends," Mou Wen said, holding Xie Chong's neck. "It's okay if we're just friends."

"As long as it's you," she murmured.

But her words were missing a measure of truth.

She knew it. He didn't.