Chapter 72: Hopelessly in Love

Chapter 72: Hopelessly in Love

Fu Er, I can also...

Xia Fu was deeply shocked. It was a casual remark, meant to stop him, but he caught it.

These should have been the exact words she had longed to hear back then.

How beautiful and moving, coming from the number one figure of the prestigious Cheng family, the head of the Cheng family, Cheng Mingyu.

Yet, for some reason, she suddenly felt wronged, sad, and dejected.

"You cannot!"

She flatly refused him.

"You are the head of the Cheng family, bearing the responsibilities of the country and the clan. You cannot."

Cheng Mingyu's eyes narrowed.

Her eyes clearly said, "What I want, you cannot give. What you want, I cannot give either."

She could never become the principal wife of the Cheng family.

She would never marry again.

"I survived through deadly peril, not to return to the Cheng family." Xia Fu suddenly gave a bitter smile, a dreamlike quality to it, "I can live well anywhere, except within the Cheng family."

These words were filled with the countless grievances and frustrations of being bound by the Cheng family rules and societal norms back then.

Of course, Cheng Mingyu understood.

He understood the predicament she had faced in the Cheng family back then.

His heart ached unbearably,

"Fu Er, why did you jump off the cliff back then? I've said that if there were any difficulties, you could have sent someone to inform me."

With his mother's repeated warnings, the fourth branch's matriarch wouldn't dare mistreat her.

At that time, the matter of dual succession was recorded in the family register, and no one in the clan dared to say a word about it.

Even when a son was desired, he later agreed to a second dual succession.

At that time, there had been no news of Cheng Mingyou, so she shouldn't have been in a difficult situation and forced to jump off the cliff.

Unless she didn't want to be with him and took her own life out of shame and anger.

A flicker of light passed through Xia Fu's eyes, as if she were returning to a time when she couldn't control her emotions, to a dark and hopeless period,

She clutched her handkerchief to her chest and stepped closer to him, as if trying to see his face more clearly, forcing the wounds buried deep in her heart to the surface.

"What do you want me to tell you? That I have hopelessly fallen in love with that man, that he's in my mind when I open and close my eyes, that even in my midnight dreams, I dream of him penetrating me?"

The smile on her face was as bright and fragile as a colorful bubble, on the verge of bursting,

"Tell you that we once promised to stay uninvolved, tell you that I should be guarding my husband's memorial tablet, living a proper life, but in my heart, I can't help but think of his cousin?"

"Tell you that I so desperately want to be with him, but there's secular norms between us, a gentleman's agreement, a dead husband, an entire Cheng family?"

She couldn't sleep night after night, constantly blaming herself. On one hand, she felt guilty towards her husband, and on the other, she couldn't control her feelings for Cheng Mingyu.

"Family head..." she murmured, using the title she once cherished, "You are like a beautiful vortex, captivating people, but I have already drowned in it once and don't want to drown again."

These words were like arrows heavily grinding against Cheng Mingyu's heart, pinning him in place.

He had never thought that the real reason she jumped off the cliff was him alone.

If he hadn't been so bound by convention, trapped in the shell of a gentleman's honor, and had taken a step forward, breaking through that barrier, he could have pulled her back from the edge.

It turned out that with just an outstretched hand, they wouldn't have missed nineteen years of happiness.

It turned out they had once been in love.

A bitter metallic taste clogged Cheng Mingyu's throat, and he couldn't say a word.

Xia Fu stepped back, her expression returned to normal, "I've never regretted meeting you, and I hope you won’t give me a reason to. I'm doing well with the Yunnan King, and with you, family head, it stops here."

She turned and left without looking back.

Cheng Mingyu's breath hitched, and the light in his eyes slowly faded.

She had left long ago, and the flower lanterns on the river surface began to glow. Cheng Mingyu couldn't recall how he left the palace. The old servant helped him into the carriage, and in the alley leading to the Cheng family residence, assisted him out.

From the entrance of that alley stretched a long, narrow lane. He had walked this path countless times, but never had it felt as difficult as it did today. He leaned against the wall, taking uneven steps, the lamps in the corners seeming to tilt and distort inch by inch before his eyes.

Her covert smile, the restrained anticipation at their last meeting, and those years when she was pregnant and went to pray for blessings, him standing quietly by the wall, guarding her. That rainy night on the first day of August, when she was in labor, writhing in pain, the coral beads he unintentionally gave her had been kept for nineteen years. She also loved playing *The West River Moon,* all of which tugged at his heart, finally forming a scorching current that expelled the arrow.

A fresh spray of blood splashed on the wall, and Cheng Mingyu came to a halt, closing his eyes tightly.

The old servant, frightened and flustered, hurriedly supported him,

"Family head, family head…"

"Quick, fetch the doctor!"

The carriage slowly headed towards the Yunnan King's residence. After Xia Fu boarded the carriage, she remained silent, holding a string of beads, motionless.

Cheng Yian felt a pang of sadness.

Nothing was more regrettable and heart-wrenching than two people who loved each other missing out due to a twist of fate.

She gently held her mother, unsure of how to comfort her.

She finally understood why her mother refused to see her father.

Probably because she had firmly decided not to look back, but was forcefully pulled back by her father. After marrying, learning that her former beloved also admired her made it even more painful.

Xia Fu heard her daughter's sighs from beside her and suddenly found it amusing. She lifted her face and gently looked at her daughter,

"An An, mother can't give you a family, but is willing to accompany you every day from now on. Can you forgive me?"

Cheng Yian chuckled, "Mother, I've grown up and don't need you and father to take care of me anymore. As long as you both are well, I'm fine. No matter what choice you make, I'll support you."

The current mother was no longer the one who caused her the most worry.

Mother had obviously moved on and decided to live her own life. She still had the Yunnan King by her side.

Father, however, was different.

He had endured nineteen lonely years, and after suffering such a heavy blow today, it is truly worrying how he will be in the future.

But in front of her mother, Cheng Yian didn’t let it show.

"Mother, are you really not planning to return to Yunnan?" This was indeed sudden good news.

Xia Fu smiled. "From now on, I’ll stay in the capital."

Cheng Yian excitedly hugged her. It went without saying that Mother had stayed in the capital for her sake.

"What about the Prince? It's not good for you and your husband to be separated so far."

Xia Fu brushed it off. "The Prince returns to the capital every year to reunite with us."

The court requires a hostage, and there's nothing we can do to change that.

"Don't worry, Mother. Lu Xusheng and I will take good care of you."

"Good..." Xia Fu smiled, already planning to find a place the next day to set up the pharmacy.

Her eyes fell on the coral beads on her wrist. After taking them off, she placed them in Cheng Yian's hand.

"An An, mother gives you these beads. Keep them as a memento."

These beads had witnessed An An's birth and her time with Cheng Mingyu. No one had more right to keep them than An An.

Cheng Yian felt a mix of emotions. "Did father give these to you?"

Xia Fu nodded, her eyes lowered.

As soon as the carriage arrived at the Prince of Yunnan's residence, Cheng Yian helped her mother down and noticed a servant who usually attended to her father anxiously looking over. Her heart raced, and she hurried over, asking in a low voice, "What’s the matter?"

The servant replied hurriedly, "Third young lady, the family head has vomited blood. Please go see him quickly."

Cheng Yian gasped. She feared nothing more than her father coughing up blood; in her previous life, her father had died the same way.

Cheng Yian couldn’t care about anything else and returned to tell Xia Fu, "Mother, there’s an urgent matter at home I need to take care of."

Xia Fu looked at her deeply. "Then be careful on your way."

Cheng Yian quickly boarded the carriage and rushed toward the Cheng residence.

The Prince of Yunnan's residence was quite far from the Cheng family. Cheng Yian urged Qiu Qing to hurry, but Qiu Qing couldn’t neglect the mistress’s safety. By the time they reached the side lane of the Cheng residence, it was already late in the evening. The servant immediately led Cheng Yian through a hidden door directly to Cheng Mingyu's study. Cheng Yian quickly reached the pavilion and gently pushed the door open, only to see Cheng Mingyu lying on the bed, deeply asleep, his face very pale.

Old servant Jiao, who was attending beside him, quickly moved aside when he saw her, choking back tears. "Third young lady, the family head has never been this ill before. He didn’t want to disturb anyone, but this old servant was worried and still sent for you."

"It’s only natural," Cheng Yian nodded, washed her hands, and sat on the brocade stool by the bedside, asking the old servant, "Has the retired imperial physician come to see him?"

Jiao sighed. "He has already seen him, said it’s not a bad thing that the stagnant blood accumulated in his heart was coughed up and prescribed medicine for him to rest and recover. Nothing else was said."

Cheng Yian’s heart finally settled. Her gaze shifted to Cheng Mingyu on the bed, and she couldn’t help but hold his cold hand.

Soon the medicine was ready and brought in. Cheng Yian tried to wake him. "Father, it’s time to take the medicine..."

Cheng Mingyu opened his eyes groggily and saw a familiar silhouette flickering before him, as if he heard a soft voice calling him, "Family head, family head..." Cheng Mingyu struggled to get up, "Fu Er..."

The old servant immediately stepped forward to help him sit up, offering a bolster to lean on. Cheng Mingyu took another look and realized it was Cheng Yian. His eyes lingered for a moment, and embarrassment spread across his face.

Cheng Yian acted as if she hadn't heard and took the medicine bowl from the servant's hands,

"Father, I will serve you the medicine."

Cheng Mingyu glanced at the bowl but didn't move.

Cheng Yian became unhappy, "Father, you're getting older. Do you want your daughter to coax you?"

Cheng Mingyu felt extremely uneasy because of his daughter's words and took the medicine bowl from Cheng Yian's hands, drinking it himself.

She was satisfied. After he finished drinking, she took the bowl from him and handed it to the servant. Seeing the persistent dark circles under his eyes, she tugged at his sleeve and advised,

"Father, don't be sad. You still have me..."

Cheng Yian was most afraid of him not cherishing his life.

"Think about it, Lu Xusheng and I don't have children yet, and I haven't established myself in the Lu family. Second Sister hasn't married yet, and Elder Sister hasn't found a good husband. If something happens to you now, who will support us..."

Feeling regretful for her parents, Cheng Yian's tears came easily, "I panic when you're sick, I don't want anything to happen to you, Father."

Cheng Yian sobbed as she buried her face in his chest.

His usually somewhat estranged daughter suddenly crashed into his arms, causing his eyes to sting. His heart softened, and he gently stroked her hair, promising in a hoarse voice,

"Don't worry, An An. I'll be fine. I'll be there to see you have children, and when you become a mother, and even a grandmother, I won't grow old, okay?"

As long as your parents are here, you will always be a child.

Cheng Yian broke into a smile through her tears, "You have to promise."

She solemnly hooked her little finger with his, wanting to seal the promise.

At that moment, the beads that Xia Fu gave her slid down.

Cheng Yian noticed it, but it was already too late.

Cheng Mingyu's gaze paused again, his eyes slowly deepening, becoming bloodshot.

When Cheng Yian left the Cheng residence, she looked frustrated.

Lu Xusheng stood on the carriage platform and reached out to help her up, "What's wrong?"

Cheng Yian climbed into the carriage but didn't respond. She couldn't comment on her elders' matters and didn't want to bring them up with Lu Xusheng. She eagerly snuggled into his arms, listening to his steady heartbeat,

"It's still you who's the best, much better than my father."

Lu Xusheng could hardly believe it and looked down to make sure he was holding Cheng Yian, "You finally realized that?"

Cheng Yian mumbled into his chest, "Hmm."

"Marrying you makes me feel secure. I'm not worried about you straying. My father, he's too charming, anyone would feel uneasy marrying someone like him."

Lu Xusheng's happiness lasted only a moment before he pinched her cheek in exasperation, "Are you flattering me or mocking me?"

Cheng Yian grinned, her eyes looking up at him from his chest, sparkling like autumn water, her dimples appearing faintly.

Lu Xusheng's eyes darkened, and he bent down to kiss her.

He was truly remarkable now, his tongue incredibly agile, his technique effortless. Cheng Yian's gloom was soon soothed by him.

On that hot summer day, Cheng Yian had perspired earlier, and changed clothes at the Cheng family. She wore a thin garment in fragrant cloud silk, a long, flowing robe that wrapped around her body from shoulders to feet, with only a snow-white gauze skirt underneath. The fabric was exquisitely comfortable and form-fitting. Lu Xusheng's broad palm explored from her shoulder blades downward, and wherever it passed, it was as if fire was ignited, layer upon layer rising.

Cheng Yian truly had a perfect figure, not a single part was unnecessary, her contours were flawless and graceful, her skin silky and pleasant to touch. Every time he held her in his arms, he couldn't help but think of her as Nuwa's most satisfying creation.

By the time Cheng Yian came to her senses, she was already sitting on him.

Her back was pressed against the carriage wall, trapped between his chest and the wall, struggling to swallow. She found herself wrapped around him, her arms circling his neck, her face flushed red.

"Lu Xusheng..."

Each word required considerable effort to speak.

Lu Xusheng held her tightly, his expression as impassive as the deep sea. "Do you know why you feel secure with me?"

Cheng Yian replied, "I didn't mean that..."

"Because I won't let you feel unsettled."

When he went down to the south, wasn't he offered women? He dealt with those matters swiftly and decisively, not allowing any rumors to reach the capital.

"Your father is perfect in every way, but he places too much importance on family honor and gentlemanly conduct. Sometimes, a man needs to be willing to take risks. Your mother's rebirth—she might not want to be bound by the Cheng family's rules. I actually think they are quite good the way they are."

Being the principal wife of the Cheng family was no ordinary task, as evidenced by Lu Shi, the wife of Cheng Yiyan. She had few days of leisure throughout the year.

Cheng Yian could no longer endure it, weakly hammering him. "I don't want to hear it."

He had provoked her and left her in suspense, unable to struggle as the carriage jolted, almost taking her life.

Lu Xusheng had no choice but to let her lie down. Cheng Yian, remembering that the seat was hollow and any sound might be heard by the servants outside, shook her head desperately.

Lu Xusheng chuckled softly.

For others, there might be no solution, but not for Lu Xusheng. This man was naturally strong, in the prime of his life. With one arm around her waist, he held her firmly, the other hand supporting the seat.

Anytime, anywhere, whenever she desired, he would give her what she wanted.

When Cheng Yian got off the carriage, she walked with difficulty, her steps small and faltering. Her body remained sensitive. Lu Xusheng reached out to help her, but Cheng Yian slapped his hand away, wanting to get down by herself. She stepped to the side, but her leg ached intensely, and she shot Lu Xusheng a sharp glance. Without regard for her expression, Lu Xusheng simply scooped her up and carried her down.

The Lu family guards and female servants were well-trained, all lowering their heads and making no sound.

Cheng Yian thought, it wasn't the first time being carried, and resigned herself to it.

Lu Xusheng, seeing her burying her face in his chest without a word, laughed. "What's there to be embarrassed about? In the Lu family, unlike the Cheng family, the biggest rule is, Cheng, Yi, An."

"You are my ancestor."

Cheng Yian's face turned red immediately, but she felt extremely pleased, her heart slightly fluttering, thinking that even his hair seemed pleasing to the eye at that moment.

"You have to keep your word."

The couple busied themselves in the carriage for a while, and once they lay down, they fell into a deep sleep through the night.

The next morning, Lu Xusheng went to court again. On the way, the guards informed him,

"Last night, the Crown Prince's confidant discreetly met with the Prince of Nan'an."

Lu Xusheng's brows knitted together slightly. "What did they discuss? Were you able to find out?"

Ever since Lu Xusheng's rebirth, he had stationed secret agents in Northern Qi. The Prince of Nan'an was his greatest rival in his previous life; how could he not be on guard?

The guard shook his head regretfully. "I sent everyone away, and they spoke in private. It was impossible to discover what they discussed."

Lu Xusheng fell silent.

During the morning court discussion, the emperor expressed concern. He feared the envoys might look down on the Great Jin Dynasty after the incident caused by the Empress Dowager. It was decided that Lu Xusheng would organize a martial competition outside the city to deter the various countries and Yunnan King's palace.

The ministers agreed.

After the morning court, Lu Xusheng threw himself into organizing the matter.

That afternoon, the Ministry of Rites hosted a banquet for the envoys. Officials from various departments were present, discussing border trade with the envoys and negotiating a peace agreement.

At this point, the Prince of Nan'an rose to his feet and offered a respectful bow to everyone.

"Esteemed officials of the Great Jin, I have a remarkable proposal. If the Great Jin consents, I guarantee peace on the border for ten years."

This aroused great interest among the Great Jin officials. For years, the Great Jin and Northern Qi had been engaged in war every two or three years, causing the people to suffer and the Ministry of Revenue to struggle. If ten years of peace could be secured, it would bring tremendous relief.

However, everyone knew the Prince of Nan'an was formidable, and they feared he might make an outrageous demand.

Sure enough, Zheng Shanghe, the Minister of Revenue, asked what the proposal entailed. Recalling the stunning glimpse of Cheng Yian, daughter of Cheng Mingyu, from the previous day's celebration, the Prince of Nan'an said longingly,

"My heart is set on Cheng Yian, daughter of Cheng Mingyu. If the Emperor of the Great Jin is willing to betroth her to me in marriage, I swear on my life to sign a peace agreement with the Great Jin, promising not to invade the south for ten years."

These words caused an uproar in the court.

When the Empress Dowager heard the news, she immediately summoned the Crown Prince to Cining Palace.

At her age, the Empress Dowager was impervious to the heat and never had ice brought into Cining Palace. When the Crown Prince entered, he found the hall stifling, and his undergarments clung uncomfortably to his skin. However, as the heir apparent, he maintained his composure and greeted the Empress Dowager as usual, showing no discomfort.

The Empress Dowager dismissed the attendants and, with evident concern, asked,

"How did everything proceed yesterday?"

The Crown Prince met her gaze, his expression one of confidence. "Everything went smoothly. Earlier, during the Ministry of Rites' banquet, the Prince of Nan'an raised this matter. I have also sent people to spread the news among the public to put pressure on the Emperor."

Throughout history, using women to buy peace had been common. Compared to Cheng Yian, the safety of millions of people on the border was of utmost importance. The Jiangnan region had just been pacified, and the Emperor needed time to restore and strengthen the Great Jin's power and accumulate resources. These ten years were crucial. Any ambitious ruler should be willing to trade a woman for peace and the future of the Great Jin.

Otherwise, why would the Empress Dowager have deliberately brought up the matter involving the Cheng family yesterday, arousing the curiosity of the Prince of Nan'an and further enticing him with significant benefits, encouraging him to make this proposal?

Cheng Yian was too crucial. She was the link between the Cheng family, Lu Duke's mansion, and Yunnan King's palace. This connection had to be severed for the Crown Prince's faction to have a future. This proposal could also effectively alienate Lu Xusheng from the Emperor, achieving a triple benefit.

Cheng Yian's father was the leading civil official, and her husband was the commander of the border troops. Now, she was also connected to Yunnan King's palace.

Who could sit back and allow these three to be more closely linked?

Any far-sighted court official should consider the potential risks and benefits.

A subject's merit can overshadow the ruler's authority.

Therefore, the Crown Prince only needs to fan the flames, and someone will go plead his case to the emperor. The emperor would likely be swayed. If Lu Xusheng's wife is taken away, he will surely harbor resentment. Just thinking about the scene to come, the Crown Prince feels a surge of excitement.

"Grandmother's strategy is unparalleled," he remarked.

The Empress Dowager didn't show any obvious change in expression. "I will keep an eye on the court affairs for you, but securing an heir is also extremely important. You need to focus more on the Crown Princess."

The Crown Prince looked dejected.

The proposal by the Prince of Nan'an quickly caused a stir in the court, and the entire capital was thrown into turmoil.

Lu Xusheng was overseeing the preparations for a martial competition at the suburban training grounds. The shadow guards immediately rushed to the military camp to inform him of the situation.

Lu Xusheng was surrounded by a group of generals who had followed his father on campaigns to the south and north. Upon hearing this, they were all furious.

"What scum dares to covet Young Madam!"

A fierce general slammed his fist on the sand table and glared with fury, "Young General, just give the word, and I will go kill that despicable villain!"

The generals were more incensed than Lu Xusheng himself.

"If the Prince of Nan'an dares to come to the Great Jin Dynasty, he's practically asking to die. Young General, let's just take care of him once and for all!"

Lu Xusheng listened quietly and slowly took the handkerchief his deputy offered to clean his hands.

"Don't be impatient, I'll return to the city first."

As everyone watched Lu Xusheng calmly walk out, they were confused.

"Young General, where are you going? Should we accompany you?"

Knowing Lu Xusheng's temperament, he definitely wouldn't tolerate this. Everyone suspected he was going to settle it privately and intended to go help.

Unexpectedly, as Lu Xusheng walked out, he waved his hand.

"Don't be anxious, I'll go and comfort my wife first."

Such a big commotion must have reached Young Madam's ears by now, and he couldn't let her be upset.

In his previous life, he never kept Young Madam informed about external matters, which caused her to lose all trust in him. But now, his wife comes first.