Chapter 142 Treacherous Words

Chapter 142: Rebellious Utterance

She'd rather die than love me.

Cai Shan was quite surprised. He hadn’t expected His Majesty to think of going out alone during such a splendid First Snow Banquet. He immediately responded with a "Right away" and stepped forward to follow, only to be scolded back after just a few steps.

Even he wasn’t allowed to accompany him—clearly, His Majesty’s mind was made up.

Not daring to insist further, Cai Shan could only instruct a few imperial attendants to follow at a distance, ensuring His Majesty wouldn’t notice, as a precaution.

At any banquet, the emperor was the most important figure, and this First Snow Banquet was especially meticulously arranged by the Empress.

First, to let everyone know she was about to regain control of the harem, and second, to show the consorts that she now held the foremost place in His Majesty’s heart.

Who would have thought that His Majesty had not explicitly mentioned transferring palace authority earlier, and now he had even risen to leave, leaving her alone to host the event.

This would inevitably invite gossip—perhaps His Majesty did not dote on the Empress as much as imagined. Otherwise, why would he leave her, just recovered from her injuries, to preside over such an occasion alone?

Somehow, she had a premonition that she couldn’t let His Majesty leave. Steeling herself, she stood and hurried after him, calling softly, "Your Majesty—"

Shen Huai’s steps indeed paused, and he turned to look back.

Seeing His Majesty turn, the Empress felt a flicker of joy, her face showing a delicate, pallid complexion as she covered her mouth and coughed twice. "The weather is freezing cold outside, and snow is falling. The First Snow Banquet has only just begun—why does Your Majesty suddenly wish to leave?"

She offered a gentle, albeit weak, smile. "Did my arrangements displease you?"

Shen Huai looked at the Empress. Her face was full of concern, her body frail and still suffering from the illness she had incurred while saving him. Fresh waves of guilt and tenderness rose in his heart.

This was supposed to be a joyous occasion, yet he was leaving to take solitary walks—such behavior was indeed improper. His departure would inevitably affect how the consorts viewed the Empress. His irritation faded somewhat.

Just as he was about to speak, his gaze inadvertently drifted to the wide-open door beside him.

In that small vista, the bright moon hung high.

Snow fell at night, and red plum blossoms bloomed—a truly breathtaking sight.

Suddenly, he remembered last year’s first snow, when he had seen Su Jiaojiao nearby, holding a plum branch, her laughter like music.

Her eyes were captivating as she offered him a red plum blossom to enhance the scenery.

The recollection of her gentle warmth in his arms left him yearning.

Shen Huai recalled that Su Jiaojiao also loved admiring plum blossoms in the snow.

The hesitation born of guilt was instantly replaced by thoughts of her, and his desire to leave only grew stronger.

He spoke gently, "I’m just going out briefly and will return soon. Don’t trouble yourself, Empress."

"Rather, it is the Empress whose health is delicate. Be careful not to get chilled."

With that, he casually pointed to Yu He beside the Empress and said coolly, "Help the Empress back to her seat and attend to her carefully."

"No one follow me."

As soon as the words left his lips, Shen Huai departed through the side door of Liangyi Hall without a backward glance, leaving the Empress standing there, her smile faltering.

Watching His Majesty’s retreating figure, the Empress’s heart dropped, and she tightened her grip on Yu He’s supporting arm.

After a few breaths, her voice remained steady despite her inner turmoil as she composed herself, her smile returning as she took her seat on the Phoenix Throne. Calmly, she announced, "His Majesty has gone to admire the snow and plum blossoms. He will return shortly. Ladies, please continue enjoying the banquet."

Yu He refilled the Empress’s tea at her side, hesitating in a low voice, "Your Majesty... why would the Emperor..."

The Empress remained composed, though a hint of coldness flickered in her eyes. "The Emperor’s mind has always been inscrutable. But no matter what, I must maintain my composure."

Shen Huai left without taking a lantern—not because he forgot, but because he didn’t want to.

Tonight, it was better to stay lost in thought.

The path from Liangyi Hall to the plum grove was dark and slippery, each step sinking into the snow with a soft crunch.

Truth be told, he couldn’t even explain his own insistence on coming out.

At first, it was to clear his mind, his chest tight with unease. But after recalling Su Jiaojiao, it turned into an obsession.

A stubborn, inexplicable yearning lodged in his chest, as if coming here would surely lead him to her.

Yet seeing her should have been effortless.

Desire clouds reason.

Shen Huai had once scoffed at love, not just out of disbelief but also as a warning to himself.

But now, he was the one who had fallen headlong into it.

Once past the gates of Liangyi Hall, free of the palace walls’ confines, the world before him brightened.

A vast expanse of red plum blossoms bathed in moonlight, mingling with the snow, their fragrance faint, their shadows delicate. The snow-covered ground shimmered silver, turning the grove into something out of a dream.

He stepped forward, parting the thick plum branches, and then—his breath hitched.

Under the plum tree, amid the swirling snow, Su Jiaojiao stood sideways to him, a palace lantern in one hand, a plum branch lifted to her face in the other, tilting her head slightly to inhale its scent.

Her fine features were bathed in pale moonlight, lashes lightly dusted with snowflakes.

Quietly radiant.

Shen Huai froze, gazing at her intently, as if even a whisper might scare her off. Such beauty was beyond words.

Su Jiaojiao always showed him a new side of herself.

After a long moment, she released the branch and turned to look at him.

Shen Huai’s throat tightened, a sudden sense of being caught red-handed washing over him.

Before he could speak, he noticed Su Jiaojiao’s expression was utterly indifferent, as if his presence meant little to her. She merely curtsied with the lantern in hand, her voice cool and detached. "Your servant greets Your Majesty."

Cold and proper, as if they were strangers.

The moment shattered. Her deliberate aloofness needled him.

He called her name through clenched teeth, almost bitterly. "Su Jiaojiao—"

After days of this chill between them, Shen Huai hadn’t stopped missing her.

On the contrary, he ached for her, every day.

Yet precisely because of that, knowing Su Jiaojiao’s feelings weren’t real only made him hate himself more.

Though there were countless words he wished to say and questions he longed to demand, the mere thought that she did not love him nor held him in her heart rendered all inquiries utterly ridiculous.

Shen Huai was a man of immense pride, unwilling to lower himself for unrequited love.

Yet Su Jiaojiao merely stood before him in silence, her voice cool as she spoke, "Did Your Majesty summon me for urgent business?"

"I am unwell and should not linger in the cold wind. If there is nothing else, I shall take my leave."

She had barely finished speaking when Shen Huai's expression darkened.

Su Jiaojiao had no desire to endure his mood any longer. She turned, lantern in hand, preparing to depart.

Tonight was the First Snow Banquet—why had the emperor abandoned the Empress in the Liangyi Hall to wander the plum grove for no reason?

Surely it wasn’t the scenery that reminded him of her.

What a needless disturbance.

She bowed slightly and turned to leave, but before she could take a single step, a hand seized her.

His grip locked around her waist, leaving her no room to struggle. Her back slammed against the icy tree trunk, and the lantern slipped from her fingers, clattering to the ground.

Su Jiaojiao’s chin was seized by the emperor, forcing her to look up at him.

Shen Huai’s expression twisted with frenzy, his arms trapping her tightly against him as he demanded, "Su Jiaojiao, do you truly have no heart?"

"What am I lacking? What have I failed to give you? Why won’t you love me?"

Every shred of his restraint had been shattered by her indifference and rejection. His eyes burned with possessive rage. "How dare you ignore me all these days?"

"Your Majesty, you’re hurting me," Su Jiaojiao said coldly through clenched teeth, her gaze unflinching.

Never had she imagined that the aloof, self-possessed emperor—the man she had once believed to be cold and detached—could reveal such a side.

His eyes burned, as if to consume her.

"Hurt? Su Jiaojiao, you know what pain is?" Shen Huai tightened his grip, his voice a cold sneer. "A woman as ruthless and unfeeling as you, who cares only for power and status—how could you possibly understand pain?"

"Why wouldn’t I?"

"I am human. I bleed, I feel—how could I not know pain? Every living thing under heaven, even the stray cats and dogs by the roadside, knows pain! The weak think only of growing stronger, of securing a better life. Only the strong have the luxury of indulging in romance."

"Didn’t you once insist we address each other as equals? Back then, I didn’t dare. I could only see you as the emperor—that’s why I called myself Jiaojiao and addressed you as ‘Your Majesty.’ Do you know why?"

"Because you are the Son of Heaven! Everything I have is granted by you. I am nothing but your possession, one among your many consorts. My entire life rests in your hands—you decide whether I live or die with a single word. The harem holds over forty consorts, and if you wished, thousands of beauties across the empire could be yours. I am just one insignificant woman among them. How could I dare covet the fleeting love of an emperor with countless concubines?"

"Men always crave novelty. To you, beauty is never in short supply. Wasn’t Consort Lian, gentle and lovely, left to waste away for loving the late emperor? If I, like her, were to lose myself in fleeting favor, my fate would be just as tragic."

"Do you think I have no heart? I can’t afford to lose! I can’t gamble! I refuse to stake my heart on an emperor who rules over three palaces and six courts! Consort Mi and Consort Yu loved you desperately—yet what did they gain in the end? You are the Son of Heaven, master of all under heaven. Why would you need my heart?"

Her gaze locked onto his, the resentment and disappointment she’d buried for so long finally erupting. "So when you say ‘I,’ it is permitted. When I say ‘I,’ it is forbidden."

She let out a cold laugh, though her eyes shimmered with unshed tears.

Her slender neck looked fragile in his grip. Closing her eyes, she whispered, "Surely Your Majesty has long tired of me. Even without today’s defiance, I would have died forgotten in the depths of the palace. At least now I’ve spoken my mind. Just give me a quick death."

The words poured into Shen Huai’s ears, but he scarcely had time to process them—only the last sentence struck him, his grip trembling imperceptibly.

His eyes reddened as he stared at her in disbelief. "You would rather die."

Than love me...?

Abruptly, he released her, his laughter self-mocking, yet his gaze was ice. "Su Jiaojiao, I will not let you die."

"I will make you watch as everything I once gave you is bestowed upon another—without a shred left for you."