Chapter 23 Crossing the Line

Chapter 23: Crossing the Line

Before they knew it, Christmas had arrived.

The children's area at He'an Hospital was the first to be decorated, right next to the indoor playground's soft play zone. Last year's Christmas tree was brought out again as usual, adorned with lights and colorful ornaments, with cheerful holiday music playing nonstop. Beneath the tree, a thick layer of peace apples wrapped in gift boxes was laid out.

During the day, Chu Yan stayed by Chi Suiyong's side in the consultation room, not joining the festivities in the children's area. When bored, he would lean by the window and watch the shops across the street bustling with decorations for the coming night.

He asked Yong Yong what holiday it was.

In his spare time, Chi Suiyong explained to him and told him that at midnight, he should place a sock under his pillow, and then Santa Claus would ride his airborne sleigh to the window and put carefully prepared gifts into the sock.

"Sleigh? But what if it doesn't snow?"

The weather forecast had said it would snow on Christmas Eve. Outside, the sky was dark and overcast, which seemed to suggest it might.

Chi Suiyong glanced out the window. "Even if it doesn't, it's fine. Just make sure you have your sock ready."

Chu Yan suddenly grew serious, looking like a little adult. "Who actually believes in this stuff? And putting gifts in a sock—isn't that weird?"

Chi Suiyong realized that Chu Yan wasn't as easy to placate these days.

Sometimes, the things he said and the expressions he made were like slides from two different times superimposed—one moment, a mature stance Chi Suiyong didn't recognize; the next, the clingy big cat he knew so well.

Still, Chi Suiyong had also noticed that in Chu Yan's subjective view, he resisted anything whimsical or romantic—like this old man who liked stuffing gifts into socks. He didn't believe he could actually fly in the sky.

After the clinic closed, Chi Suiyong packed up and said, "Come on, let's go to the children's play area to pick up some peace apples. They've arranged dinner and a show there. Do you want to hang out for a bit?"

"Yong Yong, do you want to go?"

"I'm okay either way. Mainly, I want to keep you company."

"Then let's not go."

"Huh?"

"Last night, we watched that movie, and Yong Yong said it was a trilogy. If we go back too late, we won't be able to finish it."

Chi Suiyong leaned over the railing and glanced at the children's play area. The liveliness there indeed failed to spark any light in Chu Yan's eyes.

"Alright then. We won't go to the cafeteria today either. Let's order delivery. What do you want to eat?"

"Big Mac burger and coke."

"Fine, but don't complain to me after you're discharged, okay?"

Chu Yan tilted his head. "Yong Yong buys me good food. Why would I complain?"

From the very first day he took over Chu Yan's care, Chi Suiyong had had the pleasure of seeing Chu Yan's great physique. After more than two months in the hospital, Chu Yan's activities were limited to walking around the hospital grounds. Not only did he lack exercise, but his diet was also completely indulgent. Chi Suiyong was tempted to lift his shirt and see if the muscle lines on Chu Yan's waist and abdomen were still as clear as when he was first admitted.

Chi Suiyong let his gaze sweep across Chu Yan's waist. "Nothing. I'll indulge with you too—high-calorie food."

The next day was the weekend. Since they had already agreed not to go home for Christmas, Chi Suiyong thought he might as well pull an all-nighter and finish the rest of the trilogy. Then, after Chu Yan fell asleep, he would slip the prepared gift under his pillow, and the holiday would be taken care of.

Chi Suiyong didn't know why he used the word "taken care of." Maybe it was out of habit.

But given his current state of mind, it didn't seem to fit.

It could be said that in all his years at He'an Hospital, Chi Suiyong had become like a frog in slowly warming water. He had shed the enthusiasm of his youth for everything, lost his curiosity about the outside world and the people beyond his immediate view, and confined his entire life within this small space.

Sometimes he had to admit that being in a hospital, watching the joys and sorrows of others, was a lonely affair.

This loneliness, however, was temporarily set aside with Chu Yan's arrival.

It only takes three weeks—twenty-one days—to form a habit.

He roughly counted: the days Chu Yan had been by his side were more than enough to form a habit, and then some.

And as a companion who was utterly devoted to him, Chu Yan was perfectly flawless.

In those days when he had been the frog in warming water, there were moments when his dreams stirred. Based on past experiences, he fabricated another form of life he wanted in his bland existence.

Of course, because there was no specific person or specific relationship, those things were all floating in the air—just a wish, a comfort for his inability to escape the present predicament.

Chi Suiyong followed behind Chu Yan, walking through the familiar long corridors of the hospital, even the scratches at the corners he had seen countless times, matching the years of his previous stagnant life. But now, with this companionship, those familiar details—annoying as they once were—took on new vividness.

In short, Chu Yan's arrival had caught those floating fabrications he had once created.

People are always greedy—take one step and want to go further; get something and want it forever. Chi Suiyong suppressed his greed, fought with his conscience, and tried to correct his sense of entitlement.

He knew that Chu Yan was not his, but at least he was now.

It was this indulgent thought that made him fail to hold himself back at the critical moment.

Yesterday, he and Chu Yan watched a very old movie—one about national sentiments and the helplessness of small figures. At first, Chi Suiyong thought Chu Yan wouldn't be able to get into it, but today, his eagerness to see the sequel surprised him.

When the second movie ended, Chi Suiyong asked him, "For this protagonist, do you think this ending is good or bad for him?"

Chu Yan shook the empty coke cup in his hand, hearing only the clatter of ice cubes. "It doesn't matter what kind of ending he gets. What matters is that because of his substitute, the army's morale was stabilized, and the city was defended. It's just that..."

"Just what?"

Chu Yan sucked the last bit of coke through the straw. "He was just a nobody. Because he looked like the general, he was pulled in temporarily to be a stand-in. Slowly, he really started to believe he was the general. In short, he failed to hold his own heart."

Chu Yan said this very seriously. "Everyone knows it's fake. He was fooling himself. In the end, there's bound to be a letdown."

When he finished, all of Chi Suiyong's inner caution and warnings surfaced.

Chu Yan turned to look at him. "Yong Yong, didn't you say there's a trilogy? I want to watch more."

Some people had already jumped out of the current story, looking forward to a new chapter, while others were still stuck at the ending, unwilling to let go.

And they still had to distinguish right from wrong. "But he was forced too. If those people hadn't needed him, he could have gone on living his day-to-day life. They lifted him high, let him taste the taste of power, and then, when they no longer needed him, they threw him away harshly. What did he do wrong?"

"Yong Yong..." Chu Yan seemed a little frightened by his seriousness. "I didn't say he was wrong."

What was he justifying? Was he defending the stand-in or himself?

Chi Suiyong's eyes dimmed as he looked down. "Yeah, no one is obligated to be responsible for someone else's thoughts."

Chu Yan cautiously moved closer. "Yong Yong, did I say something wrong that made you unhappy?"

Chi Suiyong moved his stiff face. "No, don't overthink it." He didn't know what was wrong with him—a sense of urgency, like a sword hanging over his head, had shattered his composure and clarity.

Just then, a phone rang, breaking the tension. Chi Suiyong glanced at the screen. It was Jiang Meng, a nurse from the pediatric clinic.

Chi Suiyong swiped to answer. "What's up, Nurse Jiang?"

"Dr. Chi, don't stay cooped up inside—it's snowing, you know! Huge flakes—come out and see."

The phone wasn't on speaker, but Jiang Meng's voice was loud enough for Chu Yan, who was nearby, to hear.

"I'm not going to keep talking to you—I still need to notify the others!" With that, Jiang Meng hung up briskly.

Chu Yan stood up, walked to the window, and pulled back the large curtain all the way. The room, which had been darkened to watch the movie, was instantly filled with the colorful lights of the night.

The Christmas Eve lights slipped into the routine life like a ripple, while the snow just beginning to fall from the sky heralded a new season, pushing aside the stale scenery.

Chu Yan pushed open the window sash. The snowy wind outside met the warm air from the high-floor ward, creating a draft that swept fine, white snowflakes into the room.

Chu Yan stood by the window, the pure snow light casting on his face. His hand, slender and jade-like, chased and played with the snowflakes, as if out of thin air, stubbornly forcing its way into Chi Suiyong's line of sight.

Just like that day outside the ward, when Chi Suiyong was reluctantly drawn to Chu Yan, then relentlessly captured by him, pushed into a situation of uncertain life and death.

So, the unease he had felt from the very beginning had not been baseless.

It was his own soft-heartedness that allowed the other to barge in.

Chi Suiyong squinted, adjusting his slightly nearsighted eyes to see clearly, and Chu Yan's figure became ever clearer.

At first, he felt numb, as if filling a long-standing, unhealed void. He gazed at Chu Yan with a dull, wooden stare, using that stare to confirm and validate this surging, terrifying emotion.

Chu Yan laughed, pulling his snow-laden hand back from outside. "Yong Yong, look, I caught some."

A heavy weight dropped—something else had been caught along with it.

The instigator, however, wore an innocent look and broke into a delighted smile.

All the 'rational' cells in Chi Suiyong's body mobilized, hunting down the ever-swelling, multiplying desires.

But in the end, it was his reason that was cornered and overwhelmed.

Using the last shred of rationality, Chi Suiyong first forced himself to close the window where Chu Yan stood.

Chu Yan frowned slightly. "Yong Yong, I want to watch for a little longer."

That face was naturally soft and endearing; even if he said nothing, a slight frown made it seem like everyone else was to blame. Chi Suiyong felt he was the most unjustly ensnared, yet powerless to do anything.

His heart had crossed the forbidden line; he had already scolded himself for it. But he wasn't clear-headed enough, allowing the sweetness in his heart to turn from honey into poison.

Now, with no immunity, he was vulnerable to any toxin.

Chi Suiyong mentally replayed the biggest pitfall—how he had fallen into it, and how he finally climbed out.

Ah, he remembered now—that man had always been wavering, his eyes wandering toward an uncertain future, unable to give a definitive answer even for the present. Someone like that shouldn't have forced his way into his world.

Nor should Chu Yan!