Chapter 69

Chapter 69

When Xie Zhiyu left in the horse-drawn carriage, the elders of the Shen family all breathed a collective sigh of relief.

It was already dark, and the stars had come out, blanketing the sky.

That night, Shen Lin kept tossing and turning, couldn't fall asleep.

Now that his Sixth Brother knew about his situation, he actually felt a little relieved.

The fact that he had fallen in love with a man had made Shen Lin both happy and miserable.

Just thinking about him made him happy; he longed to see him, and when he couldn't, he missed him terribly.

But what was the other person thinking? Shen Lin couldn't help but wonder—would he think Shen Lin was weird? Would he want to avoid him because of these feelings?

That person kindly saved you, and yet you went and fell in love with him. If he were a woman or a "ge'er" (a man who can bear children), it would be one thing—but being a man, and falling in love with the man who saved him.

If he could keep these feelings buried, fine. But if he couldn't... he'd just be causing trouble for the other guy.

Shen Lin couldn't sleep.

He wasn't the least bit sleepy.

He felt like he was drowning in guilt and feelings that were growing out of control.

He felt like something on both sides was tearing him apart.

He was about to be torn in half.

Shen Lin quietly slipped out of bed.

Yi'an and Erkang were fast asleep. Shen Jue stirred, and asked in a sleepy voice why he was still up.

Shen Lin said he needed to go to the outhouse.

All he got in response was the sound of deep breathing from the others, already back asleep.

Shen Lin laid out a straw mat on the ground in the courtyard. It hadn't rained in a while, so the ground was dry.

He lay on the mat, hands resting on his stomach, his eyes fixed on the starry river above, watching the stars twinkle one by one.

As he watched, Shen Lin wondered if that shadow guard was around somewhere.

Hidden in the shadows where he couldn't see, watching him.

Shen Lin's face felt hot. He thought about how his Sixth Brother would mumble Zhao Geer's name in his dreams at night, but he didn't even know the other guy's name. He couldn't even whisper a name to himself to soothe his longing.

"What's your name?"

Shen Lin asked without realizing it.

"Want to know whose name?"

The sudden voice made Shen Lin's heart jump. He immediately tried to sit up, but a hand pressed his shoulder back down, so he had no choice but to stay lying on his back.

When he saw the familiar eyes and brows of the person holding him down, Shen Lin's heart wouldn't stop racing.

He meant to ask why the other guy had shown up, but his mouth betrayed him and said, "I want to know your name."

"Zhao Feiyin."

Shen Lin didn't process it at first.

He turned the name over in his mind twice, a little confused. "What is Zhao Feiyi to you?"

"My older brother."

Shen Lin's eyes went wide. He hadn't expected that kind of connection.

What he really hadn't expected was that Zhao Feiyin would ask him, "Shen Lin, you've taken a liking to me?"

Shen Lin was completely flustered. Once he processed what Zhao Feiyin had said, his mind went completely blank and he couldn't speak.

He stared at Zhao Feiyin, eyes fixed on him, didn't even know where to start explaining.

"Speak, Shen Lin."

Shen Lin opened his mouth, unable to stop wondering what Zhao Feiyin meant. His voice was super tense. "How do you know?"

Zhao Feiyin let out a soft laugh. "I heard you and Shen Jue talking in the room. Shadow guards have sharp hearing."

Shen Lin never imagined that the feelings he'd hidden for so long would be found out by the other guy.

He'd planned to take it to his grave, never wanting to cause the other person any trouble.

But he never expected...

Just as Shen Lin was drowning in guilt and self-loathing, Zhao Feiyin pulled off his mask.

Shen Lin saw a face that was the spitting image of Zhao Feiyi's.

A face completely different from the one he'd seen in the daytime.

Shen Lin was so shocked he forgot to react.

That face kept getting closer and closer, until a soft warmth touched his forehead.

Shen Lin forgot to breathe.

Shen Song stood in the doorway of the main hall, eyes wide, mouth hanging slightly open, watching the two of them pressed together in the moonlight.

Zhao Feiyin knew someone was there but didn't give a damn.

Instead, he said to Shen Lin, who still hadn't processed what was happening, "I've had my eye on you for a long time. You just never noticed. Now that I've confirmed you feel the same, I don't want to hold back anymore."

Years as a shadow guard had made Zhao Feiyin like to get things done fast.

Not knowing Shen Lin's feelings before was one thing. But now that he knew, there was no way he was going to wait.

Shen Lin's eyes went even wider.

His heart was pounding nonstop.

Shen Song, standing at the door of the main hall, felt his breathing slow. It was the first time he'd ever seen anything like this, and he had no idea how to react.

Zhao Feiyin was completely charmed by Shen Lin's red face, racing heart, and the way he shyly pressed his lips together. This time he went straight for Shen Lin's lips, a smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth. "May I kiss you?"

Shen Lin's head buzzed, and his face burned even hotter.

Summoning courage from who knows where, he straightened his back, lifted his head, and kissed him.

Shen Song's breath caught, his eyes wide as saucers. He stood frozen like a little wooden figure at the doorway, staring at the two people kissing in the yard.

Oh... oh wow.

Zhao Feiyin let out a soft laugh and tilted his chin up. "Your little brother is watching. I'll come find you tomorrow at midnight."

Shen Lin had no idea how to react. He barely registered something about his brother and a visit tomorrow, his mind spinning and his heart pounding, so he just nodded on instinct.

Zhao Feiyin put on his mask and quickly left the Shen family courtyard.

Shen Lin lay on the straw mat, covering his eyes with his arm, trying to calm down.

Shen Song shuffled over and sat down next to Shen Lin.

He had gotten up to use the latrine, never expecting to walk in on that.

"Seventh Brother..."

Hearing Shen Song's voice, Shen Lin finally processed what Zhao Feiyin had said earlier. His whole body froze up—Xiao Song had seen it?

When Shen Lin didn't respond, Shen Song gently poked him in the side with his finger.

When poked, Shen Lin's face still burned hot. His Adam's apple bobbed. "Mm..."

Shen Song blinked, asking curiously, "Seventh Brother, what does mouth-to-mouth feel like? Is it uncomfortable? You don't look so good."

Shen Lin had initially been flustered by how blunt and pushy Zhao Feiyin was, but now he was purely embarrassed about kissing a man in front of his little brother and not knowing how to face him.

Hearing Shen Song's question, Shen Lin had even less of an idea what to say.

His mind was a mess, and after thinking for a while, he finally said, "It's not that Seventh Brother feels bad."

Then he warned Shen Song, sounding very worried, "Xiao Ba, don't go experimenting with anyone out of curiosity, you hear me?"

Shen Song blinked, not nodding or shaking his head, his eyes full of curiosity.

Shen Lin was so alarmed he sat up straight and said seriously, "A guy can't do this. You can only do it with the husband you've pledged to marry."

Shen Song remembered his mother had said something similar before, so he asked Shen Lin, "Then how come you can, Seventh Brother?"

Seeing Shen Song's curiosity growing stronger, Shen Lin took a deep breath. Forgetting his embarrassment, he said outright, "Seventh Brother is a man—no matter what happens, there won't be a baby in his belly."

"If a guy does this, he'll have a baby?" Shen Song was quite surprised.

The place he'd lived before grew babies in gestation pods. Though he knew babies were now born from the womb, he had no idea how babies were made.

He only knew that marriage meant having children—his mother had said so.

Shen Lin naturally knew how it worked, but afraid Shen Song's curiosity would get the better of him, he could only nod. "That's right. If a guy does this with a man, there'll be a baby in his belly. Xiao Ba, aren't you afraid of that? So don't ever try it."

Shen Song was scared, nodding hastily. "I—I definitely won't do it."

Shen Lin finally got the answer he wanted from his brother and let out a huge sigh of relief.

But Shen Song's next words made Shen Lin's heart lurch again.

"But Seventh Brother, why were you kissing Zhao Feiyin? He also touched your forehead with his mouth earlier."

"You know his name?" Shen Lin asked.

Shen Song pointed at his ear. "I heard him say it. My hearing's better than his."

Shen Lin nodded slowly, using the question to buy himself a little time to come up with an answer.

"Because I like him, I guess."

Shen Song silently noted to himself: liking someone means you can kiss.

Then he asked curiously, "And how did Seventh Brother figure out he liked him?"

Shen Lin said, a little shy, "I can't stop thinking about him every day. He makes me happy, and he makes me sad. When we're close, my heart races, my face gets hot, and my body shakes without me being able to stop it. I can't stop wanting to see him, want to be near him, and I often dream about him..."

Shen Lin's voice got softer and softer as he spoke, and he got more and more embarrassed.

"Oh, yeah." Shen Lin remembered something he needed to warn Shen Song about. "This kind of thing can only be done when two people like each other and both want to. If even one of those conditions isn't met, that's messed up, and it deserves a beating. Xiao Ba, you need to be careful about this in the future. Never let yourself be taken advantage of—don't hesitate to fight back, understand?"

Shen Lin was genuinely afraid his own actions might give Shen Song the wrong idea, so he warned him over and over.

Shen Song hadn't expected there to be so many rules about kissing. He nodded, saying he'd remember.

After the brothers finished talking, they sat on the straw mat and looked up at the stars for a bit.

The Milky Way was bright and beautiful. But Shen Song suddenly missed Xie Zhiyu so much, wondering if Xie Zhiyu was asleep right now.

Shen Song didn't think for long—he couldn't hold it in anymore and rushed off to the latrine.

When he came back, Shen Lin had already gone inside, having slipped away super fast.

The next morning, Shen Lin secretly pulled Shen Song aside and asked him not to tell anyone else in the family for now, saying he'd find the right time later to talk about his relationship with Zhao Feiyin.

Though Shen Song didn't understand why liking someone had to be kept secret, he still nodded and agreed to keep it a secret for his seventh brother.

The next day, when Shen Song went to Xie Zhiyu's place, he couldn't stop staring at Xie Zhiyu.

He didn't know what was wrong with him. His mind was stuck on the image of his seventh brother and Zhao Feiyin kissing in the moonlight last night, and his gaze seemed to have a mind of its own, glued to Xie Zhiyu.

When Xie Zhiyu moved, his eyes followed.

When Xie Zhiyu went to grab something, Shen Song stood up and followed, like he had a built-in GPS.

He was only happy when he was pressed up against Xie Zhiyu.

Xie Zhiyu was walking when he suddenly stopped, a smirk curling at the corner of his mouth as he turned around. Shen Song couldn't stop in time and ran straight into him.

Looking down at Shen Song who had bumped into his arms, Xie Zhiyu raised an eyebrow and said, all fake-serious, "What are you doing throwing yourself into my arms like that? A guy shouldn't do such things—don't you know that?"

Xie Zhiyu was still sore about Shen Song keeping his distance from him before.

Now he could finally get a few things off his chest.

Shen Song bumped into Xie Zhiyu's arms but didn't pull away. Instead, he just stayed pressed against him.

And rubbed his cheek against Xie Zhiyu's chest.

Mmm—that feels so good.

Shen Song pressed up against Xie Zhiyu, not wanting to let go.

Xie Zhiyu, on the other hand, had red ears, a red neck, and a suspicious flush across his face—he was completely flushed.

"Shen Song, you... let go of me first."

Shen Song said no.

Xie Zhiyu stood there stiffly, wanting to pull him close but too scared to move, afraid that if he moved even a little, Shen Song would bolt again.

But with Shen Song pressed so close against his chest, his soft cheek rubbing against him, making his heart itch.

He couldn't take it.

Xie Zhiyu could feel the heat on his face and ears—he was probably beet red by now.

Luckily, Shen Song kept his head down since he didn't want to leave.

Shen Song hugged him for a long time, only letting go because his stomach was growling and he needed food.

Once Shen Song turned away, Xie Zhiyu pressed a hand to his chest. His heart was pounding—had Shen Song heard it?

After they ate, Shen Song noticed Xie Zhiyu painting.

A few strokes, and a misty mountain landscape appeared on the silk.

Shen Song's eyes went wide in amazement.

"Wow—Xie Zhiyu, you're incredible!"

Xie Zhiyu fought back a smile. Of course he was amazing.

He'd always been a quick study since he was a kid.

The only time he'd ever failed was when he confessed by jumping off a cliff and got rejected.

But now, if he confessed again, that little idiot would definitely say yes.

Good thing he hadn't given up after getting rejected.

Xie Zhiyu figured that this time, he needed to make Shen Song realize his feelings were special and get him to say "I love you" first.

Half a month later, Qi Yuanjing came back to check Xie Zhiyu's pulse and see how the gu worm was doing. Shen Song was there too.

Watching them together, he realized his friend seemed to have entered a full-on mating dance phase.

Every day he dressed flashier, and every move was deliberately calculated. All of it was to show off his best angles, whether for his face or his body.

Even the curve of his lips when he talked was carefully managed.

On top of that, he'd started talking all fancy, dropping a poem every few sentences. It made Qi Yuanjing's teeth hurt just listening.

But Shen Song didn't get the poems—he was just captivated by how pretty the lines sounded, praising Xie Zhiyu's brilliance nonstop, looking at him with that adoring "how are you so amazing" look, which secretly thrilled Xie Zhiyu like crazy.

Qi Yuanjing had originally planned to use this visit to chill with Xie Zhiyu and Shen Song.

He'd been busy lately, buried in old books with his master, researching smallpox, with zero free time.

But he'd walked right into Xie Zhiyu's weird phase.

After Xie Zhiyu casually but constantly showed off his archery, martial arts, tea ceremony, flower arranging, and pitch-pot tossing—with Shen Song's eyes going wide and him endlessly gushing about how amazing Xie Zhiyu was—Qi Yuanjing couldn't take it anymore. He went back to studying smallpox, staring at dense diagrams of the virus.

Shen Song had known that Xie Zhiyu was talented in both academics and martial arts.

But he hadn't known that Xie Zhiyu, while being good at everything, was also amazing at each thing.

He didn't get some of it, like the tea ceremony or flower arranging. But he still thought it was incredible—painting on tea, drawing so well in just a few strokes.

He couldn't even draw that well on paper himself.

Different flowers and leaves arranged together could create a unique kind of beauty. Shen Song didn't know the logic behind it, but that didn't stop him from liking it.

After being here for over two years, Shen Song's understanding of the new planet had deepened a lot, and his sense of aesthetics had changed too.

He now saw things through the lens of modern aesthetics.

Shen Song could appreciate it, but he couldn't do it himself.

Xie Zhiyu figured Shen Song must really like him.

For qin, chess, calligraphy, painting, poetry, horseback riding, archery, swordsmanship, tea ceremony, flower arranging, incense making, and puppet carving—Shen Song found them all impressive and praised him nonstop, and Xie Zhiyu agreed that he was indeed impressive.

But when Xie Zhiyu mounted scrolls, fixed damaged paintings, polished arrowheads, and cared for sword blades, Shen Song also praised him for being amazing.

Xie Zhiyu realized that maybe no matter what he did, as long as he was the one doing it, Shen Song would think he was incredible.

This thought made Xie Zhiyu so happy he couldn't sleep a wink all night.

Probably soon, Shen Song would tell him he liked him.

Since he hadn't slept all night, Xie Zhiyu woke up to find his complexion a bit rough.

This was exactly the time when Shen Song was falling for him—Xie Zhiyu absolutely couldn't show any flaw in front of him.

He called for a maid to apply ointment and pearl powder, and soon the faint dark circles under his eyes were hidden.

Xie Zhiyu picked a red outfit to wear, which made him look even more radiant.

While picking out accessories, Xie Zhiyu looked at the earrings and touched his earlobe.

The capital prized beauty, and young noble men, women, and gē'ér all loved wearing earrings. After thirty, to look more dignified, men would grow beards and stop wearing earrings, though they'd still tuck flowers into their hair at the temples.

Xie Zhiyu looked at the earrings and thought about it—he hadn't worn any since coming to Yunxi County.

He'd wear a pair today, then.

Shen Song arrived at Xie Manor in a great mood, bouncing his way to the study.

Lately everything at home had been going well. Every day after delivering veggies, he could spend a long time with Xie Zhiyu, and his heart felt full.

No worries every day, just pure happiness.

He entered the study, went past the screen, and saw Xie Zhiyu painting at the desk.

Shen Song, as usual, moved closer, wanting to be right next to Xie Zhiyu.

He looked down at the painting—it was nearly done.

Xie Zhiyu was painting flowers, and the scene looked quite familiar. Shen Song stared at the blooming purple flowers hanging in the painting, his eyes going wide without him meaning to. "So pretty—is this the wisteria in full bloom I've never gotten to see?"

Xie Zhiyu hummed in agreement. "That way, you don't have to wait till next year to see it."

Shen Song smiled, eyes shining as he stared at the dreamy wisteria in the painting. He turned to Xie Zhiyu. "Let's look at it together..."

His voice trailed off. Shen Song just stared at Xie Zhiyu, dazed.

For some reason, Xie Zhiyu looked even better today.

What was that on his ears? Rubies? Shen Song didn't know what they were, but he thought they looked great on Xie Zhiyu.

He couldn't put into words how good-looking he was.

Shen Song couldn't look away. When he met Xie Zhiyu's eyes, he couldn't tell what was in them—he just knew that look made his heart pound faster and faster.

Xie Zhiyu found Shen Song's dazed look funny, a slight smile tugging at his lips. Shen Song blinked, totally mesmerized.

"So pretty."

"What?" Xie Zhiyu blinked, a little confused.

Shen Song looked at Xie Zhiyu, round eyes bright and earnest, and said it again, totally sincere, "Xie Zhiyu, you're so pretty."

Xie Zhiyu looked down, secretly happy. At least his looks were good for something—they could catch Shen Song, who didn't care about money or power, just food.

Right then, Shen Song pressed a hand to his chest, frowning a little. "My heart's beating too fast."

Xie Zhiyu asked him, "Why?"

"It's heart palpitations acting up."

"And what set it off?"

"It started going faster after I saw you, and now I can't control it." Shen Song thought about the trigger and concluded, "It's beating hard because of you."

Xie Zhiyu leaned in a little, his eyes moving from Shen Song's eyes down to his lips, stopping there for a second, then asking softly, "Because you think I'm pretty?"

Shen Song glanced at Xie Zhiyu's ears. With the earrings, Xie Zhiyu looked even more refined and elegant than usual, and Shen Song's heart beat even faster.

He said, "Yeah. Pretty."

The second the words came out, before Shen Song could react, he felt something soft press against his lips. On top of Xie Zhiyu's usual pine scent, there was now a hint of something sweet.

Shen Song's brain went blank for a second. He didn't react.

When Xie Zhiyu's hand pressed the back of his head, Shen Song finally figured out what they were doing.

His heart pounded harder than ever. Shen Song swallowed, trying to calm his racing heart, eyes wide with panic.

The hands on his waist and the back of his head tightened a little, and the kiss got deeper. Shen Song felt something soft push his teeth apart—it tasted sweet.

Like a pastry.

That random thought snapped Shen Song back to reality. He suddenly realized he and Xie Zhiyu were kissing.

Shen Song's mind flashed back to what Shen Lin had stressed that night. He quickly went through it—he and Xie Zhiyu didn't fit any of the conditions for kissing.

Kissing like this wasn't right.

Shen Song shoved Xie Zhiyu away with both hands.

*Slap—*

The slap landed on Xie Zhiyu's right cheek. Shen Song was naturally strong, so even holding back, the slap was loud.

"Pervert." Shen Song felt uneasy. He wanted to touch Xie Zhiyu's red face, but then he remembered the kissing rules Seventh Brother had set, and frowned. "What we're doing is wrong. It doesn't fit the rules. This is perverted."

Xie Zhiyu moved his jaw, feeling the sting. It hurt a lot. But didn't he kiss well? Why wasn't Shen Song complimenting him this time?

"You think I'm a pervert?" Xie Zhiyu asked.

Shen Song's heart was still pounding, and he felt a little off. "It's not what I think—it's that doing this *is* perverted. It's wrong."

And also...

And also, Seventh Brother said that when a man and a *ge'er* kiss, a baby happens. He didn't want a baby yet. He wasn't ready. It was all too sudden.

He didn't know if it took a bunch of kisses or just one.

Shen Song was scared out of his mind.

He needed to find someone to ask, and fast.

Watching Shen Song run off in a panic, Xie Zhiyu tilted his head back and closed his eyes for a moment, then called his shadow guard and told him to keep a close eye on Shen Song.

Shen Song sat on the ox cart, trying to figure out who to ask.

He didn't dare ask his family—he was scared they'd worry about him.

After thinking about it, Shen Song decided to go ask Qi Yuanjing.

He was a doctor; he'd definitely know.

At Qi's place, by the little stone table in the bamboo grove, Qi Yuanjing almost spat out his tea. He stared at Shen Song in disbelief. "You're saying you might be pregnant with whose kid?"

Shen Song said, dead serious, "Xie Zhiyu's."

Qi Yuanjing's voice went up without him meaning to. "You two are already at that stage?"

Shen Song nodded.

Qi Yuanjing's eyes went wide. He didn't even want to think about it.

Then he heard Shen Song ask, "I came to you to check—when a *ge'er* and a man kiss, does it take one kiss to make a baby, or does it take a bunch of times?"

Qi Yuanjing's confused thoughts suddenly cleared up. He instantly got what Shen Song meant and burst out laughing.

Right—if nobody around Shen Song had ever done *it*, and nobody had explained the details to him, of course he wouldn't know the specifics.

But Qi Yuanjing was curious. "Who told you that a *ge'er* kissing a man makes a baby?"

Shen Song said honestly, "My Seventh Brother."

Qi Yuanjing chuckled to himself. This Shen family really had gone all out to keep Shen Song from doing anything inappropriate.

"A *ge'er* who kisses a man has to marry him and have his baby. Song Ge'er, what's going through your head?"

Shen Song's face went pale.

He couldn't even think straight.

"I'm really scared."

Seeing that Shen Song was truly scared, Qi Yuanjing said, "If you really do have a child, as long as I'm here, I won't let anything happen to you. And if I'm not enough, my master will be there too, so don't worry, Song Geer."

Shen Song felt that both Qi Yuanjing and Shan Yue were miracle doctors.

He believed what Qi Yuanjing said.

But he still couldn't decide right away.

"I need to think about it some more."

Qi Yuanjing nodded. "This is a big life decision, so you really should think it through carefully."

Shen Song learned from Qi Yuanjing that if a guy and a man kissed, they'd have to get married and have a baby.

But as for how many kisses it took to get pregnant, Qi Yuanjing said he didn't know either—it depended on the person.

Some people get pregnant after one kiss, some after a few, and some never do no matter how many times, and some people can't even kiss.

Shen Song listened, totally confused but kind of getting it.

After returning home from Qi's place, Shen Song didn't tell his family about this.

He didn't know how to say it.

He finally understood why Seventh Brother and Zhao Feiyin were too scared to tell their families after they kissed.

The next day, after delivering vegetables, Shen Song didn't go to Xie's place.

He was avoiding Xie Zhiyu.