Chapter 73: I Swallow the Bitter Fruit; You Attain Eternal Life

Chapter 73: I Swallow the Bitter Fruit, You Gain Eternal Life

Shu Hanqing, like Shi Lei and the others, was originally a child raised through genetic editing and cultivation, with sharper minds and stronger bodies than ordinary people. When the virus chaos first broke out, the infected rapidly turned into zombies, infecting most of the survivors. By the time the government responded and after several waves of purges, the survivors were all settled into bases. Once it was confirmed there were no potential infected among them, humanity was already on the brink of extinction.

Yan Shenyun could rewind time, and the first time he did, he went back to the exact moment Shu Hanqing was born into this world.

He, Yin Bianyan, and their group were thus completely cut off from the normal flow of time and space, like ghosts drifting outside the bounds of time.

They took the two-month-old infant Shu Hanqing, frail and harmless, and wiped him off the so-called "Eaglet Plan" roster, personally handing this tiny life over to an ordinary, loving family to raise, faking and polishing up his clean, innocent background.

From then on, Shu Hanqing was no longer Xiao Wu, a kid raised as a ruthless killing tool and special weapon, but just an ordinary teenager.

Turns out the whole point of raising Shu Hanqing and the others was to serve the General Bureau unconditionally for life.

In the same dimension of the reshaped timeline, it was absolutely impossible to have two Yan Shenyuns coexist for long—it would cause chaos. That's why, during the second and even third time loops, Yan Shenyun and Yin Bianyan couldn't stick around for long.

On the fourth try, to make absolutely sure, the Yan Shenyuns straight-up killed their counterparts in that timeline.

In the forcibly rebuilt new world, Yan Shenyun's parents—his high-born, cold-hearted banker father and his selfish, indifferent botanist mother—would never have a kid named Yan Shenyun again.

Yan Shenyun's life, in truth, was that of an emotionally hollow and cold person.

He'd known since he was young that he had severe emotional issues and cognitive deficits, and all of it was tied to the suffocating, ice-cold family environment he grew up in.

In his hazy childhood memories, the only time his mother showed him any real maternal warmth was when he was six, after being brutally kidnapped.

After he was rescued, his mother, to make up for her guilt and neglect, lightly pressed a kiss to his forehead.

Yan Shenyun was a kid who'd never known a single slap or kiss growing up.

That was the first time in his life, after leaving the cradle, that he'd ever gotten that close to feeling what a mother's warmth was like.

Later, his parents' marriage fell apart and they divorced cleanly, with Yan Shenyun going to his cold, rational father.

One year, on his mother's birthday, he showed up at her door with a carefully picked bouquet, only to find she'd already remarried and was sitting in the yard laughing and chatting with her new husband and little kid.

His father had ruthlessly cut off all news about his mother, so he had no idea she'd remarried and had another kid.

The warm, picture-perfect family scene stung him. Yan Shenyun silently tossed the flowers aside and walked off alone, ignoring his mother's pleas for him to stay.

He grew up day by day, and in his long, cold life, aside from Shu Hanqing, he never again felt that kind of intense, gut-wrenching, obsessive passion.

He'd waited in endless darkness and emptiness for so many years, grinding through decade after decade, wanting nothing more than to see, in the sunlight, Shu Hanqing's once-brilliant, sun-bright smile again.

Because he wielded the forbidden power to reverse time, his whereabouts were also tracked and monitored by special organizations. To avoid getting caught, the times he showed up in front of Shu Hanqing could be counted on one hand.

One of those times was when Shu Hanqing was ten.

That day, the sunlight was perfect. The ten-year-old had a basketball tucked under one arm, wore a white school uniform, and had an ice pop stuck between his teeth.

Shu Hanqing raised a hand to shade his eyes from the sun, carefree, swept along in the crowd of students heading home, happily crossing the street.

Yan Shenyun stood not far off, watching the scene from a distance.

Yin Bianyan, standing behind him, followed his gaze, and her eyes suddenly stung with a hot, sour ache.

If this life—free of war, virus, and killing—could just go on forever, that would be amazing.

In the summer when he turned eighteen, Shu Hanqing naturally got into his dream college.

On the night of his graduation party, the totally wasted kid, bold as hell, climbed up with his friends onto the windy rooftop of the teaching building, riding the alcohol buzz.

Shu Hanqing cupped his hands around his mouth like a megaphone and yelled at his equally drunk classmates to let out all their pent-up frustration about the college entrance exams.

Soon, a chorus of wild, howling screams erupted all at once.

"Finally done with those endless damn test papers and homework!!"

"I can finally date out in the open, no problem!!"

"I can sleep in every day! I'm definitely going to the farthest college I can find!!"

The deafening racket and howls echoed across campus, even scaring Shu Hanqing—the one who came up with the dumb idea—half-sober.

A little annoyed, he pouted and muttered, "Damn... didn't you guys just say this was super embarrassing?"

Despite his complaints, Shu Hanqing couldn't help leaning over the railing and yelling at the top of his lungs, "I finally never have to study math again!!"

His shameless shout eventually brought the security guards chasing after them in fury.

A bunch of kids giggled and sprinted wildly through the pitch-black campus. When they burst out of the school gate, in all the running and horsing around, Shu Hanqing was going too fast and accidentally slammed straight into a tall man in a long black trench coat.

Shu Hanqing stumbled back half a step and would've fallen if the man hadn't caught him. He instinctively looked up and found himself staring into the man's deep, cold, abyss-like eyes. The man wore a mask, so his face was hidden.

Shu Hanqing blurted out, "Sorry."

"...No worries, watch your step."

In that instant, the noisy wind seemed to freeze, the rushing crowd faded from his vision, and the whole world seemed to stop dead.

A sudden, inexplicable wave of intense familiarity washed over him.

"Shu Hanqing! Hurry up, or they'll catch us!"

Shu Hanqing: "Oh, oh!"

Beside the teaching building, the flame trees were blooming wildly in the summer breeze, like clusters of fiery red sunset clouds bursting open.

Shu Hanqing grabbed his equally messy-looking classmate and took off running.

The kid's steps crushed the fallen petals underfoot, sending bits flying into the air.

Watching the kid run off, Yan Shenyun slowly pulled off the black mask covering his face. He opened his pale palm and gently caught a flame tree flower spinning down through the air, glowing faintly yellow.

Through the bustling crowd, he watched that kid—running wild and so full of life under the sun—and the corners of his mouth curled up into a smile he hadn't worn in ages.

Shu Hanqing studied law in college.

Mu Ye, a senior two years ahead in the same department, looked after him meticulously on campus. At that young, impressionable age, such sincere and readily available devotion was enough to soften anyone's heart.

But the good times didn't last. The apocalypse hit, and the world turned into hell.

The twisted, mangled shuttle bus was packed with terrified students. Amid towering flames and the sounds of tearing and biting, the vehicle was forced to a stop. Mu Ye gripped Shu Hanqing's hand tightly, dragging him through the ruins and smoke in a desperate sprint, getting him to safety just before the bus blew up.

In this catastrophe, even if Yan Shenyun rewound time a thousand times, he couldn't stop it. He couldn't show up often, but he'd picked people to secretly watch over them.

But he never imagined that in the second life, Mu Ye would actually lead Shu Hanqing to their deaths.

At that time, Yan Shenyun thought Mu Ye was truly foolish—if he wanted to die, fine, but why drag Shu Hanqing along? What right did he have?

Truly a jinx.

So on the second rewind, Mu Ye was bound to the plot system. This time, though the journey was fraught with hardship and Shu Hanqing shed a whole ring of weight, at least he made it safely to the safe zone.

Yan Shenyun stood in his rightful place. This time, the superpower catalyst was released earlier than before, and humanity wasn't backed into a corner. He thought that if only the apocalypse could end soon and for good, Shu Hanqing would surely live a peaceful and happy life this time around.

As for Mu Ye, though he was a rare and formidable superpower awakener, strong enough to protect Shu Hanqing completely—

He had caused Shu Hanqing's death before. There was no way he'd let Mu Ye get close to him.

Yin Bianyan once asked Yan Shenyun if he could really watch Shu Hanqing walk toward someone else.

Yan Shenyun said, "I just want him to live a stable life without being dragged into all this chaos. At the very least, he deserves happiness."

He was pouring everything he had into bringing this apocalyptic nightmare to an early end.

But fate never seemed to cooperate.

Again. And again.

On the second rewind, Yan Shenyun forcibly implanted the so-called plot system into Mu Ye's body, while Yin Bianyan casually grabbed a trashy, melodramatic novel, adapted the plot, swapped out the names, and sneaked it into the system—all in an effort to keep Mu Ye away from Shu Hanqing. For the supporting roles, Yin Bianyan just plugged in a few people she knew to replace the protagonists.

Meanwhile, Sang Mai was secretly dispatched to Mu Ye's side—first, to covertly protect Shu Hanqing, and second, to keep a tight watch on Mu Ye's every move.

After earning the absolute trust of both of them, Sang Mai ambushed Mu Ye, erasing portions of both their memories. A psychic-type superpower made such things incredibly convenient, leaving no trace behind.

And it worked. When Mu Ye woke up with missing memories, his attitude toward Shu Hanqing did a complete 180—sometimes warm, sometimes distant.

Not long after, Shu Hanqing came across a child in the ruins while scavenging for supplies and named him Rong Hua. Before Sang Mai could even keep an eye on him, that wolf-cub-like kid revealed a startling possessiveness, clinging to Shu Hanqing like molasses.

Once, in a dimly lit camp, Sang Mai peered through a cracked gap and saw Rong Hua boldly stealing a kiss from the corner of Shu Hanqing's lips while he was fast asleep.

Before Sang Mai could even react...

Mu Ye seemingly lunged out of nowhere, seizing Rong Hua's wrist in a death grip, his pitch-black eyes blazing with a murderous fury.

After that, Mu Ye frequently butted heads with Shu Hanqing over Rong Hua's interference.

Shu Hanqing, caught in the middle and at his wit's end, even went to Sang Mai to quietly complain, asking if he'd done something wrong—why else would Mu Ye hate him so much lately, picking fights left and right?

Sang Mai offered comforting words on the surface, but inside, his heart was racing.

—This was clearly jealousy, plain and simple!

But so many of Mu Ye's memories had already been erased. How could he still feel so possessive toward Shu Hanqing?

And that seemingly harmless little brat Rong Hua was a scheming little bastard too.

Sang Mai's identity was too sensitive—he couldn't openly intervene without risking Shu Hanqing's suspicion and resentment. But he couldn't just stand by and let things spiral out of control either.

Rong Hua, caught red-handed by Mu Ye, became even more ruthless in driving a wedge between Mu Ye and Shu Hanqing. The two became more and more at odds.

Rong Hua mocked Mu Ye as a coward, and Mu Ye wished he could dig a hole and bury him alive on the spot.

Watching the two at each other's throats, Sang Mai thought, what the hell is going on here? Then Mu Ye proposed disbanding the team.

Sang Mai told Shu Hanqing about it.

After a massive blowout fight with Mu Ye, no one expected Shu Hanqing to choose to leave the group—and walk out for good.

Sang Mai then realized Rong Hua was also a madman at heart.

And then came the unexpected wildcard: Lei Zheng.

No one could have predicted that the arrogant Lei Zheng, on the brink of death, would accidentally catch a glimpse of the so-called temporal rewind, and in his final moment before consciousness faded, desperately seal all his memories and obsessions into the fierce thunder mark on Shu Hanqing's back.

So when they met again on the fourth rewind, Lei Zheng's eyes could no longer tear themselves away from Shu Hanqing at all.

Watching Shu Hanqing be destroyed before his eyes time and time again, Yan Shenyun's mind finally tipped over the edge of complete collapse.

Yuxi Dujia

That plot system was directly attached to Shu Hanqing.

Sure enough, Shu Hanqing grew extremely wary and on guard toward both Mu Ye and Lei Zheng, no longer daring to get close.

But fate twisted and turned, and one wrong step was taken.

That was the entire truth.

It was Yan Shenyun's mad act of reversing time, born from the despair of losing his beloved again and again, watching Shu Hanqing die before his eyes.

He couldn't bring himself to stop.

Every time he saw Shu Hanqing's lifeless body, Yan Shenyun would frantically ask himself: What about next time? Will there be a good ending next time?

His obsession twisted into madness, beyond salvation—even if it meant burning through every last bit of his mental strength.

＊

The vast control room went silent.

It was Yin Bianyan who finally spoke: "Xiao Wu... I know you can't accept this right now. If you're going to blame someone, blame us."

Shu Hanqing's gaze was fixed on Yan Shenyun, his eyes red-rimmed.

Yin Bianyan looked at him like that, her heart aching: "Don't blame the professor... We all had a hand in this... Later, Yi Ran told us that after you half-turned, you still retained human consciousness. When I heard that, I truly hated myself—"

"I just thought... let our Xiao Wu have a better lot in life, let him suffer less. You were born into this world without even a single day of ordinary joy—why should you shoulder so much suffering? You were everyone's hero, yet the Chief Engineer ordered all your records destroyed... They were guilty, letting you sacrifice yourself for them and then refusing to acknowledge you existed. They're a bunch of hypocrites!"

"It wasn't that we didn't want to tell you—how we wished to reunite with you. But we didn't dare. We were afraid you'd go be a hero again. The professor worked so hard, just to give you a safer world to live in."

Shu Hanqing listened quietly, at a loss for words.

How could he blame them?

These people before him were his only remaining family and brothers-in-arms.

Shu Hanqing looked at his own hands, remembering when he'd turned half-corpse. Driven by predatory instinct, he'd madly plundered crystal cores, then, disgusted with himself, let out desperate, beast-like wails from his throat.

Fortunately, in his fully zombified state, he could no longer smell the stench of rotting flesh and blood.

Beside him, Yi Ran unclasped the necklace from her neck: "Xiao Wu-ge... this is yours. Take it back."

Shu Hanqing took the necklace, the cold touch of metal seeping into his fingertips as he rubbed the character "five" on it.

His eyes brimmed with hot tears held back for far too long, staring hard at these people who had been through hell and high water with him, and spoke in a trembling voice: "You... you're a bunch of bastards! Sons of bitches!"

Yin Bianyan spread her arms and hugged Shu Hanqing. Seeing this, Sang Mai also joined in, followed by Yi Ran and Shi Lei. The group huddled together, their emotions getting the better of them.

Shu Hanqing raised his hand and wiped his eyes forcefully, his voice trembling with uncontrolled intensity and tears: "Who said you could do this? Everything I did... I did willingly! I want you all to live!"

"We... want you to live too!"

Sang Mai finally said the words he'd kept buried in his heart for decades.

Shu Hanqing looked back at their red-rimmed eyes, choking on his sobs: "...You're all just..."

He dropped his head, his shoulders shaking with convulsive sobs: "Do you have any idea... how many people have suffered because of all this? The innocent people dragged into this... they didn't do anything wrong, so why should they suffer with us in this messed-up time loop?"

"I'm sorry..."

Yan Shenyun's voice rang out: "I did everything alone."

Shu Hanqing slowly raised his tearful eyes to look at him.

The next second, he shoved the people around him aside like a furious animal and lunged forward, grabbing Yan Shenyun's collar with both hands.

"Xiao Wu! Calm down!"

"The professor's been through a lot all these years too! Don't get violent!"

Shu Hanqing looked at them and said, "You guys go out. I need to talk to him."

Yan Shenyun said, "Get out."

Yin Bianyan, Shi Lei, and the others looked at them with worried expressions.

Yan Shenyun said again: "Out."

Shu Hanqing withdrew the Water Chain, and Yin Bianyan and the others hesitated, then went out and closed the door. The next second, when they tried to push it open again, it was sealed shut by Shu Hanqing just as before.

Yin Bianyan banged on the door: "Xiao Wu!"

Shu Hanqing paid no attention to the racket outside.

It was Yan Shenyun who said through the door, "I'm okay." Inside the room, the two of them stood inches apart, face to face.

Shu Hanqing stared hard at the familiar face in front of him, holding back the urge to punch it, and instead yanked Yan Shenyun's collar, shoving him against the console.

Yan Shenyun let Shu Hanqing do whatever he wanted. Shu Hanqing tightened his grip again, forcing the other man to look him in the eye.

The standoff dragged on, their breaths mingling in the tense silence.

Suddenly, Yan Shenyun leaned in, pressing his forehead against Shu Hanqing's, eyes lowering as he murmured: "I've never regretted it."

He closed his eyes and whispered against the warm skin: "As long as you're alive, I don't care about the consequences. I'll gladly swallow every bitter pill, and you'll get immortality."

The feel of Yan Shenyun's forehead and his sick, feverish intensity made a stiff, lost expression creep over Shu Hanqing's face.

Shu Hanqing grabbed his throat, holding him at arm's length: "Yan Shenyun, how can you be so cruel? How dare you wipe their memories on your own? And how dare you play with everyone like they're your toys?"

Yan Shenyun: "Innocent? Which one of them is innocent?!"

His voice suddenly shot up, all the pent-up violence and coldness bursting out: "How much have you suffered because of them! Which one of them is worthy of you? They don't even deserve to stand next to you."

The light slanted across Yan Shenyun's face, and in those deep, cold eyes was a suffocating, desperate madness—a look that said he'd drag the whole world to hell, destroy everything, just to bury it all with Shu Hanqing. It was enough to make anyone's heart pound with fear.

Yan Shenyun's hair had gone much whiter, but his face was still young, which gave off a strangely unsettling vibe.

"...Yan Shenyun, you used to be different."

Yan Shenyun lowered his eyes: "What was I like before? I don't even know anymore. I hated who I was back then—someone who could only stand by and watch you die."

Shu Hanqing: "...Let's just stop here."

Yan Shenyun's fingers traced Shu Hanqing's face: "It won't go on anymore. I know none of them can protect you, so you're staying here. No one will ever hurt you again."

Shu Hanqing looked at him: "...You've run out of power to turn back time, haven't you? Are you trying to lock me up here?"

Yan Shenyun: "...I'm just protecting you."

Shu Hanqing stared at him in disbelief: "You're insane."

The gentle, refined Yan Shenyun of the past seemed like he'd never existed at all.

"I went crazy a long time ago. Everyone I cared about—none of them got a good ending."

"The Corpse King Project was something I proposed myself back then, but I never imagined, even in death, that this forbidden tech would end up being used on you. It's all my fault. I pushed you into hell and turned you into a monster that's neither human nor ghost..."

Yan Shenyun's body shook uncontrollably, filled with endless desolation: "I promised... I wouldn't go looking for you, so I could only numb myself day after day, night after night, with work, forcing myself not to think about you... I wished I could drag everyone down with you as sacrifices..."

Shu Hanqing quietly watched the gaunt, possessed man in front of him, his voice hoarse as he lowered it: "Yan Shenyun..."

If Yan Shenyun were really as cold and selfish as he said, he never would have poured all his heart and soul into saving so many people back then.

"It has nothing to do with you. I did it because I wanted to. Do you get that or not?"

Yan Shenyun's eyes held a stubborn, dark glint. After a long pause, he rasped: "...Shu Hanqing, I don't get it."

He was like a weird kid who'd run headfirst into a dead end and refused to come out, no matter what.

Love can make you afraid, but it can also give you a wild, reckless courage to break through anything when you're at your lowest.

Yan Shenyun: "If I were dead too, I'd have no thoughts, and I wouldn't have to think. They all say I'm a god, that I'm cold-blooded and feel no pain... but I'm just a regular mortal. The achievements and results I worked so hard for were never what I wanted... I just wanted the people I care about to live well... Why did you have to suffer like that?"

Shu Hanqing remembered his past life, when he'd turned into a half-human, half-corpse monster, walking alone through the ruins in the howling wind.

The smoke of war and the stench of death swept in from every direction, like countless vengeful spirits clinging to his ears, weeping in endless despair.

In this disaster-ridden, chaotic world, they were nothing but tiny, struggling lives barely hanging on.

Shu Hanqing cupped Yan Shenyun's ice-cold, gaunt face, his eyes red: "This is the last time... I'm begging you, this time, no matter what happens, let's just accept our fate... okay? Let's stop all this endless suffering."

Yan Shenyun let him hold his face, stubbornly insisting: "...As long as you're by my side, nothing's going to happen to you."

Shu Hanqing let out a cold laugh: "Do you really think you can keep me locked up now that you've told me everything? If I walk out right now, who here could hurt me?"

Yan Shenyun lowered his head, his movements like he was pressing against Shu Hanqing's heart, begging: "No, you can't go out. Everyone might hurt you, but I never would."

Yan Shenyun's lashes drooped as he suddenly realized that in this world, the most dangerous, uncontrollable thing wasn't the zombies—it was Yan Shenyun, who'd lived through several lifetimes.

Maybe the repeated, brutal deaths of Shu Hanqing in his past lives had dealt this man a devastating blow. Now, he gave off a world-weary, manic disregard for human life.

And his talk of dragging everyone down with him as sacrifices was definitely not a joke.

Shu Hanqing carefully tested the waters: "...Besides turning back time, have you made any other dangerous, forbidden inventions?"

Yan Shenyun fell into a rare silence.

Shu Hanqing said, "There really is?"

Yan Shenyun explained, "Not in recent years, but I made plenty in the past—like weapons infused with superpower crystal core radiation. The military assessed them and said the destructive power was too brutal, likely to cause widespread accidental harm to ordinary people..."

Shu Hanqing: "...Isn't there a single invention that's a bit more positive and wholesome?"

Yan Shenyun looked at him and shook his head flatly.

"No."

Shu Hanqing: "..."