Chapter 74: Don’t Tell Me You’ve Never Actually Done It with Anyone

Chapter 74: Don't Tell Me... You've Never Actually Done It with Anyone Before

Yan Shenyun wouldn't let Shu Hanqing take even a single step outside.

He gazed at Shu Hanqing with those deep eyes, his voice low and beseeching as he explained just how dangerous the situation outside had become. An ambitious man like Lei Zheng would never settle for the status quo—being around him meant only danger, and only here was he completely safe.

"...Don't worry about feeling bored here." Yan Shenyun's voice was hoarse. "Just say the word, whatever you want... I can definitely get it done for you."

Shu Hanqing let out a bitter, self-mocking laugh. "...What I want?"

Yan Shenyun pressed his thin lips together tightly, then abruptly dropped a statement that could leave Shu Hanqing speechless: "Mu Ye is also in this underground base right now. You... quite like him, don't you? With him here, you won't get bored."

Shu Hanqing stared at Yan Shenyun before him, his eyes filled with a thousand conflicting emotions. "So... this life of mine was given to me by you defying fate, and you're determined to completely control me, is that it?"

Just to prevent him from getting bored, he'd even offer up another man to keep him company.

—What was that supposed to mean?

Yan Shenyun shook his head at that. "...I never intended to control you. I just want you to live safely and peacefully."

The more Shu Hanqing looked, the more he felt that Yan Shenyun's current mental state wasn't right—that restless mania and obsession teetering on the edge of losing control made his skin crawl. This was definitely not the time to go head-to-head with this madman. He could only play along for now and secretly look for a chance to escape.

Even at this moment, Shu Hanqing had no idea where he actually was.

This underground dwelling was vast and well-hidden. The storage room was neatly stocked with enough high-calorie food to last for years, clothes for all seasons, and even high-grade steel tactical knives, various medical first-aid kits, and heavy supplies—everything one could need.

On a material level, it was indeed a secure paradise, with no need to worry about survival.

Shu Hanqing said tiredly that he wanted to go back to his room and rest.

Yan Shenyun let him go.

Mu Ye pushed the door open—he had been waiting inside the whole time. He reached out with both hands to pull Shu Hanqing in, checking him over from head to toe. "Are you okay? He didn't hurt you, did he?"

Shu Hanqing shook his head, said his head was pounding, then turned to greet Yin Bianyan and the others outside the door, telling them not to keep staring at him like he was some kind of criminal, and to go about their own business.

So the room was left with only Mu Ye and Shu Hanqing.

Mu Ye knelt beside the bed, holding Shu Hanqing's somewhat cold hand, his eyes full of naked concern and worry. He asked softly, "Yan Shenyun didn't do anything he shouldn't have to you just now, did he?"

Shu Hanqing shut his eyes and shook his head again.

Mu Ye tightened his grip on Shu Hanqing's hand, his tone carrying a hint of hesitant guilt. "...Are you still blaming me?"

Shu Hanqing opened his eyes, staring at the light on the ceiling. "...Mu Ye, I don't want to be locked up here like a pet for the rest of my life. Are you out of your mind too, buying into Yan Shenyun's nonsense about how it's totally safe as long as we stay here?"

Mu Ye fell silent at that.

"Yes, this place is built like a turtle shell—no outsider can get in to hurt me at all."

Shu Hanqing turned his head. "But I can still hurt myself. I don't like being forcibly controlled, and I'm not the kind of person who just rolls over and accepts it once their wings are clipped. Even if you lock me in the sturdiest iron cage, I'll fight my way out with everything I've got, even if I have to bash my head bloody. Mu Ye, we've known each other for so many years—you know better than anyone that I can never be trapped by anyone in this lifetime."

Mu Ye lowered his head, lifted Shu Hanqing's slightly cool hand, and pressed a reverent, anguished kiss to the back of it.

After a long pause, he slowly raised his head. "...Give me some time. I'll figure something out."

Shu Hanqing pulled his hand back. "What could you possibly come up with? You're no different from Yan Shenyun deep down—you both think that locking me up means everything's fine. Am I really that weak to you? Do I need you to protect me like this?"

Mu Ye looked up at Shu Hanqing with a desolate expression. "...Hanqing, the one thing I agree with Yan Shenyun about is this: if there truly exists a way in this world to bring you back to life, no matter how horrific the price, I would stop at nothing to do it."

Shu Hanqing had nothing to say.

Mu Ye lowered his eyelids slightly. "...If necessary, I could kill him with my own hands."

Shu Hanqing: "..."

Shu Hanqing only felt his temples pound even harder. He waved his hand, telling Mu Ye to leave for now—he didn't want to see him right now.

Mu Ye's face showed a look of hurt and loneliness.

Shu Hanqing steeled himself against feeling sorry for him and urged him to leave.

Mu Ye gave him a long, searching look, then finally pushed the door open and stepped out without a word.

Once it was quiet, Shu Hanqing went out and found Sang Mai.

He got straight to the point, asking him to find a way to send a message to Lei Zheng and the others outside, to let them know he was safe.

Sang Mai looked troubled. "...No, that's too risky. What if Lei Zheng traces it back and finds out where this place is?"

"Sang Mai, I can't be caged here like a bird for the rest of my life." Shu Hanqing looked at him, his tone helpless. "Yan Shenyun's mental state is very bad right now. I'll find a way to slowly convince him. As for Lei Zheng and the others outside, I'll definitely go explain things to them in person—I won't let them come looking for trouble with you. I don't want to see anyone on either side get hurt."

"Aren't you tired of this endless loop?"

Under Shu Hanqing's steady gaze, Sang Mai let out a quiet sigh and nodded reluctantly. "...Fine, I'll find a way to get the message out for you. But Xiao Wu, listen to me—don't think about leaving this place."

Shu Hanqing: "What if I just force my way out?"

Sang Mai looked at him. "...Then if you make too much noise, Mu Ye will probably be the first one the professor makes an example of."

Shu Hanqing knew it—Yan Shenyun had gone to all that trouble to coax Mu Ye into his camp for no good reason. It was clearly a chess piece placed in advance to exploit his weakness.

In the eyes of outsiders, an untouchable scientific genius—all his unspeakable dark desires and intense need for control were now tied entirely to Shu Hanqing alone.

Using the damp, stuffy air, Shu Hanqing deduced their current location—they were definitely underground.

As for which remote underground location they were hidden in, there was no way to find out.

Shu Hanqing couldn't sleep, so he wandered around outside.

He walked through the corridor for about ten minutes or so, and when he turned around, he ran straight into Yan Shenyun, who had been silently following him.

"Where do you want to go? You can just tell me directly." Yan Shenyun was wearing a blue shirt, his eyes deep and dark. "The facilities here have everything you need—there's even a full gym up ahead."

Shu Hanqing deliberately nitpicked. "I'm hungry... but I don't feel like eating those high-energy nutrition packs that have that weird taste right now."

Yan Shenyun said, "I'll cook for you. What do you want to eat?"

Shu Hanqing didn't answer.

Yan Shenyun walked ahead, muttering softly, "How about some noodles? It's the only thing I know how to make."

The underground actually had a kitchen.

Shu Hanqing leaned against the doorframe with his arms crossed, watching in silence as Yan Shenyun stood at the counter, carefully chopping vegetables.

"Yan Shenyun," Shu Hanqing spoke up abruptly, his voice distant, "do you love me?"

Yan Shenyun's hand trembled as he was chopping, his thoughts scattering, and the blade immediately sliced into his finger.

The harsh red of the blood slowly seeped through his fingers. Shu Hanqing frowned and turned to grab a napkin from the table beside him, but Yan Shenyun had already beaten him to it, holding the wound under the faucet.

The clear water rinsed over the cut, which wasn't particularly deep.

Shu Hanqing stepped forward to bandage it for him, but Yan Shenyun wordlessly brushed him aside. He casually brought the injured finger to his lips, licked the beads of blood away, then raised those unnervingly bright eyes to gaze deeply at him: "...I'm fine. Why the sudden question?"

Shu Hanqing met his gaze. "...Yan Shenyun, I've lived several times over, and I've come to understand one truth: if you have the chance to say something or do something, you absolutely must not leave yourself with regrets."

"...The thing I regret most is that before I died, I never got to tell someone face to face that I truly, deeply cared about him too."

Yan Shenyun slowly lowered his lashes, an indescribable melancholy welling up from deep inside him.

He looked at Shu Hanqing in front of him, his tone low and heavy: "...Is that so?"

Shu Hanqing took half a step closer, his voice a seductive whisper: "So, do you want to know who that person is?"

Yan Shenyun averted his gaze, sweeping the chopped vegetables into the boiling pot in a single motion, and muttered: "...Let's eat first."

The noodles were soon on the table.

Shu Hanqing picked up his chopsticks and ate half the bowl—he had to admit, it didn't taste very good.

Shu Hanqing set down his chopsticks: "My door won't be locked tonight. Yan Shenyun, if you really want to know that answer... feel free to come to my room anytime."

For the rest of that meal, Yan Shenyun moved like a wooden puppet, mechanical and stiff, as he cleared away the dishes.

Every night, someone took a turn on watch duty.

In the middle of the night, Yin Bianyan, who was on duty, woke up in a daze. She pulled a cigarette from her pocket and put it between her lips, about to head to the ventilation shaft to have a smoke and wake herself up, when she caught sight of a tall figure standing not far ahead out of the corner of her eye.

Squinting in the dim light, who else could that silhouette be but Yan Shenyun?

The next second, Yin Bianyan watched in disbelief as Professor Yan hesitated, then made his way to Shu Hanqing's room and gripped the doorknob. He stood at the door, twisting the handle, as if he had to steel himself through a long, agonizing internal struggle before finally deciding to push the door open.

But just as he took half a step forward, the sole of his shoe accidentally caught on the carpet laid at the doorway.

Yan Shenyun's obsessive-compulsive disorder flared up instantly. With a blank expression, he bent down and carefully smoothed the wrinkled carpet back into perfect order, inch by inch.

When he looked up, he caught Yin Bianyan standing not far away, cigarette dangling from her lips, staring at him in stunned disbelief.

Yan Shenyun: "..."

Yin Bianyan: "..."

Yin Bianyan's eyelids twitched violently several times. She wisely averted her gaze, turned, and went to patrol elsewhere, her graceful figure soon vanishing from Yan Shenyun's sight.

Sure enough, Shu Hanqing's door was unlocked.

Yan Shenyun reached out and gave it a gentle pull, and the door slid open with a silent click. This was originally his own bedroom, and a small nightlight on the bedside table now cast a soft, dim glow.

He stepped closer with soft, careful footsteps.

On the bed, Shu Hanqing lay with one arm wrapped around a soft pillow, eyes closed, his breathing even and shallow.

In that instant, Yan Shenyun felt a brief wave of dizziness and disorientation. In the dim light, the memory of that radiant youth laughing freely in the sunlight merged seamlessly with the figure before him—eyes shut, features handsome and gentle—as if they were one and the same.

He slowly bent down, brushing a stray lock of hair from Shu Hanqing's forehead, revealing smooth, fair skin.

Shu Hanqing blinked open his eyes, groggy and confused.

He made out the figure standing at the head of the bed in the dim light, and let out a lazy murmur as he rolled over in bed. A moment later, he propped himself up on one elbow, rubbing his heavy eyelids, his voice thick with sleepy hoarseness: "Why are you just now getting here... I was waiting and almost fell asleep."

Yan Shenyun remained silent.

Shu Hanqing narrowed his eyes, turned on the light, and studied the cold, rigid figure of Yan Shenyun before him.

The next second, Shu Hanqing suddenly raised his head, reached out, and grabbed Yan Shenyun's shirt collar with a fierce tug, pulling him bodily toward him, leaving no room for refusal.

Shu Hanqing's slender arm wrapped around Yan Shenyun's neck, and he raised an eyebrow: "What are you dodging for?"

Forced to bend down by the pull, Yan Shenyun looked up. Deep in his eyes, dark as a cold pool, there was barely concealed nervousness, and his elegant Adam's apple bobbed violently.

He quickly looked away first, his voice dry and hoarse: "...Let go of me first."

Shu Hanqing ignored his resistance entirely, reaching out to pluck the glasses off his nose.

Without the glasses as a shield, Yan Shenyun closed his eyes uncomfortably.

Shu Hanqing's warm, scorching breath fell directly on Yan Shenyun's cheeks and neck, making his whole body tremble uncontrollably.

"Did you come all the way here tonight to hear the answer I mentioned earlier?" Shu Hanqing whispered in his ear.

A flicker of amusement passed through Shu Hanqing's eyes: "But whose name do you want to hear? I've lived more than once, and I've loved quite a few people."

Under Shu Hanqing's provocative stare, Yan Shenyun kept his thin lips pressed tightly together, unable to utter a single word.

Watching him in that wooden, restrained state, Shu Hanqing remarked: "...By my count, Lei Zheng and the others must be going out of their minds looking for me by now."

The moment that name left his lips, a complex look flashed through Yan Shenyun's eyes. As if he could no longer maintain his composure, he let himself fall forward, yielding to the force of Shu Hanqing's pull.

Shu Hanqing's fingers were still hooked around his neck, but Yan Shenyun ignored the tightening pressure at his throat. He raised both long arms to encircle the man beneath him, and with fierce desperation, forcibly kissed the lips that had just spoken such cruel words.

He couldn't stand to hear another person's name come from Shu Hanqing's mouth.

A violent, ravenous kiss engulfed him like a storm.

Shu Hanqing's slender waist was locked tight in Yan Shenyun's broad, powerful arms, the force so immense it felt like he was trying to crush him into his bones and devour him whole.

＊

Even though anyone with eyes could tell Yan Shenyun was woefully inexperienced in such matters, with his terrifyingly brilliant intellect and raw instinct, he somehow figured out the intricacies of the art through experimentation—the nibbling, sucking, and intertwining.

In the midst of their inseparable entanglement, Shu Hanqing found it hard to breathe, a trickle of saliva spilling from the corner of his mouth and sliding down his delicate chin.

Yan Shenyun tilted his head slightly and leaned closer.

＊

The temperature in the cramped bedroom climbed higher and higher, their ragged breaths tangling together messily.

The two of them kissed with such frantic, desperate intensity that both were soon drenched in a thin sheen of hot sweat. In the end, it was Shu Hanqing who couldn't take it anymore, reaching out to shove away the kissing maniac before him.

His shirt had already been pulled loose and rumpled during their earlier struggle, exposing a large expanse of faintly flushed collarbone and most of one shoulder.

Before he could even catch his breath, Yan Shenyun's body pressed up against him once more.

Shu Hanqing was forced back, his back pressed tight against the soft bedding, and he growled: "...Yan Shenyun! That's enough!"

Yan Shenyun's eyes, once cold and clear, were now heavy with consuming desire, his voice hoarse beyond all recognition.

He locked his eyes on Shu Hanqing's flushed face: "…Were you just now deliberately trying to get a rise out of me with those words?"

Shu Hanqing met his gaze: "So, did I get what I wanted? Yan Shenyun, you're the one who ripped my whole heart to shreds with your own hands—and before that, it was whole and belonged to you alone."

At that, a flash of pain crossed Yan Shenyun's face.

They used to be so restrained and polite, neither ever officially confessed, but both knew better than anyone that they held the heaviest place in each other's hearts.

If it weren't for this goddamn apocalypse, they would've naturally come together like two rivers meant to merge, sticking by each other through life, leaving behind a beautiful story.

But fate had to go and toss them into this cruel apocalypse instead.

In this day and age, separation, sacrifice, and death were happening almost every second.

Was it better to have a lover who'd rather die than give in, eventually turning to ash in undying devotion? Or one who'd lost all memory of the past, even if they became a stranger, but could still survive in this world?

Yan Shenyun had painfully picked the latter.

Over the years, he'd watched helplessly as Shu Hanqing fought side by side with other men in cycle after cycle of rebirth, getting close and falling in love. Yan Shenyun wasn't without his pain or jealousy.

He ached down to the bone, his heart twisting in agony, until in the end, he could only force himself to go numb through endless work.

This torment of fighting fate had long since driven him completely insane.

"…Yan Shenyun, I really did love you deeply."

Shu Hanqing's words hit like a ton of bricks: "That's why back then I was willing to give my life as the price for your experimental project… I don't regret it. So, I'm begging you—let yourself go, and let me go too."

Yan Shenyun lowered his head.

The second he heard the words "I loved you" spill out of Shu Hanqing's mouth, the man countless people revered as an emotionless god finally fell apart completely.

His eyes went red in an instant, and big, scalding tears streamed down his face.

Under him, Shu Hanqing felt the hot, wet tears quickly soak the skin of his neck.

How bizarre.

Yan Shenyun was actually crying like a helpless little kid.

Yan Shenyun held Shu Hanqing tight in his arms, pleading with desperate humility: "…Don't do this to me, alright?"

Shu Hanqing, suffocating under the weight of his sorrow, slowly closed his eyes, trying to steady the bitterness in his chest: "Then don't do this to me either, alright? Let me leave here, and let all this goddamn mess just play out on its own."

No matter how many shifts in time and space, Shu Hanqing had never changed—he was destined to be a free bird soaring across the vast wilderness. What the hell could Yan Shenyun even do about it?

He could never actually break his wings and lock him in a gilded cage—he couldn't stand it, and he wouldn't.

But when he watched the one he loved most fall for somebody else, Yan Shenyun finally got a taste of what it meant to have his heart shattered into pieces.

This was his karma.

But Shu Hanqing was right—all this tragic, pitiful mess was something he'd set in motion himself back then. That was exactly why he was insanely jealous and hateful toward Lei Zheng, Mu Ye, and Rong Hua—the men who'd taken away Shu Hanqing's love.

When he'd forcibly restored Shu Hanqing's memories and revealed this forbidden plan, the faint hope that kept him going was just the thought that if Shu Hanqing really remembered everything from the past, would he still be willing to stay by his side.

And now, the reality was: Shu Hanqing was not willing.

That purest, most beautiful time between them was a past that could never flow back.

After a long, long silence, Yan Shenyun finally gave in, his voice hoarse and exhausted: "…Stay with me for one last week. After seven days, I'll let you go myself."

So that night, Shu Hanqing didn't push him away again—he simply turned over to lie on his side. Yan Shenyun silently pressed up behind him, wrapping his arms tightly around Shu Hanqing's entire body.

A posture brimming with possessiveness and protectiveness, like a wounded animal guarding its only cub in the dark of night.

The next morning, the underground lights came on right on schedule.

When Shu Hanqing pushed open the door and stepped out to get water from the common area, Yin Bianyan's ambiguous, suggestive gaze swept over him from head to toe. She raised an eyebrow and teased: "No way, Xiao Wu, you're just now getting out of bed?"

Shu Hanqing was mid-sip of water and nearly spat it out, choking and coughing: "…Sis, what time is it? Why are you up so early?"

Yin Bianyan chuckled: "I haven't slept a wink all night—I've been standing guard here for you two. After seeing the way you two were last night, I thought you and the professor had made up, and I was worried Mu Ye might rush over and ruin your moment."

Shu Hanqing's face went dark with exasperation: "…"

Yin Bianyan blinked, then continued gossiping: "Besides, last night I personally saw the professor pacing outside your door—he stood there for a full ten minutes before daring to go in. So I just bet the others that the professor definitely got what he wanted and succeeded."

Shu Hanqing's mouth twitched: "…"

Yin Bianyan leaned in half a step, lowering her voice and covering her mouth with a stifled laugh: "Honestly, I used to whisper to them before, thinking the professor was this human machine who'd long lost that kind of physiological function…"

The latter half of that increasingly improper sentence died in her throat under Shu Hanqing's icy glare.

Speechless, Shu Hanqing set his cup down on the table, turned, and headed back toward his room, tossing out a parting remark: "You people staying cooped up underground all day really are bored out of your minds…"

With a snap, the door shut out the unbridled teasing and chatter from outside.

The moment Shu Hanqing turned around, he ran straight into Yan Shenyun sitting on the edge of the bed.

He had clearly just woken up not long ago, his shirt slightly rumpled, head tilted back slightly as he stared at him with a dazed, adoring gaze.

Shu Hanqing found it a little amusing. He walked over, leaned down, and studied the rare blank expression on Yan Shenyun's face.

Only when he'd stared long enough that Yan Shenyun looked away awkwardly, ears faintly burning, did Shu Hanqing let out a sigh and say helplessly: "What, did you sleep so well you went and scrambled your brain?"

Yan Shenyun pressed his lips together: "…It's been a long time since I slept so peacefully."

Shu Hanqing looked at his wooden expression, and a strange curiosity suddenly struck him as Yin Bianyan's crude remarks flashed through his mind. The words tumbled out before he could stop them: "…Yan Shenyun, don't tell me you've never actually… done it with anyone before?"

The room fell into a deathly, eerie silence.