Chapter 74

Chapter 74

Ji Yunshu stood frozen in place. Her hand gripped the doorframe, fingers digging into the wood grain, but she couldn't feel the pain anymore. She saw Commander Lin's lips still moving, his shoulders trembling violently, but she couldn't hear a single word of what he said after that. Her ears were ringing, her heart racing way too fast.

Why? Wasn't Pei Yufeng supposed to be safe after taking over Liu Mingzhe's mission? So why was this still happening?

Why? Hadn't the things from her dreams already been avoided? Where had things gone wrong? Or had she forgotten something even more important?

Tears rolled down Commander Lin's bloodshot eyes, mixing with the seawater on his face, and he wouldn't stop talking. His two hands pressed against the ground, fingernails caked with black mud and sand, but he didn't seem to notice, still apologizing, over and over. His shoulders heaved violently, his whole body seeming to tear apart from the inside—first trembling silently, then sobbing without stopping.

"I swam over..." Commander Lin curled even lower, his forehead nearly touching the ground. He even raised a hand like he was about to slap himself. "I swam as hard as I could... but the waves were too big... it was too dark... I couldn't grab him... when I reached out he was right in front of me... just three finger-widths away... I couldn't grab him..."

Commander Lin's voice broke off abruptly, as if someone had grabbed his throat, the memory of it growing more painful by the second. He buried his head in his arms, curling into a ball as he knelt on the threshold, his soaked clothes clinging to his body as he shivered in the wind.

"Old Lin, get up and talk. Tell us exactly what happened." Li Shu said hurriedly from beside him. She'd been standing half a step behind Ji Yunshu, keeping a close eye on her, afraid Ji Yunshu might pass out or collapse when she heard the awful news. "Tell us clearly—what the hell happened to Deputy Commander Pei? The state you're in, you can't even talk straight!"

Hearing Li Shu's words, Commander Lin finally lifted his face to look at Ji Yunshu, his eyes bloodshot. "I'm sorry... Comrade Ji... I couldn't bring him back... It's all my fault, all my fault..."

Li Shu wished she could storm over to the military base right that second to find out what had really happened. How could someone as incredible as Pei Yufeng just get swept away by a wave? He had years of experience in naval operations, was famous in the military district as an officer who could turn danger into safety—she flat-out refused to believe it!

Commander Lin looked up at her, his lips still trembling, another stream of tears spilling out. He had been soaked in seawater for too long, his skin wrinkled, white salt stains seeping through his clothes.

"I... I searched for him all night..." Commander Lin's voice shook uncontrollably. "I called his name... called all night... no one answered..."

Li Shu couldn't believe it. Her legs gave way, and she grabbed Commander Lin's shoulders with both hands, shaking him hard. She shook him so violently that his whole body swayed back and forth. His soaked collar was pulled open, revealing a neck covered in bruises and scratches, along with several bloody gashes that looked like they'd been cut by something sharp.

"What did you tell me before you left?! You said you'd be back within twenty days! You said going on a mission with Xiao Pei meant you had nothing to worry about! And now you come back and tell me this?! What are you telling me?!" Li Shu's voice grew shriller and shriller until she was nearly shouting, tears streaming down her face. How could she believe it? She'd heard Old Lin say before that Pei Yufeng had earned a collective first-class merit—he could pilot a warship through enemy fire, minimize casualties while tearing open a counterattack route for their forces and succeeding—and now she was supposed to believe someone that capable had been swept away by a wave and gone missing? How could Li Shu believe that?

Commander Lin let her shake him without dodging. He even pushed his shoulders forward slightly, as if wishing she would shake him harder, even slap him twice. His face was a wreck—nothing but pain layered on pain. He opened his mouth trying to say something more, but only garbled, breathy sounds came out. "It's my fault..."

Those were the only words Commander Lin could get out, over and over. "It's my fault... I dragged him down with me... if he hadn't turned back to pull me up, he wouldn't have fallen in... he'd already gotten back on the boat... he saw me get knocked off by a wave and dove back in to save me... he'd already grabbed hold of the gunwale... when he saw me sinking, he let go..."

When he got to those last three words, Commander Lin's voice completely gave out, and his whole body crumpled with it, his forehead hitting the threshold with a dull thud. He just knelt there, sprawled out, letting out sobs that didn't sound human.

Li Shu let go of him. She staggered back and fell to the ground.

Commander Lin still knelt by the threshold, curled into himself. Wind blew in through the doorway, pressing his wet clothes against his back, his shoulder blades visibly trembling under the uniform.

Ji Yunshu's hand still pressed against her mouth. Her tears had long since dried, leaving her face tight and salty. She stared at the rooftop in the distance for a moment, then her gaze finally settled on the hunched figure in front of her.

Li Shu picked herself up off the ground, steadied herself against the doorframe, and reached out to pull Commander Lin's arm. "Old Lin, stop kneeling. Get up and talk to us..."

Ji Yunshu spoke suddenly. "He's not dead."

Commander Lin's shoulders jerked to a stop. He looked up. His eyes were swollen almost shut, the skin around them bruised purple, like he'd taken two punches. His mouth hung open, tears still on his face, as he stared blankly at Ji Yunshu.

"Comrade Ji..." Commander Lin rasped. "I saw him with my own two eyes..."

"You saw him go under?" Ji Yunshu cut him off.

Commander Lin choked on the question, his Adam's apple bobbing up and down. "I... I watched him get swept away by the wave. That wave was too big, I couldn't reach him in time..."

"Then that means," Ji Yunshu took a step forward, her voice holding a forced calm, "you didn't see him go under, and you didn't see his body."

Commander Lin's lips trembled. He seemed to want to say something but swallowed it back.

Ji Yunshu walked to the doorway and stood before Commander Lin. She looked down at the kneeling man, her gaze calm. The sea wind blew her hair back, revealing a clean, composed face with faint shadows under her eyes—but her gaze was steady.

"Before he left, he told me to take care of the kids and wait for him to come home," Ji Yunshu said. "He also said he'd try his best to make it back for Nian Nian and Sheng Sheng's birthdays this year. Their birthdays are in two days. Even if he misses this year's, he'll make next year's."

Ji Yunshu's voice trembled slightly here, but she took a deep breath and continued. "I don't believe he's just gone. He's Pei Yufeng. He's never once broken a promise. He'll come back."

Li Shu started crying again as she listened, quickly wiping her tears with the back of her hand. She wanted to reach out and steady Ji Yunshu, but Ji Yunshu stood straight and tall, not needing any help.

"Yun Shu..." Li Shu called softly.

Ji Yunshu didn't turn around, still looking at Commander Lin. "He must've been hiding something from me. I've felt something was off these past few days—his mood before this mission wasn't right, I could tell, but since the mission was classified, I didn't push. I'll wait for him to come back, and I'll ask him to his face exactly what he's been hiding from me."

Commander Lin knelt there, looking up at her. His bloodshot eyes held shock, pain, and a trembling like he'd been burned. His mouth opened and closed, opened and closed, until he finally forced out: "Comrade Ji, you..."

"Commander Lin," Ji Yunshu crouched down to meet his eyes. "Go back. You're a military officer—go report back as you should. You don't need to worry about me. I can handle things myself."

Commander Lin stared at her, more tears welling up in his bloodshot eyes. He opened his mouth, his voice as hoarse as sandpaper scraping: "I... I'll stay here and wait for news with you..."

"Go back." Ji Yunshu's tone left no room for negotiation. "If you kneel here, the kids will be scared. Go back to the organization and report what happened clearly. If there are any search arrangements that need my cooperation, just let me know."

Commander Lin's body shook violently. He lowered his head, pressing his forehead against the back of his hand braced on the ground. After a long moment, he squeezed out from his throat: "I'll listen to you... I'll listen to you..."

Commander Lin pushed himself up from the ground, swaying unsteadily. The mud on his knees had dried into a hard crust in the sea wind, flaking off as he moved. Li Shu quickly stepped forward to steady him. Once he was stable, he turned to look at Ji Yunshu one more time.

"Comrade Ji, if you need anything, just have Li Shu come find me... I owe you..." His voice caught in his throat, and the rest of his words were swallowed back down.

Ji Yunshu shook her head. "You don't owe me anything. Pei Yufeng saved you. When he comes back, you can thank him yourself. Go home and get some rest. You're covered in injuries—go to the clinic and get them bandaged."

Commander Lin's mouth twitched, like he wanted to cry or maybe laugh, but in the end he just nodded. He turned and walked toward the courtyard gate, his steps unsteady, heavy thuds echoing on the stone path. After a few steps he stopped, stood with his back to the door for a moment, shoulders heaving as he took several deep breaths, then continued on his way.

The courtyard gate creaked shut.

The night wind still poured through, whistling through the cracks in the door. Ji Yunshu stood there, watching the closed wooden gate, unmoving for a long time.

Li Shu walked over and latched the door from the inside, then turned and took Ji Yunshu's hands. Ji Yunshu's hands were shockingly cold. Li Shu quickly wrapped both of her own around them and rubbed.

"Yun Shu, if you want to cry, cry. Don't hold it in..." Li Shu said softly.

"I already cried," Ji Yunshu said. She pulled her hands free from Li Shu's grasp and walked over to sit on the edge of the bed. "I'm not crying anymore. Crying won't help. I need to take care of the two kids."

Li Shu sat down beside her, watching as Ji Yunshu tucked in the little blanket Nian Nian had kicked off, then reached out to feel Sheng Sheng's forehead. Both kids slept soundly, unaware of what had just happened.

"Tomorrow will be just like any other day," Ji Yunshu said. "In the morning I'll make them formula, cook porridge—Nian Nian likes millet porridge, Sheng Sheng likes white porridge with a little sugar. Then I'll take them out to the courtyard to get some sun..."

Ji Yunshu's voice trailed off as she spoke, but she didn't stop.

"Sister Li Shu, do you think he might be lying on some reef somewhere? The seawater washed him up there, and he's waiting for someone to come find him."

Li Shu's nose stung with emotion, and she nodded firmly. "Of course he will. Xiao Pei—that man has a hard life to kill. Maybe he'll be back in a few days."

That night Li Shu didn't leave. She lay fully clothed on the living room sofa all night, getting up twice in the middle of the night to check—both times Ji Yunshu was sitting by the bed, awake, quietly watching over the two kids.

The next day at noon, visitors came to the courtyard.

First was Huang Paimei, carrying a clay pot of steaming hot bone soup. Her eyes were red as she came through the door. She set the pot on the stove and took Ji Yunshu's hands: "Comrade Ji, I heard what happened... You have to hold on, the kids are still so young..."

Huang Paimei started crying herself before she could finish, quickly turning her head away to wipe her tears. It was Ji Yunshu who ended up comforting her.

Then came Liu Aimin, carrying two sets of cleanly washed little clothes—seasonal outfits she said she'd made at home for Nian Nian and Sheng Sheng. Her hands trembled as she folded the clothes and put them in the wardrobe, but all she said was: "Comrade Ji, if you need any heavy lifting done, just call. My Old Liu has plenty of free time."

Ji Yunshu poured them water and said "Thank you, Sister Huang," and "Thank you, Comrade Liu." Her voice was calm. Huang Paimei and Liu Aimin exchanged a glance, neither daring to stay long. They set down their things and left.

Li Shu moved in. She came over early every morning, helping Ji Yunshu boil water, cook meals, and wash diapers. Ji Yunshu wouldn't let her stay overnight, saying Niuniu still needed looking after, so Li Shu brought Niuniu along too, letting the kids play together.

Nian Nian didn't understand what had happened. She crawled around the room as she always did, chasing Hua Juan's tail and giggling. Sheng Sheng sat quietly on the mat, but over the past two days he had started looking toward the door frequently. When Ji Yunshu held him, his little head would always turn toward the door, then after a while he'd turn his face back.

"He misses his dad too," Li Shu said softly beside her.

Ji Yunshu hugged Sheng Sheng tighter, resting her chin on top of his head. Sheng Sheng's hair smelled like milk, mixed with the fresh scent of soap. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

"He'll come back," Ji Yunshu said.

Ji Yunshu didn't believe Pei Yufeng would meet such an end. After Commander Lin composed himself and received permission from his superiors, he told Ji Yunshu the full story and all the details that afternoon.

Two days earlier, Commander Lin and Pei Yufeng had finally finished their maritime mission. The mission had been delayed by several days because, in the first few days, the imperialist invaders seemed to know their tactics and movements perfectly, keeping them on the defensive. But Pei Yufeng quickly adjusted their combat strategy and led several of the finest young soldiers in a surprise attack on the enemy forces, securing a victory.

The mission had finally ended two days ago, but the enemy landed one final blow—one that nearly hit Commander Lin. Though he dodged in time, the resulting giant wave swept him off the ship. It was at that moment that Pei Yufeng reached out a hand to him. He pulled Commander Lin back, but he himself was swept into the sea by a second wave.

Commander Lin tried to grab Pei Yufeng but missed, watching him drift farther and farther away until he vanished into the waves...

After hearing the story, Ji Yunshu immediately asked, "Was he injured when he was swept away?"

Commander Lin couldn't say for sure. When a wave crashes over, it could break bones or cause severe injuries—how could flesh and blood withstand nature? But he truly didn't know Pei Yufeng's condition at that moment. All he knew was that Pei Yufeng had gone two days and two nights without sleep, and probably had little strength left.

Commander Lin answered honestly: "He hadn't slept for two days and two nights by that point."

"Brother Pei is strong," Ji Yunshu said firmly again. "He knows the sea so well. He'll definitely find a way to save himself."

"That's right," Li Shu nodded firmly. "He'll definitely come back."

The third day was Nian Nian and Sheng Sheng's birthday. Ji Yunshu got up early to knead dough and steamed a pot of small buns, pressing two eyes and a curved smiling mouth into each bun with red dates. She shaped Nian Nian's into a little rabbit and Sheng Sheng's into a little tiger. Nian Nian grabbed one and shoved it into her mouth, while Sheng Sheng held his in both hands and looked at it for a long time before carefully taking a small bite.

Ji Yunshu sat beside them watching, a slight smile tugging at the corners of her mouth.

The sky outside the window was a crisp blue, and the sea breeze carried a faint saltiness. Her eyes swept across the courtyard—the stone steps at the entrance were clean, with no footprints.

She looked away, lowered her head, took a bite of her bun, and chewed slowly.

Li Shu was boiling water in the kitchen while Niuniu was leaning over the table playing with Nian Nian. Huang Paimei and Liu Aimin had come by again—this time one brought sweet cakes and the other dried fruit. They slipped in quietly, not daring to say much.

Ji Yunshu stood up to take the things: "Sister Huang, Comrade Liu, please sit. Let me pour you some water."

"No need, no need," Huang Paimei waved her hands hurriedly. "I just came to see Nian Nian and Sheng Sheng. Seeing them doing well sets my mind at ease." She bent down to play with Nian Nian, who grinned at her, showing a few tiny baby teeth that had just come through. Huang Paimei's eyes welled up instantly, and she quickly turned her face away.

Liu Aimin tugged at her sleeve, and the two of them went into the kitchen to help Li Shu prepare vegetables.

At the stove, Huang Paimei lowered her voice: "How has Comrade Ji been these past two days?"

Li Shu paused mid-chop: "She seems fine on the surface. Eating, sleeping, taking care of the kids. It's just..." She hesitated. "It's just that she doesn't seem to believe Xiao Pei is gone at all. She keeps thinking he'll still come back."

Huang Paimei sighed. "Maybe that's for the best. If she fell apart all at once, what would happen to those two children?"

Liu Aimin picked off vegetable leaves one by one and dropped them into the basin: "What does the army say? If they haven't found him yet, it doesn't count as... right?"

"Listed as missing," Li Shu's voice lowered. "Old Lin said the search is still ongoing, but it's already the third day..."

All three fell silent for a moment. The water in the pot bubbled and gurgled, steam rising and blurring their profiles.

Li Shu set down the knife and turned to check on the steamed buns. Turning away, she quickly wiped her eyes.

In the living room, Ji Yunshu was lifting Nian Nian up from the floor, wiping crumbs from her face with her sleeve. Nian Nian wriggled, reaching for the remaining little tiger bun on the table. Ji Yunshu gently patted the back of her hand: "Wait for it to cool a bit. It's hot."

Nian Nian pouted but, being good, didn't reach for it again. Sheng Sheng sat nearby, having broken off one of the ears from his little rabbit bun. He held it up and looked at it for a long time, then stretched out his arm and held it out to Ji Yunshu.

Ji Yunshu took it, bowed her head, and took a small bite: "Thank you, Sheng Sheng."

Sheng Sheng looked at her for a moment, then turned to look at the door again. The door was closed, with a thin sliver of sunlight streaming through the crack. Sheng Sheng stared for a long while, then turned back and continued picking apart his bun.

Ji Yunshu followed his gaze and also glanced at the door. Sunlight gilded the edge of the door, bright enough to sting the eyes.

Ji Yunshu squinted against the light, then turned back.

"In a couple of days, everything will be fine," Ji Yunshu said softly to Nian Nian. "Daddy will be back in a couple of days."

Nian Nian didn't understand. She was focused on sucking her thumb. Sheng Sheng looked up at Ji Yunshu, his dark, shiny eyes resting on her face for a few seconds. Then he reached out and put his little fist in her palm.

Ji Yunshu looked down at that small, clenched fist and felt the warmth from his little fist spread all the way to her heart.

Ji Yunshu closed her fingers around Sheng Sheng's little fist and squeezed her eyes shut. The sea breeze blew in through the window, carrying that salty, damp scent—just like on so many ordinary mornings.

--

For the first time since Pei Yufeng's disappearance, Ji Yunshu left the house on the seventh day.

Nian Nian had been fussy these past few days, waking up at night crying for her father. Sheng Sheng remained quiet, but those dark eyes kept looking toward the door, making Ji Yunshu's heart ache again and again. Li Shu had stayed up watching over them the night before, and at dawn she insisted Ji Yunshu go out to get some air.

"Go to the post office and send a letter home," Li Shu said, taking Nian Nian from Ji Yunshu's arms and patting her back. "Your mother and grandmother must be worried. You need to let them know you're safe. I'll watch the kids—don't worry."

Ji Yunshu stood by the door, thinking. She should write to He Qiuxia and Wang Wanru. She had just received He Qiuxia's letter before Pei Yufeng set out on his mission and hadn't replied yet. In the letter, He Qiuxia said Ji Haiguo was in good health, and the grapevine in the yard had a new trellis put up, just waiting for the children to come play. She couldn't tell He Qiuxia and her grandmother the truth—at least not now. Telling them would make the elderly worry themselves sick.

Ji Yunshu sat down at the table and smoothed out the paper. The pen tip hovered above the paper for a long moment before she began to write. She didn't mention Pei Yufeng's situation, only saying that she and the kids were doing fine.

After writing the letter, Ji Yunshu headed to the post office.

As she turned the street corner, someone came toward her from the opposite direction.

Ji Yunshu didn't notice at first, walking with her head down, deep in thought. But the person stopped right in front of her, deliberately blocking her path. Ji Yunshu looked up and recognized him.

Ye Zifeng.

He wore a worn cadre uniform, his cap brim pulled low, with a faint, enigmatic smile at the corner of his mouth. When Ji Yunshu looked up, he pushed the brim up, revealing a deeply tanned face. His expression was hard to read—whether gloating or sarcastic—but his eyes clearly gleamed with a dark, unsettling light.

"Well, well, well," Ye Zifeng drawled, "if it isn't Deputy Regiment Commander Pei's wife."

Ji Yunshu was in no mood to deal with him. She turned to leave.

"What's the hurry, Comrade Ji?" Ye Zifeng laughed, shoving both hands into his trouser pockets and going on, "Haven't seen you in a while. Heard Deputy Regiment Commander Pei got into some trouble? Ah, what a shame—so young and already..."

He didn't finish the sentence, but the second half hung there like a drawn knife, its blade glinting.

Ji Yunshu looked at him and said nothing.

Seeing her silent, Ye Zifeng figured he had hit a nerve. He stepped half a step closer and lowered his voice: "I heard around—swept away in the sea? Tsk tsk. All these years in the army, who can say what happens at sea? If you ask me, some people are just too cocky. Think they're so capable and fearless. And look what happened? And now they're gone..."

"Comrade Ye," Ji Yunshu spoke, her tone ice-cold. "Say those two words again. I dare you."

Caught off guard by her calm, unyielding tone, Ye Zifeng's smile stiffened: "What did I say? I just said it's a shame—so young and already—"

"Who do you think you are to judge Brother Pei?" Ji Yunshu had no tolerance for people like Ye Zifeng—incompetent and kicking people when they're down.

Called out so bluntly, Ye Zifeng was embarrassed and let out a dry laugh: "I'm just feeling sorry for you..."

"Feeling sorry for me?" Ji Yunshu took half a step forward. She was a good half-head shorter than Ye Zifeng, but that half step made him involuntarily lean back. "Comrade Ye, before you feel sorry for me, you might want to feel sorry for yourself first."

The smile disappeared completely from Ye Zifeng's face: "What do you mean by that?"

"You know exactly what I mean," Ji Yunshu's voice remained steady, like ripples on a windless sea. "With your abilities, forget about earning merits in the army—even other cadre comrades think you're bad luck and won't go near you, let alone go on missions with you. And you still have the nerve to stand on the street feeling sorry for others?"

Ye Zifeng's expression shifted, the muscles in his cheeks tensing. He stepped forward, his voice dropping low: "Ji Yunshu, don't think Pei Yufeng was something special just because he could adjust combat strategies on the fly. He still got swept away by the waves and didn't even have a place to be buried, right? The one who laughs last laughs best. I've stood firm in the military district, while he couldn't even hold onto his own life—who's more capable? Just wait, as I continue taking on missions, military honors will just fall into my lap!"

"Oh? You're that confident?" Ji Yunshu looked up at him, her gaze icy cold, speaking each word deliberately: "You know what the biggest difference between people is? You couldn't beat Pei Yufeng when he was alive, and you still can't beat him now that he's gone. Because he stood upright and walked straight—everyone in the unit, from top to bottom, respected him. And you? What do you rely on to earn respect? By gossiping behind people's backs? By blocking a family member on the street with your snide remarks?"

With that, Ji Yunshu wanted to end the confrontation, but Ye Zifeng still blocked her way.

Ye Zifeng's lips pressed into a thin line. He stared at Ji Yunshu, his eyes shifting, then a reckless smile crept back onto his face: "Fine, keep your sharp tongue. Your man's dead and you're still giving me attitude—that mouth of yours is all you've got left. Just you wait, I'll be the youngest outstanding cadre in the military district, and that Pei Yufeng will be forgotten before long!"

Ji Yunshu didn't bother responding to Ye Zifeng. She kept thinking about one thing: how did Ye Zifeng know that Pei Yufeng had adjusted his combat strategy mid-mission? He wasn't in the same regiment as Pei Yufeng, didn't go on missions together, and Commander Lin wasn't close to him—there was no way he'd have been told.

So where did he get that information?

Author's note:

This is the final event~ Almost done!