Chapter 026: Lickspittle x Scoundrel x Saintly Syndrome (8)

Chapter 026: Lickspittle x Scoundrel x Saintly Syndrome (8)

In the blink of an eye, spring arrived, and Mount Emei came alive with renewed vitality as the snow and ice melted, gradually awakening from its frozen slumber.

Rong Zijin remained in seclusion, while Si Jinghua was recuperating from his illness, bringing everything back to tranquility.

—Until a horde of macaques danced into the Immortal Sect.

The leading macaque king had a bright red buttock and wore a floral wreath, howling loudly. With a wave of his hand, many little monkeys threw apricots, plums, and pears onto the courtyard of the study, piling heaps of mountain flowers into small mountains.

"Squeak squeak squeak! Squeak squeak squeak!"

"Squeak squeak squeak! Squeak squeak!"

Feng Qinqin was startled by this scene during her morning practice and turned to drag Xiao Baiqiong, who was still sleeping, over.

"Senior Brother! Senior Brother! What are they doing!"

"I don't know either?" Xiao Baiqiong stared at the macaque king for a long time and whispered to his junior sister, "I've always just been making random noises; they don't mean anything."

"You need to either drive them away or find out what they want," Feng Qinqin said anxiously. "Master is still in deep meditation; we can't disturb his peace."

Xiao Baiqiong observed the flower and fruit piles for a while before waving his sleeve to usher the monkeys away.

The macaques did not insist on staying; they ran off, chattering all the way.

System: "Do you want to exchange for a temporary animal communication token? It costs thirty points."

"No," Keding said. "You know how stingy I am."

The next morning, the macaques came unannounced again, this time bringing large bunches of mountain tea flowers, two buckets of cornmeal, a basin of sugar cubes, and five clucking hens.

Feng Qinqin said, "How come the gifts have upgraded? Are they looking for that golden monkey?"

Xiao Baiqiong took a bite of a pear. "I'll go shoo them away."

On the third day, a wild goat tied with a red ribbon appeared outside their master's courtyard, along with two buckets of fresh fish, a bucket of live shrimp, and a rosewood box filled with shiny stones.

The spectators throughout the Immortal Sect had heard about the commotion and gathered early in the morning, startling Feng Qinqin as she came out to practice.

"Are none of you cultivating!" Feng Qinqin exclaimed irritably. "Why are you all squatting on the eaves waiting for a show!"

"Calm down, calm down," a junior sister from a side branch said cheerfully. "It's lonely in the mountains; a bit of entertainment doesn't hurt, hehe."

Xiao Baiqiong was still asleep and was dragged out by Feng Qinqin in anger.

"You attracted these monkeys! You deal with them!"

The handsome young man was still half-asleep and looked at the baskets of gifts in the courtyard for a long time, confused.

"What do they want?"

"Are you dense?" Feng Qinqin said. "They want to marry that golden monkey and take it back to the mountains!"

As soon as Feng Qinqin spoke, the little monkeys beside the old monkey nodded vigorously, bowing and chirping.

System: "Don't you really need some communication props?"

Keding: "Humans are monkeys, and monkeys are humans, no need!"

System: "...?"

Xiao Baiqiong rubbed his eyes and walked into the circle of monkeys.

"Which one of you is in charge?"

The old monkey king wearing a floral wreath called out, sitting atop the highest part of the gate, exuding an air of superiority.

The crowd watching from various spots chuckled.

"Are you looking for that golden monkey?" Xiao Baiqiong asked. "I can help you find it, but it's male, so clearly, there's no match."

The old monkey king pointed at himself, shook his head, and whistled sharply.

A graceful female monkey emerged from the crowd, bowing modestly.

Feng Qinqin immediately understood. "Senior Brother! They want you to be their son-in-law on Mount Emei!"

"Senior Brother, you've been targeted!"

Xiao Baiqiong: "..."

"What a rare opportunity," the junior sister said, trying not to laugh. "The future of unifying the four peaks of Mount Emei is right in front of you. If you become their son-in-law, with the Longevity Sect as your backing, brilliant!"

"Stop it," Xiao Baiqiong said with difficulty. "I'm still a child."

The monkeys started chattering, clearly urging him to hand over the golden monkey.

"Friends," the young man said, sweating, "although I've eaten quite a bit of the fruit you brought, marriage cannot be forced!"

The old monkey king looked at him suspiciously and cackled twice.

The young female monkey responded with a slight whimper and disappeared into the depths of the crowd.

Another young male monkey stepped forward, even more bashful.

Feng Qinqin translated dutifully, "They say this arrangement is also fine."

The young man was exasperated. "It's not about gender!!"

Xiao Baiqiong found the scene too absurd and tried to push back the wedding gifts, only to find that as he approached, the monkeys all bared their teeth and flattened their ears. He raised his hands, not daring to touch the gifts anymore.

"What if the golden-haired monkeys don't agree?"

The old monkey king lifted his chin, and a nearby monkey pulled out a gleaming woodcutter's axe, menacingly sharpening it on the roof tiles.

"Things have come to this," Xiao Baiqiong sighed. "I'll turn into a monkey and fight them."

"Really?" Feng Qinqin said. "So many people are here today; can I sell some peanuts and sunflower seeds?"

"..."

In a flash, the golden-haired monkey appeared before everyone.

The cultivators cheered.

"Baiqiong, go for it! The new monkey king will be you!"

"Winning brings glory to our Longevity Sect; losing means you become a son-in-law. We won't lose either way!!"

"Show your true skills! Don't forget how the senior masters taught you!"

Amidst the commotion, the Immortal Venerable, who was in deep meditation in the inner courtyard, perked up his ears.

Baiqiong?

Has my little golden-haired monkey returned?

The spiritual energy outside seemed to gather more and more, and the noise grew louder.

Rong Zijin opened her eyes, finally emerging from her heartbroken state.

Little monkey! She couldn't wait to kiss her little monkey!

The news spread quickly among the enthusiastic disciples throughout the sect, reaching Luoyuyuan soon enough.

Sheng Jun, fearing a slap on the hand from his master, honestly said, "Third Senior Uncle and the others started a betting pool, one-to-thirty-six odds, all betting on the monkey king winning. Master, I want to place a bet."

Si Jinghua, having cultivated for months, had now recovered sixty percent of his strength and looked much better.

"Let's go," he said, handing his disciple three taels of silver. "Count me in; I'm betting too."

Xiao Baiqiong, hurry up and roll off to the mountains to be a son-in-law! When the time comes, I'll personally prepare an eight-litter sedan with a ten-mile-long wedding procession!

When they arrived, Suyuzhai was surrounded so tightly that every good vantage point was occupied.

The old red-buttocked monkey king jumped into an open space, circling around the golden-haired monkey.

Today's battle would determine the future of Mount Emei!

Keding was almost at his wit's end. "Does the original story mention this?"

"No," the system replied. "Your butterfly effect smells like bananas."

"I need a substitute! I want to find a substitute!!"

System: "Gold-class substitute costs thirty points, platinum class costs sixty points, and supreme class costs eighty points."

Keding felt the pain. "Eighty points!!"

"Think positively. What you spend now, you can get back from Si Jinghua later. Won't that give you more motivation?"

"I've seen through your company's points store," Keding said. "It's all a trap! It's all about getting people to overspend!"

The system whispered temptingly, "Ke Bao, do you want everyone to watch you get beaten by the old monkey? That would be so embarrassing."

"And this old monkey king defeated all the fierce dogs and wild cats in the surrounding villages to ascend to power."

"Our supreme class substitute guarantees a win, best of three matches, full refund if you lose."

Keding: "..."

Si Jinghua! You'd better have something worth my while!!

"I choose the supreme class substitute!!"

In another world, a top-tier e-sports player saw a game interface featuring a battle between two monkeys in his dreams.

The left joystick controlled movement, and the four circular buttons (A, B, C, D) controlled punches and kicks. The system provided a complete combo list, making the interface comparable to a 97 King of Fighters version for monkeys.

Am I dreaming?

...Why are my recent dreams always so strange.

The young man adjusted his glasses and sat focused in front of the screen, memorizing the move list.

King of Fighters is my specialty; bring it on!

The old monkey, though white-browed, had sharp eyes and muscles bulging all over, clearly a prime candidate for Darwinian evolution.

He pointed at the expensive gifts and then at his pair of children.

"Chirp chirp!"

The golden-haired monkey firmly shook its head.

"Wah!"

Rong Zijin leaned out from the best spot on the second floor. "Baiqiong! You can't lose to him!!"

The cultivators downstairs were also filled with passion: "Go for it!! Baiqiong!! Dominate Mount Emei!!"

Keding: "This is the most abstract cultivation novel I've ever seen."

System: "Me too."

[Would you like to enter proxy mode?]

[Yes]

[Neural network matching in progress...]

[World Champion-Sigh has logged into the account]

In the next second, the golden monkey's muscles were no longer under its control. After taking two steps back, without waiting for the old monkey to react, it pounced and bit with lightning speed!

↑↑↓↓ABA! Secret Technique · Cross Choke!

The old monkey's eyes widened as it was lifted into the air, its bones making a crisp sound.

"Ga."

The golden monkey's face glowed red as it flipped, slammed, and then leaped back, throwing the old monkey into the sky!

↓↘↗ ↓↑ACDC! Perfect combo, not a second off!

The young man with glasses yawned and continued his moves.

The AI level of the old arcade game wasn't very good... no sense of rhythm at all.

The old monkey, thoroughly enraged, charged over with its fur standing on end from head to tail, only to be hit by the golden monkey's kick to its center of gravity, flipping and crashing into a cloud of dust.

←A↑↓C←ACA! Ultimate Move · Swallow Return!

The move missed, and the old monkey got up and ran away, disappearing deep into the jungle in front of the crowd of monkeys.

WINNER! Golden Monkey!

All the creatures present fell silent for two seconds before bursting into enthusiastic cheers for the golden monkey.

"Congratulations!! You're the new king of the monkeys!"

"Baiqiong, you're amazing! Your master really did teach you well!"

"Wa wa oo wa—"

Keding took back control of Xiao Baiqiong's body, watching the little monkeys sincerely push gifts in front of him and place a fragrant camellia wreath on his head.

"Thank you." Xiao Baiqiong said, "But I still can't quite bring myself to be happy."

Everyone laughed heartily, still caught up in the fun, jokingly demanding that the bookie pay out.

Amidst the blooming mountain flowers, Rong Zijin and the now-recovered Si Jinghua gazed at each other from afar, their relationship once again heating up.

Keding looked at them with equal affection: "Si Jinghua, I'm determined to turn you into an excellent money-printing seed."

Eighty points!! My eighty points!!

System: "I think... you should have applied to an agricultural college."