Chapter 27: I’m Looking for a Bunny

Chapter 27: I'm Lookin' for My Wabbit

Uh oh, Chen Wang was losing it too.

"It's really poisoned!" Gu Sai, still relatively clear-headed, quickly reported to the director: "Director, call an amb'lance—"

Gu Sai's tongue was getting thick. He struggled to his feet, but his body swayed and he fell stiff as a board onto Chen Wang.

Chen Wang caught him and said, all lovey-dovey: "When heaven doth send a little rabbit unto a man, it must first strip its fur, stroke its tail, and stir-fry its tender flesh..."

As he spoke, his hand was already going for Gu Sai's zipper, ready to skin that rabbit.

"??? The boxed lunch is poisoned!!"

"Oh my god, call an ambulance, they're out of their minds. Especially Bro Wang—he's not actually going to eat Gu Sai like a rabbit, is he?"

"No no, let go of my baby Gu Sai!"

"The poor little rabbit—just garlic it, ginger it, fennel it with cumin, and chopstick it down to the stomach."

"??? You're roasting Gu Sai too."

The director finally realized something was wrong. He'd thought these young people were just being weird for laughs, but it was real!

"Quick, call an ambulance!" he said to the staff member beside him, who was standing there dumbfounded.

"Oh, oh, oh, okay." The staff member quickly pulled out his phone, but when he looked down, it was the remote control. He spun around and ran out to find his phone.

Gu Yunlang, who showed no signs of poisoning, yanked Gu Sai up and propped him against himself: "Stay still."

Gu Sai blankly went "huh?"

Chen Wang's arms were suddenly empty, and he mumbled: "Huh? Where's my wabbit?"

Like a guy with terrible eyesight, he looked everywhere—in the teacup, under the sofa, in the flowerpot, even taking off his shoe to peek inside it.

Lan Miaomiao asked him: "Whatcha doin'?"

Chen Wang: "I'm lookin' for my wabbit, my wabbit!"

The director sighed in relief when he saw Gu Yunlang was still sane. He had Gu Yunlang look after Gu Sai, then went to help Lan Miaomiao up, planning to get everyone on their feet and head downstairs.

Lan Miaomiao looked at him and called out: "Director?"

Director Ma was nearly moved to tears: "Yeah?"

At least Miao Miao still knew who he was, so the poison hadn't hit her too hard.

Lan Miaomiao: "Between you and Xie Yang, who's the top and who's the bottom?"

Director Ma: ?!?!

He suddenly let go of Lan Miaomiao. Why did he suddenly not want anything to do with her?

"I knew it—Xie Yang's been this much of a drama queen and never got kicked off, so he's definitely banging the director. Called it!"

"Uh... forgive me, but I just can't get behind this ship. I'm all about looks."

Director Ma watched the live comments, sweating bullets: "No, Teacher Xie and I aren't a thing—my kid's almost his age! Miao Miao's poisoned, she's spouting nonsense!"

"Oh~ so it's a pseudo father-son thing."

"Hahaha Miao Miao opens her mouth to spout nonsense, and Director Ma runs himself ragged denying it."

"Director Ma's obviously straight, but Xie Yang? Who knows."

Xie Yang, whose straightness was questionable, was at that moment locked in a fierce food fight with Guan Yujia. The two of them were scarfing down the boxed lunch like pigs at a trough.

The director hurriedly tried to stop them: "Teacher Xie, Teacher Guan, stop eating. This food might be bad."

Guan Yujia was clutching a sausage for dear life: "This is mine. I dare anyone to try and take it!"

Xie Yang howled: "This isn't a sausage—it's my wang!"

"Oh my god, this is better than the actual episode!"

"Screen-record this. Show it to them when they wake up!"

"Hahaha... I'm laughing so hard I'm pissing myself."

Can't blame the netizens for being excited—the scene was pure gold.

Chen Wang was crawling around on all fours looking for his rabbit, Lan Miaomiao was standing on the table dramatically reciting smutty fanfic about Xie Yang and Director Ma.

Guan Yujia was dead set on eating his sausage, while Xie Yang wailed like a banshee, refusing to let go: "Dad, save me! Dad, I don't want to die!"

Gu Sai was leaning on Gu Yunlang, about to collapse, saved only by Gu Yunlang's arm wrapped around his waist.

When Chen Wang crawled up to him, Gu Sai helpfully nudged Chen Wang's butt with his foot: "Found your wabbit yet?"

Chen Wang looked up, then latched onto Gu Sai's leg: "Found it."

Gu Sai: "Good. Hold tight, I'll take you to the amb'lance—"

Chen Wang slurred: "Gu Sai, shank you."

Gu Sai: "No problem. You're welcome to shoot it."

·

When Gu Sai opened his eyes again, he was in the hospital.

A nurse told him they'd all been poisoned by henbane.

"Henbane?" Gu Sai was blank for a moment, then it hit him. In the theater, after turning off the horror movie, they'd started watching Teletubbies. To get over their fear, they'd imitated the Teletubbies and each picked a little flower, holding it in their hands and sticking it in their mouths...

So that's when they got poisoned.

He vaguely remembered the scene when all five of them got poisoned. It was total chaos.

No one expected a perfectly good show to nearly wipe out the entire guest lineup in just one day. Director Ma posted a dozen-plus apology posts on Weibo.

He explained that the plants in the theater were new, because the guests from the last episode had eaten all the old ones when they were starving. But the new procurement staffer didn't know henbane was toxic, and to save the show money, dug up a bunch from the wild, potted them, and put them in the theater.

Luckily, the five of them weren't badly poisoned—their nerves were just temporarily numbed, and the hallucinations were to be expected. The doctor put them on IV drips and said they could go home the next day.

But Director Ma didn't dare let them keep filming. He'd get flamed to death—accused of squeezing every drop of value from the guests, treating celebrities like they weren't human, being the Grim Reaper himself.

So he decisively announced that all the guests could take a week off, and they'd figure out a new filming schedule afterward.

Gu Sai replied "received" in the group chat, then opened Weibo and found that their poisoning incident had actually made it to the hot search.

Overnight, the footage of them being poisoned was edited separately and widely circulated online, even turned into many GIFs and memes.

"Brother Wang, have you found your rabbit?"

"Brother Wang, I have rabbits at home too. Come to my place, and I'll wear one for you."

"By the way, Comrade Lan Miaomiao, where do you find all those fanfics? Can you share a link? Being able to recite them backwards is truly impressive."

"I don't care about anything else, I just want to ask: did Teacher Guan get to eat Xie Ji's yangba (rice cake)?"

"Hahaha... only my Brother Yunlang didn't get poisoned, stayed composed, and even helped his childhood friend Gu Sai."

"Yes, Brother Yunlang only helps Gu Sai. Boohoo, he's so devoted to him!"

"Flowers fade, people go dumb, but Brother Yunlang's love for Gu Sai never says goodbye!"

Gu Sai closed Weibo. He recalled how Gu Yunlang had held him up the entire time, even carrying him onto the ambulance, and at the time, Chen Wang was clinging to his leg for dear life, so Gu Yunlang had no choice but to drag Chen Wang with him.

He found Gu Yunlang's WeChat in the Nine-Tiered Tower program group chat and wanted to send a friend request to thank him. But his finger hovered over the "Add Contact" button, and he couldn't bring himself to press it.

"Ding."

A WeChat message popped up—it was from the director of his last drama.

"Gu Sai, are you free next month? I've got a part in a new project I'd like you to take on."

Gu Sai immediately replied, "Yes, I am, Director." He threw in a grateful sticker.

The director said, "Great. From our last collaboration, I could tell you're a down-to-earth, dedicated actor. And this time, Chen Wang also recommended you highly, so I'm sure you won't disappoint me."

So it was Chen Wang who recommended him...

Gu Sai froze for a moment, then replied, "Director, I'll do my best."

The director sent back an emoji sticker—a cluster of blooming peonies with three golden words slowly fading in: "We believe in you."