Chapter 25 Jealousy

Chapter 25 Jealousy

Lin Xishan stood up, walked over to sit beside Pei Zhi, and casually slipped the card back into Pei Zhi's own pocket.

Pei Zhi's body went visibly stiff.

"Give me your hand," Lin Xishan said.

Pei Zhi didn't move, so Lin Xishan reached out and took the hand curled on his knee.

"Pei Zhi, listen to me." Lin Xishan's thumb gently brushed across the back of his hand, as if soothing a startled cat. "You were traumatized by someone hurting you, and you have reactions to being touched. That's not your fault. The one at fault is me—for letting my pride get the better of me and jumping to conclusions without knowing anything..."

"Stop it." Pei Zhi's voice suddenly rose, and he yanked his hand away from Lin Xishan's, standing up. "Don't belittle yourself just to comfort me."

The chair fell backward with a harsh, piercing clatter.

The few customers in the café all turned to look, and the waitress hesitated, as if trying to decide whether to come over.

Pei Zhi stood there, his chest heaving.

Don't cry, don't cry. If I cry, wouldn't that just be playing the victim in front of Lin Xishan?

Pei Zhi fought desperately to hold back his tears, but when he saw the unmistakable concern in the other's eyes, all his defenses crumbled in an instant.

His shoulders were trembling, his lips were trembling, his whole body was trembling.

"You don't understand," he said, his voice thick with tears. "Do you know how dirty I am? Do you know what I dream about every night? Do you know how much medication I have to take just to get through the day like a normal person?"

He wiped his tears roughly with the back of his hand, but fresh tears immediately welled up.

"You're not dirty," Lin Xishan said, standing up and walking over to him.

"I am dirty." Pei Zhi's tears kept flowing. "I'm very dirty. That person touched me... I washed myself so many times, washed until my skin was raw, but I still felt dirty. You think I'm not dirty because you don't know the whole story—"

"I don't know the details, and I don't need to know them." Lin Xishan cut him off, looking into his eyes, speaking slowly, emphasizing each word. "But no matter what happened, you are not dirty."

He extended his hand, palm facing up, stopping in front of Pei Zhi, as if to say, "You can choose."

Pei Zhi looked down at that hand, and tears fell into his palm, one drop after another.

"Touch me," he said, his voice so hoarse it was barely a whisper. "Just touch me."

Lin Xishan didn't hesitate. He lifted his hand and pressed his palm to Pei Zhi's cheek.

Pei Zhi closed his eyes for a moment, and the tears clinging to his lashes were squeezed out, rolling down his cheek and over Lin Xishan's fingertips.

They were scalding.

He nuzzled into Lin Xishan's warm palm like a little animal, and Lin Xishan could feel his eyelashes brushing against his palm, tickling it.

More precisely, it made his heart feel ticklish too.

"See?" Lin Xishan said. "I touched you. I didn't feel disgusted."

Pei Zhi opened his eyes and looked at him.

Those eyes were still full of tears, but the emotion in them was no longer despair.

"So you shouldn't feel disgusted with yourself either," Lin Xishan said.

Pei Zhi's lips parted a few times, as if he wanted to say something, but nothing came out. He just placed his hand over Lin Xishan's on his cheek and held it.

Held on tightly.

"Come on, let's go."

"Where to?" Pei Zhi's voice was still hoarse from crying.

Lin Xishan thought for a moment. "Let's get out of here first."

Though the café wasn't crowded, the ruckus they'd made was hardly small, and he'd already noticed someone trying to sneak a picture.

He didn't care about himself, but with Pei Zhi looking like this, he didn't want anyone else to see him.

When they walked out of the café, the sky outside had already darkened considerably. The streetlights had come on, casting long shadows behind them.

Pei Zhi followed behind Lin Xishan, keeping about a step behind—not too close, not too far.

His eyes were still red, and so was the tip of his nose. He looked like he wanted to get closer but was afraid to.

Lin Xishan walked a few steps, then suddenly stopped and turned to look at him steadily. "You're following me, but you won't walk next to me. What are you scared of?"

Pei Zhi opened his mouth, but he didn't know how to answer.

"Back at the café, I said I don't think you're dirty." Lin Xishan let out a sigh. "You don't believe me, huh?"

Pei Zhi bit his lower lip, not nodding or shaking his head.

Lin Xishan looked at him like that and suddenly felt a sour, tight ache in his chest—whether it was heartache or something else, he couldn't quite say.

"Fine," Lin Xishan said, "if you don't believe me, I'll prove it to you."

He stepped forward, closing the gap between them. Pei Zhi instinctively stepped back half a step, but a lamppost was behind him—he couldn't back up any further.

Lin Xishan reached out and took Pei Zhi's hand.

Not a loose hold, but the kind where fingers laced together, palm against palm.

The moment their fingers interlaced, Pei Zhi's body trembled.

Lin Xishan didn't say anything. He took Pei Zhi's hand and turned to walk forward. Pei Zhi stumbled along, his steps unsteady, but he didn't pull away.

It wasn't until Pei Zhi was led to the dorm entrance that it hit him: "You're taking me to your dorm? What about your roommate?"

"He's not here tonight," Lin Xishan said.

That was true. Lin Jichuan had left with his guitar two days ago, saying he was going to a neighboring city with some musician friends to play at a live music venue.

Pei Zhi hesitated for a moment, then nodded.

He felt a bit nervous and uneasy—after all, he'd never been to college, and he'd never lived in a dorm.

But more importantly, he was about to step into Lin Xishan's territory now.

Even if it was just a dorm.

Lin Xishan carefully put Pei Zhi's cap back on, making sure the dorm supervisor couldn't see his face clearly, before quickly ushering him through the gate.

The dormitory building was very quiet.

On Friday night, most people were either out having fun or holed up in their dorms playing games, with the occasional burst of laughter or a curse echoing down the hallway.

Lin Xishan swiped his card to unlock the door, stepped aside to let Pei Zhi go in first, then closed the door behind them.

The second the door shut, the whole world seemed to go quiet.

Pei Zhi's shoulders, which had been tense the whole time, relaxed a little.

Because here, it was just the two of them—he knew that.

The dorm was huge.

After all, it was the best dorm on campus. Two beds, with a living area in between—sofa, coffee table, desk—everything you could need.

Pei Zhi stood at the door, not stepping further inside. His gaze swept across the overly spacious room, his expression a little complicated.

"This is where the poor students live?" he asked.

Lin Xishan: "..."

Shit, he'd forgotten about that.

"My roommate's family's loaded," Lin Xishan said without changing his expression. "He picked this dorm. I'm just mooching off him."

Pei Zhi glanced at him but didn't push it.

He was still standing at the door, not changing his shoes, not moving inside—like a cat that had wandered into someone else's territory, afraid to make a move.

Lin Xishan bent down, grabbed a pair of new slippers from the shoe cabinet, and set them by Pei Zhi's feet. "Wear these."

Pei Zhi looked down at the slippers, then up at Lin Xishan, and slowly slipped them on.

Once he had them on, Lin Xishan walked over to the sofa and sat down, patting the spot next to him. "Come here."

Pei Zhi walked over and sat down next to him. There was an arm's length between them.

Lin Xishan glanced down at the gap, then scooted closer like it was nothing.

"Pei Zhi," Lin Xishan called.

Pei Zhi turned his head to look at him.

"What you said at the coffee shop earlier," Lin Xishan said slowly, as if weighing every word, "you said someone tried to assault you. Who?"

Pei Zhi's whole body went stiff.

"You don't have to tell me," Lin Xishan said quickly. "I just want to know—is that person still around?"

Pei Zhi shook his head. "No."

"Good." Lin Xishan leaned back on the sofa, staring at the ceiling.

A few seconds of silence.

"You done saying everything you wanted to say?" Lin Xishan asked.

Pei Zhi thought for a moment. "Mm."

"Then I've got something I want to say too."

Pei Zhi's fingers curled slightly.

"The morning you left," Lin Xishan said, "I saw you puke. I thought I disgusted you. I didn't wait for you to explain. I just walked away. That was on me. I should've listened."

Pei Zhi shook his head. "It wasn't your fault. I—"

"I'm not trying to play the blame game with you," Lin Xishan interrupted. "I'm just stating facts. I misunderstood you, and then I left—I even left the card there. I don't need you to tell me 'it wasn't your fault,' because that apology is mine to make."

Pei Zhi pressed his lips together and didn't say anything.

"After we split, I went back to school," Lin Xishan continued. "I sat by the lake for a while, and then Ye Jiaonan showed up... You might not want to hear this, but I still have to say it. These past few days, I've been hanging out with Ye Jiaonan."

Pei Zhi's breath caught for a moment.

"Not 'together' like that," Lin Xishan corrected. "It's that he kept coming to me, and whatever he asked me to help with, I helped. Whatever he said, I listened. Like... like I used to be."

Pei Zhi turned his head, looking at him, saying nothing.

But that was exactly what made Lin Xishan feel guiltier.

"But just now, when you showed up at the school gate," Lin Xishan met his gaze, "I came to my senses."

Pei Zhi's eyelashes trembled.

"Snapped out of it again. Just like before—the second you show up, all that messy stuff disappears." The corner of Lin Xishan's mouth twitched, but it wasn't a smile—more like a helpless, self-deprecating grimace. "Funny how that works, huh."

"Lin Xishan," Pei Zhi called.

"Yeah?"

Pei Zhi's long lashes were still damp, and the question he was about to ask was clearly making him nervous—his lashes kept fluttering: "You said earlier you spent these past few days with Ye Jiaonan. What did you two... do?"

Lin Xishan turned to look at him, caught off guard.

Pei Zhi's expression was dead serious—serious enough to be almost scary.

"Are you jealous?" Lin Xishan asked.

Pei Zhi didn't answer. But the tips of his ears turned red.

To still have his ears turning red from jealousy at a time like this—Lin Xishan thought Pei Zhi was just—

Adorably infuriating.