Chapter 44 The Boyfriend

Chapter 44: Boyfriend

On the way back from the hospital, Pei Zhi and Lin Xishan sat in the back seat of the taxi, less than a fist's width apart.

Pei Zhi seemed to be thinking about something and didn't speak the whole way.

Lin Xishan glanced at him, then reached out and took his hand.

Pei Zhi's hand instinctively curled, then he gripped back firmly.

Back at the apartment, Pei Zhi slipped on his slippers and headed straight for the kitchen. He opened the fridge, stared inside for about ten seconds, then shut it without grabbing anything.

He went back to the living room, sat on the sofa, picked up the sheet music from the coffee table, flipped a couple of pages, and set it back down.

Then he paced aimlessly between the living room and the kitchen. Finally, apparently worn out, he plopped down on the sofa, his gaze wandering.

His anxiety was painfully obvious.

Lin Xishan leaned against the kitchen doorframe, watching the whole show, and couldn't help laughing: "What, you nervous? Because of what Dr. Xie said about 'the next step'?"

"No." Pei Zhi answered quickly.

Answering that fast only made him look guiltier, which confirmed he'd been thinking about it the whole time.

Lin Xishan was itching to tease him, but he held back.

He knew that if he teased him, he'd get all defensive again.

Pei Zhi was now completely on edge.

Lin Xishan walked over and sat down next to him. The cushion sank under his weight, and Pei Zhi's body tilted slightly his way.

But he stubbornly straightened up again.

And he called that not nervous?

"Pei Zhi." Lin Xishan said his name, his expression turning serious. "Dr. Xie said 'can try,' not 'must do.' If you're not ready, there's no rush."

Pei Zhi turned to look at him and said seriously, "I'm ready."

Lin Xishan looked at him and didn't push further.

"Then tonight," Lin Xishan said, "I'm cooking. You can stand there and watch."

Pei Zhi blinked. "You're cooking?"

"What, you don't trust me?"

"The fish you made last time was still staring at us."

"That was a lifetime ago. I picked up a few things from my mom over New Year's. At least now I can tell salt from sugar."

The corner of Pei Zhi's mouth twitched, not quite a smile, but the tension in his brows visibly eased.

He leaned back into the sofa, watching Lin Xishan get up and head to the kitchen.

"The apron's on the hook next to the fridge," Pei Zhi said.

"I know. I bought it," Lin Xishan said without turning around.

He worked hard in the kitchen for a while, and Pei Zhi used that time to frantically catch up on some... knowledge.

Yeah, it made his face burn and his heart race.

He quietly checked where the leftover lube from last time was.

Scrambled eggs with tomatoes, shredded pork with green peppers, and a bowl of seaweed soup. When the three dishes hit the table, Pei Zhi looked down.

The tomato eggs looked a normal color, the pork shreds were cut unevenly, and the seaweed soup had a few clumps of unseparated seaweed floating in it.

Pei Zhi ate without tasting anything, his mind completely elsewhere.

"It's good." At least he remembered to compliment Lin Xishan.

Lin Xishan could tell from his face what he was thinking.

He didn't say anything else to comfort him.

After all, he was a little nervous himself.

Yeah, he had to admit it.

It wasn't their first time, but last time had been fueled by alcohol, and what happened after hadn't been pretty.

This time, he had to replace that bad memory.

...

Should he go look up some research material online later?

Though that would be kind of cowardly.

After dinner, Pei Zhi did the dishes.

Lin Xishan stood next to him drying the plates. The faucet ran, and dishes clinked sporadically.

Lin Xishan put the last plate in the drying rack, dried his hands, and turned to face Pei Zhi.

Pei Zhi had just turned off the faucet and was drying his hands. He looked up and met Lin Xishan's eyes.

The kitchen light was a warm yellow, catching Pei Zhi's pale gold hair and making it look soft and luminous.

He was wearing a black T-shirt with a collar that had gone baggy from washing, and the small mole above his collarbone peeked out at the edge of the neckline.

Lin Xishan stepped forward. Pei Zhi didn't back away.

"Pei Zhi." Lin Xishan's voice was lower than normal.

Pei Zhi hung the towel on the rack, then looked up. "I said I'm ready. I wasn't just running my mouth."

Lin Xishan reached out and pressed his palm to Pei Zhi's cheek. Pei Zhi didn't flinch, didn't close his eyes. He just looked at Lin Xishan, his gaze steady. Lin Xishan lowered his head and kissed him.

From the very start, this kiss wasn't tentative like before.

Pei Zhi's hands found Lin Xishan's back, his fingertips digging into the muscles beneath the thin T-shirt. Lin Xishan's hand slid from his cheek to the back of his neck, his thumb slowly tracing the soft skin behind his ear.

Pei Zhi's breathing grew heavier, but his body didn't tense up, and his hands didn't shake.

He tilted his head up to kiss back, his teeth accidentally knocking against Lin Xishan's lower lip, but neither of them stopped.

Lin Xishan eased back a little, pressing his forehead against Pei Zhi's, their breath mixing together.

"Bedroom?" His voice came out a little rough.

Pei Zhi nodded.

Lin Xishan took Pei Zhi's hand and led him out of the kitchen, through the living room, and pushed open the bedroom door.

The curtains weren't drawn. City lights from outside filtered in, spilling a soft blue-gray glow across the floor.

Lin Xishan led Pei Zhi to the edge of the bed and sat. He sat on the edge of the mattress while Pei Zhi stood in front of him—they were roughly the same height.

"Any time you want to stop," Lin Xishan said, "just say it. No need to explain, no need to feel like you're killing the mood. You say stop, we stop. Okay?"

Pei Zhi looked down at him, then suddenly reached out and flicked him on the forehead.

"Why are you so chatty today?"

Lin Xishan froze for a moment, then laughed out loud. He reached out, wrapped his arm around Pei Zhi's waist, and pulled him down and kissed him again.

Pei Zhi's knees hit the mattress, and he tumbled into Lin Xishan's arms. When they fell back into the mattress, it gave a dull thud.

Pei Zhi's skin was burning hot. Lin Xishan rolled up Pei Zhi's black T-shirt, pushing it up inch by inch. Pei Zhi reached up himself and yanked the shirt off over his head and tossed it to the floor.

This was the first time Lin Xishan had seen all of him fully sober.

Not the drunken night, not the edge of blurred consciousness—this was clear-headed and voluntary.

"Don't stare." Pei Zhi looked away.

"You look good." Lin Xishan's tone left no room for doubt.

Pei Zhi didn't say anything. He reached out to undo Lin Xishan's buttons. His fingers were steadier than he even expected.

...

Then, at some point, Pei Zhi's breath hitched. His fingers tightened on Lin Xishan's back, nails digging into his skin.

"Lin Xishan." His voice trembled slightly.

"I'm here." Lin Xishan stopped and looked down at him. "What's wrong?"

Pei Zhi looked at him, a hint of confusion in his phoenix eyes, along with something else he couldn't quite place. He opened his mouth, as if searching for the right words, and finally just said: "It feels weird."

"Weird in a good way or a bad way?"

Pei Zhi thought for a moment. "I don't know. It's just... not gross."

Lin Xishan lowered his head and pressed a kiss to the little mole above his collarbone.

"Not gross is good enough," he said. "We can figure out the rest slowly."

That night, they took it slow.

Not clumsy—but tender.

Lin Xishan stopped at every possible moment, waiting for Pei Zhi's breath to even out, waiting for his fingers to unclench from the sheets and find their way back to Lin Xishan's back.

Pei Zhi never called stop. Not once, the whole time.

After it was over, Lin Xishan went to the bathroom and wrung out a hot washcloth. He wiped Pei Zhi down, pulled the covers up over him, and then lay down beside him.

Pei Zhi turned onto his side to face him. His pale gold hair was damp with sweat, plastered to his forehead.

His eyes were a little red-rimmed: "Lin Xishan. I didn't feel like throwing up, and I didn't want to shove you away."

"I know." Lin Xishan reached out, brushed the damp strands of hair from Pei Zhi's forehead, tucking them behind his ear, and pressed a kiss to his forehead. "You did good."

Pei Zhi blinked, and Lin Xishan saw a faint glimmer of moisture on his lashes.

Lin Xishan pulled him into his arms, letting him rest his head on his shoulder.

"How'd I do?" Pei Zhi's voice was muffled against his shoulder.

"Great." Lin Xishan said, smoothing down Pei Zhi's hair.

Pei Zhi was silent for a few seconds, then said in a voice that was trying hard to stay calm but had a slight upward lilt at the end: "So does that mean I'm cured?"

"It's not about being 'cured'—it's about you getting better little by little. And whether you're better or not doesn't change that we're together now." Lin Xishan corrected.

Pei Zhi lifted his head from his shoulder and looked at him: "What do you mean, 'together'?"

"Officially." Lin Xishan said, brushing his thumb across Pei Zhi's cheekbone. "You said you wouldn't call stop earlier, so I'll take that as a yes."

"I didn't say I disagreed." Pei Zhi mumbled, then buried his face in Lin Xishan's shoulder again. After a long moment, he said, his voice muffled: "Then you can't have dinner alone with Shen Jiming anymore."

Lin Xishan froze for a second, then laughed: "Fine."

"And you can't go to the library alone with Ji Huaixu either." Pei Zhi pressed on.

"Fine." Lin Xishan kissed the top of his head. "But I have one condition. You're not allowed to accept roses from anyone else. Daisies don't count either."

"Obviously." Pei Zhi's hand found Lin Xishan's waist, his voice already growing drowsy. "I only take yours. Always have."

The last thing Pei Zhi thought before falling asleep was that he should've started treatment sooner.

—Because it was seriously amazing.

The next morning, Lin Xishan was woken by his phone ringing.

He groggily reached for the nightstand, fumbling until he found his phone. Squinting at the caller ID: Lin Jichuan.

He answered, and before he could even get a word out, Lin Jichuan's voice blasted through the speaker: "Bro, you didn't come back to the dorm last night?"

Lin Xishan glanced at Pei Zhi, still asleep beside him, and lowered his voice: "Yeah."

"You're at Pei Zhi's?"

"Yeah."

There was a beat of silence on the other end. Then Lin Jichuan's voice got really loaded: "Did you two... do it?"

"Lin Jichuan." Lin Xishan's voice carried the rasp of just waking up. "Are you my dad? Or do you have some inappropriate feelings for me?"

"Bullshit!" Lin Jichuan's voice shot up half an octave before dropping back down. "I'm worried about you! You're my brother—who else am I gonna worry about?"

The noise woke Pei Zhi up. He stirred, reached a hand out from under the covers, found Lin Xishan's hand holding the phone, then traced up Lin Xishan's arm and finally patted his chin, as if telling him to shush.

Lin Xishan caught his wandering hand, and said into the phone: "Gotta go. Talk to you tonight." Then he hung up before Lin Jichuan could say anything.

Pei Zhi lifted his face from the pillow, squinting at him. "Your brother?"

"Yeah."

"He knows we..."

"He guessed. He's not stupid." Lin Xishan put the phone back on the nightstand, lay back down, and turned on his side to face Pei Zhi. "Did we wake you?"

Pei Zhi shook his head, pulling the blanket up higher to cover his shoulders.

He lay on his side, head resting on his arm, looking at Lin Xishan. His pale gold hair was a mess, like a bird's nest, and the cut on his lip where he'd bitten himself had already formed a thin scab.

"I have rehearsal today," Pei Zhi said. "At ten. What time is it now?"

Lin Xishan reached for his phone and glanced at the screen. "Nine twenty."

Pei Zhi sat up at once. The blanket slid off his shoulders, and he glanced down at the marks below his collarbone, then yanked the blanket back up and shot Lin Xishan a glare.

Lin Xishan lay in bed, hands behind his head, watching him with an amused smile.

Pei Zhi's hackles rose. "What are you smiling at?"

"At you," Lin Xishan said slowly.

Pei Zhi ignored him, wrapping the blanket around himself as he climbed out of bed to find his clothes.

He went to the wardrobe, crouched down, and rummaged through the drawers, the blanket dragging on the floor like a big clumsy tail. Watching him, Lin Xishan couldn't hold back a laugh anymore.

Pei Zhi pulled out a turtleneck from the wardrobe and, without looking back, tossed it over, hitting Lin Xishan square in the face. "Get up. Drive me."

Lin Xishan pulled the sweater off his face, still laughing. "Yes, sir. Boyfriend."

Pei Zhi's movements paused. With his back to Lin Xishan, he took a few seconds before saying, "What did you just call me?"

"Boyfriend." Lin Xishan sat on the edge of the bed, his tone matter-of-fact. "We agreed yesterday. We're officially together. You didn't forget after one night's sleep, did you?"

Pei Zhi pulled the turtleneck on and yanked the collar up as high as it would go, covering every trace on his collarbones that shouldn't be seen. Then he turned around, looking at Lin Xishan with his usual cold expression—but the tips of his ears betrayed him, flushed red.

"I didn't forget," he said. "Boyfriend."