Chapter 73

Chapter 73

He Qiuxia had lived on the island for a full year. From Ji Yunshu's pregnancy to childbirth and postpartum recovery, to the two children learning to roll over, sit up, and crawl, she had stayed by their side without missing a single day.

Now Nian Nian and Sheng Sheng could already pull themselves up against walls or stools and take steps. The family dog Huajuan's tail was being chased and grabbed by Nian Nian, and Shen Shen had grown accustomed to the noise of the two little humans. Ji Yunshu had also gradually figured out the two children's temperaments—when to feed them, when to soothe them to sleep, whether Nian Nian's whimpers meant hunger or drowsiness, and whether Sheng Sheng's quietness meant he was thinking or sleeping with his eyes open—all of this Ji Yunshu now understood thoroughly.

But He Qiuxia had to go back. Her temporary visiting family visa could only be extended for at most one year; staying any longer would be a violation. Ji Haiguo had been living alone in the compound for a year, and although he mostly said everything was fine, He Qiuxia could tell from Meng Li's occasional letters that Ji Haiguo had been enduring quite a bit of frustration.

Since she could go back now, He Qiuxia was going back to straighten out that household.

The day He Qiuxia left was a clear, sunny day. Ji Yunshu got up early to pack He Qiuxia's luggage, wrapping dried fish, dried shrimp, and shredded squid in several layers of oil paper and tucking them into the lining of the suitcase. She also folded two new outfits she had sewn and placed them inside, saying one was for He Qiuxia and one was to be delivered to her grandmother.

He Qiuxia held Nian Nian and kissed her again and again, then bent down to pat Sheng Sheng's little head. Sheng Sheng sat upright on the sofa, looking up at his grandmother with those big dark eyes, his expression still serious, but his little hand tightly clutching the hem of He Qiuxia's clothes for a good while before letting go.

The wind was strong at the dock. The ferry had already docked, sailors were untying the mooring lines on the gangway, and the steam whistle sounded twice with a low hoot. Ji Yunshu held He Qiuxia's hand, her eyes already red, her voice trembling slightly: "Mom, travel safe. When you get to Yuecheng, give us a call at the island post office to say you arrived safely. Take the dried fish and shrimp back for Dad to snack on with his drinks. And write to me often. When Sheng Sheng and Nian Nian turn three, we'll bring them back to see you."

"I know, I know. You're a mother now, and you've turned into quite the mother hen. Xiao Pei, I'm leaving Xiao Shu in your care. You need to take good care of her—don't let her go hungry, don't let her get too tired. The children are bigger now, but you can't let Xiao Shu handle all the childcare alone. When you get off work, you need to spend more time with the kids." He Qiuxia took the suitcase, turned to Pei Yufeng and instructed him, her eyes also red. She said "don't see me off" but her hand wouldn't let go of Ji Yunshu's.

"Mom, don't worry." Pei Yufeng stood behind Ji Yunshu, one hand steadily supporting her shoulder, and nodded solemnly.

"Mom—" Ji Yunshu threw herself into He Qiuxia's arms, sobbing, "I don't want you to go. Who's going to cook me soup when you're gone? Who's going to help me watch the kids?"

He Qiuxia's tears finally fell, and she gently patted Ji Yunshu's back: "Mom hates to leave you too. You're alone on the island—even though Xiao Pei takes care of you, I still can't stop worrying. Your father is an old revolutionary; he's been through worse. When he retires, if we get the chance, we'll come back to the island to visit you."

"Mom, when you get back, tell Dad I'm doing fine here and not to worry. When the children turn three and can take the boat, Brother Pei and I will bring them back to see you both, so Dad can meet Nian Nian and Sheng Sheng—they haven't even called him Grandpa yet." Ji Yunshu wiped her tears with a handkerchief, her own face still streaked with tears, but she forced a smile.

"Good, good. Mom will tell your father when she gets back, and have him trim the grapevines in the yard so they don't get overgrown and affect Nian Nian and Sheng Sheng playing in the yard by the time you come. Your father dotes on you the most—when you come back with the children, he'll be so happy he won't sleep a wink." He Qiuxia wiped the corners of her eyes, then bent down to hug the two children once more. Sheng Sheng remained quietly leaning against Pei Yufeng's chest, but his little hand clutched He Qiuxia's clothes for a long moment before letting go. Nian Nian didn't understand what parting meant; she just tilted her head watching Grandma and Mommy both crying, and her lips started to tremble like she was about to cry.

"Nian Nian, be good, don't cry. Grandma will come back to see you when she can, and I'll bring you sesame candy, sweeter than the ones from the supply store. Don't be mad at Grandma, okay? Come on, give Grandma a smile." He Qiuxia quickly wiped her tears and squeezed out a smile at Nian Nian.

Nian Nian tilted her head and stared at her grandmother for a few seconds, probably thinking the grown-ups were being weird with all the crying and laughing, and turned away to play with her fingers. He Qiuxia straightened up, took the luggage from Pei Yufeng's hands, turned, and walked onto the gangway. She walked quickly, without looking back. But Ji Yunshu saw her dab at her eyes with her handkerchief several times as she boarded.

The ferry slowly pulled away from the dock, its white stern dragging a long white wake across the sea. Ji Yunshu stood on the gangway, watching the ship grow smaller and smaller until it became a tiny white dot between sea and sky.

The sea breeze blew over, drying the tears on Ji Yunshu's face, then blowing out new ones. Ji Yunshu stood on the shore, watching the ship grow farther and farther away until it disappeared completely, feeling like a piece of her heart had been scooped out.

--

After He Qiuxia left, Ji Yunshu went through a period of adjustment.

When He Qiuxia was there, Ji Yunshu didn't have to do anything—He Qiuxia took excellent care of the children every day and prepared everything Ji Yunshu needed. Once He Qiuxia was gone, Ji Yunshu had to look after both children alone, and she felt like a spinning top, always going in circles around the kids.

Fortunately, Pei Yufeng was capable enough. After he got off work in the evenings, Ji Yunshu could completely rest—Pei Yufeng handled everything, and she just had to get the kids to sleep before bed.

But that routine didn't last long either. Ji Yunshu had just gotten used to taking care of the children during the day and Pei Yufeng taking over at night when Pei Yufeng received another mission.

The day Pei Yufeng received his mission notice was an overcast day. Fog hung over the sea, and the flag on the dock snapped in the wind.

When Pei Yufeng came home, Nian Nian was practicing walking while holding onto the coffee table, and Sheng Sheng was sitting on the mat flipping through a picture book. Ji Yunshu was making porridge in the kitchen. Hearing the door, she poked her head out. "You're back? Why are you back earlier than usual?"

"I've got a mission from the organization. I'll be gone about ten days." Pei Yufeng stood at the entrance changing his shoes. He bent down to straighten them, then stood up, walked over, and scooped Nian Nian up from beside the coffee table into his arms. Nian Nian giggled as he lifted her, reaching for his chin.

"Alright, will you make it back in time for the children's birthday?" Ji Yunshu walked out carrying the porridge, watching him hold Nian Nian and spin around the room, suddenly feeling that his expression today seemed a bit different from usual. "It's not fair to make me do their birthday alone!"

Nian Nian and Sheng Sheng's birthday was at the end of July. It was now early July. If the mission goes smoothly, he should just about make it back in time.

Pei Yufeng set Nian Nian back on the mat, turned to look at her, and said softly, "I'll do my best."

Ji Yunshu's hand holding the bowl paused. She set the bowl down with a soft clink. She sighed lightly and nodded in understanding. "Alright then."

Pei Yufeng's missions were generally high-difficulty, and it was hard to predict exactly when they'd be completed. But since he'd promised, he should be able to make it back.

Ji Yunshu nodded, walked over, picked up Nian Nian, and wiped the corner of her mouth with a handkerchief, but said to Pei Yufeng, "Don't worry about us. I can manage the children on my own—worst case, I'll ask Sister Li Shu to help with the kids."

"I'm heading out with Commander Lin on this one. If you need anything, go to Comrade Li." Pei Yufeng walked up behind her, wrapping his arms around her and Nian Nian, his chin resting on her head. "Nian Nian needs a bottle at night—the formula's on the second shelf of the cabinet. Sheng Sheng's had a runny nose lately; don't forget to wipe it. Comrade Li said she'd come by often. If you want her to stay over, that's fine too—the two of you together can look out for each other."

Ji Yunshu turned around in his arms and looked up at him. She wasn't crying, but her eyes were bright and shining as she nodded firmly: "Focus on your mission. Do what the organization needs you to do. I can handle the children—don't worry about me."

Pei Yufeng looked down at her, tucking a stray strand of hair behind her ear: "I'm still not sure you can handle it."

"How could I not handle it! You take care of yourself too, okay?" Ji Yunshu reached up and grabbed the front of his jacket, her voice suddenly dropping, shaking a little, "Take care of yourself, and come back safely."

Pei Yufeng held her hand, his thumb gently rubbing the back of her hand. "I know."

That night when Pei Yufeng left, Nian Nian and Sheng Sheng were already asleep. Ji Yunshu saw him to the door, the sea breeze blowing her hair across her face. She didn't cry like she had when He Qiuxia left—she just stood in the doorway and waved.

Pei Yufeng walked a few steps, then turned back to look at her. "Go inside. It's windy."

Ji Yunshu nodded, and only after he walked out of the yard and got into the car did she slowly close the door. The moment the door shut, she looked down at her hand—there were faint red marks on her right palm. Ji Yunshu leaned against the door for a while, and suddenly, for no reason, her heart tightened, like a rope had suddenly tightened around her chest. She raised her hand to press against her chest, took a deep breath, and told herself not to think too much.

But that night, Ji Yunshu tossed and turned, unable to sleep. Moonlight slipped through the gap in the curtains, falling across the children's small beds. Nian Nian was sleeping soundly on her side, her mouth slightly open. Sheng Sheng lay on his back, his two little hands placed neatly at his sides like a little soldier. Ji Yunshu looked at them, and the tightness in her chest eased a little, but it was still there.

Pei Yufeng had already escaped the death calamity from her dream—nothing should happen to him now. But for some reason, Ji Yunshu couldn't shake the unease.

Reality was completely different from her dream, and Ji Yunshu didn't know what the future held. She couldn't stop worrying about what the future held for her and Pei Yufeng, and Ji Yunshu even had a nightmare.

Fortunately, Li Shu came the next day. She arrived carrying a fish in one hand and holding Niuniu's hand with the other. Seeing Ji Yunshu looking tired and worried, she hurried over to comfort her: "What's wrong? Too tired from taking care of the kids and didn't sleep well?"

"I don't know why, but my heart just feels unsettled." Ji Yunshu said honestly.

As soon as Li Shu entered, she set the fish down in the kitchen, her tone soothing and guiding: "That's normal. Deputy Regiment Commander Pei is out at sea, and you two are so close—of course you'd worry about his safety. But don't overthink it. Now that Deputy Regiment Commander Pei is out at sea, you need to take even better care of yourself, so you can take care of the two children."

Meanwhile, Niuniu had already made her way to the mat to find Nian Nian. Nian Nian beamed when she saw her, reaching out both arms for a hug. Niuniu crouched down and wrapped her arms around her, patting her back like a proper big sister: "Nian Nian, be good. Sister's here."

"Sister Li, you're right." Ji Yunshu poured Li Shu a glass of water, and the two sat on the sofa, watching the three children play on the mat.

Li Shu took a sip of water, then suddenly leaned in and lowered her voice: "Let me tell you, last night Old Lin came back and told me about this mission. The moment I heard he was partnering with Xiao Pei, my heart settled right down."

Ji Yunshu turned her head to look at her.

"Really," Li Shu set down her cup and gestured with her hand, "You don't know—Old Lin has run into so many troubles on missions before. One time at sea they hit a big storm and the boat nearly capsized; another time, trying to save one of his men, he broke his leg and had to be carried back. I kept thinking, if he'd had a capable partner to help, it wouldn't have been so rough. This time with Xiao Pei—Deputy Regiment Commander Pei is known for his capability and sharp mind. Don't get me wrong, Old Lin is the actual regiment commander, but I've always thought Xiao Pei is the real number one in the Second Regiment. Having my Old Lin with him, I'm a hundred percent at ease."

"Brother Pei doesn't have as much experience as Commander Lin, right?" Ji Yunshu's lips curved slightly as she listened. "Brother Lin is quite a bit older than him—on missions, he'd have to defer to Brother Lin."

"My Old Lin says Deputy Regiment Commander Pei sees further than he does, and his strategies are often the best. Old Lin says it probably won't be long before Deputy Regiment Commander Pei reaches the same rank as him—full regiment commander. How could he compare to Xiao Pei? Xiao Pei is the youngest deputy regiment commander in our military district!" Li Shu praised.

Ji Yunshu felt pleased hearing Li Shu lavish such praise on Pei Yufeng, but her hand unconsciously touched her right eyelid—it had twitched twice since morning and still felt tight. A bad premonition surged into Ji Yunshu's heart. She shuddered and quickly suppressed the thought.

Li Shu continued: "Don't mind me rambling, but I genuinely think Xiao Pei is wonderful. Look at how he treats you, how he treats the children—there's nothing to fault. Niuniu had an arithmetic problem she couldn't solve in her homework the other day. When I went to pick her up, I happened to run into Xiao Pei getting off work. He crouched at the door and explained it to Niuniu for a long time, breaking the problem into three steps. Niuniu understood it right away. She kept telling me at home, 'Uncle Pei explains better than the teacher.'"

"He's just patient." Ji Yunshu said.

"Exactly." Li Shu slapped her thigh. "So I'm saying, with this mission, knowing Old Lin is with him, I sleep better at night. I figure he'll be back within twenty days, max."

Ji Yunshu watched as Niuniu stacked building blocks one by one on the mat, with Nian Nian reaching over to knock them down. Niuniu didn't get annoyed—she just restacked them, and Nian Nian knocked them down again. The two played this game happily for several rounds. Sheng Sheng sat quietly beside them, occasionally handing Niuniu a block.

Ji Yunshu's gaze rested on the children's faces, but her heart drifted out to sea, to the ship sailing toward an unknown destination. She imagined Pei Yufeng standing on the deck, the sea breeze ruffling his clothes. He probably wore that same composed expression, brows slightly furrowed, mentally calculating each step of the mission. She shook her head, trying to banish these images, but they stubbornly lingered in her mind.

Day after day passed. Li Shu came every other day, sometimes bringing vegetables, sometimes fruit, helping watch the children so Ji Yunshu could free up her hands to cook and do laundry. Nian Nian and Sheng Sheng grew closer to Niuniu. Nian Nian would tug at Niuniu's braids and call out "Sister," and while Sheng Sheng didn't call out, whenever Niuniu came, he'd push his favorite toy in front of her.

But on the twentieth day, there was still no news.

Ji Yunshu woke up unusually early that morning. The sky wasn't even fully light yet, and she lay in bed with her eyes open, staring at the crack in the ceiling. Her right eyelid twitched again. She pressed her fingers to it, feeling the relentless twitch beneath the thin skin. Ji Yunshu had a bad feeling about it. She told herself she shouldn't believe in that "superstitious" nonsense, but the worry only got worse.

When Li Shu arrived, her face looked a little tight, but she still smiled as she came through the door, setting her bag on the table: "Old Lin said before he left that he'd be back within twenty days. They must have been delayed on the way. You know how it is out at sea—sometimes the wind kicks up, sometimes the waves get rough. A day or two late is normal."

Ji Yunshu gave a quiet "mm" in response and took the vegetables out of the bag into the sink. Water rushed over the vegetables in a steady stream. She kept her head down, staring at her reflection in the water, her face broken into rippling fragments by the current. That "what if" was like a slippery fish, darting back and forth in her mind. She couldn't catch it, but it left her restless and on edge.

On the twenty-first day, while Ji Yunshu was cooking, the kitchen knife slipped and cut her index finger. The cut wasn't deep, but when the blood seeped out, she stared at it for a long while, feeling that ache that runs from your fingers straight to your heart.

Li Shu saw it and quickly wrapped it in gauze, saying "It's nothing, just a small cut," but when their eyes met, they both quickly looked away. Ji Yunshu lowered her head and watched the blood soak a small pale red patch through the gauze. A thought suddenly flashed through her mind—the day Pei Yufeng left, something about his expression had been off. Had he been hiding something from her? Had he known this mission was extraordinarily dangerous and chosen not to tell her? The thought came out of nowhere and only grew stronger. Ji Yunshu bit her lip and forced herself to choke it back down.

On the twenty-second day, when Ji Yunshu got up in the morning, her right eyelid twitched more than it had the past two days. She stood at the mirror and washed her face, splashing cold water on it several times, but her eyelid wouldn't stop twitching.

Nian Nian started crying in the bedroom. Ji Yunshu quickly dried her face and went in to pick up the child. After soothing Nian Nian, she realized Sheng Sheng had somehow rolled off the bed. He was lying on the floor, quiet, eyes open, staring at the ceiling. When Ji Yunshu picked Sheng Sheng up, her hands were trembling. She sat on the edge of the bed holding both children, listening to her heart pound like a drum in her chest, each beat carrying a chill she couldn't name. She suddenly felt the room was too big, too empty. Without the sounds of Pei Yufeng moving through the living room, filling water in the kitchen, changing in the bedroom, the house felt so empty she could hear every tiny sound.

Ji Yunshu closed her eyes and repeated over and over in her heart: Nothing's going to happen. Nothing's going to happen. He promised me. He promised.

On the twenty-third day, Li Shu came early in the morning, carrying two steamed buns. When she walked in and saw Ji Yunshu feeding the children, she set down the buns and went to help. The two of them worked in the kitchen—one ladling porridge, the other passing bowls—neither of them mentioning what was really on their minds. But when Ji Yunshu ladled the porridge, her hand trembled, and the spoon clinked sharply against the rim of the pot. Both of them froze mid-motion.

"Nian Nian has a good appetite today," Li Shu said, crouching beside her to watch Nian Nian open her mouth for porridge, her voice a few notes higher than usual, as if trying to push past the awkwardness from a moment ago. "Look how shiny her little lips are."

"Mm," Ji Yunshu nodded.

"Sheng Sheng is doing well too. Look how straight he sits, like a little adult."

"Mm," Ji Yunshu said, distracted.

Li Shu looked up at Ji Yunshu. Ji Yunshu was feeding Nian Nian spoonful by spoonful, her face expressionless, but the veins on the back of her hand were standing out slightly. Her right eyelid twitched again. She pressed it with her hand, then quickly lowered it.

"Yun Shu," Li Shu reached out and pressed her arm, her palm against it, feeling how cold Ji Yunshu's skin was—unnaturally cold. "Don't worry. I know Old Lin—he's a careful man. And Xiao Pei is such a sharp person. Nothing will happen to the two of them together. It must be that the mission isn't quite finished, and the organization asked them to stay a few extra days to wrap things up."

Ji Yunshu finally looked up. She gazed at Li Shu, her lips parting slightly, but before she could speak, her eyes reddened.

"Sister Li Shu," Ji Yunshu began, her voice flat as a windless sea, but something heavy sinking underneath. "If something really happened, would the organization send someone to tell the family?"

Li Shu froze for a moment, then waved her hand vigorously: "Don't talk nonsense! I told you nothing will happen. You know Old Lin's longest mission before was a full forty days. He came back with a scruffy beard, thin and haggard, but he's perfectly fine now. This time it's only been twenty-three days—that's nothing."

Ji Yunshu said nothing more and lowered her head to continue feeding Nian Nian. After finishing her porridge, Nian Nian grew drowsy, her little head bobbing as she nuzzled into Ji Yunshu's arms. Ji Yunshu picked her up and patted her gently, humming a tune. Sheng Sheng yawned too, his eyes starting to droop. She soothed both children, but in her heart, it felt like a dull knife cutting slowly—one slice, then another, each one a deep, muted ache.

Ji Yunshu didn't dare think that word. The word had been on the tip of her tongue hundreds of times, and she clenched her jaw, refusing to say it. But Pei Yufeng's face kept floating before her eyes—him standing at the door, looking back at her, sea breeze in his hair, speaking softly. Ji Yunshu couldn't hear what he said. She was terrified it might be goodbye forever.

Li Shu helped Ji Yunshu carry Sheng Sheng to the bed and tucked a small quilt around Nian Nian. Once both children were asleep, the room went quiet.

Outside the window, the sky hung heavy and dark. The wind howled through the cracks in the window frame, sounding like someone crying. Ji Yunshu sat on the edge of the bed, hands clasped on her knees, staring at the rattling window. She began to worry—could there be a typhoon at sea?

It was typhoon season again...

Li Shu sat at the other end. Neither of them spoke, just listening to the wind and the children's steady breathing.

Then, all of a sudden, the doorbell rang.

Heavy, urgent knocking broke the quiet of the courtyard. The knocks came in fits and starts, as if the person knocking barely had the strength to stand.

Ji Yunshu jumped to her feet. The moment she stood, her heart clenched with a sharp pang. A cold she'd never felt before surged from the soles of her feet and crawled up her spine. Her hands went numb, her fingertips ice-cold. Li Shu stood up too. They exchanged a look, and Li Shu quickly said, "It's fine. I'll go see who it is."

If Pei Yufeng had come back, he would've just pushed the door open and walked in—no need for such heavy knocking. But so late at night, if it wasn't Pei Yufeng, who could be coming to see her so urgently?

"It's okay. I'll go." Ji Yunshu walked over and opened the door.

The moment the door swung open, sea wind rushed in, salty and fishy. The dark figure outside stumbled, then dropped with a thud onto his knees on the threshold.

Ji Yunshu stepped back half a step. When she realized who it was, a chill swept through her entire body.

Commander Lin was on his knees, soaked to the bone, water still dripping from his clothes. His hair clung to his forehead in wet strands, a few locks covering one eye. The other eye was bloodshot, red as if it might bleed. His face was deathly pale under the hallway light—not a normal pallor, but that swollen, bluish-gray look of someone who'd been in the sea too long. His lips were purple and trembling, quivering several times before he could get a single word out.

He raised his head to look at Ji Yunshu. His eyes were bloodshot, the whites crossed with red lines, as if he hadn't slept in days. His throat worked, his Adam's apple bobbing, but only airy sounds came out.

"Comrade... Comrade Ji, Xiao Pei..." Commander Lin's voice was hoarse, barely recognizable, forcing out one word at a time. His face grew grayer with each one. "Xiao Pei... he saved me... and the waves took him..."

Author's note:

Thank you for reading and for your patience. Sending red envelopes.