Chapter 85 Endure the Pain

Chapter 85: Endure the Pain

His tone was playful, making it impossible to discern if he was serious or jesting. Yan Xuerui paused, her fingertips lightly tracing the back of his hand—a gesture both teasing and seemingly accidental, her eyes clear and innocent.

"Marquis, it's getting late."

Her voice, soft as flowing water, continued, "Finish up soon, and I’ll dine with you."

Gu Yan chuckled softly but didn't press the matter, picking up another memorial to review. He handled state affairs with meticulous care, scrutinizing every word and sentence, even deliberating over routine greetings. Yan Xuerui once suspected he was deliberately stalling, but Gu Yan pointed to the signature and explained, "Rui Er, look at the date of this submission and consider the location. Memorials travel via official courier routes; the number of days it takes to reach the emperor is generally fixed."

"If it arrives on time, all is well. But if it’s delayed or early, what happened in between? Perhaps negligence at a courier station along the way, or intentional interception, or maybe it was delivered urgently. The details cannot be overlooked."

Yan Xuerui’s eyes widened in astonishment. Having experienced one morning court session, she'd previously thought the solemn imperial court was nothing special, but now she understood its hardships and difficulties. She obediently became Gu Yan’s little assistant, humbly seeking guidance. And so, from morning until deep into the night, with the New Year’s memorials already plentiful and Yan Xuerui, an inquisitive "student," frequently interrupting with questions, Gu Yan patiently explained. It was only around 5-7 PM that they managed to review one-tenth of the pile.

The candles in the hall had burned down, flickering wildly. Gu Yan remained expressionless, his voice low as he ordered, "Replace the candles."

Suddenly, as if remembering something, he looked up at Yan Xuerui, who stood beside him attending to the ink and brush. Her face was slightly pale, her hair like dark clouds slightly disheveled, and she wore an expression of weariness.

Gu Yan sighed softly, set down the slightly dry cinnabar brush on its stand, and rose to steady her by the shoulders and waist.

"When I’m absorbed in work, I lose track of time. Why didn’t you say something if you were tired?"

Gu Yan led Yan Xuerui to the adjacent resting chamber and called out, "Someone, prepare hot water."

They had had their morning romp, and Yan Xuerui’s legs were already sore. Gu Yan, when handling political affairs, was a different person—stern and solemn. She didn’t want to disturb him or hold him back, so she stood all day without complaint.

For a young woman from Yangzhou who had once spent entire days auditing shop accounts, this was nothing, but Madam Yan, pampered for over a decade, could not endure such hardship. Grinding ink required standing, and as she helped organize the memorials, her legs grew heavy, her steps slow and uncomfortable.

Gu Yan frowned slightly, raised his hand, and started untying her robes. Startled, Yan Xuerui retreated backward, curling into the corner of the bed.

"I’m tired today. Perhaps another time."

She bit her lower lip and whispered, "There’s morning court tomorrow. Marquis, you should return to your residence early and rest."

She used him and now dismissed him, misunderstanding his good intentions. Gu Yan was so angry he laughed, his voice dark, "Rest? I want you today."

What did she take him for? And where did she place herself!

Because of their unpleasant beginning and his frequent stays in her chamber, Yan Xuerui had once regarded this as a transaction in her heart. Especially today, watching Gu Yan review memorials all day—though he never volunteered information, whenever she asked, he explained thoroughly and without reservation.

He was an excellent teacher.

When you accept favors, you become indebted. Today, she caught a glimpse of the complexities. She had once thought herself naturally gifted through osmosis, but now she realized how far she fell short. In the future, relying on Grand Tutor Gu would not be mere words.

Yan Xuerui’s dark eyelashes fluttered slightly. Gu Yan looked down at her, his dark eyes fixed intently on her, and he sneered, "You said it yourself—we are an adulterous pair. Why play modest in front of your paramour?"

"Undress."

After some thought, Yan Xuerui slowly untied the sash at her waist. When she returned to Chang Le Palace, she had changed into a vermillion day dress, less ornate and stiff than princess ceremonial wear, with a soft, swaying skirt that puddled around her like a blooming crabapple flower.

Her legs were snow-white and shapely, well-proportioned, but now slightly swollen, glowing with a warm, faint pink under the candlelight.

Gu Yan saw it, and so did Yan Xuerui. Only then did she realize she had misunderstood him. She didn’t speak, just lifted her head, her misty, beautiful eyes gazing at him innocently.

Gu Yan raised his chin. "Continue."

His voice was cold, casting a chill over the warm hall. Yan Xuerui bent her legs and edged toward the bedside, her hands gently tugging at the hem of his robe.

"Marquis."

Her Wu-speaking voice soft and melodic, calling out with endless twists and turns. Gu Yan let out a cold laugh, unswayed.

"Continue."

Yan Xuerui blinked, trying to charm him. "Grand Tutor~"

"Lord Gu."

"Mr. Gu, this student admits her mistake."

"..."

Gu Yan was too exasperated to be angry. His face stern, he grasped her ankle. His palm, calloused, made her shrink back almost imperceptibly, but he only tightened his grip, his thumb slowly pressing upward along the inside of her snow-white calf—sore and numb, Yan Xuerui couldn’t help but let out a soft cry—"It hurts."

"Endure the pain."

Gu Yan said coldly, "Just standing for one day, and you can’t bear this much physical pain? How can you talk about heaven bestowing great responsibilities?"

Yan Xuerui’s cheeks flushed red, remembering when she first regained her status and returned to the marquis’s residence, boldly declaring that "heaven will bestow great responsibilities upon this person." How ignorant and fearless she had been.

Such a petty man, remembering it after all this time.

She didn’t argue, admitting wholeheartedly, "Back then, I was lacking in experience and spoke inappropriately."

Since becoming a princess, her temperament had become less gentle, and her words sharper. Such honesty was rare now. Gu Yan glanced at her in surprise but didn’t respond. Just then, a palace maid brought a copper basin. Gu Yan immersed her calves in the water. The temperature was just right; her toes curled and then relaxed comfortably.

Warmth spread from her feet upward, easing the fatigue of the entire day. She sighed softly, "The Marquis truly works hard."

She had thought reviewing memorials was just wielding a brush to make marks—with underfloor heating in winter and ice chambers in summer, attended by maids and servants. He seemed effortless, but it turned out to be so mentally draining.

She felt exhausted after just one day, yet he had done this day after day for more than ten years. The marquis’s residence had no old marquis; Gu Yan had borne the responsibility at a young age. She used to resent his dominance and authoritarian ways, but now, reflecting on the treacherous court full of pitfalls where a misstep could lead to being devoured, she understood.

If he weren’t so forceful, would the House of Jingyuan exist as it does today?

For the first time, Yan Xuerui understood Gu Yan. Unfortunately, she had put on acts too many times; this one moment of sincerity, Gu Yan didn't take seriously.

He stood up and slung on the black fox-fur cloak from the clothes rack, replying casually, "It’s nothing. I don't operate a charity; fees are required. Your Highness, don’t forget."

Seeing his demeanor, Yan Xuerui exclaimed, "You’re leaving?"

"Otherwise?"

Gu Yan turned to look at her. In the dim candlelight, his features looked sharply defined, his expression cold and severe.

He said, "Does Your Highness wish to keep her paramour overnight?"

Yan Xuerui, remembering how she had misunderstood him earlier, thought to herself, it might be nice.

After all, he often stayed in the palace during the New Year period; one more night wouldn’t matter.

When Gu Yan wasn’t smiling, he was stern and intimidating. Yan Xuerui felt too embarrassed to be direct and said euphemistically, "It's freezing outside, and at this hour, the palace gates should be closed."

Gu Yan’s tone was stiff: "It’s fine."

The palace gates wouldn't stop him.

Yan Xuerui couldn’t tell if he was pretending or genuinely didn’t understand her implication. She paused, then said, "There’s a warmer on the table outside the hall. Take it with you."

Gu Yan grunted in acknowledgment and advised, "Morning court starts at dawn. Rest well; no one will see you behind the curtain."

With Gu Yan's possessiveness, he wouldn't let anyone catch even a glimpse of her, so he'd used a full three layers of satin for the embroidered curtain.

Yan Xuerui didn't take the bait. The atmosphere between them was strange, their tones stiff yet filled with concern, their movements as familiar as a devoted married couple, yet without the title to show for it. Yan Xuerui watched him walk away, a flicker of confusion in her dark, beautiful eyes.

She thought, he would come back.

He was most skilled at crashing palaces and slipping through windows. No matter how much she tried to guard against him, she could never keep him out. Since she had asked him to stay, why wouldn't he come?

She lifted her feet out of the bronze foot basin, her small, fair toes stepping onto the bluestone flagstones. Water droplets slid down her calves, leaving dark, wet patches.

She slowly undid her robe and lay down, her eyes fixed on the golden phoenix pattern on the bed canopy. After a while, she turned over, letting her dark hair fall to the side, burying her small face in the brocade quilt.

Her eyes began to ache, but aside from the occasional rustling of the window screen in the wind, there was no sound. The vast hall was deathly still and silent.

Yan Xuerui slowly closed her eyes.

***

Although Gu Yan had told her not to, and despite being exhausted from the previous day, Yan Xuerui still arrived at the Golden Luan Hall on time.

As usual, she only listened and did not speak. Gu Yan knew her too well—from a faint shadow, a subtle fragrance, he knew it was her.

Grand Tutor Gu was in a temper during the morning court. The Ministry of Revenue and the Ministry of Personnel had bungled several tasks in a row, earning them his stern reprimands. The youngest Vice Minister of Personnel, Su Huaimo, was criticized most harshly, showing not an ounce of mercy. When the eunuch announced the end of the court session, Gu Yan stayed behind as usual, walking around the embroidered curtain and yanking it aside.

"Didn't I say there was no need for you to come?"

"The Marquis is in a fine mood today."

They spoke at the same time, both taken aback. Yan Xuerui hugged the swaddled infant in her arms tightly and said softly, "You're so fierce."

Young Slave in her arms seemed to agree with his mother, his dark eyes wide open, his little fists waving energetically. The baby couldn't read expressions—he didn’t care that this man was his biological father, only remembering that this person had scolded him before, that he was a bad man.

Yan Xuerui couldn’t help but laugh softly. She lowered her head to wipe the drool from Young Slave's mouth and said, "Young Slave also thinks Daddy is fierce, right? Don’t be afraid, Mommy is here."

Although Gu Yan had exhausted himself for his young son, he truly had no patience for humoring children. He still had someone take the little nuisance away, but unlike the previous day, he did not follow Yan Xuerui back to the palace.

He said, "Have the memorials sent to the Marquis' residence."

He knew, and she knew, that with her current abilities, she was far from capable of holding the realm.

Yan Xuerui bit her lip lightly. After a moment, she looked up at him and said, "My apologies."

In their youth, they had been like fire and water, incompatible. Yan Xuerui was full of resentment, and Gu Yan was domineering and arrogant—neither would ever apologize to the other. As the years passed, Gu Yan became more seasoned through his experiences at court, no longer arguing over trivial matters. Yan Xuerui gave birth to Ming Lan and Ming Wei, gradually softening, and they began to live the stable life that Ming Wei saw.

Their verbal clashes became rare, and when they did occur, it was always Gu Yan who yielded first, with Yan Xuerui taking the out he offered. Yan Xuerui had been reserved before, but now that she had spoken, it wasn’t as difficult as she had imagined.

She said gently, "I was mistaken yesterday. I know your feelings for me—it was my fault."

She had forgotten Gu Yan's nature—he always pressed his advantage.

He had indeed been angry yesterday, but he wouldn’t hold onto it until now. Now that she finally felt guilty toward him, he held her gaze and asked in a deep voice:

"Oh? And what 'feelings' are those? Enlighten me."