Chapter 99 Loving Him Is So Hard

Chapter 99: Loving Him Is Hard Work

Mu Zhang hadn't returned to Sailin Star for many years.

For him, this place was the starting point of his journey to becoming a space pirate. He had spent no small amount of time and effort transforming the sparsely populated Sailin Star into a highly industrialized planet with an employment rate of 80%. The results were immense, propelling Mu Zhang's wealth to heights unimaginable to the average person.

At the entrance of Luochen Manor, a dark golden car slowly came to a stop.

Mu Zhang was dressed in soft, deep gray casual wear, his usually sharp demeanor softened considerably. After getting out of the car, he walked around to the other side, opened the door for Lin Juangui, and took Lin Juangui's hand.

"The old family butler has retired. Most of the servants here followed us to the Federal Capital Star, and the rest have all been replaced."

Mu Zhang disliked the smart home systems used by many in the Federation. Back when Tianguang was just developing, someone had used hacking techniques to cause Mu Zhang a significant financial loss. If it weren't for Gu Mi stepping in to save the situation in time, Mu Zhang might never have recovered.

Since then, Mu Zhang preferred hiring more people to be around him rather than using those useless hunks of junk.

Lin Juangui didn't like the feeling of being surrounded by servants; it felt like a form of covert surveillance.

Fortunately, after hearing Mu Zhang's instructions, the servants at home knew not to disturb him. Lin Juangui could also pretend everything was fine, acting as if he were oblivious to it all.

"It's fine. With fewer people, we won't be disturbed."

Lin Juangui had been in high spirits on the way to Sailin Star. Mu Zhang, swept up by his enthusiasm, felt relaxed and joyful as well.

Holding hands, the two walked along the manor's path. The air was filled with a sweet floral fragrance. The rustling of leaves in the breeze and the occasional ripples on the lake's surface became their backdrop as the sky gradually turned a warm, orange-red hue.

Night was falling.

"I rarely hear you mention the things we experienced on Sailin Star. I suppose this place holds many unpleasant memories from our past. Coming back this time isn't just about giving me new memories; I also want to replace those old ones for you."

Mu Zhang and Lin Juangui had never dated; they jumped straight into a marriage of convenience. They were merely business partners, doing everything to fulfill each other's needs.

Later, one fell in love while the other turned a blind eye. They were entangled for so many years, only to be met with amnesia.

They had finally achieved their current state of balance. After resolving their issues, even with Huo Zeshen added to the mix, their feelings for each other only grew stronger.

Mu Zhang knew that when someone tried their utmost to make you happy, it meant they loved you. He had experienced this feeling when he was young. Back then, Mu Yuanqing also had eyes only for him. But later, they each wanted more, and since Mu Yuanqing and Mu Zhang were not on the same path, they eventually parted ways.

Lin Juangui had indeed given Mu Zhang his genuine heart at the beginning. Mu Zhang turned a blind eye, eroding Lin Juangui's feelings. By the time Mu Zhang looked back, it was too late. His comeuppance was that Lin Juangui could no longer stand his pheromones.

It was a regrettable twist of fate. Every time Mu Zhang thought of the past, he felt a pang of heartache.

For him, no matter how much Lin Juangui acted up, it was fine. This was Mu Zhang's punishment. Even if he felt unwilling, or became furious because Lin Juangui was entangled with other Alphas, he believed he deserved it.

Fortunately, Lin Juangui's rebellious streak hadn't taken him too far. He was even willing to turn back, take Mu Zhang's hand, and ask if he wanted to walk together.

They had finally resolved the small issues that had driven them apart. Lin Juangui hoped Mu Zhang could let go of the traumas of the past and bravely walk toward the future with him.

How could Mu Zhang refuse?

Dinner was prepared by Mu Zhang himself. Though simple, the home-cooked dishes showcased exceptional technique. Lin Juangui knew he was skilled and showed his appreciation by helping himself to several more servings.

Mu Zhang asked Lin Juangui how the food tasted. Lin Juangui nodded repeatedly. He preferred tender textures, and Mu Zhang's cooking was meticulous about heat control, which was right up Lin Juangui's alley.

"I'm glad you like it."

To understand the book that was Lin Juangui, Mu Zhang had made many efforts over the years. Making Lin Juangui happy brought him great satisfaction and genuine happiness.

During the meal, they didn't discuss the Federation's intricate political situation, the two families watching them like hawks, or the past exploitation and hurt that had once stood between them.

They were like an ordinary couple, making small talk about Sailin Star's climate and how the floating islands were constructed.

"The bedrock of the floating islands contains a natural crystal. This type of crystal only forms in extreme environments where the atmosphere intersects with specific geomagnetic anomalies. It can resonate with a continuous energy flow within Sailin Star's magnetosphere. This kinetic energy can be converted into an upward-repelling force field..."

Lin Juangui nodded from time to time. He was an excellent listener and great at offering emotional support. The meal ended with Mu Zhang doing most of the talking.

After dinner, Mu Zhang led Lin Juangui by the hand to the open-air terrace facing the lake.

Night had already fallen. The stars were brilliant, making the lake's surface shimmer.

Lin Juangui rested his elbows on the railing. A gentle breeze lifted the hem of his clothes. He closed his eyes, tilting his head slightly, savoring this moment of post-meal tranquility.

Actually, he felt a bit dizzy from eating too much.

Emotional validation wasn't just about words; actions had to match to avoid being easily seen through.

The downside, however, was that Lin Juangui might feel unwell for half a day because of those extra bites.

Lin Juangui's body no longer needed so much food for energy conversion; nutritional fluid was a better choice for him. But Mu Zhang's happiness was so palpable that Lin Juangui didn't want to spoil the mood.

Otherwise, he couldn't convince himself to act as if he were in love with Mu Zhang.

Lin Juangui had no idea what surprise Mu Zhang had prepared for him. It was just the unusual quietness beside him that made him keenly sense that something was amiss.

If following Mu Zhang's usual habits, he would have come close, wrapping his arms around Lin Juangui's waist or shoulders, pulling him closer. He wouldn't be standing there motionless like this.

Lin Juangui opened his eyes and looked to his side, just in time to see Mu Zhang taking out an exquisite vintage box from his pocket.

Mu Zhang froze, a flicker of chagrin and awkwardness crossing his face. He had never been this flustered before. Steeling himself, he dropped to one knee, raised the box, and slowly opened it.

On the dark cushion inside the box lay a men's ring. The band was a matte, platinum-gold color, designed with utmost simplicity to highlight the unique center stone.

It wasn't a transparent crystal but a peculiar material interwoven with milky white and pale gold. Inside, it seemed to contain wisps of flowing clouds—soft, fluffy.

Under the starlight, those "cloud wisps" seemed to drift slowly. When light passed through it, it refracted into an extremely gentle, non-dazzling halo, as if a miniature sky tinged with dawn had been eternally captured within this tiny space.

"It's called Cloud Amber," Mu Zhang said in a low voice, tinged with a hint of barely perceptible nervousness. "The previous wedding ring had been completely mangled in the accident and couldn't be worn anymore. So I had people search for this gemstone and had a new ring commissioned."

Proposing to Lin Juangui was something Mu Zhang had thought about for a long time but couldn't immediately do.

He needed a perfect moment, a dazzling ring, and a fitting setting.

He had been planning this moment for two or three years. Originally, he wanted to make a grand spectacle, but later, Ge Miao reminded him that Lin Juangui was usually low-key and probably wouldn't appreciate such a big show.

Mu Zhang was already working in the Political Department. There were undoubtedly many curious about his private affairs. If Mu Zhang had proceeded with his initial plan, he might have become gossip fodder for the next month.

So, Mu Zhang only asked Gu Mi to help him find the gemstone and make the ring first. The rest could wait.

As his marriage with Lin Juangui gradually reached an impasse, Mu Zhang often held that vintage box, lost in thought.

He didn't know if he and Lin Juangui could have a future, whether Lin Juangui would be willing to accept a renewed proposal within their marriage, or if he would accept it at all.

Coupled with Mu Zhang's busy work schedule, he had no opportunity to discuss such matters with Lin Juangui, so the proposal was temporarily shelved.

This vacation was something Mu Zhang had long planned. His relationship with Lin Juangui had reached a new level of intimacy. Lin Juangui probably wouldn't refuse him.

"I hope... our future feelings can be as pure as clouds. In the days to come, I want to be with you, living like its light—gentle, bright, and enduring."

After body modification, the human body can sustain life for ten years at most. This technology is only available in military hospitals because it has too many limitations; besides extending life, it offers no other benefits.

Ordinary people who suffer limb damage can install flexible prosthetics, allowing their lives to go on as usual. However, nearly half of Lin Juangui's body was blown apart in an explosion, leaving body modification as the only option.

Mu Zhang knew that the current state of his relationship with Lin Juangui was something he had forced; otherwise, he would have become a widower who had lost his Omega, and his regrets would have been irreparable.

Yet fate granted him a new chance, allowing Lin Juangui to stand alive before him now. He cherished this time immensely.

Mu Zhang gave Lin Juangui the promise of a home. No matter how fierce the storms outside, they could always share this serene, peaceful sky that belonged solely to them.

Lin Juangui didn't speak. He simply slowly extended his left hand toward Mu Zhang. His eyes glistened with tears, seemingly moved by Mu Zhang's actions.

It was a silent yet profoundly weighty acceptance. In an instant, Mu Zhang's eyes shone with irrepressible excitement and profound relief.

He carefully took out the ring and gently slid the Cloud Amber—imbued with wisps of cloud and the passage of time—securely onto Lin Juangui's ring finger.

The fit was perfect.

As the cool metal of the ring touched his skin, which was devoid of warmth, Lin Juangui felt a strange yet comforting warmth, as if the cloud trapped within truly began to flow with vitality between his fingers.

Under the tranquil night sky of Sailing Star, the Cloud Amber emitted a gentle, understated glow, as if a new vow had finally been sealed.

Mu Zhang stood up, reached out, and wrapped Lin Juangui in a tight embrace, his nose reddening slightly.

He hadn't felt this accepted in years. Lin Juangui had finally given his heart a true home.

Lin Juangui finally smiled. He nuzzled his head against Mu Zhang, signaling him to let go.

He took Mu Zhang's hand in his own, looked at the simple, understated band on Mu Zhang's finger, and smiled like a lovestruck child. "I overlooked a step. How did you beat me to it? I should have prepared a ring to give you in return."

Lin Juangui took the ring off Mu Zhang's finger, gave it a light kiss, and then placed it back on. "You never say what you've done, always making me guess. Couldn't you just tell me directly? You always leave me confused, and only now are you telling me the answer."

Mu Zhang thought over Lin Juangui's words. It seemed Lin Juangui had also been puzzled by not having a ring, while Mu Zhang had always worn his wedding band. He didn't understand why but hadn't felt comfortable asking directly.

"I'm not very smart about emotions. Let's work on it together from now on, okay?"

Mu Zhang signaled his agreement. Lin Juangui nodded, and the two kissed, smiling as if there had never been any rift between them.

Lin Juangui was passionate, and his pheromones were alluring, easily triggering Mu Zhang's rut.

Realizing the rut impulses were surging, Mu Zhang inwardly cursed. How could he have forgotten to give himself a few inhibitor shots first?

It was always like this—just when he could finally take a step closer with Lin Juangui, something would go wrong.

"Baby, I'll probably be in rut for the next few days."

Lin Juangui let out a questioning "Hmm?" and looked up to see Mu Zhang's reaction.

In the past, whenever Mu Zhang's rut arrived, he would simply have Ge Miao notify Lin Juangui. Lin Juangui would only need to return to their room and release his pheromones. He had never actually seen what Mu Zhang was like during his rut.

But after witnessing Huo Zeshen's state last time, Lin Juangui felt an Alpha's rut might not be so terrifying after all.

So Lin Juangui proactively asked, "Is there anything I can do to help?"

Mu Zhang shook his head, as if unwilling to let Lin Juangui see him in such an unsightly state. But Lin Juangui gently wrapped his arms around him, his attitude firm.

"Whatever it is, let me stay by your side. Do you really want us to be like this every time in the future?"

The onslaught of the rut left Mu Zhang feeling dizzy and disoriented. He pressed a hand to his forehead and let out a couple of helpless laughs, as if considering how to explain it to Lin Juangui.

"Let's go to that villa first. It's just like at home—you only need to stay on the upper floor and release your pheromones. We've tried this before, haven't we? Please don't push your body too hard, okay?"

Mu Zhang rarely offered such gentle persuasion. A flicker of hesitation crossed Lin Juangui's face, but he didn't nod in agreement. Instead, he simply helped Mu Zhang into the estate's energy vehicle and drove toward the special villa.

Luochen Manor was vast. Even after regaining his memories, Lin Juangui hadn't explored it fully. Following Mu Zhang's directions, he arrived at the villa entrance and asked if Mu Zhang was still holding up.

Mu Zhang took a deep breath, pressing a hand to his scent gland, and indicated he was managing. Lin Juangui pushed open the door to the villa's first floor. Inside was pitch black. As Lin Juangui moved to find the light switch, Mu Zhang suddenly gripped his hand tightly.

"...What's wrong?" Lin Juangui didn't understand why Mu Zhang was acting so strangely, almost as if he didn't want him to go further inside.

Mu Zhang's tone grew very low, his breathing heavy and ragged. "Go upstairs. I'll handle the rest myself."

In the past, Lin Juangui might have obediently complied. But just moments ago, Mu Zhang had proposed to him. Their relationship was now inseparable. Given that, what could Mu Zhang possibly still need to hide from him?

Lin Juangui remained silent. Mu Zhang knew he couldn't easily change Lin Juangui's mind, so he stopped resisting and called out, "Lights on."

Alphas in rut are generally sensitive to light, and Mu Zhang was no exception. Even after the first-floor lights turned on, they only illuminated part of the room's interior.

Mu Zhang's attention was now completely fixed on Lin Juangui's scent gland. He wanted to mark Lin Juangui, to leave his imprint fiercely on that soft, tender spot.

But he couldn't.

Absolutely not.

Mu Zhang was straining with all his might to stay calm. The pheromones Lin Juangui was releasing were far too enticing. Any Alpha sensing them would instinctively want to draw closer.

For Mu Zhang, it wasn't just about resisting the urge to mark; he also had to hold back from releasing his own pheromones.

Loving Lin Juangui was agonizing, but this was the path Mu Zhang had chosen for himself. No matter how painful, he had to walk it.

Lin Juangui continued to support the disoriented Mu Zhang. He wanted Mu Zhang to rest on a bed. Glancing around, he spotted a door that looked like it led to a bedroom. Just as he was about to push it open, he found it locked.

What could be so mysterious?

Suspicious, Lin Juangui looked at Mu Zhang's face. But Mu Zhang was currently in a state of utterly craving his body. So Lin Juangui simply took Mu Zhang's hand and used his fingerprint to unlock it.

This is...

A certain conjecture quickly formed in Lin Juangui's mind. He needed a moment to process it. Mu Zhang gently rested his head on Lin Juangui's shoulder, adopting an attitude of complete surrender. "I'm sorry. I was wrong."

But he had no intention of changing.

During his rut, Mu Zhang was irritable and quick to anger. Countless thoughts of devouring Lin Juangui whole could flood his mind within a minute. Yet, seeing Lin Juangui's peaceful sleeping face or focused work on the display screens could calm him down considerably.

To Mu Zhang, Lin Juangui was the embodiment of rationality. No matter the situation, Lin Juangui could think calmly, never falling into emotional traps. Even in front of Mu Zhang, he always maintained that composed, unflappable demeanor, leading Mu Zhang to believe Lin Juangui would never be moved by emotion again. But in reality, Lin Juangui's emotions were like a dormant volcano. His stillness didn't mean absence; it just meant he wasn't acting on them.

Mu Zhang had finally welcomed the volcano's eruption, only to have it interrupted by other matters every single time. He truly had no one to complain to.

Lin Juangui had recovered from his shock. He didn't know what to say. He helped Mu Zhang lie down on a mattress placed on the floor, then sat on the mattress himself, continuing to gaze at the entire wall of display screens.

Had his former self lived under such surveillance? He had endured so much.

Lin Juangui lowered his head and smiled faintly.

Actually, ever since learning he had actively chosen to marry Mu Zhang, he could guess that the person who made that decision back then must have been prepared to risk everything to deal with Mu Zhang.

But Mu Zhang was shielded by the halo of a protagonist. For the time being, there was nothing Lin Juangui could do to him. He could only stretch out the timeline and proceed gradually, step by step.

Mu Zhang's love is Lin Juangui's greatest protection, yet it is also a sharp blade turned against Mu Zhang himself.

If Lin Juangui wanted to use this against Mu Zhang, he would inevitably end up getting dragged into it himself.

Some decisions, once made, cannot be undone. Even if Lin Juangui was bothered by these matters, he couldn't let it show too much, as dwelling on them now would only be asking for trouble.

So, Lin Juangui looked back at Mu Zhang, who had been staring intently at the back of his head. "I can feel it... you really care about me."

Lin Juangui lowered his gaze with a gentle look on his face, as if reminiscing. "For a while, I did resent it. It seemed like everything I did was under your surveillance, with people watching my every move. I hated that feeling. But later, I came to see you were just worried about me. Your intentions weren't wrong, and I get that."

Mu Zhang's heart, which had been in his throat, finally settled back into place. He reached for Lin Juangui's hand, and Lin Juangui took his hand in return, saying, "You're so smart. Why don't you try to find a way to block your pheromones during your rut? I want to be with you—on a soft bed, with a gentle breeze. I have so many fantasies I want to realize with you."

Lin Juangui's words made Mu Zhang's eyes redden slightly. He nodded, as if making a promise.

In the past, he wouldn't have dared to imagine such things. The past between him and Lin Juangui was too complicated, and reaching this point could only be described as a stroke of luck.

He cherished the present moment, as if trying to capture it with his eyes and make it eternal.

Lin Juangui was still wearing the ring he had given him. Mu Zhang had rectified his failure to propose, but he couldn't help but think back to their rushed wedding years ago, filled with self-loathing for his own recklessness and arrogance.

Lin Juangui patted the back of Mu Zhang's hand. Knowing how difficult it was for an Alpha to suppress their pheromones, he stood up and told Mu Zhang to rest properly. "If there's anything, just tell me directly. Don't have others relay messages for you anymore, okay?"

"Okay."

Lin Juangui smiled and left, thoughtfully turning off the lights for Mu Zhang.

After the door closed, the scent of asphalt pheromones exploded like a small bomb, instantly filling the room.

Mu Zhang's eyes narrowed slightly. Over the past few days, Lin Juangui's smiles and words replayed in his mind like scenes from a film. A blissful smile spread across his face.

Let him drown in the sea of tenderness Lin Juangui offered. It didn't matter when this dream would be shattered—as long as he still had it, he wouldn't let himself wake up.

Lin Juangui had already gone up to the second floor.

He looked around, wondering if Mu Zhang had activated those invisible cameras. Still, some of the decor here was to his liking, especially the soft sofa that seemed to swallow him whole the moment he sat down, offering total relaxation.

The room was quiet. Lin Juangui stared blankly at a fixed point, seemingly lost in thought.

Leaning back into the sofa, he looked at the [Lin Juangui] who appeared before him, a faint smile in his eyes. He said nothing, silently releasing his pheromones.

[Lin Juangui] knew what Lin Juangui had been up to these past few days. Sitting cross-legged beside him, he seemed hesitant, wanting to reach out and touch Lin Juangui but withdrawing his hand upon seeing its slightly transparent form.

Lin Juangui always appeared emotionally detached, only showing stronger reactions when around Huo Zeshen.

[Lin Juangui] didn't know what his mechanical god had experienced in the past. Lin Juangui rarely confided his feelings to anyone, maintaining an appropriate social distance with everyone, as if no one could truly get close to him.

Even [Lin Juangui], who could interact with Lin Juangui up close, felt he couldn't fully understand him.

"Does it make you feel bad?" [Lin Juangui] asked.

From beginning to end, Lin Juangui had never shown any sign of liking Mu Zhang. He used the contract between them to build a high wall—Mu Zhang couldn't break through, and Lin Juangui was too lazy to step out.

When the three-year contract ended, the fragile peace boiled over like raging water. Mu Zhang couldn't possibly let Lin Juangui leave, and their conflicts escalated until Lin Juangui met with an accident.

[Lin Juangui] felt that the mechanical god hadn't forgotten everything. Even after losing his memory, Lin Juangui remained observant of everything around him. If Mu Zhang hadn't treated him like a mascot, and if Geng Xuelan hadn't used that desperate scheme for a great-grandchild, Lin Juangui wouldn't have advanced so many plans so quickly.

He had turned himself into bait, single-handedly managing the complex web of relationships around him. [Lin Juangui] hadn't expected Lin Juangui to go this far.

Or perhaps Mu Zhang's actions had stirred a sense of pity in Lin Juangui, making him willing to accept Mu Zhang?

Mu Zhang's redemption was undeniably touching, and Lin Juangui had forgotten all the things Mu Zhang had done to him in the past. [Lin Juangui] harbored many worries but didn't know if he should voice them.

Feel bad?

Lin Juangui rarely reflected on his own feelings anymore. Although his therapist had once reminded him not to treat himself like a tightly sealed pot—humans have emotions, and they shouldn't wait until they overflow to release them—Lin Juangui had grown accustomed to this.

This was a path of self-destruction, and Lin Juangui understood it all too well. But there was no one left around him who could stop him.

Not even Huo Zeshen.

Everything Lin Juangui did now was to bring this story to its final conclusion. He was no saint, nor could he bring any positive influence to this world. The only thing he longed for was his own demise—something he had yearned for a long time.

A faint, almost imperceptible hum suddenly echoed in the room. Lin Juangui blinked slowly, then took a deep breath and closed his eyes, sinking completely into the sofa.

No matter how eloquently Mu Zhang spoke, his actions never failed to disappoint.

He loved Lin Juangui deeply, even to the point of recklessly wanting to lay all his treasures before him. Yet, he had never approached their relationship as equals. He needed to monitor Lin Juangui's every move to feel secure, never once considering how Lin Juangui might feel.

Mu Zhang didn't understand respect.

Some things were ingrained in one's bones, impossible to teach no matter how hard one tried. This was especially true for someone like Mu Zhang, who had long been in a position of power and was accustomed to giving orders. That he had gone this far for Lin Juangui was already his greatest concession, but Lin Juangui owed him no gratitude.

Lin Juangui could never love him in return, so no matter how much Mu Zhang did, it was futile. This was a dead end.

Omega pheromones slowly drifted downward, seeping into the room below. Lin Juangui's breathing gradually evened out as he fell asleep.

Mu Zhang's rut didn't last too long. After receiving a message from Mu Zhang saying it was over, Lin Juangui went downstairs to meet him. When the door opened, the scent of asphalt had been completely masked by the suppressant Mu Zhang had sprayed.

Lin Juangui stepped forward and linked arms with Mu Zhang, asking if he was hungry. "I've had someone prepare a meal. Eat first before washing up. Alphas expend a lot of energy during their rut, and I'm worried your body can't handle it."

Compared to before, Mu Zhang looked somewhat disheveled, but Lin Juangui didn't show any disdain. Instead, he expressed genuine concern.

"I'd rather shower first. I want to eat with you."

"Alright."

While Mu Zhang was showering, Lin Juangui was still setting up the dining area. Suddenly, Ge Miao rushed in. Seeing Mu Zhang wasn't there, he quickly caught his breath and asked Lin Juangui where Mu Zhang was.

"He's showering. What's wrong?"

Ge Miao was usually composed and rarely this flustered. Something must have happened that even he couldn't handle, requiring Mu Zhang's decision.

Lin Juangui's question made Ge Miao look puzzled. "You don't know?"

"What should I know?" Lin Juangui had barely finished speaking when his communicator buzzed.

The Federation's civil war had erupted in full force. Several factions had joined forces to declare war on the Federation, accusing the government of incompetence, the military of dereliction of duty, and the privatization of finances.

At the same time, over twenty planets had announced their secession from the Federation, refusing to remain under its jurisdiction.

After hearing all this, Lin Juangui remained calm, as if unfazed. He told Ge Miao not to panic. "It's all thunder but little rain."

Ge Miao still looked deeply troubled. "Madam, you might not be aware, but people are already blaming this civil war on the Master and you. They're saying the arms trade... is fueling the Federation's violence and corruption."