Chapter 112 Having Fun?

Chapter 112: Was It All a Game?

"So what about me?"

"Am I just someone you can casually set aside, pretending nothing happened in front of me? Is that your choice too?"

Huo Zeshen had understood for a long time that no matter how hard he tried, he could never catch up to Lin Juangui. Lin Juangui had already reached a level that Huo Zeshen, despite all his efforts, could never attain. Huo Zeshen could only gaze up at him.

He didn't mind that. Huo Zeshen even felt fortunate to be able to love such a person.

But when Huo Zeshen learned that Lin Juangui was already prepared to leave him, to leave this world, his mind was filled with fear, and even more so, with pain.

When he was younger, Huo Zeshen could still comfort himself. He understood Lin Juangui's difficulties and hardships, and he himself needed more time to grow. But now, when so many things were about to end, why couldn't Lin Juangui accompany him to the very end?

Huo Zeshen couldn't accept such an ending. No matter what, he could not convince himself.

Lin Juangui quietly watched Huo Zeshen, wiping away his tears with his thumb. "For us, an end is also a beginning."

This feeling of speaking in riddles was absolutely awful. Lin Juangui took a deep breath and then declared earnestly to Huo Zeshen, "You will meet me again in the future."

Seeing that Huo Zeshen had finally calmed down considerably, Lin Juangui's face filled with remorse as well. "I know I've wronged you. I can't divorce Mu Zhang to make things official with you, and I can't accompany you for much longer either. Compared to others, I've been too hard on you, and I have no right to say I can compensate you for anything. When I met you, I was already married to Mu Zhang, and you were living in such a difficult environment. What was I supposed to do? Naturally, I had to let you grow up first before thinking of anything else."

After learning that the second male lead in this story was Huo Zeshen, Lin Juangui had been conflicted countless times. He couldn't imagine the scene of Huo Zeshen falling in love with someone else, so he simply used various subtle, almost imperceptible methods to ensure that the young Huo Zeshen's eyes were only on him.

He monopolized Huo Zeshen's heart while constantly helping him, turning Huo Zeshen into a weapon against Mu Zhang.

Huo Zeshen had done all these things exceptionally well. Under Lin Juangui's influence, he was even slowly fulfilling his own destiny.

After gaining all the memories of Bada and multiple cycles, Lin Juangui understood that Huo Zeshen still had to face a great test. Lin Juangui's life was drawing to a close, and he could no longer help Huo Zeshen with anything, so Huo Zeshen would have to find his own way through it.

It wasn't that he hadn't thought about telling Huo Zeshen, but now was a critical moment for Huo Zeshen to consolidate his power. Lin Juangui didn't want to distract him.

But Huo Zeshen would inevitably learn about Lin Juangui's impending death sooner or later. Other than trying to comfort him a little more now, Lin Juangui had no other choice.

"If we could live in a relatively peaceful era, without such heavy responsibilities on our shoulders, we could go out together every weekend. If we hadn't made plans, we could stay home drinking tea and tending to flowers. When hungry, we could go out searching for small restaurants with good food, holding hands while strolling, whiling away the hours without facing surveillance or judgment. These are all part of my ideal life. But unfortunately, given our current situation, these things are very difficult to achieve."

Lin Juangui was a supremely rational person. After his career stabilized, he met Huo Zeshen. For him, this was the icing on the cake, allowing him to throw himself into this love. He also balanced it well with his career, feeling as if his life was about to enter a fulfilling chapter.

But the moon waxes only to wane. After experiencing Huo Zeshen's death, Lin Juangui arrived in a turbulent era. He had finally decided to live on, only to dramatically meet a still-young Huo Zeshen.

Lin Juangui could find no way to have it all. At such times, social responsibility far outweighed personal love. He didn't want to portray himself as some saint; he simply made the choice he had to make.

Even though the cost of this choice was causing Huo Zeshen such pain.

But this pain was only temporary. The future Huo Zeshen would meet the past Lin Juangui. This was something Lin Juangui could be certain of.

So what Lin Juangui hoped for most was that Huo Zeshen's obsession wouldn't be so strong. The kind of life Lin Juangui described, Huo Zeshen would eventually have.

Huo Zeshen let his head drop weakly. He let out a heavy, frustrated sigh and punched the wall behind Lin Juangui. "Have you ever thought about how I'm supposed to live without you?"

The action was forceful, but the tone was fragile.

Huo Zeshen saw Lin Juangui as his goal for living and the greatest motivation for changing the state of the Federation. If Lin Juangui left, what would be the point of him doing all these things?

"Of course I know."

Lin Juangui still vividly remembered the feeling of being thunderstruck when he learned of Huo Zeshen's death.

He couldn't pull himself together no matter what he did, stubbornly seeking an answer, recklessly abandoning everything to go abroad and retrieve Huo Zeshen's body.

Even now, thinking of these things made Lin Juangui's heart ache. He hugged Huo Zeshen again, his tone also filled with reluctance. "But you will feel my presence in many moments in the future. Don't be sad, okay? It's just my physical body that's fading away. As long as I remain in your heart, I will live forever."

At words like these, even the strongest person couldn't hold back tears.

Lin Juangui held Huo Zeshen, swaying with him gently, hoping to help lift him out of this sorrow. He spoke gently, "Actually, there have been many times I wanted to tell you that Huo Zeshen could live perfectly well even without Lin Juangui's help. But saying that seems unfair to you. Clearly, I was the one who provoked you, and in the end, I'm leaving like a scoundrel. It's truly excessive. But the current Huo Zeshen isn't Lin Juangui's alone. You're already in a position to see the vast world. Lin Juangui is your guide, your supporter, and he also believes you can create an even more brilliant tomorrow. Even if you want to put down this responsibility, it's okay. I respect all your choices."

"..."

Huo Zeshen rarely lost control like this.

Not long ago, after finishing his official duties, he secretly went to the Paradox Ring and told Shen Yun his thoughts. While waiting for the test results after having his blood and glandular fluid extracted, he saw a large pile of reports spread out on Shen Yun's desk.

He hadn't intentionally meant to look at these materials. It was just that Shen Yun had recently been focusing on researching how to restore Lin Juangui's body to its former state and, in his haste, hadn't had time to tidy up the messily placed documents.

No solution.

If Lin Juangui was willing to take medication, he could extend his life by a few months. If he refused medication and let his body deteriorate, he might not even be able to maintain daily life.

Previously, Huo Zeshen only knew that Lin Juangui's body had weakened due to that fall. He never imagined it had reached such a severe degree.

When Shen Yun brought Huo Zeshen's genetic report to the office, he happened to see Huo Zeshen holding the files from his desk, looking utterly devastated. A flicker of sympathy crossed Shen Yun's face.

Noticing Shen Yun's arrival, Huo Zeshen stood up and said, "I apologize for looking at the files on your desk without permission."

Shen Yun shook his head. "You are the Federation's Supreme Commander now. There are no secrets here from you. It was my negligence at work."

Usually, no one came to Shen Yun's office, and he wasn't worried about anyone seeing these files. But having Huo Zeshen wait in the office for the results was indeed Shen Yun's carelessness; he had forgotten about the files related to Lin Juangui on his desk.

Huo Zeshen handed the files back to Shen Yun. Regardless of what his genetic test results were, he asked directly, "How much longer does he have?"

Shen Yun couldn't give Huo Zeshen an exact time. He could only say, "Initially, Mr. Lin was unwilling to take medication. But he probably also felt that state of being willing but unable. Recently, he has been taking his medication on time. We are already trying our best to prolong his life."

"I understand."

On the way back to the Federation's central star, Huo Zeshen remained absent-minded the entire time.

He asked his adjutant if Lin Juangui was home. The adjutant shook his head and said no. "Mr. Lin went to see General Mu."

"To the military hospital."

When Huo Zeshen arrived at the military hospital, he just missed Lin Juangui. He still went to see Mu Yuanqing and learned that Mu Yuanqing had attempted suicide and that Lin Juangui had come to persuade him to live on.

Anger instantly flooded Huo Zeshen's chest. He didn't understand why Lin Juangui was persuading so many people to live: first Mu Zhang, now Mu Yuanqing.

But when Lin Juangui finally gave him an answer, Huo Zeshen felt a kind of hatred that couldn't even take root.

Just as Lin Juangui said, the timing was wrong for everything.

Their identities, the responsibility on Huo Zeshen's shoulders, and Lin Juangui's irreparable physical condition.

Huo Zeshen felt utterly dejected, hopeless, and depressed.

Lin Juangui had handed the choice to him, clearly knowing what Huo Zeshen would choose.

Huo Zeshen released Lin Juangui, slowly stepping back, his tone filled with a sense of loss. "You're terrifying. You've placed me on that pedestal, thinking everything about Huo Zeshen is transparent before you. You said you wanted me to give you the Federation, paving the way for my actions. You said helping me was an investment, making me feel less guilty. Many of the choices you made were for Huo Zeshen to stand firmer. These are all things I wanted! But why... why don't I feel the slightest bit of triumph?!"

"I wasn't doing it for you! Back when I left Youlan Star, my only goal was to destroy the Liang family! I wanted them to pay the price, for everyone involved in the research to die in atonement! I didn't want to pay you any attention at first! But you appeared before me again and again, exposing your vulnerabilities to me, giving me so much care. My convictions shifted. I began to crave more. I wanted to surpass Mu Zhang, to snatch you away from him! I wanted to ensure no second Liang family would appear in this world! I used you step by step to achieve my goals, went to the Liang family and actively became their pawn. I could show everyone a face they'd never seen before. I wanted more power, to slaughter all those who trampled on me! It wasn't for you. None of it was! Huo Zeshen, this despicable scoundrel, just wanted to seize power! But I know you'd say it's better if it wasn't for you, so you can leave me with utter ease, right? Why? Why?!"

Lin Juangui jumped down from the cabinet and ran barefoot toward Huo Zeshen, tightly embracing him, unable to say a word, yet tears welled up in his eyes on their own.

He too longed to be with Huo Zeshen forever, but in all those past cycles, Lin Juangui had never made it to the end with Huo Zeshen. Unable to shake the obsession in his heart, he had chosen to end everything by taking his own life each time.

This time, he was finally able to die naturally, which should have been a good thing, yet he had forgotten how deeply this outcome would pain Huo Zeshen.

Huo Zeshen lay motionless, tears streaming down his face as he stared at the ceiling. He wanted to struggle, to get Lin Juangui to let go, but he was also concerned about Lin Juangui's condition and unwilling to hurt him.

This feeling of being caught between a rock and a hard place was too agonizing for Huo Zeshen. He had gained everything, yet he was about to lose it all.

When Huo Zeshen finally regained his composure, he realized Lin Juangui was trembling in his arms, crying so hard his shoulders shook.

There was no helping it—seeing Huo Zeshen in such a distraught state, Lin Juangui couldn't maintain his calm either.

He was someone accustomed to burying his sorrows deep within, able to face even the most monumental events with a calm remark: "There's always a way to solve it."

But no one could escape the matter of life and death.

Of course, Lin Juangui felt regret about having to leave Huo Zeshen in the future, but he told himself it was okay—Huo Zeshen would see him again someday, though he didn't know when or how.

The system hadn't told Lin Juangui where he would go after this story ended. Lin Juangui's future had no set path, but he guessed that if Huo Zeshen could deliver an outstanding contribution for this world, the two of them might still have a chance later on.

Lin Juangui wouldn't casually mention things he couldn't guarantee. He didn't want to give Huo Zeshen unfounded hopes or pressure. He was doing his best to conceal his own confusion, but he faltered when Huo Zeshen asked why.

In the end, it was Huo Zeshen who embraced Lin Juangui back, patting his shoulder and sniffling as he comforted him instead: "I was wrong. I didn't control my emotions well. Don't blame me, okay?"

Lin Juangui cried even harder.

"I... I'm not that capable, and I don't know what to do either. I'm taking the medicine, hoping to stay with you longer, but... life is just like that. I can't decide its existence or its end. I can't do more than this, Huo Zeshen. I can't bear to leave you either."

Huo Zeshen's frustration dissipated completely in that moment.

He gently stroked Lin Juangui's back to help him catch his breath, his eyes filled with profound sorrow.

He knew full well that Lin Juangui couldn't withstand intense emotional fluctuations, yet he had still made him so heartbroken. Huo Zeshen despised his own immaturity, kissing the top of Lin Juangui's head over and over again as he calmed down to think for a moment.

The man closed his eyes and let out a heavy sigh, finally understanding completely.

Why Lin Juangui acted with such strong purpose, why his demeanor remained largely unchanged even after losing his most crucial memories, why he had gone to the detention center to tell Mu Zhang, "Don't pester me anymore."

When Lin Juangui's emotions had settled, he rested his chin on Huo Zeshen's chest, his teary eyes looking up as he asked, "Will I still get to have cake in the future?"

"...Yes."

Huo Zeshen began to suspect Lin Juangui was deliberately crying for his benefit.

But Huo Zeshen no longer had the energy to dwell on such things.

It was the first time he had seen Lin Juangui cry such a mess—his nose and lips flushed red, his eyes blurred with tears—a stark contrast to his usual image.

All of it was Huo Zeshen's doing.

Huo Zeshen really was a bastard.

"I won't argue with you anymore. For the remaining days, can I stay with you?"

Huo Zeshen had made up his mind. Since time was short, he absolutely could not leave behind regrets.

He didn't want to give Lin Juangui the cold shoulder; it was completely unnecessary. Since Lin Juangui said he couldn't bear to leave him, that meant he held him in his heart. Huo Zeshen had already gotten the answer he wanted—what more was there to be unsatisfied about?

Just like that, Huo Zeshen effortlessly talked himself into feeling better.

Lin Juangui nodded slowly, but his arms around Huo Zeshen still didn't loosen.

The texture of Huo Zeshen's jacket was stiff, pressing uncomfortably against Lin Juangui's chest. He was actually a bit sleepy, but since Huo Zeshen wasn't fully comforted yet, he could only force himself to stay awake for now.

Noticing Lin Juangui was losing energy, Huo Zeshen released him, helped button up his pajamas, picked him up, and asked where the bedroom was.

Lin Juangui pointed in a direction. After carrying him to bed, Huo Zeshen fetched a towel to wipe Lin Juangui's feet before saying, "Sleep. I'll leave now."

"Where to?" Lin Juangui's voice still carried a hint of a nasal tone.

Huo Zeshen was completely calm now. "This is Mu Zhang's house. I'm going back to the command center."

Lin Juangui's drowsiness vanished instantly. He sat up, hooking his fingers into Huo Zeshen's belt buckle with a willful air of "you can't do anything about me anyway." "This is my home too. Didn't you promise to stay with me?"

Huo Zeshen lowered his gaze, but Lin Juangui didn't give him time to think. He took Huo Zeshen's hand, had the servants prepare toiletries, and after finishing that, led him to bed and snuggled entirely into his embrace.

Comfortable.

Lin Juangui fell asleep quickly—one might say he was out like a light in an instant.

Huo Zeshen reached out to pull him closer, whispering, "I'm sorry."

He should have been the one comforting Lin Juangui, making things easier for him, cooperating with Shen Yun to find ways to extend his life. Yet in the end, it had turned into Huo Zeshen here, accusing Lin Juangui of not caring about him.

Lin Juangui had done all he could. He just wanted to live out his final days peacefully, but Huo Zeshen couldn't control his own fear of losing Lin Juangui, forcing Lin Juangui to come and comfort him instead.

Would they truly meet again in the future?

Huo Zeshen sorrowfully hoped so.

The man finally closed his eyes and slept the deepest sleep he'd had since taking office as the Interim Commander.

Huo Zeshen indeed continued to sleep soundly.

Lin Juangui hadn't argued much with Huo Zeshen before. Last night's confrontation left him at a loss for how to resolve it, so he simply decided to cry it out himself. After all, he was already heartbroken—why be so stubborn and pretend nothing mattered?

Venting his emotions did make him feel much lighter, and it even got Huo Zeshen to stay and sleep with him. Lin Juangui inexplicably felt it was quite worth it.

Lost in thought, Lin Juangui unconsciously kneaded the muscle beneath his hand, his movements rhythmic and controlled, tightening and releasing with practiced technique.

There was no helping it—the sensation was just too good, completely irresistible.

But Huo Zeshen slowly opened his eyes, allowing Lin Juangui to brazenly take advantage of him.

"Having fun?" Perhaps because Lin Juangui's pressure was increasing, Huo Zeshen suddenly spoke up.

Lin Juangui hummed in agreement and nodded. "I quite like it."

"..."

Huo Zeshen didn't know what to say. Lin Juangui quietly lifted his head to look at Huo Zeshen, only to see an expression of indulgence on his face, half of his chest already reddened from Lin Juangui's kneading.

A look of apology appeared on Lin Juangui's face as he gently patted Huo Zeshen's chest, brushing off nonexistent dust. "I was thinking and didn't pay much attention. Did I hurt you?"

Huo Zeshen shook his head. It didn't hurt, but he was getting aroused.

Lin Juangui slightly propped himself up to take a look, seeming to take it in stride. He even blinked at Huo Zeshen and asked, "Need help?"

"Can I borrow the bathroom for a shower?" Being in someone else's house, Huo Zeshen remained relatively polite.

Of course, Lin Juangui agreed. He had someone bring clothes in Huo Zeshen's size and instructed the servants to prepare breakfast. Meanwhile, the usual daily cake was placed on the living room table, alongside a simple trio of flowers.

Once that was done, Lin Juangui took Huo Zeshen's clothes and gently knocked on his bathroom door. "Everything okay? I brought your clothes."

There was no response from inside.

Was Huo Zeshen still upset?

Feeling a bit uneasy, Lin Juangui waited a moment longer before pushing the door open. Huo Zeshen had just finished showering and was drying himself with a towel.

Before Lin Juangui could ask anything further, he noticed that Huo Zeshen hadn't taken care of his own needs at all, leaving himself unattended without any intention of providing relief.

"Poor thing, following you."

Lin Juangui placed the clothes in a dry spot and slowly walked over to Huo Zeshen, reaching for him.

Huo Zeshen didn't stop him, but his expression revealed a hint of restraint. "It'll pass in a bit."

"Cold showers aren't good for your health. While I'm still willing to help you, don't refuse me, okay?"

Huo Zeshen's Adam's apple bobbed, his expression turning somewhat fierce. Lin Juangui knew exactly how to provoke him and make him yield. And in front of Lin Juangui, he simply had no backbone.

As Lin Juangui slowly lowered himself, Huo Zeshen tilted his head back, gripping the back of Lin Juangui's head, his voice gravelly. "I have to apologize to you again."

After Huo Zeshen had completely relaxed, Lin Juangui spat out what was in his mouth and then playfully kissed Huo Zeshen, who couldn't avoid it and simply let Lin Juangui have his way.

By the time they finished tidying up, over ten minutes had passed. Huo Zeshen's coat had been ironed and hung on the rack by the door. Lin Juangui invited him to stay for breakfast while he himself took the cake to the dining room, unhurriedly unwrapping it and picking up a small spoon to taste.

"Today's is a caramel almond hazelnut cake. The layers look neat, the color palette is harmonious, and the flavor..." Lin Juangui deliberately kept him in suspense, "I'll send it to you after I write it up."

Huo Zeshen knew that whenever Lin Juangui was with him, he was truly relaxed—a state that couldn't be faked, a very natural display.

He opened his mouth and gave Lin Juangui a look, indicating he wanted a taste too. Lin Juangui readily agreed, feeding him directly and asking how it was.

Quite sweet.

Carrying the aroma of roasted nuts and the fragrance of chocolate cake, the crispy pearls in the middle provided a novel texture Huo Zeshen had never experienced before.

"Pretty good. Do you like it?"

Ever since learning that Lin Juangui had bought a cake on his way home after meeting Mu Zhang, Huo Zeshen wondered if sending Lin Juangui a cake and flowers every day would leave a deep impression—at least ensuring Lin Juangui wouldn't forget there was someone named Huo Zeshen.

Later, asking Lin Juangui to write food reviews and sending different cards daily were all ways Huo Zeshen expressed his affection.

He had actually been worried Lin Juangui might find these things bothersome, but Lin Juangui gladly accepted them and actively wrote the food reviews every day.

Lin Juangui had always been responding to Huo Zeshen's affections, something Huo Zeshen only realized now.

"I do like it," Lin Juangui said with a smile in his eyes, resting his chin on the back of his hand as he looked at Huo Zeshen. "If it weren't for the cakes you have delivered every day, I wouldn't be so motivated to take my medicine. Although I used to scoff at the idea of relying on others for emotional support, a large part of why I've made it this far comes from the strength you've given me. Seeing you, or receiving things from you, always makes me happy."

Although Lin Juangui wasn't particularly skilled at comforting people, whenever he wanted to, he could always do it well.

Huo Zeshen's tension slowly dissipated again under Lin Juangui's soothing. He also smiled at Lin Juangui. "If you're happy, I'm happy."

After wolfing down breakfast as usual, Lin Juangui walked Huo Zeshen to the door and helped him put on his military coat. Waving goodbye, the smile in his eyes spread wide. Huo Zeshen seemed to understand now how his subordinates felt every time they looked forward to going home on leave.

Huo Zeshen forcefully suppressed the urge to cry, gritted his teeth, turned around, and got into the car.

Lin Juangui, meanwhile, adjusted his glasses, as if recognizing a new side of Huo Zeshen.

Who would have thought that this stern, rigid, serious, and cold officer was actually a crybaby who liked shedding little pearls in front of his lover?

Truly adorable.

However, Huo Zeshen harbored quite a bit of resistance toward this house. After all, it was where Mu Zhang and Lin Juangui had lived together. If he hadn't been utterly furious yesterday, Huo Zeshen wouldn't have set foot here at all.

Lin Juangui needed to find a way to address Huo Zeshen's concerns.

So, not long after, Lin Juangui moved into the spacious apartment allocated to Huo Zeshen by the military headquarters on the Federal Central Star. He didn't bring the Colorful Cat over, but sleeping nestled in Huo Zeshen's clothes every day was quite comfortable.

Huo Zeshen thought Lin Juangui was being reckless. At a time like this, Lin Juangui couldn't be without someone to care for him. That apartment of his had nothing in it. What if Lin Juangui needed something and it couldn't be delivered promptly?

"But I know you don't like where I used to live."

After a moment of silence, Huo Zeshen snorted coldly. "Xiao Juan, don't underestimate human nature. Me not liking it is one thing. Whether someone would be furious to death knowing I frequently visit you there is another matter. I'd quite like him to die. What do you think?"

Lin Juangui felt Huo Zeshen's dry humor skills were growing stronger. He muttered softly, "Then don't let him know. Your ability to suppress information can't be that weak, right?"

Even using reverse psychology now.

Huo Zeshen couldn't help but laugh. He told Lin Juangui not to stay at his place any longer and to go back early. "The cat is still waiting for you to feed it."

"Can I take a few of your clothes with me?"

"Hmm, as you wish."

And so, Lin Juangui moved back.

After all this back-and-forth, Lin Juangui ended up making himself sick.

When Huo Zeshen came to see Lin Juangui, he happened to catch him taking his medication. The pills were practically like meals; Lin Juangui didn't even need water, just putting them in his mouth, tilting his head back, and swallowing them down. When the pills stopped working, Lin Juangui would likely have to switch to injections.

Seeing Huo Zeshen's utterly grief-stricken expression, Lin Juangui tried to console him. "It was bound to happen sooner or later. I used to think about what it would be like when we got old. Probably similar to now—one of us would have to go first. I'm the lucky one, getting to go before you."

After all, Huo Zeshen had also gone before Lin Juangui once. By that count, neither owed the other anything.

Huo Zeshen wasn't in the mood for jokes, but he still composed himself, took Lin Juangui's hand, and said, "In a few days, I'll put on a big show for you. Cai Yu and the people Liang Xiancheng assigned to him are already under close surveillance. All their actions on the StarNet have been documented as evidence. They won't be able to stir up trouble much longer. You can rest completely assured."

Lin Juangui nodded. "Need me to critique the acting skills?"

"Sure. I'm probably a once-in-a-century real-life movie emperor." After all, the Federation's film industry had long been dominated by AI, so Huo Zeshen claiming this title wouldn't matter much.

Lin Juangui burst into hearty laughter, then covered his mouth, made a swallowing motion, coughed twice, and said, "Then I look forward to your performance. I finally get to sit in the audience."

Huo Zeshen handed Lin Juangui a handkerchief, not pointing out his discomfort, but simply holding Lin Juangui's hand a little tighter.

"No one will ever force you to perform on stage again. Rest well. Goodnight, Xiao Juan."