Chapter 72: Have You Ever Been Afraid?

Chapter 72: Have You Ever Been Afraid?

Wen Ruan listened to Zhu Yan recount the tale of his life-saving grace, and the more he heard, the more familiar it became, his expressions growing increasingly nuanced.

A severe illness that hadn't fully healed, a hoarse voice, knowledge of snake venom, appearing familiar with the environment but getting lost in a cave as if not so acquainted after all, fond of chatter, saving someone without much concern, leaving before the person had fully recovered, not even bothering to exchange names...

This inexplicable sense of déjà vu, this unspoken guilt, digging through his memories, could it be anything other than his own actions?

And then there was the way Zhu Yan looked at him now...

Wen Ruan closed his eyes briefly. "When did you figure it out?"

"Not long ago," Zhu Yan replied softly. "Just these past few days."

Wen Ruan tilted his head in surprise. "Huh?"

The sky was awash with stars, the wind gentle, the misty water vapor dispersing slightly. The youth, startled, rose slightly from the water. Droplets trickled down his chin, along his slender neck, over his delicate collarbones, plopping onto the surface of the water with a soft 'plop', like a drop on the heart's lake.

Zhu Yan averted his gaze. "When that boy left, I thought I saw... a mole on his waist, not large, red like cinnabar, quite rare."

Wen Ruan knew he indeed had such a mole on his lower back, but he countered, "But weren't you blind at the time? How could you see?"

Zhu Yan: "You said you used medicine, and my vision would gradually recover within five to seven days, from blurry to clear—on the day you left, in the afternoon of the fourth day, I saw for a moment."

Wen Ruan: "And you only saw my waist?"

"It was because you were facing away from me, and I couldn't see elsewhere," Zhu Yan explained. "Your clothes were somewhat disheveled then, perhaps due to the rough mountain path, wild branches tearing at your clothes' corners and the fabric around your lower back. You didn't notice the torn corner, and the spot on your lower back... you probably didn't see it either, or didn't care."

After saying this, Zhu Yan looked at Wen Ruan. "Why did you leave so quickly?"

Wen Ruan glared at him. "What do you think?"

"Perhaps it was just a casual act of kindness, not expecting any return, thus no need to take it too seriously? Or maybe you had urgent matters at hand, running short on time, afraid you wouldn't make it?" Zhu Yan's voice slowed. "Or did you realize something about my identity, finding it troublesome, wanting nothing to do with this life-saving debt?"

"Actually, none of those."

Wen Ruan spoke with a hint of guilt, his eyes looking elsewhere. "Since you remember where it was, you should recall that it wasn't Sizhou?"

Zhu Yan: "Mm."

"I wasn't familiar with that place! I only heard about a special plant there, thinking it might be suitable for corn hybridization, so I went looking for it. The locals told me they'd seen it in the mountains, so I ventured in. Since it wasn't far from Sizhou, the geographical environment was similar, so I was somewhat familiar, recognizing the type of venomous snake that bit you. But I'd never been in that mountain before, so of course, I got lost!"

Wen Ruan tried to justify his actions, making it sound reasonable. Getting lost wasn't due to his poor sense of direction; it was an environmental issue that would trip anyone up: "The locals did say that fog always follows rain in that mountain, and I took note of it, only entering when the morning fog had cleared. But inside, it was completely different. It didn't seem foggy at first, but once I entered, it grew thicker, almost burying everything in sight, making it impossible to recognize anything!"

"Being trapped and unable to escape, how could I not be anxious? Those few days I spent saving you, I ran out countless times, hoping the fog had lifted, only to be disappointed each time. That mountain seemed possessed, determined to make things difficult for me!"

"On the afternoon of the fourth day, the fog finally dissipated. How could I dare stay any longer! After all, you were nearly well, and I left you with water and provisions. You could manage to leave on your own after fumbling around for a day or two. So why wouldn't I hurry off? Although the fog had cleared, the sky hadn't cleared up, not a speck of sunlight visible. Who knew if it would return soon? I had to seize the opportunity!"

Zhu Yan: ...

However, fog after rain?

He latched onto the key phrase, his gaze shifting downward, toward the spot beneath the water, over Wen Ruan's heart. "So, you being sick and not fully recovered was because of the rain."

Wen Ruan averted his gaze, clearing his throat twice, his voice lowering. "That's why I said, time was limited, I couldn't afford to waste any more. It was hard enough to get Nanxing to leave, what if he came back and found out I secretly ran into the mountain alone..."

Zhu Yan's expression turned serious. "You shouldn't have sent Nanxing away."

"Yes, yes, I was wrong. Nanxing has become smarter too, harder to deceive these past two years..."

Wen Ruan, feeling guilty, suddenly sensed something amiss. "Wait," he abruptly turned around. "How did you see the mole on my lower back?"

Zhu Yan pretended not to understand. "Didn't I say, on the day you left—"

"I'm asking how you recognized me that day," Wen Ruan narrowed his eyes, his voice growing dangerous. "Did you undress me?"

Zhu Yan: ...

"No, really," Zhu Yan rubbed his nose. "The night before last, you weren't sleeping peacefully, sometimes entwining your limbs around me, sometimes kicking me away because of the heat, not even covering yourself with the blanket. You naturally prefer loose nightwear, and with all that tossing and turning, it was hard for your shirt not to ride up, exposing a small patch of skin."

The fair, adorable belly with not-so-obvious abs, he saw it, the tantalizing waistline, the lines leading to a criminal-worthy posterior, he also saw it, and that mole on the lower back...

That mole was truly endearing, the size of a grain of rice, blood-red in color, standing out beautifully against the porcelain-like skin.

At the time, he couldn't resist stealing a kiss.

Zhu Yan cleared his throat, pulling his thoughts back. "It's been two and a half years since that incident, the details of which I've long forgotten. But seeing that mole, somehow, it was like colorless memories suddenly coming alive, scenes overlapping in front of my eyes, confirming and filling in all the gaps."

"I tried to find you back then," Zhu Yan looked at Wen Ruan. "Not because of affection or a stirring of emotions. I didn't have that kind of mood back then, nor would I casually let my guard down for a stranger. It was simply a matter of pride and dignity; I didn't want to owe anyone. But I didn't find you."

Wen Ruan smiled, rather smug. "Of course, you couldn't find me. Who am I? A wise and unparalleled young master, the champion farmer of Sizhou! The local farmers and merchants, I've helped many, and they're willing to protect me. I rarely ask people for favors, but when I occasionally make a small request, like 'not wanting to be discovered,' they naturally cooperate, even actively helping to erase my tracks, fearing I might attract enemies."

"The power of the common folk is immense, Your Highness. Don't be blindly arrogant, not believing it."

Ever since he arrived here, he had been wary of everything, unable to resist softening his heart to save someone, yet consciously hiding himself unless it was unavoidable.

Zhu Yan was right about one thing: he feared trouble. Zhu Yan was sick and blind, in a dire state, but regardless of his clothing, accessories, speaking habits, or mannerisms, it was clear he wasn't an ordinary person. Elegance and nobility oozed from him, indicating a significant background. A major figure injured and alone in the wilderness, no matter how one looked at it, exuded an aura of ominous danger.

He didn't want to ask Zhu Yan's name, didn't want to probe into his background, keeping his own name tightly guarded. He waited for the fog to clear and the skies to brighten, then parted ways, pretending they'd never met!

"I never doubted." Zhu Yan drew closer, his eyes gazing at Wen Ruan with a tenderness that could melt into water.

Wen Ruan was still racking his brain. "But you looked completely different back then. Even with severe injuries, your face bruised and swollen, there should have been at least some resemblance. Why didn't I recognize you when I saw you again?"

Zhu Yan: "I was disguised and traveling incognito back then, even Lan Tian had difficulty finding me."

Wen Ruan uttered an 'oh', understanding now.

"But I still found you," Zhu Yan pulled him into an embrace. "This is fate bestowed by heaven, circling around, we will always come together in the end."

Wen Ruan rarely refused, obediently letting him hold him, before realizing after a few breaths, "So the life-saving grace that others took advantage of, the fleeting romance... was actually me?"

Zhu Yan's voice was slightly hoarse, "Mm."

"What nonsense!" Wen Ruan splashed water abruptly, drenching Zhu Yan's face and his own body, "I just saved you, there was no fleeting romance!"

"It could have been," Zhu Yan's arms tightened, veins bulging, "We can make up for it now."

Wen Ruan: ...

"Control yourself."

"Sorry, I couldn't control myself." Zhu Yan took a deep breath and released Wen Ruan.

Wen Ruan hastily took two steps back, glaring at him, "You didn't tell me back then that you liked pipa."

"How could I reveal my depth when you wished for me to forget everything and not remember you?" Zhu Yan gritted his teeth, "I gave you a token, asking you to find me, why didn't you come?"

Wen Ruan felt guilty again, "If I say I lost it, would you believe me?"

Zhu Yan: ...

"I did say I didn't want your things. Anyone in their right mind seeing you in that situation would save you, I wasn't after anything, but you insisted it was a thank-you gift, looking so proud, I had no choice but to accept it. The mountain fog was so thick, the path so difficult, you know..."

Wen Ruan closed his eyes, admitting defeat, "It's really lost, I'm not lying."

But even if he hadn't lost it, he wouldn't have looked for Zhu Yan anyway.

Zhu Yan: ...

He could only attribute the success of this relationship to divine providence.

Wen Ruan quickly changed the subject, "What about the youth who found the camp? Considering your past experiences and current situation, it seems like Bi Luhun's doing? His reach is so deep and far?"

Zhu Yan nodded, "One person couldn't do all this, there must be an insider."

Da Li has a nail driven by the Northern Di, buried for many years, unknown to this day.

"Since he knows about what happened back then, he should also know about my existence, did they see me?"

Wen Ruan thought about it, then shook his head, "Not likely. I'm so quick-witted, running so fast, you couldn't even find me, they definitely couldn't! If they truly knew it was me, this plan wouldn't have been arranged this way, they would have found a similar-looking youth because, from what they heard indirectly or from your search for me, they guessed some truth, but no matter how hard they tried, they couldn't find me personally, hence the alternative plan."

"They just wanted to ruin my mood, sow discord between us, hoping we'd argue and fall out, but little did they know fate is so wondrous..."

"What do you mean by 'not much feelings'," Zhu Yan disliked these words, pinching Wen Ruan's lips, "We have strong feelings, firm and resilient, no one can destroy them."

Wen Ruan bit Zhu Yan's finger, forcing him to let go.

He did release him, but his gaze became more intense, like burning flames.

"There's something else you need to know."

Wen Ruan hurriedly brought the topic back on track, recounting the story of Salt Field Mountain Three in detail.

It was clear that in this life-saving grace, he played a role, accidentally stumbling into this setup, distracting the assassin for Zhu Yan.

Wen Ruan couldn't connect the disguised Zhu Yan he met then with the Zhu Yan he later encountered in the capital, but Mountain Three might have, being an excellent scout, capable and perceptive, recognizing someone he respected and admired wouldn't be difficult.

At the time, due to limited time, he may have seen Wen Ruan taking care of Zhu Yan, but from too far away to see clearly, thus not recognizing him upon their next meeting, merely remembering the event.

Zhu Yan was silent for a long time before saying, "I remember him."

"Scouts are the hardest to train in the army, with the highest casualty rate, the easiest to sacrifice. Talents skilled in this field are rare. Indeed, I was delighted to meet such talent, helping him several times, but I'm not a border defense general, I've only been to the border a few times, spending most of my time in the capital, unaware of what happened. I never encountered him again, assuming he had long since..."

Never expecting him to have experienced such things.

"He was a man with ideals and aspirations, full of passion, just working in an unusual job, with bad luck, trapped in a quagmire. Even so, he stayed true to his heart, his actions reflecting his beliefs, accomplishing what he set out to do, becoming the person he wanted to be."

Wen Ruan's voice blended with the wind, somewhat light, "Corrupt governance, murky bureaucracy, everywhere there are good officials and bad officials, everywhere there are good people and evil ones. We regret losing such a person, but it's not your fault... I erected a tomb for him, if you have time in the future, pay your respects with a cup of wine."

Zhu Yan: ... "Okay."

The forest was deep, the hot spring small, only allowing a glimpse of the starry sky, yet bright. Even if it was just a small piece, the stars were striving to shine, trying to illuminate the space around them, offering direction and warmth.

"Were you scared while taking care of me those days?" Zhu Yan asked.

Wen Ruan: "Huh?"

Zhu Yan: "You talked a lot back then, always rambling on without stopping, were you uneasy, scared?"

"Wasn't it you who was scared?" Wen Ruan sighed, "A strange environment, strange people, unable to see, not knowing when you'd recover, if there was no distraction, wouldn't fear be all that remained in your heart? I didn't actually have that much to say, I just wanted to tell you, I'm here."

I'm here, not leaving, not prying into you, not getting close, so don't worry, don't be afraid.

"Not anymore..."

Zhu Yan's heart softened, his chest swelling, unable to resist any longer, leaning in to kiss Wen Ruan, "...I won't let you risk yourself again."

He tried to restrain himself, but some things couldn't be contained, emotions surging, instantly overwhelming.

Wen Ruan didn't reject the other's ardor. He was also moved by this past connection, wanting to get closer, perfectly natural. But it was too hot, Zhu Yan was too hot, he was too hot, the hot spring was too hot!

He felt as if all his breath was being taken away, unable to breathe.

"Zhu Yan!" He pushed and shouted at the same time.

Zhu Yan finally released him, burying his head in his shoulder, laughing softly.

Wen Ruan: "Laugh at that, hurry up and carry me out, I'm going to pass out!"

Zhu Yan held him tightly. "As you wish, my princess."

Wen Ruan: ...

How can you say such things again? Aren't you ashamed?

"The hot springs shouldn't be soaked in for too long," Zhu Yan noticed Wen Ruan's body was limp and wanted to help him change his clothes, acting as if it were the most normal thing in the world. "If you still want to, we can do it once more before we leave tomorrow."

Wen Ruan saw through his act immediately, snatched the dry undergarment from his hands, and ran behind the stone wall to change.

The moment he stepped out of the hot spring and his feet touched the ground, he felt completely rejuvenated, his breathing smooth, and his strength returned; there was no need for anyone to help him change!

Fortunately, the clothing style of this era was layered, especially in winter, so everyone wore three layers inside and three layers outside. Even if his innermost layer was wet, wearing the dry underclothes would still be comfortable enough to sleep in!

Zhu Yan quickly changed into the dry undergarment he had taken off earlier, took Wen Ruan's wet clothes, and hung them on a wooden rack by the campfire. "They'll be dry by morning."

Wen Ruan said, "It's late, let's sleep!"

Zhu Yan slowly walked over. "It's cold at night, shall we sleep in each other's arms?"

Although he had skillfully set up a small tent and laid down a soft cloak that looked warm, the space was still quite cramped. With how tall Zhu Yan was, it wouldn't be easy for him to squeeze out...

"Mm."

Wen Ruan agreed.

He thought he might not be able to sleep, but unexpectedly, he fell asleep quickly. Whether it was due to the exhaustion from the day, the discomfort of the hot springs, or the current tranquility and sense of security, he soon nestled comfortably in Zhu Yan's embrace, his breathing even and deep.

As he slept, no matter how much Zhu Yan's heart raced, he didn't dare move.

"My Ah Ruan..."

As time passed, his heart was filled with nothing but contentment.

Wen Ruan felt like he had forgotten something important, which he realized when he woke up from a nightmare the next day.

"Oh no, when did our dog run away!"

Where's Dao Dao! Wasn't he supposed to be hunting with me!

Zhu Yan caught the youth who was about to dart out by the waist. "Don't worry, he hasn't been lost. Lan Tian has him."

"Eh?" Wen Ruan wasn't fully awake yet, a bit dazed. When did Lan Tian take Dao Dao?

Wait, where is Lan Tian? Why hasn't he come back? It seems like it's been a while since I've seen him...

Lan Tian was indeed tracking Bi Luhun, with the fine hound Dao Dao assisting on the side thanks to its excellent sense of smell and hunting skills.

Compared to the relaxed Wen Ruan and Zhu Yan, who were soaking in the hot springs, reminiscing about the past, and sharing their hearts while being warm and well-fed, Bi Luhun was far more miserable. His hair was disheveled, his clothes stained with blood, and dark circles under his eyes from fighting assassins day and night... Now that dawn had broken, it had been almost two days and nights!

When they first set out for the hunt, he was full of spirit and vigor. Even when he encountered the assassins, he wasn't frightened; instead, he laughed maniacally, thinking 'this is perfect, watch me kill you.' Hunting was temporarily put aside; it could be done later, right? There was no way he could lose to someone like Wen Ruan, who couldn't even shoot an arrow straight. But to his surprise, the assassins kept coming in waves without stopping. The ones that followed weren't weak either, and they relentlessly pursued him. He couldn't eat properly, couldn't sleep, and couldn't stop moving. Both his physical strength and willpower were severely tested!

This forest was actually so cold! Didn't they say Da Li was lush with green trees, that even in winter, they didn't turn yellow, and one wouldn't know what cold felt like? Rolling around in this damned forest for a day, he was about to fall ill!

If this continued, it wouldn't just be a question of winning or losing; he would die! He was going to die! All the people he brought into the forest were already dead! Only he remained!

On the verge of exhaustion and unable to hold on any longer, he spotted Wen Ruan and Zhu Yan!

These two were still as carefree as yesterday, idling around and neglecting their duties. They hadn't hunted a single new prey. Wen Ruan was too lazy to even pick up his bow, not bothering to maintain appearances. The couple chatted and laughed as if they weren't in a dangerous forest hunting, but rather strolling leisurely through a beautiful garden, enjoying the scenery... How infuriating!

Bi Luhun panted heavily. "Y-you—"

"It's Mr. Bi Luhun, the leader of the envoy," Wen Ruan feigned exaggerated surprise. "How did you become so weathered after only one night? Where have you been playing, or have you been bullied by someone? Do you need my help?"

Bi Luhun choked, his throat constricted, unable to speak immediately.

Wen Ruan drew out his words. "Oh, no need? Then please continue your fun, goodbye!"

And then, he actually pulled Zhu Yan along and left with a nonchalant air!