Chapter 30 “Home”

Chapter 30 "Home"

The kiss was like a brawl, leaving Zhou Liao's tongue numb. Qin Zhan's assault was fierce and relentless, each pull making him shudder. It was a completely different experience from kissing a woman. Qin Zhan also enjoyed biting his lower lip, breaking the thin skin and then licking away the blood that seeped out.

Every sweep of his tongue made Zhou Liao tremble uncontrollably.

After an unknown amount of time, feeling almost suffocated, Qin Zhan finally released his grip on Zhou Liao's hand.

Zhou Liao nearly collapsed instantly, his body weakly leaning against the ground. Yet a fire ignited where he had been pressed into the grass, burning through his rationality, leaving only rapid breathing and panic.

Under the light, Zhou Liao's ears were flushed red. His fingers, gripping the sheets, trembled slightly, as if he dared not imagine the changes in his body. His chest heaved, and when he came to his senses, he hastily pulled the blanket over himself to hide the ugliness.

Qin Zhan took in every detail of his reaction.

"You're gay."

"I'm not," Zhou Liao instinctively retorted. How could he be gay?

Qin Zhan remained silent, his gaze shifting downward.

"…Stress can do this to anyone. I just haven't touched a woman in a long time." Zhou Liao spoke awkwardly, finding it absurd yet unable to deny the current situation.

As soon as he finished speaking, he saw the sudden darkening of Qin Zhan's eyes. Zhou Liao suddenly remembered Qin Zhan's words about being discarded like trash if he became dirty, and he felt a surge of panic.

"No, I mean, men… everyone reacts like this, just because there's no…"

He grew more confused with each word, but Qin Zhan coldly interrupted him, as if he were a different person from the one who had kissed him passionately moments ago.

"Come here."

Zhou Liao swallowed hard. He didn't know what Qin Zhan would do, his body feeling like ice and fire at once, but he still moved closer despite the embarrassment.

"Get up here." Qin Zhan shifted inward slightly.

Zhou Liao was surprised and stood frozen.

"Do you want me to carry you?"

Assuming Zhou Liao had trouble moving, Qin Zhan lifted the blanket and slipped his hands under Zhou Liao's armpits, lifting him like a child. Zhou Liao felt so ashamed his face turned bright red, and he buried his head in Qin Zhan's shoulder to avoid facing reality.

Soon, he sat stiffly on the soft bed.

"Lie down."

"What?" Zhou Liao couldn't believe what he heard.

Qin Zhan merely glanced at him. Zhou Liao swallowed again, not daring to ask further, and awkwardly lay down beside Qin Zhan.

"Am I supposed to do something?"

As soon as he spoke, a shadow loomed over him, and a hand reached out.

"Take care of it."

Zhou Liao slept the most soundly he had in a long time. No wonder people said it was the best way to relieve stress and fall asleep. But when he woke up and saw the familiar cold face before him, he instantly became fully awake.

Memories of last night flooded back, and the conflicting feelings of disgust and twisted desire returned simultaneously.

He was disgusted by what he did with a man.

But he knew he craved what the man did.

From the moment Qin Zhan kissed him while choking him, he had been desperately absorbing everything, mirroring the other's frenzied invasion. He feared and was terrified of Qin Zhan, but he knew he couldn't leave him. Thus, his greatest fear became Qin Zhan leaving him. His increasingly twisted psyche transformed him into someone else entirely.

Only he knew how satisfied he felt during that kiss, his heart swelling until it felt full to bursting. If Qin Zhan needed him, only him, then he wouldn't leave him.

But after last night, he couldn't tell whether his body or mind needed Qin Zhan more.

Just thinking about Qin Zhan's expressionless face and the beads of sweat on his defined abs, followed by the strange sounds he made, made Zhou Liao feel nauseous. Yet, soon after, a sense of bizarre relief would rise within him.

"Wake up?"

The person in front of him suddenly opened his eyes, his face unchanged.

Startled, Zhou Liao reflexively recoiled, nearly falling off the bed. Qin Zhan quickly grabbed him and pulled him back in.

"Um… just woke up."

"Hmm."

Qin Zhan responded indifferently, acting as if nothing had happened last night. Zhou Liao watched him get up, dress, and enter the bathroom. Soon, he emerged, seemingly ready to go out.

"Are you going to class today?" Zhou Liao asked anxiously, realizing it had been five days already.

"No." Qin Zhan took a bag from the hook on the wall. "What do you want for lunch?"

"…I…" Zhou Liao hesitated, not expecting to have a choice. In the past, he only had buns, steamed bread, and congee. But he still didn't dare express his preference. "Whatever you make, I'll eat."

"Noodles?"

Zhou Liao recalled the seasoned noodles. This was his first chance to choose, and he really didn't want more noodles, but his words contradicted his thoughts.

"Sure."

Qin Zhan looked at him without saying anything and left the room.

When he returned, Qin Zhan carried many dishes. Standing there, he prepared the ingredients and soon began cooking. Zhou Liao, using his crutch, stood next to Qin Zhan, curious about what he was making, since he hadn't actually prepared noodles.

"Stay back, the oil is splattering." Qin Zhan didn't look at him; he just shielded himself from the splattering oil with the lid of the pot.

"Ah, sorry."

Zhou Liao hopped back to his spot on the floor. He watched Qin Zhan's back for a while—Qin Zhan was wearing an apron and gloves. Then, he glanced at the bed beside him, where there was still an indentation from where he had slept the night before.

Smelling the faint aroma of the cooking food, the word "home" suddenly popped into his head, scaring him almost into thinking he was going mad.

This scene had never appeared in his memories, but he knew it had been part of his desires. He just couldn't believe that at this moment, he would associate it with the word "home." Zhou Liao gripped his own hand, feeling that his brain was indeed becoming less functional.

After a while, Qin Zhan turned off the power and brought over two dishes and a soup.

Qin Zhan had cooked two simple home-style dishes, which looked rather light. Since there was no exhaust fan here, he used a small electric pot, resulting in less oily stir-frying compared to the local cuisine in City C. But Zhou Liao was already very satisfied.

Since the winter solstice, this was probably the best meal he had had.

"Smells great."

"It's been a long time since I cooked." Qin Zhan placed everything on the small table.

Only after Qin Zhan sat down did Zhou Liao start eating. Although the flavors were light, the taste was excellent, or perhaps it was because he hadn't eaten anything good in a long time.

"This is delicious." Zhou Liao praised sincerely.

The other person didn't say anything, accepting the compliment silently. The two ate in silence, but Zhou Liao, looking at the full table of food and the warm little electric heater beside them, felt a warmth in his heart. Midway through the meal, Qin Zhan picked up some vegetables with his chopsticks and offered them to him. Zhou Liao hurriedly said thank you, secretly glancing at the other person, only to find Qin Zhan still calmly eating with an unchanged expression.

The more Zhou Liao ate, the more his heart felt like it was floating on clouds. He felt as if he was looking through a mist, unable to see clearly, yet feeling increasingly content.

The more content he felt, the more fearful he became.

Fearful of the current situation, fearful of dependence, fearful of the longing for a two-person world, fearful of the increasingly twisted emotions.

Fearful that after this endless darkness, the savior would unlock the cage.

After a while, Qin Zhan suddenly put down his chopsticks and stood up.

Zhou Liao looked at him, only to see Qin Zhan frown and pull out his vibrating phone, then step outside after opening the door.

Outside the warehouse, the wind blew the last leaf off a bare branch. Qin Zhan answered the call; the voice on the other end was anxious.

"Is this Qin Zhan, the family member of Li Shulan?"

"Yes."

"Well, your grandmother said she wanted to go downstairs for a walk after breakfast this morning. She chatted with some elderly people in the courtyard for a while, and then around noon, she said she needed to use the restroom and disappeared." The nurse was sweating profusely, "According to the elderly person who talked with her, she mentioned needing to use the restroom around 12:12 PM. The nurse responsible for today's rounds searched everywhere but found no trace of her."

Recalling the other person's mood yesterday, Qin Zhan glanced at the time and then tightened his grip on the phone. "Disappeared?"

"Yes, if no family members took her away privately, then she either ran away from the hospital or..."

The other person didn't finish their sentence, but Qin Zhan's breath caught.

"We've already called the police. If possible, please come to the hospital now."

"Brother Chen, what are you looking at?" The person next to Chen Xian tapped his review materials with a pen, turning to look at him, who had been staring at his phone.

"Flight tickets."

"Flight tickets? Where are you going?"

Chen Xian narrowed his eyes slightly. "City Z."

"You're going to find Brother Liao?"

Chen Xian didn't respond immediately. The flight ticket was quickly booked, and he switched apps, his finger hovering over the chat history from last night.

Zhou Liao had sent a photo of himself sleeping with a woman. In the picture, only the woman's black hair and slender back could be seen, indicating what they had just done. After sending that message, Zhou Liao didn't reply immediately but sent the photo about forty minutes later.

Along with the photo came a message.

"What's wrong with you? Don't bother me."

A very "Zhou Liao" response, with nothing out of place. It was precisely because there was nothing out of place that the months of no contact seemed even stranger.

Chen Xian locked the screen. "I'll go there during the winter break."