Chapter 52 Unable to Drink

Chapter 52 Unable to Drink

For the rest of the movie, Qin Zhan didn’t make any other moves, and Zhou Liao sat stiffly until the end.

When the cinema lights came on, he was still dazed. It wasn’t until the people in front started complaining that Qin Zhan stood up, bringing him back to reality.

"Brother, did you find it good?"

The girl yawned and naturally took Zhou Liao’s hand, ready to stand up.

"…. Average."

He had no idea what the plot was about; his attention had been entirely on the person beside him.

"I feel like the pre-release hype was too much. It turned out to be just so-so." The girl brushed her hair behind her ear. "What are we having for dinner tonight?"

"Bai Ling, why are you walking so fast?" Du Li’s voice was somewhat shrill. She hadn’t even stood up yet, but her daughter had already disappeared.

Hearing this, Zhou Liao paused. When he looked up again, Bai Ling’s figure had vanished into the crowded crowd, and Qin Zhan, without giving him a glance, walked towards the exit with Du Li.

"What are you looking at?" The girl held his hand and followed his gaze. A group of people were gathered by the door, but it was unclear who they were focused on.

"Nothing…. What do you want to eat?"

"Spicy Boiled Fish?"

"Sure." Zhou Liao withdrew his gaze. The fleeting touch in the darkness now seemed like an imagined illusion in the light. His heart was beating rapidly, as if bound by chains, each beat causing a painful tug, making even breathing difficult.

He knew Qin Zhan must be going to comfort Bai Ling.

To comfort her not to take someone like him seriously.

….

Bai Ling kept walking until Du Li grabbed her, forcing her to stop.

"What are you doing? Why aren’t you waiting for us!"

When Bai Ling turned around, Du Li saw her daughter’s terrible expression.

"What’s wrong?"

"Nothing." Bai Ling didn’t want to elaborate. "It was stuffy inside."

"But you’re still walking so fast after coming out." Du Li frowned. "Wait here, I need to use the restroom."

"Why again?"

"Hey, it’s been two and a half hours. Can’t I go?"

"Go quickly then." Bai Ling pouted.

Once Du Li left, she relaxed.

"Still bothered by it?"

A male voice sounded above her head. Bai Ling looked up to see Qin Zhan standing there, looking at her calmly.

"I almost forgot about it after a year." Bai Ling sighed irritably. "But seeing him makes me sick, especially when he’s holding hands with someone new, as you saw earlier."

He heard everything they said in the cinema and noticed their occasional movements from the corner of his eye.

"Yeah, but it’s not worth it."

"I know getting angry over such a person isn’t worth it, but feeling disgusted is something I can’t control. Out of sight, out of mind. I even said I’d slap him if I saw him again, but I’m too soft. Seeing him just annoys me, let alone talking to him."

"I heard rumors at school that he takes some kind of mental health medication and dropped out because of psychological issues. I don’t think he has psychological problems; he’s just a bad person, immoral and scum. Just because he has money and power doesn’t mean he can treat others like nothing."

Bai Ling grew angrier as she spoke. Now, she wasn’t just upset about being toyed with in the past; she was simply angry at how unfair the world was. Some people were born privileged, easily obtaining others’ affections only to discard them like trash.

"People like him don’t deserve genuine love and affection. I hope the person he truly loves never reciprocates, and may he suffer and be toyed with for life."

Qin Zhan listened to her complaints without immediate response. After a while, when Bai Ling had calmed down, he suddenly spoke.

"Actually, he did get his comeuppance."

On Wednesday, as soon as the teacher dismissed the class, Zhou Liao immediately got up, packed his things, and left through the back door amid puzzled looks.

He drove to the hospital, arriving five minutes late for his appointment. However, the kind middle-aged female doctor didn’t mind. She adjusted the chair for him and waited for him to sit down.

"Long time no see."

"Long time no see."

"How have you been lately?"

The doctor’s voice was as gentle as always, soothing and calming. Zhou Liao looked at the familiar face before him, his thumb rubbing anxiously against the thumb of his other hand.

"…. Not very well."

"I see you have heavy dark circles. Haven’t you been sleeping well?"

"Yes."

"Have you been taking your medication?"

"I have…. But I throw it up."

"Did this happen before?"

"No..." Zhou Liao lowered his eyes and after a moment, took a deep breath. "That's why I came."

"Is it because the somatic reaction is severe?"

"My body isn't like it used to be... but psychologically, I'm in pain, which is why I feel nauseous and have insomnia." Zhou Liao supported his head with his hand, pressing his thumb against his temple as if he were mentally drained. "I saw him again. It's been almost two months since we first met, and we've seen each other a few times in between, but his attitude has always been cold, as if he doesn't know me or care. Even though I'm undergoing treatment... I feel like I'm addicted. Every time I see him, it still hurts."

"This time was no different; I ran into him at the cinema with someone else."

"I don't know what feelings I have for him. As you said, maybe I'm under some kind of mental control, which is why every time I see him, I feel torn—suffering on one hand and expecting something on the other. So when I see him with others, I... I feel like vomiting."

"Can I ask, why do you feel so much pain?"

"Because he has moved on with a new life and new feelings before me. How can he just move forward without any issues, while I am the one suffering from this heartache, unable to escape no matter what I try? I've tried being with different people, but nothing changes. I can't be as indifferent as he is." Zhou Liao's emotions escalated as he spoke, "At night, when I can't sleep and my eyes ache..."

He suddenly covered his eyes. "I think about tormenting him, tearing him apart, killing him, and then dying together. That would be fair."

The doctor held his hand, soothing him continuously. "Zhou Liao, calm down. Take deep breaths to control your emotions."

"Nan Feng, but then I think, how is this any different from what happened before? Is this just starting all over again?" Zhou Liao stared at the doctor with red eyes. "If I really did that, he would hate me even more, despise me even more. Would he push me away again... But then it would just be the two of us."

"I can't accept being with him, feeling so low and degraded, yet I miss those moments when it was just the two of us, and he gave me those emotions."

"Do you understand? I feel like there are two versions of me in my head, and I don't know which one is real. What the hell do I want?"

"Who can tell me what the hell I want? Do I want him dead, or do I want to be with him?"

The doctor frowned. Zhou Liao had left out many details, and although she could guess most of it based on the past, she still felt confused. Towards the end, his words became disjointed due to his emotions, filled only with bitter complaints.

"I understand."

She gently stroked Zhou Liao's back, which was heaving from his intense emotions. After nearly five minutes, he gradually calmed down, but his eyes remained bloodshot. He stood up abruptly, as if ready to leave after venting.

"Zhou Liao, if you're really in pain, talk to him."

"To him?"

"Yes, perhaps they don't know about your pain."

"He knows better than anyone." Zhou Liao clenched his fists.

Psychological counseling only provided a pure release for him, where only these people truly understood his repressed past and the overwhelming emotions that crushed him.

The psychologist prescribed him some new medication, mostly similar to what he had taken before, but added sleeping pills. Since the hospital didn't have enough in stock, she wrote a prescription for him to get them from a pharmacy.

The night streets were already cool when Zhou Liao finished buying his medications from the pharmacy and lit a cigarette. After a while, he turned the corner and entered a convenience store. At this hour, the store was nearly empty. He picked up two bottles of wine and a bag of breakfast bread for the next morning before heading to the checkout counter.

Qin Zhan scanned the barcode on the bread expressionlessly but paused when he reached for the wine.

He glanced at the bag from the pharmacy in Zhou Liao's hand, recalling the small white bottles inside, and spoke in a cold tone.

"You shouldn't drink alcohol with your medication."

Zhou Liao, wearing a black baseball cap, had his hands in his pockets, dark circles under his eyes, looking disheveled and agitated.

Hearing this, he lifted his eyelids and looked at the composed person in front of him.

"What's it to you?"

Qin Zhan's knuckles turned white from gripping the wine bottle, but he didn't blink. "Just a suggestion."

"Do you work here?"

"Drinking will kill you."

Zhou Liao sneered.

"How do you know? I actually do want to die."