Chapter 63 Falling Toward Him

Chapter 63 Falling Toward Him

Qin Zhan knew Zhou Liao, had known him for a long time. This name could always be heard in every corner of the campus.

But it had nothing to do with him.

He was a transparent person, playing an invisible role everywhere. He didn't care about anyone, just as no one cared about him.

His life was simple: school, work, repay loans, and go to the hospital. It had been like this day after day since university.

Compared to someone like Zhou Liao, they were like two extremes of the world.

He was the unnoticed moss under damp, dark stairs, hustling for a few dollars his whole life, a mere ant that would rot at home without anyone noticing.

Zhou Liao, on the other hand, was a blazing fire under the scorching sun, gilded by inexhaustible wealth and power, a presence that drew attention and adulation wherever he went.

Their lives were destined never to intersect.

If not for that day when they collided at the corner of the staircase, no one would have known who bumped into whom first.

Zhou Liao's violence came unexpectedly. Qin Zhan never asked why, because he didn't understand the games of power or how to flatter and beg for mercy.

Enduring others' violence seemed innate; he was born to suffer.

Now, the memory of fists hitting bones had become blurred. He only remembered the searing cigarette butt pressed against his throat, bringing him back to a memory where someone held a burning poker in a cramped corner, striking him with hot metal.

The moment skin touched the scalding iron, only the sizzling sound of burning flesh could be heard, leaving behind a nauseating wound.

He began to want to destroy Zhou Liao, to make up for the past when he failed to destroy that person.

He prepared for a long time, studying Zhou Liao's daily routine and making all necessary preparations in the warehouse.

Everything went smoothly.

Zhou Liao's weakness, begging, and flattery in the warehouse seemed laughable to him. Yet, while amusing, it also inflated his inner self, unlike the arrogant and powerful person of the past.

Qin Zhan always wanted something of his own, anything that would stay by his side.

So he pretended to take Zhou Liao out, knowing he would try to escape. But from this time onward, he would ensure Zhou Liao could never leave him again.

Yet Qin Zhan disliked forcing someone who always wanted to leave. When a toy disobeyed, he thought the only solution was to dismantle it and rebuild it, making it obey only his commands.

Zhou Liao's psychological defenses were lower than he imagined, yet his resilience was stronger. He persisted for many days. Only when he confirmed through surveillance that Zhou Liao had reached his limit did he choose to appear, knowing that Zhou Liao had been reshaped successfully.

Even if he no longer confined him, Zhou Liao would not leave.

With Zhou Liao around, his daily life remained unchanged, but having someone by his side became what he had always dreamed of.

Every day was dull and simple, but gradually he began to enjoy Zhou Liao's dependence.

When he pushed open the warehouse door, it was no longer a damp darkness waiting for him, but someone anxiously waiting for his return.

No one in this world needed his existence as much as this person did.

Therefore, when he first discovered that Zhou Liao might disappear, an indescribable panic rose in his heart. Rarely did he experience emotional fluctuations; even hatred seemed indifferent. This emotion frightened him, even causing him to lose control of his violent tendencies.

He couldn't accept the fact that Zhou Liao would eventually leave. Every time he received a message from Chen Xian, he repeatedly thought about making the other person disappear from this world.

So he forced Zhou Liao to repeatedly say that he would never leave, as if only then could he find some peace.

But he didn't expect that the one who left first wasn't Zhou Liao, but his grandmother—the one who had favored boys over girls her entire life, watching him suffer as a child.

He had no feelings for her, but he always felt that his existence must have a purpose.

Everyone else in the world seemed to have social connections—jobs, ideals, interests, families, friends, ambitions—but he had none. He just felt that if he lived, there must be something that made his existence worthwhile.

Thus, keeping the old woman alive, repaying loans, and living a humble life became the meaning of his existence.

But he never expected that everyone would want to leave him: his runaway mother, the crushed puppy, and now his grandmother, despite spending so much money on her treatment.

Numbly scattering the ashes into the river, he received a message from Chen Xian.

Although he had long known this day would come, he still didn't expect it to happen the day after the old woman died.

He forgot what he was thinking at the time. After returning, he desperately sought evidence of Zhou Liao's need for him, marking him as his own. He knew these few months were stolen, but he still wanted to leave a mark, a proof of his existence on Zhou Liao.

He repeatedly kissed the diamond, almost self-destructively releasing the person before him.

Afterward, while Zhou Liao was unconscious, he sent him back home as if nothing had happened.

He thought that perhaps when Zhou Liao woke up, his life would end.

Qin Zhan didn't know the meaning of life or the purpose of his existence.

An outcast with no social ties, an unneeded shadow.

He doused the warehouse with gasoline and set it ablaze. He had been burned countless times, but this time, it was his own doing.

The flames and thinning oxygen distorted the space. The past days in the warehouse seemed like a stolen dream, even the companionship and need were manipulated by him. From now on, his unnoticed life would end in this fire.

When he woke up again, Qin Zhan initially thought he was in hell, but hell shouldn't be so white.

Until he smelled the pungent disinfectant, heard doctors exclaiming with joy that he had woken up, saw Du Li crying sadly and Bai Ling comforting her, he realized he had lived another chance.

Lying in bed, enduring the pain of changing bandages and receiving intravenous fluids, he wondered why he hadn't died.

He had burned down the entire warehouse.

Why was his luck so bad, returning to this world worse than purgatory?

In the hospital for that entire week, his aunt came to visit, and Du Li and Bai Ling took turns caring for him.

Du Li was a very emotional woman, especially after becoming a mother. She would look at the many layers of bandages on him and shed tears every day, imploring him to live on no matter what.

For ordinary people, "living on" seemed like an easy thing to say.

But for him, living was the hardest thing in the world.

He did not choose to die again, not because he had found meaning in life, but because it seemed not so easy to die again.

Du Li seemed worried and would often come to check on him, frequently telling him about the beauty of life, praising his academic excellence and the bright future awaiting him. She was a very kind person, something Qin Zhan always believed.

After leaving the hospital, he had no time to recuperate; he was busy finding a new place to live, returning to his old job, and continuing his interrupted studies.

He didn't hear the name Zhou Liao again, except for once when someone mentioned that Zhou Liao was also being treated in the hospital.

Qin Zhan didn't pay much attention to anything else related to Zhou Liao; he didn't want to anymore. After that fire, everything from the past was over for him.

He still returned to his damp, cramped rental apartment after work and study, pulling back the simple curtains to let the streetlights shine in to save on electricity, one of the most unremarkable people in the city.

Every day was the same routine: a few worn clothes hung in the closet, a broken fan whirring in the summer heat, standing by the kitchen counter cooking a bowl of noodles with two wilted leaves, then putting on a hat and mask, hurrying to the convenience store at the corner.

When his shift ended late at night, he would walk through muddy streets back to the dilapidated building covered in moss, close the door, drag his tired body, fill a slightly damaged enamel cup with water, rinse his mouth, brush his teeth, and wash his face.

Then he would lie down on the narrow bed, habitually reaching for the surveillance footage before remembering that for over 200 days, he had nothing left.

After that fire, he found it hard to sleep. Every time he closed his eyes, he saw images from the old videotapes. He looked up at the yellowed ceiling, took out the handcuffs locked in the cabinet, and cuffed himself.

As if that person still needed him.

They stayed in the warehouse, day after day.

When he met Zhou Liao again, there was no emotional turmoil as he had imagined; it was calm, as if this day was bound to come.

But the other's development was different from what he had expected.

Zhou Liao's gaze was intense, unlike the pleading in the warehouse. This time, it was filled with hatred and emotions he couldn't read.

In the bathroom, the other pinned him against the door, angrily shouting about his suffering in the hospital and the torturous past. He realized then that neither of them had moved on.

He asked Zhou Liao why he had let him go, but never got an answer.

But he felt he knew the answer.

The days continued as usual, but now there was an undercurrent between them. He wouldn't approach Zhou Liao anymore, knowing that outside the warehouse, they were worlds apart.

But he hadn't expected Zhou Liao's pain to be even deeper than before.

He knew about Zhou Liao's fainting spells, his medication, and how he was helped away during physical exams. But he hadn't thought that passing by the locker room one day, he would hear his name called weakly and painfully from inside.

The other, whole yet broken, knelt on the ground, choking and gasping for air, eyes bloodshot, just like the last day of the psychological experiment when he opened that door to find a shattered and reassembled Zhou Liao.

This time, Zhou Liao was even more conflicted.

The other ranted about the past, venting his emotions, telling him how much he didn't want to live, as if the weight on his spine could no longer be borne.

Unlike the first time, Qin Zhan realized that Zhou Liao hadn't just failed to move on; he still needed him.

They kissed in the locker room, like beasts, hoarsely expressing their twisted desires and hate to each other.

Zhou Liao was in agony, and Qin Zhan suffered no less.

But Zhou Liao, who had once stood on a cloud and now fallen, made his pain more palpable and piercing, while Qin Zhan, born in the mire with nothing, had grown up amid violence and hardship, making his pain almost intangible and untouchable.

After that day, things between them became strange.

Zhou Liao didn't seek him out, and he didn't either, as if they had mutually decided to be quiet.

But Qin Zhan was certain of one thing: he had shattered Zhou Liao, and now Zhou Liao needed him. The mere thought of it made his blood run cold.

He was giving Zhou Liao time, waiting for him to admit that he couldn't live without him.

In the cinema, he gave Zhou Liao a chance, but the other seemed to have simply vented his emotions in the locker room that day, with no further thoughts.

Qin Zhan didn't want that answer. If anyone would do, then don't say you need me, don't show that desperate and agitated look in the locker room.

So they stopped seeing each other, stopped communicating. He turned off his phone and listened to his teacher talk about studying abroad next semester.

It was as if they had never been part of each other's lives.

But things unfolded as he had predicted.

Late one night, Zhou Liao, reeking of alcohol and cigarettes, pounded on his door, asking why he was treating him this way, why his phone was off, why he was going abroad, and whether he would ever return.

Qin Zhan wouldn't give him all the answers; he only asked Zhou Liao what he wanted.

As always, he disliked forcing anyone.

I will shatter you and make you stay, I will leave you and make you find me.

What Qin Zhan wanted was for Zhou Liao, in full consciousness, to step down from the high platform and fall towards him, step by step.