Chapter 58 Why?

Chapter 58 Why?

After Zhou Liao drove the girl home that evening, he returned to his own place. Chen Xian came back with him tonight because they had planned to play games and climb ranks together.

From the moment he changed his shoes at the door, Chen Xian couldn't help himself.

"So, what did you end up telling her?"

"Want some fruit juice?" Zhou Liao took a bottle of chilled juice from the fridge. "Didn't say much, just that it wasn't interesting and we should stop."

"You broke it off before it even started?" Chen Xian plopped down on the carpet in the living room. "Pour me some."

"No interest."

"I suspect you've been taking too much of that medicine; maybe it's reducing your libido."

Zhou Liao glanced at him. "Are you sick?"

"You used to cheat so often in relationships, but now you've only had slight connections with two girls."

"There's nothing I particularly like about them. They look good, but lack something."

Chen Xian didn't delve deeper into the topic. He pulled out his computer and opened the game while talking. "By the way, don't you think the convenience store clerk tonight looked a bit like Qin Zhan?"

Zhou Liao, who was pouring juice, almost spilled it when he heard this. "Did you see his face?"

"The build was similar. I thought so before, and the aura is quite distinctive." Chen Xian glanced at Zhou Liao. "Wasn't it him? I remember you staring at his back in the restroom, and then waiting so long to buy water."

"I don't know." Zhou Liao carried the two glasses of juice over.

"I think it was, but I didn't notice if he had a scar on his Adam's apple." Chen Xian started a ranked match. "Do you think he's not tired, going to school and working part-time, and still managing to be top of his class?"

Zhou Liao's mind was filled with thoughts of the scar on the Adam's apple, and his hand clenched into a fist.

Chen Xian didn't notice Zhou Liao's expression. He sighed, "Being born is truly an art. If he had a different birth, he wouldn't be in such a miserable situation."

The next day, both of them slept until late morning. They ordered takeout for lunch, and Chen Xian slowly made his way back to his own place. Zhou Liao had no classes on Friday, so he played with his phone for a while until his eyes started to tire. After procrastinating for a bit, he finally sent a text to Qin Zhan.

The other side seemed busy and didn't reply immediately. Zhou Liao spent two hours scrolling through short videos before his phone finally buzzed with a notification.

Zhou Liao didn't want to reply too quickly. He deliberately waited five minutes before responding.

?

Zhou Liao cursed under his breath. What the hell was Qin Zhan doing at Bai Ling's house all the time? Who goes to someone else's house for dinner every other day?

Qin Zhan didn't reply immediately. It took another half hour before he responded with an "oh."

That single word made Zhou Liao's temper flare, almost making him throw his phone. Oh, your father, oh.

Zhou Liao didn't know what he wanted or why he was asking so many questions. He and Qin Zhan hadn't spent much time together. Most of their interactions were either chance encounters or when Zhou Liao went to play basketball or eat with Chen Xian. Sometimes he saw Qin Zhan in class or at the convenience store.

In total, they probably spent only three to four hours together each week, and even less time talking.

Zhou Liao tried to stay calm while texting Qin Zhan.

The fact that Qin Zhan replied with so many messages and indirectly agreed made Zhou Liao feel a bit better.

He lay in bed playing with his phone, feeling somewhat relieved. While scrolling through videos, he came across one about realizing one's attraction to the same sex. The comments from gay people gave him goosebumps, and he marked the video as uninteresting.

Even though he had done many things, Zhou Liao never really thought about what was happening between him and Qin Zhan. This was a confusing and chaotic emotion, evolving from dependency in the warehouse to a muddled understanding now, tinged with a sense of reckless abandon and going with the flow.

He was not one to delve deeply into emotions or analyze himself. He went with the flow, doing whatever his instincts told him.

After all, he was Zhou Liao, someone who had always had the capital to do so since childhood. If he wanted something, he would get it, and even if he made mistakes, he could always start over. He had plenty of time, money, and confidence to use as stakes.

Because he had stayed up until four in the morning the night before, Zhou Liao played with his phone for a while, then lay down to sleep again. When he woke up, it was already past dinner time.

When he woke up, a friend messaged him asking if he wanted to have dinner together that evening. Zhou Liao didn't immediately respond.

He ate a bowl of chicken offal noodles at a roadside shop nearby, estimating that it was about time, and then took an umbrella for a casual stroll around the area. It was still drizzling recently, and there weren't many people on the streets. As he walked toward that familiar direction, there were even fewer people around.

He wasn’t particularly eager to see Qin Zhan, but since he had nothing else to do today, he decided to walk around here and check out the surroundings.

At eight o'clock in the evening, the only sounds nearby were the rain and the occasional electric scooter passing by.

Zhou Liao looked at the dilapidated buildings and the gradually muddy roads. When he turned the last corner, he saw the tall figure approaching from the opposite side.

The other person clearly saw him too; Qin Zhan paused for a moment before continuing forward, his expression looking gloomy and damp under the night sky.

"What are you doing here?"

"Taking a walk."

"It's raining." Qin Zhan glanced at Zhou Liao, "Why did you come here?"

"Just wandering around." Zhou Liao let out a frustrated sigh, not expecting to run into Qin Zhan so coincidentally. He could still smell Bai Ling’s perfume on him, the old scent he was familiar with. He was sensitive to various scents on women, "Have you finished eating?"

"Yeah."

"What did you eat?"

"Home-cooked food." Qin Zhan glanced at Zhou Liao, unusually taking the initiative to ask, "What about you?"

"Had a bowl of noodles."

"Are you heading back now?"

Zhou Liao stared at Qin Zhan for a long time without speaking. The other person just quietly looked at him, seemingly in no hurry to answer.

"I feel like I haven't digested yet. How about you?"

Qin Zhan didn't directly answer: "Aren't you cold?"

"I've only been out for a short while." Zhou Liao felt his palms sweating, making it hard to grip the umbrella handle.

"Let's go then."

Hearing this, Zhou Liao raised his eyes. Qin Zhan spoke calmly, "I'm feeling a bit full too."

Zhou Liao took a deep breath, swallowed, and his heart suddenly started beating faster. In that moment, he found the gray street less irritating.

Actually, there was nothing worth walking around here. There were almost no green spaces or parks, only dilapidated streets that hadn't been repaired. But neither of them spoke, walking silently through the quiet night, listening to the sound of rain.

Since both of them were holding umbrellas, they weren't as close as they were on campus, but Zhou Liao felt it was enough. Qin Zhan was a contradictory presence to him, bringing both pain and inexplicable comfort.

"…Qin Zhan." Zhou Liao stepped through the puddles, unable to hold back, "I've been wondering, why do you have handcuffs on your bedside table?"

"Bought them."

"Why did you buy them?"

"For insomnia."

Hearing this, Zhou Liao nearly stopped in his tracks. His heart was pounding: "Insomnia?"

"Yeah."

The next question Zhou Liao couldn't help but ask: "Why do you have insomnia? When did it start?"

"A long time ago."

"…Do you need to cuff yourself to sleep? Have you been doing this for days?" Zhou Liao listened to the raindrops hitting the umbrella, unsure what kind of answer he was waiting for.

Just then, a speeding car passed by, splashing water, which drowned out Qin Zhan's response.

"What did you say?" Zhou Liao frowned.

"Nothing."

"I didn't hear clearly."

Zhou Liao was getting frustrated, but no matter how much he asked, Qin Zhan didn't say another word.

He hated the feeling of being left hanging. The rest of the walk was filled with irritation, cursing Qin Zhan in his mind. He wanted a direct answer.

Perhaps he was too engrossed in cursing Qin Zhan, halfway through the walk, he was suddenly pulled back sharply. He stumbled a few steps, and their umbrellas collided. The honking of a car followed.

"Don't you have eyes?!" The delivery rider on an electric scooter yelled at Zhou Liao.

"Fucking hell, this is a pedestrian path, who said you can ride here?!" Zhou Liao was already agitated and his anger flared even more, "And you dare call me blind?!"

"Two eyeballs in your sockets!" The delivery rider, taking advantage of having a vehicle, sped away, splashing water on Zhou Liao as he passed.

"Damn it."

Zhou Liao couldn't tolerate this kind of disrespect, the contempt from "the lower class" being the thing he despised most in life.

"Never mind."

Qin Zhan pulled him under his umbrella. Zhou Liao, caught up in the argument, had thrown his own umbrella aside in the rain.

"Fuck, he doesn’t watch where he’s going on the sidewalk, and this delivery guy is yelling...” Zhou Liao didn’t finish his sentence before locking eyes with Qin Zhan. Despite the calm in Qin Zhan’s eyes, Zhou Liao turned his head and clenched his jaw, “That’s not what I meant.”

"There’s a lot of water on the road."

Zhou Liao knew Qin Zhan was implying why others would ride on the sidewalk. But due to his own position, it was hard for him to empathize with those below. Unlike him, Qin Zhan came from there and still did.

“I know.” Zhou Liao picked up the umbrella from the ground; the transparent surface now stained with floating dirt from the rainwater. “He cursed at me first.”

"Hmm, hit me too, it’s all dirty now."

“...It’s a bit cold. I want to smoke. Do you mind?” Zhou Liao was only wearing a hoodie. Walking here had been tough, pretending it wasn’t cold was an act. He rubbed his slightly red hands and fumbled for a cigarette in his pocket.

Qin Zhan tacitly agreed. Zhou Liao shielded the cigarette with one hand as he lit it. Soon, a swirl of mint-scented smoke drifted towards the person beside him.

"Can you hold the umbrella? I need to put out the cigarette; two of them got wet."

Qin Zhan took the umbrella from Zhou Liao but accidentally brushed against his chest. He heard a sudden pained grunt from the other, whose expression looked both painful and strange.

"What’s wrong?" Qin Zhan frowned slightly.

Zhou Liao took a deep breath through the cigarette, unable to speak for a while due to the pain.

Qin Zhan’s gaze fell on the spot where Zhou Liao instinctively held his hand. After three seconds, he seemed to realize something.

"You’re still wearing it?"

In Qin Zhan’s gaze, Zhou Liao gradually became agitated and embarrassed. The piercing mark left by a man, still worn after a year, made him wonder how disgusting he must look to Qin Zhan, possibly thinking he couldn’t leave him and might even consider him gay.

He took another deep drag, looking somewhat nonchalant but actually enduring the pain. He answered stiffly, “Too lazy to take it off.”

"Why?"

"Isn’t it trendy now? It’s unique."

Zhou Liao saw that Qin Zhan’s eyes had shown some emotion just moments ago, but now they were downcast, filled once again with the usual calm, dark water.

"Let’s go back."