Chapter 53: Hatred

Chapter 53: Hatred

Qin Zhan looked at him indifferently. "There's no need to sulk here."

"Sulk?"

Zhou Liao seemed to find it absurd, and an indescribable anger surged up within him. The emotions that had been on the brink for so many days were dismissed by the other as mere "sulking." He slammed his fist on the counter, leaning forward and staring intently into Qin Zhan's eyes.

"Who the hell are you? Do you think I'd sulk over you?"

Qin Zhan slightly narrowed his eyes.

"Haven't you said I should live my own life?" Zhou Liao pushed the bottle of alcohol back toward Qin Zhan. "Then what does it matter to you if I die?"

"What's going on?"

The aunt from the back room opened the door upon hearing the noise, thinking there was some kind of dispute outside. She saw Qin Zhan standing behind the counter, expressionless but with a dangerous aura, and another man in front of him, looking like a wild leopard bristling with aggression.

"Nothing," Qin Zhan lowered his gaze and then scanned the barcodes of the two bottles of alcohol. "Do you want a bag?"

Zhou Liao didn't answer; he grabbed everything on the counter and paid without looking back before leaving the convenience store.

The house was pitch black. Zhou Liao turned on the light and threw the bag onto the coffee table.

He boiled a pot of water and took the pills in his hand. Now, even the medication could barely suppress the flood of emotions surging through him. Half an hour later, his muscles were still tense, and every time he closed his eyes, he saw Qin Zhan's cold, emotionless gaze, piercing his heart almost to the point of numbness.

He sat there, trying to regulate his breathing. But due to his poor appetite and lack of dinner, his stomach lining was injured, causing him to rush to the toilet several times to vomit.

It was the same every day for the past few days. He felt like he had returned to the past, except without hallucinations. All the symptoms had come back, just like before.

Zhou Liao clutched the edge of the toilet, sitting on the floor, his eyes red and filled with bloodshot veins. Each convulsion of his stomach brought a sharp pain to his head.

After a while, his phone vibrated. It was a message from his mother: "Uncle Lin says you haven't been to school these days. What are you doing?"

He gripped his phone tightly, enduring the intense pain, and replied, "I'm not feeling well."

The response came quickly: "You've been treated for half a year now. Why do you seem fine when you're racing cars and playing cards, spending money left and right?"

Zhou Liao felt a sudden pull in his chest, as if he couldn't catch his breath, and his blood seemed to freeze. He typed shakily, "Why don't you ask me why I'm not feeling well?"

"What else could it be? Zhou Liao, a man shouldn't be so weak."

The cold words on the screen made his fingers hover over the screen, unable to move further. After a moment, he stood up, enduring the stabbing pain in his chest, and stumbled out of the bathroom, accidentally bumping into a screw on a shelf, cutting his wrist.

He sat back down in the living room, with the alcohol and sleeping pills in front of him.

He stared at them for a long time. Unlike in the past, he didn't have a strong desire to die, but he didn't know why he should endure such pain.

For one person, he endured physical and psychological torment, forever bound by the shackles the other had placed on him.

In the past, he didn't care about himself, but that person would always be there for him, doing things for him, giving him a sense of home and security, accepting him despite knowing the real him.

But now, it was different. He didn't care about himself anymore, just like everyone else.

He wasn't trying to leave because of one person; he simply couldn't bear the pain and the overwhelming emotions any longer. He just wanted to sleep.

Zhou Liao poured out a dozen sleeping pills and counted them one by one until the last one. Then he pried open the bottle cap.

He swallowed the pills.

His phone vibrated again. It was a new message from the freshman he was currently flirting with, showing pictures of luxury bags and asking which one looked better, along with a cute emoji saying, "Brother, I want this."

Zhou Liao read the message and washed down the pills with the alcohol. He locked his phone, and soon his breathing became labored, his vision blurred, and darkness enveloped him.

"Wake up?" Chen Xian stood up, and a few others nearby also looked anxious.

"He's awake. His stomach has been cleaned out, and he's had intravenous fluids, so his energy has recovered a bit." The doctor closed the door. "Once he rests, he can be discharged."

"Thank you, thank you."

Chen Xian breathed a sigh of relief. Last night, he called Zhou Liao to play games, but the call went unanswered. Suddenly, he remembered Zhou Liao mentioning seeing a psychologist earlier that day, and a bad feeling crept over him. He rushed to Zhou Liao's place.

He and Zhou Liao often visited each other's homes, so he knew the password to the door. When he arrived, Zhou Liao was lying on the floor, unconscious, with pills and alcohol on the coffee table.

Chen Xian's heart nearly stopped. He knew Zhou Liao had been having trouble sleeping and hadn't been attending school, but he seemed fine when they hung out, even flirting with a new girl. He thought Zhou Liao had moved on, but he never expected this.

He immediately called for help and helped carry Zhou Liao to the ambulance with the property management staff.

The hospital said it was fortunate he found Zhou Liao in time; otherwise, even washing his stomach wouldn't have saved him. Chen Xian called several close friends to stay overnight. They were shocked to hear about Zhou Liao's suicide attempt.

He quietly opened the door. The person on the bed was staring at the ceiling, lost in thought.

"You scared the hell out of me, Zhou Liao. Do you know how close you were to dying?" Chen Xian took a deep breath and sighed heavily. "What happened?"

"Actually, I didn't want to die," Zhou Liao's voice was very calm.

"You didn't want to die? You mixed sleeping pills with alcohol and didn't want to die?!"

"Liao Ge, what's going on? We're all worried sick. Tell us what's bothering you."

"There's nothing. Maybe my emotions just got the better of me." Zhou Liao covered his eyes and then sat up. "What time is it?"

"It's one in the afternoon."

"I need to go to school."

"Why do you need to go to school?" the people around him were puzzled. "With your condition, you could take a month off, and the teachers wouldn't say anything."

"For the physical fitness test."

"Nerves." Chen Xian rolled his eyes. "Why are you going now?"

"To calculate the scores." Zhou Liao pulled back the covers. "And I've already rested."

"You call that resting?" Chen Xian was increasingly puzzled by what Zhou Liao was thinking.

Zhou Liao didn't explain himself, and no matter how much he tried to investigate, it was hard to find any clues. After Zhou Liao was hospitalized, to avoid upsetting anyone, he didn’t bring up those matters. Now that Zhou Liao had recovered and was interacting normally with them every day, why did he suddenly do something like this again?

He couldn’t even pinpoint when Zhou Liao had changed. If he had to guess, it was probably on the first day of school, when things just felt off.

Zhou Liao stood up directly as if he hadn’t done anything unusual last night, acting as if nothing had happened and ready to leave.

He actually hadn’t really wanted to die, but impulses can arise in an instant. Qin Zhan was just a trigger; there were many other factors involved.

"Sorry, buddy." Zhou Liao patted Chen Xian's shoulder. "Thanks."

"Hey, you’re not afraid of collapsing again." Chen Xian had never been able to persuade Zhou Liao.

"No, I won’t. I’ll treat you guys to dinner these few nights." Zhou Liao looked at the sunlight outside. "Sorry, guys. I was out of my mind last night."

Zhou Liao’s physical assessment was scheduled for 5 PM, a time when there weren’t too many people around.

After finishing the earlier events, he went to run the one-kilometer race. However, his body was still visibly weak, and over the past few days, he had deteriorated more than he imagined. Normally, he would easily be in the top two, but now, halfway through, he was struggling to breathe and feeling exhausted.

"Are you okay, Brother Liao?" A slower runner noticed Zhou Liao was almost at the same pace as him, which was surprising. Seeing Zhou Liao’s pale face, he asked, "Are you feeling unwell?"

Zhou Liao didn’t respond, only thinking about finishing the race quickly and skipping the next class.

"Zhou Liao! Stop!" Their previous PE teacher blew the whistle. From a distance, he could tell something was wrong and hurriedly called two nearby students. "Quick, go get him to stop. What is he doing?"

The two students rushed forward to support Zhou Liao, who was drenched in sweat. His vision blurred, and he collapsed as soon as they held him up.

"If you’re not feeling well, don’t run." The PE teacher approached, thinking Zhou Liao might have a fever from all the sweat. "What’s going on with you?"

"Is he feeling unwell?" One of the students supporting Zhou Liao frowned. Zhou Liao usually seemed energetic, but after fainting last month and now this, the rumors seemed true.

"Does he live on campus?"

"No."

"Then take him to lie down on a chair in the changing room. It has wider chairs."

"Oh, okay."

...

Under the watchful eyes of the entire field, the two students carried Zhou Liao to the changing room, placed a cup of hot water beside him, and stayed for a while before leaving.

Zhou Liao had almost no consciousness during the latter part, as if he had fallen asleep from exhaustion. He woke up after an unknown amount of time.

This time, when he woke up, he wasn’t greeted by the smell of disinfectant or a white ceiling, but complete darkness. His last memory was lying somewhere, with someone saying something before leaving.

The room was pitch black, and as his mind gradually cleared, a long-forgotten fear began to spread.

In an instant, he felt like he had returned to the starting point, back to the initial warehouse where there was nothing around him. Each day, he cycled between hallucinations and waking up in despair until he could no longer bear it and broke down completely.

It had been a long time since he had been alone in a completely dark, enclosed space. Even when sleeping at night, he would leave a small light on and cuff his wrist to the bedhead. This suffocating sensation made his entire body stiffen, making it difficult to move.

Even though the door was right there, his feet felt anchored to the ground, and overwhelming fear began to surge.

Initially, Zhou Liao felt tense, but his heart started pounding fiercely, almost in sync with the throbbing in his temples. The entire room echoed with the sound of his heartbeat. Then, he began sweating profusely, his whole body trembling uncontrollably, yet he felt chained down, unable to break free from the trembling.

As time passed in the darkness, his chest tightened, and anxiety, fear, and dread enveloped him like a vast net. His throat tightened, and his vision or mind began to flash white frequently.

"Qin Zhan..."

"Qin Zhan..."

He curled up in agony, gasping for air, unconsciously calling out this name repeatedly.

"...Qin Zhan."

"Qin Zhan."

Zhou Liao was nearly overwhelmed by panic. When he tried to turn over, he fell to the ground, but the pain in his head and back did nothing to clear his mind. He struggled to stand up, but his legs were weak, and he nearly collapsed. Memories of the past washed over him like endless waves, leaving him unable to recover.

He felt like he was dying from lack of oxygen, different from the unconscious suffering of the night before.

He called out Qin Zhan’s name one last time, filled with the endless hatred from a year of torment.

In the sudden silence, the changing room door burst open.

A tall man stood in the doorway, blocking most of the light. His face was cold and emotionless, but upon seeing the person on the ground, arms tensed, curled up, and choking, he stepped forward and squatted down.

"Zhou Liao."