Chapter 173 It’s Also My First Time Loving Someone…

Chapter 173: It's Also My First Time Loving Someone...

"Home?" Tuo Baxiao stiffened upon hearing these words. After a long pause, he asked in an uncertain tone, "You mean return to the royal court?"

"Mm." Jiang Congyan responded softly.

Tuo Baxiao's heart leaped. He turned to face her, his voice shaking. "You... still want to go back with me?"

He studied her face. The bed curtains muted the light, but he felt as if he could discern every subtle shift in her expression.

Jiang Congyan sensed his hesitation and remained silent for a moment before countering, "Did you think I changed my mind?"

"No," Tuo Baxiao denied instinctively. "I thought you might want to stay in Liangzhou a little longer."

He feared she’d grown attached to Liangzhou—these past days, she had been truly relaxed and happy. The Zhang family visited her daily. Though she hadn’t fully recovered and couldn’t run or jump, they kept her company in conversation. Every time they talked, her eyes crinkled with laughter, as if she had become a cherished little girl under her family’s doting care. This inner joy was something he had never seen before.

That was why he hadn’t brought up returning to the royal court. He worried she might be reluctant—or worse, unwilling to go back with him at all.

By now, he understood. Her return to Liangzhou hadn’t been out of spite or a desire to sever ties with him. His own panic had caused the misunderstanding.

After their rescue, their earlier tension dissolved without a word. Neither demanded apologies. It was as if nothing had ever happened. She responded to his concern, spoke to him, smiled at him, and introduced him to her family.

He no longer obsessively questioned whether she loved him or how much of her affection was genuine. He was content just having her near.

"I’ve loved this time," Jiang Congyan said unhurriedly, tilting her face slightly to gaze at the faint outline of his features in the dark. "With family here and no duties—if possible, I’d love for it to last forever. But peace never lasts. We still have our own matters to attend to. It’s about time we returned."

"Liangzhou was my home in the past. That little courtyard in the royal court... is my home now."

Her voice cut through the quiet night, so unmistakable there was no room for mishearing.

Tuo Baxiao’s heart hammered like a drum.

She said the royal court was her home now. Their home.

He squeezed her hand. Finally, he broke the silence. "When do you want to go back?"

"The day after tomorrow. We still need to pack, and tomorrow would be too rushed. I also have to bid farewell to Grandfather and the others."

"Alright."

Tuo Baxiao slid an arm beneath her neck and draped the other lightly over her waist, pulling her entirely into his embrace.

It had been a long time since they slept like this. At first, their injuries made the position risky. Later, he hadn’t dared to presume. Only now did he finally feel at ease.

Jiang Congyan let him hold her. In the darkness, she lifted a hand to his chest.

"Tuo Baxiao... do you still love me?"

He hadn’t expected the question. Without hesitation, he answered, "I’ve always loved you—always will." His voice rushed, as if a pause would make her doubt him.

He thought of how he had once withdrawn from her and regretted it bitterly. "I shouldn’t have been angry with you. I shouldn’t have avoided you. Hit me, yell at me—anything. But you have to believe me. There hasn’t been a single moment when I didn’t love you..."

Every day apart had been agony. Back then, he had even convinced himself that if she would just pretend to coax him, he’d willingly delude himself.

Jiang Congyan waited until he finished his outpouring before closing her eyes and nestling closer against him.

"Mm. You promised—you’ll keep loving me. Because... I love you too." Her quiet, steady voice struck Tuo Baxiao’s heart like thunder.

The May night was warm, and their sleeping robes were thin. Jiang Congyan’s palm could distinctly feel the contours of his chest—and even more clearly, the sudden stillness followed by a frantic, pounding heartbeat, revealing how thoroughly she’d undone him.

He went completely rigid, motionless.

After a long while, he suddenly tightened his grip on her hand. "What did you say?"

The light was so dim, yet his jade-green eyes shone startlingly bright, like green gems glowing in the dark.

Tuo Baxiao could hardly believe what he had heard. She said she loved him too?

Remembering something, he abruptly sat up and flung open the bed curtains.

A lamp had been left on the table, and as the curtains parted, the soft, hazy glow of candlelight spilled onto the bed, illuminating the girl’s soft, pale face—serene and beautiful, without a trace of reluctance.

"Can you say it again? I didn’t hear clearly," he asked, his voice trembling.

They had been lying down, but with his sudden movement, Jiang Congyan also sat up.

She blinked, adjusting to the light, then slightly lifted her chin, meeting his gaze steadily and earnestly. "Tuo Baxiao, I said, I love you too. Was that clear enough?"

Her voice was clear and sweet. Tuo Baxiao heard it, yet he was stunned.

He was spellbound by her words, unable to snap out of it for a long time. Jiang Congyan waited, but when he still didn’t react, she was about to lie back down and sleep when he suddenly seemed to remember something, his expression shifting as his confidence visibly wavered.

"If you don’t love me, you don’t have to force yourself to say these things. I’ve already accepted it—my love for you is my own business. As long as you’re willing to stay by my side, that’s enough."

Jiang Congyan almost laughed out of sheer exasperation. She wanted to knock some sense into him and see what kind of logic was running through his head.

"Do you really think I’m that kind of person?" she retorted irritably. "If that were the case, I could’ve just stringed you along back in the royal palace. Why would I go through all this trouble?"

Tuo Baxiao quickly shook his head. "No, it’s just... I can’t believe it. You never said it before."

Jiang Congyan understood then, but she hadn’t expected that someone as haughty and commanding as him could be so insecure about this.

She launched herself into his arms, wrapping her arms around him and pressing her face against his shoulder. "Tuo Baxiao, I meant every word. As for before... maybe I’m just stubborn like that. Before anything happened, I was always overthinking—*A man who falls in love can still free himself, but a woman who falls is bound forever.* This world isn’t fair to men and women alike, so I was afraid to give my heart, afraid of getting hurt if things fell apart. I thought I was leaving myself an escape route, but wasn’t that just cowardice?"

In everything else, she was decisive, but when it came to love, she hesitated, always imagining the worst outcome. She had wronged his sincerity and suppressed her own feelings, too afraid to fully embrace the sweetness love could bring.

"When I heard you were surrounded by Wudatihou and your life was in danger, in that moment, I couldn’t think of anything else. The only thought in my mind was that you had to survive. As long as you lived, I’d do anything."

Remembering that moment, Jiang Congyan still felt a chill of fear. Her eyes grew hot, and hot tears rolled down her cheeks onto the hollow of his neck.

Tuo Baxiao felt the dampness and trembled, crushing her to him.

Now that her feelings were out in the open, Jiang Congyan no longer hid. She continued opening up to him. "I don’t want you hurt. I don’t want you to leave me. Other than you, I’ll never think of spending my life with anyone else. That’s love, isn’t it?"

When the edict first came, she might not have held much expectation for this man. But day after day, through their time together, he had proven with his actions that he would choose her steadfastly, that he would never abandon her. Perhaps that was what moved her most—because what she wanted was precisely this kind of total, one-of-a-kind love.

"Yes," Tuo Baxiao nodded firmly.

"Tuo Baxiao, this is my first time loving someone too. I don’t know if it counts as the wholehearted love you speak of. Maybe I don’t love you as deeply as you love me yet, but I’ll try," she added.

"This is more than enough," Tuo Baxiao said. He no longer cared. His earlier insistence on demanding equal love from her had been unreasonable—love isn’t about keeping score.

"But you have to keep loving me, or else I won’t love you anymore. If you ever change your heart, I’ll never forgive you."

In this relationship, it had all started because of Tuo Baxiao. Jiang Congyan might have seemed passive, but in truth, she was the more playfully stubborn one—she demanded his sincerity first before she would respond.

Hearing her slightly playful tone, Tuo Baxiao smiled and pressed a kiss to her hair. "Alright."

She went on rambling sleepily, and Tuo Baxiao listened attentively, responding now and then. Eventually, she drifted off.

Tuo Baxiao listened but heard nothing for a while. When he looked down, he saw that she had indeed closed her eyes, her dark lashes still glistening with moisture, making her pale little face look both fragile and endearing.

After weeks of care, the small cuts on her face had long healed. With the ointment Zhang Yuan prepared, the scars were barely visible unless one looked closely. Moreover, these days of recuperation and the Zhang family stuffing her full at every chance had gradually filled out her previously sunken cheeks, now glowing with a healthy rosy hue.

Back when she was skin and bones, Tuo Baxiao couldn’t bear to look.

He remained still, his gaze lingering on her beautiful face for a long time before finally brushing a soft kiss on her forehead. Then, carefully, he laid her flat, covered her with a thin blanket, and pulled her back into his embrace before drifting off to sleep together.

With the Zhang family handling affairs in Liangzhou, the two were left to heal in peace. No one woke them, so they slept in every day, lazing around until the day slipped away.

When Jiang Congyan awoke, the sky was already bright, sunlight streaming through the windows and painting the room in golden warmth. She opened her eyes to find herself still nestled in Tuo Baxiao’s arms.

His arm was probably dead asleep after being her pillow all night, yet he insisted on holding her like this—she didn’t need coddling, but he insisted anyway.

"Awake?" Tuo Baxiao asked.

"Mm. It’s late—we should get up."

Despite her words, Tuo Baxiao showed no intention of rising. Instead, he pulled her closer, wrapping his arms around her waist and letting her lean against him.

"What’s the rush? Stay a while."

Before, he had treated her with the utmost gentleness and caution. But after hearing her confession last night and knowing she loved him too, his heart was so full he dropped the careful act.

"I’ve got to get our things packed and say goodbye to Grandmother and Grandfather," Jiang Congyan said, pushing him away and sitting up, about to swing her leg over when his arm hooked around her.

Frowning, she moved to shove him aside, but Tuo Baxiao tightened his grip, rolled them both off the bed, scooping her up midair, spinning her once before setting her down.

"Fine, let’s get up."

They’d slept in, and between washing up, breakfast, and medicine, it was almost noon.

Jiang Congyan headed to the main courtyard. The Marquis of Liangzhou was off handling affairs, leaving only Madam Cui in the garden, holding a bowl of fish food and occasionally tossing out a piece of dried meat for Lingxiao to flap over and snatch.

Lingxiao was quite large, majestic when soaring through the sky, but on the ground, its clumsy waddle was downright silly.

Jiang Congyan burst out laughing the moment she saw it.

"Before, Lingxiao would avoid you at the sight of you. Now it’s willing to come to your courtyard and play."

Madam Cui chuckled. "It’s not me he likes—just the snacks I bring."

She handed the bowl to a maid beside her and turned her gaze to Jiang Congyan’s porcelain face, relieved to see her complexion improving day by day.

Tuo Baxiao stood to the side. Never one for small talk or buttering up elders, he remained quietly by Jiang Congyan’s side, speaking only when addressed.

After chatting for over an hour, Madam Cui invited them to stay for lunch.

Since neither of them had fully recovered, they usually ate in their own courtyard. Madam Cui usually spared them the fuss, but since they had come today, it was a good opportunity.

After lunch and a breather, Jiang Congyan kept stealing glances at Madam Cui.

"Out with it," Madam Cui murmured, as if already sensing her purpose.

Jiang Congyan’s throat tightened—she could barely force the words out.

"I’ve failed in my duty as a granddaughter and cannot stay by your side any longer," she said hoarsely.

Madam Cui froze for a moment, her eyelids lowering heavily before she asked calmly, "When are you leaving?"

"Tomorrow."

She let out a long sigh. "You’ve been gone long enough—it’s time to return. Go ahead."

Though Madam Cui did not try to stop her, every word was thick with reluctance.

Jiang Congyan could no longer hold back and leaned in to embrace her. "Grandmother."

Madam Cui wrapped her arms around her in return, gently patting her back just like when she was little.

"Grandmother, things are bound to shift in the next few years. You must take care of yourself. Once things settle down, you must come to stay with me, alright?"

"Alright, alright." Madam Cui’s eyes grew damp too.

After the two shared their sorrow, Jiang Congyan pulled away, using her sleeve to wipe away her tears.

Her beautiful eyes were red and swollen from crying, enough to break your heart.

Once she sat back down, Madam Cui turned to Tuo Baxiao. "Chang Shengnu has been loved and protected in Liangzhou. Now that she’s returning to Xianbei with you, swear she won’t face even a hint of hardship. If anything like before happens again, I won’t let it slide."

Jiang Congyan had not told her about their quarrel, but Madam Cui, with her decades of sharp-eyed wisdom, had put two and two together simply from Jiang Congyan traveling alone and Tuo Baxiao’s reckless chase straight into a trap. A few questions to her maids confirmed everything.

Of course, her granddaughter came first, but since Jiang Congyan still chose to stay with him and they seemed reconciled, she bit back her disapproval. Still, she drew her line in the sand—Xianbei was his territory, and Chang Shengnu, a woman alone far from home, would have the deck stacked against her.

"Everything before was my fault. I shouldn’t have quarreled with Yan Yan. Grandmother, rest assured, I will never repeat such mistakes," Tuo Baxiao said, like an oath.

Only then did Madam Cui nod. "Remember your words."

Jiang Congyan spent the entire afternoon in the main courtyard with Madam Cui. When the three Zhang sisters heard she was returning to Xianbei, they were devastated, swarming her, clinging tight.

"Ah Yan, won’t you stay just a bit more? Once you leave, it’ll be years before we see you again."

"Ah Yan, why not let your husband go back first?" Zhang Yinhua breathed into her ear.

Tuo Baxiao's eyes snapped to them.

Zhang Yinhua hadn’t expected his hearing to be so keen. Her expression stiffened momentarily before she pivoted like nothing happened, though she inched closer to Jiang Congyan.

...

By evening, the Marquis of Liangzhou and Jiang Congyan’s cousins had returned.

As men, they couldn’t wear their hearts on their sleeves, but their eyes brimmed with concern. They asked about travel arrangements, urging her to pack extras—nothing like last time must happen again.

The entire family gathered for a meal, dragging on past midnight before finally parting.

The next day, as dawn barely broke, the Marquis of Liangzhou’s residence was a hive of activity.

Jiang Congyan had already ordered her maids to pack most of their belongings the day before, leaving only small items for the morning.

Upon learning of her departure, every member of the Zhang family had loaded her down with gifts—food, supplies, urging her to pack extras for the journey’s hardships.

In the end, they filled seven or eight carriages—practically a whole household’s worth.

Jiang Congyan had intended to bid farewell at the gate, but Madam Cui insisted on seeing her off right to the gates.

"Your grandmother is still strong and healthy, what's a few steps of walking?"

Jiang Congyan couldn't refuse.

Thus, the entire family set out in a large group.

Only after leaving the city did Jiang Congyan bid farewell to each of them once more, with tears in her eyes as she got into the carriage.

Inside the carriage, Tuo Baxiao pulled her close, letting her lean against him, and clasped her hand tightly to comfort her. "If you miss them, we’ll come back next year."

Jiang Congyan shook her head lightly—it wasn’t so easy. It depended on the situation, and with the two places so far apart, a round trip would take over a month. She couldn’t just drop everything either.

"I just hope this mess is over soon."

With only a few Imperial Guards remaining by their side and the border region being unstable, the Marquis of Liangzhou ordered Wei Liao to lead a thousand picked cavalry to escort them. They accompanied the couple all the way to the Yellow River, where, after crossing, the Zhongwei garrison took over the escort duty before returning to Liangzhou to report.

Zhongwei, Lingwu, and Guyuan—this vast stretch of land had practically become Xianbei land now. The defenses were tight, making it difficult for the barbarians to pull the same trick again.

The latter half of the journey was mostly quiet. Passing by, Jiang Congyan even stopped by the military camp under Zhang Zheng’s command.

Her arrival was unexpected, and Zhang Zheng had no time to prepare—everything was exactly as it was.

After more than half a year, the surrendered Liang State soldiers had adapted to their new lives. With no battles to fight for the time being, their daily task was training. Though exhausting, at least they weren’t risking their necks. Moreover, with the military atmosphere transformed and enough food to eat, many actually preferred their current circumstances.

During her inspection, Zhou Hong followed Jiang Congyan and witnessed everything firsthand. His heart skipped a beat.

Having once commanded troops himself, he knew exactly what the Liang State army had been like. But now, even without seeing them in battle, the look in their eyes and how they carried themselves were completely different from before.

"General Zhou, how do these soldiers compare to when they were under Liang State’s leadership?" Suddenly, Jiang Congyan turned and asked him.

Zhou Hong had no answer and just looked down.

Like the Zhang family of Liangzhou, the Zhou family had also fought for generations, resisting the barbarians. In Zhou Hong’s mind, Han and barbarians were born enemies—he could never submit to them. But now...

Everything he had witnessed these days continuously chipped away at his beliefs. Tuo Baxiao was truly different from other barbarians. Apart from his half-barbarian blood, he acted just like a Han—even lacking the stuck-up airs of the noble families.

Zhou Hong recalled the promises made at the banquet before the people of Liangzhou—Tuo Baxiao would not slaughter the Han and would continue sinicizing...

No, he couldn’t think about it anymore. Zhou Hong shook his head, feeling as though his once unshakable beliefs were wavering.

Seeing this, Jiang Congyan didn’t push him.

They stayed briefly for two days, sorting out some problems for Zhang Zheng and discussing the alliance with Liangzhou. Bordering Liangzhou, this region might require mutual cooperation in the future.

Once everything was settled, they hit the road again.

After another half-month’s journey, by mid-June, they finally arrived at the royal court.

Without attending to any other matters, Jiang Congyan immediately had Tuo Bahuai dragged in.

After the incident, Wudati Hou didn’t lift a finger to protect him, openly mocking Tuo Baxiao—how could the Xianbei King be outsmarted by a nobody like Tuo Bahuai? Moreover, Jiang Congyan’s spies had noticed something amiss and swiftly apprehended him.

When the Imperial Guards went to arrest him, they feared he might flee. Yet they found him sitting calmly in his tent, leisurely making tea as if he had anticipated this all along.

The guards hesitated momentarily before realizing—whether he ran or not, they had to tie him up first.

At the time, Jiang Congyan was still in Liangzhou, so the guards could only imprison him under strict surveillance day and night.

Over a month later, Tuo Bahuai, now a prisoner, was a mess, worn down. Yet when dragged before them, he showed no trace of fear—only composure.

He lifted his head, first glancing at Tuo Baxiao before turning to Jiang Congyan. His gaze lingered on her face for a long, long time.

Seeing this, Tuo Baxiao saw red.

"Keep looking, and I’ll gouge your eyes out."

At this, Tuo Bahuai finally averted his gaze back to Tuo Baxiao and chuckled. "Tuo Baxiao, sometimes I really hate how lucky you are."