Chapter 184 She Also Found Her Spiritual…

Chapter 184: She Also Found Peace in Her Heart...

Jiang Congyan felt how tightly he held her, his arm muscles trembling visibly. Clearly, something had affected him deeply, and she looked at him with concern.

Tuo Baxiao suppressed his emotions for a moment before suddenly shooting to his feet. "I must see this man myself."

His mother’s past was behind her, and he had no intention of airing that suffering to others. He never expected to suddenly encounter someone from her past, and whether this man, Xiao Yi, was even real remained uncertain.

Seeing this, Jiang Congyan quickly rose as well, taking his hands to calm him. "Don’t get too worked up. I’ll go with you to meet him."

Tuo Baxiao squeezed her hands back, and the two stepped out of the room, passing through the corridor and a garden.

It was the same room as before. Jiang Congyan had already ordered Xiao Yi to be untied and provided with hot water and food, but he hadn’t eaten. He remained slumped on the icy floor tiles in the same position, motionless, like a lifeless snowman in clothes.

Just then, the door was kicked open with a violent crash, startling him awake. He looked up.

Tuo Baxiao stood at the doorway, his tall frame nearly blocking all the light.

Xiao Yi froze.

Tuo Baxiao stood there, looking down at him with a gaze sharp as a blade, scrutinizing the man.

He bore no resemblance to the refined gentleman his mother had once described. Instead, he wore coarse hemp clothes, his skin dark and rough, with graying hair and an unkempt beard that made him look weathered. He was nothing like a noble from the aristocratic clans, much less a "gentleman."

Yet beneath this disheveled exterior, something in his bearing—his complex, deep eyes—radiated deep sorrow.

No one spoke. Tension hung thick in the air.

Jiang Congyan gently squeezed Tuo Baxiao's hand and stepped out from behind him, addressing Xiao Yi. "This is the Prince of Mobei."

Xiao Yi seemed not to hear her at all, his gaze fixed intently on Tuo Baxiao. His lips trembled as he murmured, "You look so much like her."

"Like who?" Tuo Baxiao asked coldly.

"A-Fu," Xiao Yi answered instinctively.

Tuo Baxiao scoffed. "A-Fu? Using such an intimate name—why did you never think to save her?"

"I thought she was already—"

"Already dead," Tuo Baxiao cut him off harshly, pressing on relentlessly. "You claim to love her, yet you believed others' words without even checking whether she was truly dead."

If it were him, he would have moved heaven and earth to find her—alive or dead—before ever giving up.

"I..." Xiao Yi faltered, his eyes filled with regret.

Yes, it was his fault. All these years, he had never thought to look for her. Knowing how much the aristocratic clans valued reputation, how could he have so easily believed their claim that A-Fu was dead? Had he investigated properly back then, he would have known she was alive—and perhaps could have saved her.

Tuo Baxiao stared at the man, his emotions roiled. His mother had clung to memories of this man, enduring Tuo Bata's disdain and later suffering humiliation. If Xiao Yi had turned out to be a heartless man with wives and concubines, he would have cut him down on the spot. But Xiao Yi had remained unmarried all these years—their love had endured. His mother hadn’t loved the wrong person.

But what about him? "Xiao Nu"—when his mother called him by that name, had she been thinking of this man all along?

At this thought, Tuo Baxiao's brow darkened.

Xiao Yi's gaze remained fixed on Tuo Baxiao's face. His features were sharp and resolute, with no trace of softness, yet Xiao Yi could still see traces of Wang Fu in him—most strikingly in the same phoenix eyes, followed by the lines of his lips and jaw...

"Could you tell me about her? How she was all these years—"

"There’s nothing to tell," Tuo Baxiao replied coldly.

"Then let me tell you about us," Xiao Yi said again.

"I don't want to hear it."

Tuo Baxiao tossed the words over his shoulder and turned to leave.

Jiang Congyan hurried after him, but his strides were long and swift, and she quickly lagged behind. Eventually, she found him in the main courtyard.

This place used to be Zhao Shi's residence, later left unused, and then damaged in the war. Already in ruins, Jiang Congyan had it leveled and built a spacious training ground for Tuo Baxiao.

At that moment, he was wielding his long spear, whirling it like a storm, each strike thunderous. The air hissed with each slash, his intensity keeping everyone at bay.

Jiang Congyan knew he was blowing off steam.

Whenever he was upset, he would either go for a hard ride or train like a demon.

She didn’t try to stop him. It was better this way—letting it out was healthier than bottling it up.

A light snow still fell. Jiang Congyan stood under the eaves watching him. The cold weather and the outdoor chill soon left her hands and feet icy, her face gone pale with cold.

After a while, A Fei brought over a fox-fur cloak and a small hand warmer. With these, she finally warmed up and waited, clutching the warmer.

By the time the sky darkened and lanterns were lit along the corridor, Tuo Baxiao finally stopped, gasping for breath. Jiang Congyan immediately stepped forward and took his hand. "Look, it’s already dark. Let’s head back for dinner."

Tuo Baxiao wasn’t hungry, but seeing her—remembering how she had waited for him under the eaves for so long—he finally dropped his spear and followed her back.

He was soaked through, whether from sweat or melted snowflakes, or both.

His toughness made it nothing to him, but Jiang Congyan still got him into dry clothes first before they went to the western chamber for dinner.

Normally, he had a hearty appetite, but today he had no appetite. Jiang Congyan placed some dishes in his bowl, and he ate without enthusiasm.

After finishing one bowl, she didn’t press him and had the meal cleared away, leading him to freshen up.

Once everything was done, they returned to bed.

Though Tuo Baxiao seemed outwardly normal, his spirits were low.

The day had hit him hard.

"I know you’re hurting. You can tell me. Let me in, and maybe it’ll ease your heart," Jiang Congyan said softly, wrapping her arms around his warm neck and pressing her face close.

Tuo Baxiao pulled her into a tight embrace, holding her so tight she could barely breathe.

Feeling her small frame securely in his arms—her pulse, warmth, breath, and the faint fragrance enveloping him—his heart finally settled slightly.

"Pang Pang," he hesitated after a long pause, "do you think A Mu truly wanted me as her child? Could it be she never liked me at all?"

"Look at the name she gave me—it’s all about longing for her beloved. She never once enjoyed life on the grasslands. If it were me, I wouldn’t want a child with someone I didn’t love, much less care for him. I’d only see it as a disgrace."

"No, that’s not true. A Mu loved you. Didn’t you feel her love? How can you doubt her? If she didn’t love you, she wouldn’t have gone through the hardship of giving birth to you and raising you," Jiang Congyan quickly countered.

She knew he was getting stuck in his head again. To an outsider, it might seem clear, but for those caught in it, doubts always crept in.

Especially Wang Fu’s suicide—it was a pain he’d never shake.

But in truth, caring made him afraid—just like the emotions she herself had once avoided.

Tuo Baxiao's childhood was spent solely with his mother, their mutual dependence being the only warmth he felt at that time, like a lantern lighting his path forward. If this lantern were extinguished, it might not crush him, but it would make him cold and suspicious.

"Just as you said, none of us could have a child with someone we don’t truly love, and that’s precisely what makes her love for you so precious," Jiang Congyan continued. "Your mother may not have given you a happy, complete family, but she tried. The person she loved was her most cherished memory, something she’d never want sullied. If she didn’t love you, why would she give you this name?"

"Really?"

"Yes." Jiang Congyan nodded firmly.

"If you hated someone, would you give them my name?"

Tuo Baxiao shook his head. She was one-of-a-kind—he wouldn’t even give her name to their own child.

"Then that settles it..."

With Jiang Congyan’s words of comfort, one after another, he finally let go of his doubts.

"Yan Yan, thank you. I’m so glad you’re by my side." Tuo Baxiao held her, holding her tighter, as if he might never let go.

"You’re the only one who loves me and the only one I love. You must stay with me forever, never leave me."

She was his only emotional tether in this world.

Jiang Congyan closed her eyes. "I will. I’ll grow old with you and never leave you."

She had never dared to make lifelong promises before, but now the words came effortlessly.

She thought she had found her own spiritual home.

In this world, she shared deep bonds with her maternal grandparents and their family—a genuinely warm bond, indeed. But such feelings weren’t exclusive, nor was she their only one; there remained an unspoken divide.

What she had with Tuo Baxiao was different—complete surrender of heart and soul, a love that belonged solely to each other.

They counted themselves lucky to have found each other in the end.

After comforting him, Jiang Congyan was preparing to tell him to rest when she noticed his gaze fixed intently on her. Following his line of sight, she realized he was staring at her stomach.

"Yan Yan, I really want a child of ours now," Tuo Baxiao said.

Jiang Congyan instinctively touched her abdomen—still showing no sign.

They had stopped using contraception after that one time. Apart from the long separations during his campaigns, they’d been together frequently. By all rights, she should have conceived by now.

But Tuo Baxiao had never pressed her, and she’d taken a relaxed approach. At twenty-three, back in modern times, she might not even have married yet.

Yet considering the customs of this era, they were indeed not getting any younger—especially Tuo Baxiao, who was already twenty-six. Any further delay, and their people might start pressuring them.

Zhang Fu had examined her and confirmed she was just as healthy as anyone else, and that fertility wouldn’t be an issue.

"Should I ask Zhang Fu to give me another tonic?"

"No, I’m not rushing you. I was just thinking aloud," Tuo Baxiao quickly explained, afraid she might overthink it.

"I know," Jiang Congyan said with a reassuring smile. "But I think we’re not getting any younger. It’s about time we did. And wouldn’t it be perfect to have a child and make our family whole?"

Tuo Baxiao looked at her. "Yes, it would be perfect."