Chapter 54

Chapter 54

Gu Jinglan sat on the chair, eyes closed as he rested.

Qi Yanyu watched him, his hand still held tightly by Gu Jinglan.

In a daze, Qi Yanyu sat on the edge of the bed, distractedly watching Gu Jinglan. Gu Jinglan opened his eyes again and looked at Qi Yanyu, seeing he still wasn't in bed. "Why aren’t you sleeping?"

"I need to shower."

"Oh." Gu Jinglan replied flatly, but Qi Yanyu’s gaze fell on their hands. "You gonna let go?" he said to Gu Jinglan.

Gu Jinglan finally let go. "Did you bring a change of clothes?"

Qi Yanyu nodded. "If you want to shower, wait till I’m done." He spoke as if afraid they’d end up showering together.

Gu Jinglan lifted his eyes again. "Are your injuries healed enough for you to shower?"

"They’ve been fine for a while." Qi Yanyu brushed it off, digging through his bag for clean clothes.

"Let me see." Gu Jinglan walked over.

"?!"

Before he could pull out his clothes, Qi Yanyu got thrown by Gu Jinglan's sudden interest, his confusion growing. "What's the big deal?"

"Please, let me check." His voice was weirdly gentle.

What kind of tone was that?

Qi Yanyu studied Gu Jinglan's face, trying to figure out what was going on.

Gu Jinglan hesitated briefly, then looked at him almost guiltily.

Guilt? Qi Yanyu wasn't sure he was seeing right. He was weirdly captivated. "Why… do you want to see…?"

"I want to make sure your injuries have healed," Gu Jinglan lowered his eyes, holding back whatever he was feeling. When he looked up again, hints of something tender still lingered. "Whether you can shower on your own or need help."

"Mm."

Qi Yanyu's reply came out kinda blank. Gu Jinglan thought he might be upset, or disappointed.

But Qi Yanyu just spaced out. Without thinking, he naturally lifted the hem of his shirt.

Gu Jinglan hadn’t expected him to be so direct.

One could say Qi Yanyu was neither swayed by force nor persuasion—yet at the same time, he was surprisingly easy to persuade.

Talk to him nice, and he wouldn’t resist.

But if someone tried to provoke or mock him, they'd get his sharp tongue in return.

The raised shirt showed his torso.

Qi Yanyu even checked himself. "Look. All healed up."

The other man reached out, as if to touch, but pulled his hand back.

"Mm."

"Gu Jinglan, stop drinking from now on."

"You don't like it?"

"When you're drunk, you act weird."

"How am I different from usual?"

A faint hopeful glow flickered in Gu Jinglan's eyes.

"You usually look down on me, act harshly toward me. Only when I'm physically unwell do you cut me some slack."

Gu Jinglan fell silent, paused, then asked again, "...What kind of person have you always thought I was?"

"Outwardly, aloof," Qi Yanyu pondered. "Inwardly, just like any other guy."

The latter half of the sentence stabbed Gu Jinglan like a needle to the heart.

Qi Yanyu's tone remained steady. "I know you just pity me." His perception was still sharp.

"No need for pity. My family background is way better off than 99% of people's." Qi Yanyu paused. "If you're really that idle, so full of pity, you could... go volunteer somewhere, care for... women and children."

The sting in his chest faded after a few seconds. His pupils darkened, and for a moment, he couldn’t tell if this was real or a bad dream.

After calming slightly, Gu Jinglan's chest rose and fell faintly.

"I don’t want to care about women and children," said the drunken Gu Jinglan, his eyes sharp, but the look in them now fiercer, more intense. "What if I said I only want to care about you?"

Alcohol amplified the pulse and breath in his ears a thousandfold, drowning out everything else.

Yet Gu Jinglan knew Qi Yanyu had heard him.

Qi Yanyu's heart skipped, thumping faintly in confusion.

Like a weak shock jumpstarting a stalled heart.

He wasn’t that soft-hearted, was he? But regret was such a peculiar feeling—it made him grasp at anything within reach.

Qi Yanyu gave a dazed, absent nod. From what he understood, was this just friendly concern, or…?

Lost in thought, Gu Jinglan noticed Qi Yanyu still hadn’t gone to shower and asked if he needed help. So Qi Yanyu had no choice but to go wash up. When he stepped out, he froze—Gu Jinglan was right there at the door of his ensuite bathroom.

Gu Jinglan had been staring at the floor, at the rug with simple black-and-white animal outlines.

His eyes distant, unfocused. Emotions tangled, seemingly blank.

He swallowed, his throat working like he was choking something down.

His fingers curled and uncurled repeatedly. He remembered the look of hurt on Qi Yanyu’s face when he had told him not to interfere, to stay away.

Once, when Qi Yanyu had argued with Qi Yuanhan, Gu Jinglan had dragged him to the washroom and ripped into him.

When Qi Yanyu returned, his collar, chest, and hem were drenched from scrubbing.

Gu Jinglan had briefly regretted it, scared shitless the guy with a weak heart would get sick. Why even mess with him?

Beyond regret, he was relieved Qi Yanyu didn’t totally hate him. But was being ignored really any better?

"Why’re you still standing?" Had he been camped out by the bathroom door the entire time?

Gu Jinglan met his gaze and admitted frankly, "I was scared you’d leave for another room."

Keeping watch by the shower door, he could at least know when Qi Yanyu came out, instead of just sitting there, eyes shut against the pounding in his head, only for Qi Yanyu to leave the room after his shower.

"Gu Jinglan."

"Hmm?"

"You’re like a mouse hoarding rice."

The words twisted in Gu Jinglan’s chest, sour and bitter. "Oh, then just think of me that way."

After his shower, Qi Yanyu said, "Go shower. I’m not going anywhere."

"You..." Gu Jinglan’s mind flickered with Wen Ruxu, shadowing his eyes. "...still looking for..."

"I’m going to sleep," Qi Yanyu stepped out of the bathroom, the steam carrying the soft scent of body wash. "I’ve been exhausted since this afternoon."

Gu Jinglan’s eyelids dipped briefly. "Then sleep."

He tracked Qi Yanyu’s movements as he slid under the sheets. Gu Jinglan found the spare set meant for after showers in the wardrobe and went to shower.

Under the spray, he wondered: *He’d still be there when Gu Jinglan returned.*

He rushed, but doubt gnawed at him—had he misspoken?

Qi Yanyu hadn’t kicked him out.

When he stepped out, his first glance went to the bed. Qi Yanyu was still sitting there, head tilted, eyes shut—not quite asleep, not quite awake. Waiting?

Gu Jinglan inched his chair forward soundlessly.

"Get in bed."

"You sleep."

"Aren’t you sleeping?" Qi Yanyu asked.

"I will," Gu Jinglan murmured.

He sat in the chair, eyes closed, occasionally opening them to look at Qi Yanyu.

Qi Yanyu was struck dumb, his face carrying an unnatural, dazed expression.

After the lights went out, Qi Yanyu’s voice thick in the dark: "That day... why did you and Xia Yiyi fall off the cliff?"

It was a splinter in his heart he couldn’t dig out.

In the dark, Gu Jinglan—though his eyes were open—couldn’t make out Qi Yanyu’s face.

"We fought," he said.

"Why? Since when do fights send people over cliffs?" Qi Yanyu was tangled in dread, afraid of hearing an answer that’d flay him alive. "Was it a breakup fight?"

Gu Jinglan only answered one question: "No."

The dark swallowed the conversation whole.

Qi Yanyu knew some answers flay you alive.

Gu Jinglan, too, had his own thoughts. Out of consideration for Xia Yiyi, he kept it to himself.

Qi Yanyu: "Come up and sleep."

The liquor had hit him hard, leaving Gu Jinglan bleary-eyed and frowning. Qi Yanyu, seeing no response, immediately turned on the bedside lamp, taking in Gu Jinglan's peacefully handsome face, whispering softly, "Are you asleep?"

Gu Jinglan’s features were exceptionally striking; even with his eyes closed, he looked like a damn painting.

Qi Yanyu climbed down and propped him up, seemingly startling Gu Jinglan awake.

Gu Jinglan tilted his head slightly, lifting it in the dim lamplight, catching sight of Qi Yanyu. He slurred out, "Qi Yanyu..."

Hearing this thread of a voice, Qi Yanyu continued helping him onto the bed without hesitation, realizing he was drunk. "What?" he replied casually.

"Do you like me?" Gu Jinglan persisted, his brows knitted as he asked hazily.

Qi Yanyu felt like a kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

His heart hammered, blood rushing in his ears.

Even though he knew Gu Jinglan was drunk, Qi Yanyu panicked.

But after a visibly flustered ten seconds, he forced himself to chill. He knew Gu Jinglan was drunk—otherwise, he wouldn’t ask such a question. So he told the "truth": "Not anymore."

But was it really the truth?

"So, you used to like me. What about now?" Gu Jinglan wasn’t showing any tells, making it impossible to tell if he was truly drunk or not.

His dark eyes remained clear, asking with scary clarity.

"Now... I don’t know," Qi Yanyu admitted honestly.

Their breath mingled, both carrying the same faint scent of shower gel.

"Now you don’t know..." Gu Jinglan murmured, repeating his words.

Qi Yanyu felt some type of way.

The next morning, Gu Jinglan was up early nursing his hangover.

His heart did a little flip when he found Qi Yanyu holding his hand.

But soon, Qi Yanyu let go. Gu Jinglan wondered if maybe he was just being a blanket hog or something.

He went to sober up, drinking boiled water.

The vacation houses stood quiet, everyone still asleep.

The resort backed by mountains, facing the water, distant birdsong blending with the sound of automatic sprinklers on the lawn.

Gu Jinglan checked the kitchen and fridge, finding BBQ leftovers. Breakfast was at 8:30, followed by a hiking trip at 9—if you could drag your ass out of bed.

Seeing it was barely 7 a.m., Gu Jinglan recalled Qi Yanyu craving congee the night before.