Chapter 34: Reluctance

Chapter 34: Unwilling to Let Go

Mu Chi had spent the day in the palace, managing the court officials.

In the Li Kingdom, some officials had pledged allegiance to him with Wen Xun even before the palace coup, while others were old-guard ministers clinging to tradition. For a time, these factions had been locked in fierce, irreconcilable disputes.

Mu Chi, initially disinclined to meddle, was eventually compelled to intervene by their incessant bickering and demands.

Under the looming threat of military force and death, the court swiftly quieted.

It was then that Si Li found him.

Si Li reported that Qiao Wan had left the princess’s estate, likely seeking him out.

Mu Chi recalled telling her she could only leave when she had something to say to him.

He had assumed she was finally yielding.

After all, who in Lingjing didn’t know who held ultimate power? Any sensible person would grasp the situation.

He had resolved never to seek her out first.

Yet, he waited—waited until several stubborn old ministers, having crashed into pillars in court, were dragged away; waited until the officials dispersed; waited until the sky darkened with thick, ominous clouds.

Still, she did not appear.

A vague memory surfaced: today was the Jing family’s departure from the capital.

With a grim expression, he arrived near the Jing estate, where he indeed saw the two of them bidding a reluctant farewell.

Qiao Wan, though smiling, had red-rimmed eyes, fixed intently on the direction Jing Lan had departed.

Even after Jing Lan’s carriage vanished from sight, she remained, watching until raindrops began to fall and the rain intensified.

Just as he was about to step forward to "expose" her unauthorized departure from the princess’s estate, she suddenly crouched down and burst into loud sobs.

It was a cry of profound reluctance, of immense grievance.

Her unrestrained weeping, utterly devoid of decorum, pierced through the curtain of rain, sob after sob.

Mu Chi watched for a long time. Those heart-wrenching cries of sorrow were like invisible sound blades, piercing him until he, too, involuntarily bent slightly, trying to ease the slow, aching bitterness that welled up in his chest.

Was this pain?

Mu Chi pressed a hand to his chest in confusion, then, after a long moment, slowly walked toward her.

Si Li hurried to follow with an umbrella.

Mu Chi glanced sideways, and Si Li’s steps faltered. After a moment’s thought, he headed toward a nearby street market.

Mu Chi walked into the rain alone, step by step, until he reached Qiao Wan and crouched down.

His brocade robe was instantly soaked through.

Qiao Wan was still weeping, her eyes and nose red, her face streaked with a mix of rain and tears.

Mu Chi hesitated, then unconsciously reached out, his index finger gently brushing away the teardrops beneath her eyes.

Even now, her skin was warm.

So were her tears.

Through her blurred tears and the rain, Qiao Wan looked up at Mu Chi’s expressionless face.

He tilted his head slightly, looking down at her, and asked softly, "Are you truly this sad?"

Exhausted from crying, Qiao Wan raised a hand to push Mu Chi, but her strength failed her. Mu Chi remained unmoved, while she herself stumbled backward into the rain.

Qiao Wan’s tears flowed even more fiercely. She glared at him, her voice choked with sobs: "Are you satisfied now? Seeing this princess reduced to such a state, you must be gloating inside, aren’t you!"

A flicker of bewilderment crossed Mu Chi’s eyes.

He should indeed be satisfied, yet… he was furious.

Qiao Wan staggered to her feet, surveyed her disheveled state, then looked at Mu Chi, who remained impeccably poised even while crouching. She wiped the tears and rain from her face, pushed him forcefully several times until he fell to the ground, then turned to leave.

A carriage emerged from the misty rain. Qiao Wan kept her head down to conceal her swollen eyes and, without a glance, rushed toward it. After a brief pause, she pulled a hairpin from her hair and tossed it to the coachman, then climbed into the carriage without another word: "To the princess’s estate. This hairpin is yours."

Si Li, dumbfounded, held the reins of the carriage he had just purchased. He glanced at the exquisite gold and pearl hairpin in his hand, then fearfully looked toward his master, who lay on the ground not far away, utterly bewildered by what had transpired in such a short time.

Mu Chi, meanwhile, remained in his fallen position, one hand pressed to the ground, the blood from his palm wound mixing with the muddy rainwater. After a long moment, he slowly rose to his feet and walked toward the carriage.

Qiao Wan huddled inside the carriage, growing impatient as it failed to start. She slapped the carriage window and urged in a muffled voice, "Hurry up!"

The carriage remained motionless. A moment later, the door opened and closed, and a figure, pale as silk, appeared inside. A calm voice spoke: "Let’s go."

No sooner had he spoken than the carriage began to move slowly forward.

Qiao Wan glared at Mu Chi, who sat across from her, her slender hands clenched into fists: "Stop the carriage. I want to get off!"

Si Li’s hands on the reins paused.

Mu Chi’s eyes didn’t even flicker: "Continue."

Si Li breathed a sigh of relief, lightly flicked the reins, and called out, "Giddy-up."

Qiao Wan pressed her lips tightly together. In the confined space, only she and Mu Chi remained.

Noticing the mud staining Mu Chi’s sleeve, Qiao Wan belatedly realized what she had just done.

He had spared her life once, but that didn’t mean he would always do so.

At this thought, Qiao Wan cautiously shrank back toward the corner.

Mu Chi watched her doing her utmost to avoid him and laughed in extreme anger: "So now the princess is afraid? You were quite brave and fearless when you were pushing me just now."

The words "brave and fearless" rolled off his tongue, laced with sarcasm.

Qiao Wan’s eyelashes trembled. The emotional release from her crying had left her feeling oddly light, yet exhausted.

Suddenly, she no longer wanted to argue with him. After a long silence, she lowered her eyes and said, "Back at the Songzhu Pavilion, when I ruined your plans, that was my fault."

Mu Chi narrowed his eyes, seemingly surprised that the habitually arrogant and willful Qiao Wan would take the initiative to admit fault. He frowned, staring at her without speaking.

Qiao Wan’s gaze swept over Mu Chi’s damp sleeve and settled on the web of his right hand, where the character "Wan" was now marred by a scar, clearly visible.

She continued, "Carving that character on your hand was also my fault."

Mu Chi’s hand unconsciously touched the web of his thumb. White Jade Ointment could have erased this scar, but for some reason, he had left it untouched, allowing this crude, hastily carved character to remain on his hand.

"What exactly does Princess Changle wish to say?" Mu Chi leaned slightly toward her, his tone probing.

Qiao Wan pressed her lips together and looked up at him. "But I also found the Snow Bodhi for you, and I coughed up blood multiple times because of it."

"And I endured great hardships to escort you to Chuzhou."

Mu Chi recalled the scene at Prajna Temple, where she had embraced him to warm him after he had just taken the Snow Bodhi, and the journey to Chuzhou, where she had protected him all the way. His expression softened slightly, and the ice in his eyes thawed a little. He let out a soft scoff. "Princess Changle has drunk plenty of my blood too..."

He didn’t get to finish his last word. Qiao Wan interrupted him, her voice deadly serious. "So, let me leave."

When she mentioned leaving, there was even a flicker of longing in her eyes.

Mu Chi’s long lashes froze. He gazed quietly at Qiao Wan, who was so close to him. After a long while, the warmth that had just begun to thaw in his eyes was once again swallowed by a dense, dark swirl. Then, he suddenly let out a low, soft laugh and said gently, "So, you want to leave."

No wonder she had mentioned those past moments so kindly just now. No wonder...

Qiao Wan paused before adding, "Don’t worry. Although I am a member of the royal family, the Li Dynasty is already rotten to the core. I hold no resentment toward you for launching the palace coup, and I will not seek revenge. For the sake of our past, just think of me as an inconsequential princess who has died. I will go to a place where no one knows me and no one can find me. I won’t let anyone discover the deception, and I will burn incense and pray for you every day, wishing you a long life."

The last part was a lie. The greatest kindness she could offer was not praying for his early demise.

"An inconsequential princess..." Mu Chi repeated her words slowly. "A place where no one knows me and no one can find me..."

Mu Chi moved his pale fingers, suddenly lifting his gaze. His eyes swept over her slender neck, glinting with a palpable chill. For a moment, he truly wanted to choke her.

After a long while, Mu Chi let out a brief, odd, and delicate laugh from his throat. He tilted his head curiously and retorted, "Going to Ling Mountain?"

After all, she and Jing Lan had once been engaged; she had fearlessly protected Jing Lan in the palace; she had cried herself hoarse after Jing Lan left...

It wouldn’t be strange if she wanted to go to Ling Mountain.

Qiao Wan froze, lowering her eyes. "Leaving aside whether I would go to Ling Mountain or not, Mu Chi, even if I did, what would it matter?"

She let out a self-mocking laugh. "Wasn’t it you who orchestrated the union between me and Jing Lan?"

Mu Chi’s already pale face grew even more transparent, emanating a chilling coldness in the narrow carriage. As if struck by her words, his smile vanished completely. "So what? Do you still miss him? Still think of him?"

Qiao Wan looked at him, puzzled by these inexplicable questions. "Not long ago, he was still my fiancé."

Mu Chi listened to her response, habitually rubbing the web of his thumb on his right hand. After a long silence, he spoke slowly, "Your fiancé."

He emphasized the word "your."

He suddenly remembered that she had once told him that he was hers.

Back then, she had just carved the character "Wan" on the web of his thumb.

Mu Chi raised his hand, his gaze intense and gloomy as he stared at her. "So, did you carve the same mark on him?"

Qiao Wan’s eyes fell on the web of Mu Chi’s thumb.

In the dream she had after returning from Chuzhou, where she slept for three days, she clearly saw the look in his eyes when she carved that character on his hand. It wasn’t feigned tenderness but undisguised killing intent.

Killing intent toward her.

"Hmm?" A soft voice sounded by her ear as Mu Chi’s raised hand grazed her cheek.

The moment his icy fingertips touched her skin, he felt a rush of warmth surge through.

Qiao Wan quickly avoided his hand, looked into his dark eyes, and suddenly let out a laugh.

Her eyes, still swollen from crying, were brighter than usual after being washed by tears. Now, with her laughter, they carried a fierce, audacious edge.

She deliberately said, "He is sensitive to pain; I’d never hurt him."

The carriage fell into dead silence.

Mu Chi’s hand froze mid-air, his fingers twitching slightly. The smile on his lips completely stiffened. He stared at her darkly, his Adam’s apple moving as if he were suppressing something.

After a long while, he snapped, "Stop the horse."

Si Li hurriedly tightened the reins. "Young Master?"

But before he could turn to look, Mu Chi had already pushed open the carriage door and strode into the rain.

His movements were so swift that the rain and mist seemed to part around him. He disappeared into the haze in an instant and soon returned to his residence in the capital.

"Young Master." The guard looked at the drenched man in surprise, speaking respectfully.

Mu Chi, expressionless, made his way straight to the study. A servant carefully offered him hot tea and then silently withdrew.

Mu Chi remained standing in the room for a long time before finally picking up the teacup and gripping it tightly in his hand.

The teacup shattered audibly, sharp porcelain pieces piercing his palm. Blood welled up in large drops, falling onto the thick carpet and instantly disappearing without a trace.

Mu Chi pulled the porcelain shards from his palm and once again forcefully carved deep, bone-deep gashes into his arm. As he continued, his breathing grew ragged, and his face lost all color.

Yet he felt no pain whatsoever.

He still felt nothing.

Mu Chi suddenly slammed the porcelain shard onto the ground, shattering it into pieces.

When had he ever wanted to be a painless monster?

Mu Chi panted heavily, staring at the dark stain of blood on the carpet.

Monster.

Monster.

That’s what everyone said, including himself.

But not Qiao Wan.

Si Li took Qiao Wan back to the Princess’s Estate. When he returned to the estate, he was just about to go to the study to report to Mu Chi.

The study door was suddenly flung open from the inside.

A white figure vanished from Si Li’s sight.

*

Princess’s Estate.

Yicui had been anxiously pacing back and forth at the entrance of the bedchamber since the rain began.

When she heard the clatter of hooves, she hurried out with an umbrella.

Upon seeing Qiao Wan drenched from head to toe, Yicui’s eyes reddened with worry. She quickly stepped forward, holding the umbrella over her. "Princess, how did you end up this drenched?"

While speaking, she helped Qiao Wan back to the bedchamber and had her sit down, poured a cup of hot tea into her hand, and relit the long-extinguished stove.

Sitting at the table, Qiao Wan watched Yicui bustling about, holding the teacup in her hands, staring blankly.

Yicui brought over clean clothes: "Princess, please change out of your wet clothes first."

Qiao Wan snapped back to reality, smiled at Yicui, set the hot tea aside, and took the clothes: "I'll change myself."

Yicui wanted to say more but, seeing Qiao Wan’s red and swollen eyes, nodded instead: "I'll have the kitchen prepare a bowl of medicinal brew and then get hot water ready, to prevent you from catching a chill."

Qiao Wan smiled and nodded, walking behind the screen to remove her wet clothes.

Seeing this, Yicui stepped out quietly, but the moment she opened the bedchamber door, she froze at the sight of the person outside: "Lord Mu..."

The newcomer paid her no mind, striding swiftly into the room.

As the door swung open and closed, Qiao Wan had just removed her inner garment when she felt a cold breeze from behind.

"Who..." she began to speak, only to be pressed against the screen by a figure in white.

Author's Note:

Today, we have a dog (referring to the male lead) who is all bark and no bite (lights cigarette).

Some of you said before that Wan Wan is the dog’s natural nemesis, and that’s absolutely right, lol.