Chapter 41 Secrets No One Else Knows

Chapter 41: A Secret No One Else Knows

At eight in the evening, the lakeside villa was brightly lit.

Guan Junshan pushed open the wooden door, and the sensor light in the foyer came on, casting a soft glow over his shoulders. Lin Haoda followed him inside, passing through to the main hall, where many young men and women stood chatting and laughing in front of the floor-to-ceiling windows. A faint fragrance hung in the air, and the ambient lighting shifted softly across the walls.

"Young Master Guan!" someone walked over and gave him a warm clap on the shoulder. "Why didn't you let us know you were coming?"

"Had to cut a meeting short," Guan Junshan turned his head, offering a faint smile. "Not welcome?"

"Come on." The other glanced at him, lowering his voice as he leaned in. "If you hadn't shown up, how many people are here in body but their minds have already wandered."

Only then did he notice Lin Haoda standing nearby. Looking a bit surprised, he glanced between Guan Junshan's face, hesitating before asking, "And this is..."

"Lin Haoda," Guan Junshan gave the introduction, and that was it.

"Oh, Master Lin." The man immediately stepped forward, addressing him familiarly, and even reached out to shake Lin Haoda's hand. "Since you're a friend of President Guan, you should come hang out often."

Lin Haoda had never been addressed like that before; he was taken aback, and stepped back, mumbling, "No, no, I'm not..." His face flushed as he finally squeezed out, "Don't worry about me."

Guan Junshan watched him from the side, the corners of his mouth lifting slightly. After a moment, he pulled Lin Haoda over and casually said, "Let's go in."

Passing through the main hall, there was a sunken sofa set in one corner, with two monitors mounted on the wall. A man and a woman lounged on the sofa playing video games—it looked like a cooperative level-based game. Lin Haoda found it interesting and stood behind them watching for a while. Soon, Guan Junshan returned from the refreshment table with drinks. Lin Haoda took the juice, thanked him, and turned back to watch.

Guan Junshan didn't move either and stood there with him for a short while. During that time, someone came over to chat, inviting Guan Junshan to the bar for a drink or to go upstairs for a bit. Guan Junshan refused twice. Finally, seemingly out of excuses, he called out, "Lin Haoda."

Lin Haoda turned his face, releasing the straw he was biting, and blinked a couple of times.

Guan Junshan glanced at him, seemingly an invitation but actually a hint, and asked, "Do you want to go upstairs?"

Lin Haoda was slow on the uptake; he stared blankly at him, muttering in a daze, "Should we head up?"

Guan Junshan frowned, as if utterly exasperated, and reached out to pull the straw from his lips, saying patiently, "You can play games here, there's a movie room upstairs, and other rooms too."

Lin Haoda finally let out an "Ah" and replied, "Can I wait here for a turn, then?"

His intention was that Guan Junshan could go do other things with others, and he'd just stay and play games patiently until he came back downstairs.

But Guan Junshan looked into his eyes, smiled with satisfaction, and then said in an apologetic tone to the person beside him, "My companion wants to stay here."

The other guy reluctantly left.

Just then, the couple put down their game controllers and left. Seeing that Guan Junshan was staying too, Lin Haoda muttered as he sat down on the sofa, "President Guan, this is a two-player game."

Guan Junshan ejected the cartridge and inserted a new one, glanced at him, and didn't answer.

Lin Haoda picked up the controller, entered the game, selected his character, and added, "I've played this before. It's really tough to play together."

"Lin Haoda," Guan Junshan interrupted him, a bit impatiently. "You talk too much."

"Alright." Lin Haoda wasn't angry; instead, he sighed a little regretfully. "Most beginners can't even get past the tutorial..."

Before he could finish, with a "click," the in-game sound effect played. Guan Junshan locked in a character before him, taking the spot Lin Haoda had planned to choose, and even skipped the tutorial.

The screen went black and entered the loading page. Lin Haoda, slow to react, had to accept it, and changed the topic: "Do you come here often?"

"Used to, for a while," Guan Junshan said, sitting on the sofa, eyes focused on the screen. "Two years before I went abroad, I formed a band with some friends. We'd rehearse here during holidays."

His tone was as flat as if he were talking about the weather. Lin Haoda realized Guan Junshan had a special talent: no matter how shocking the news, when it came out of his mouth, it sounded utterly mundane.

"President Guan," Lin Haoda turned to look at him, taking a while to find his voice, "you played that?"

"A long time ago." The screen lit up again, showing the game screen. Guan Junshan reached out and nudged Lin Haoda's joystick, urging, "Move, go forward."

Lin Haoda quickly pressed buttons to follow and released a skill in the game before continuing, "In the band, what did you play?"

"Bass," Guan Junshan said calmly, not trying to be mysterious at all. "There's one in the room upstairs."

"What happened then?" Lin Haoda couldn't help pressing.

"What do you mean 'then'?" Guan Junshan turned his face, his eyes dark and cold. "If you're asking about the band, it disbanded later."

"Did you ever meet here again?"

"Never met after it disbanded." The corners of Guan Junshan's mouth turned down, and he ordered, "Press dodge, Lin Haoda. Your health is about to run out."

Lin Haoda quickly opened his equipment menu and chugged a few potions, fumbling through the controls. Guan Junshan's character drew a purple magic circle on the ground, then stood aside and watched coldly.

After they set off again, Lin Haoda, after a long silence, suddenly asked, "President Guan, so everyone who comes here knows about this?"

Guan Junshan's expression darkened noticeably, rarely showing such obvious displeasure.

"Lin Haoda."

In the game, Guan Junshan's character raised his magic staff high and began chanting a spell. Soon, dark clouds gathered above their heads. With a sudden flash, a "crack" sound struck down, taking out the remaining half of Lin Haoda's health bar.

"Ah, I'm dead." Lin Haoda let out a short cry. Though he felt a bit guilty, he decided to go on the offensive: "How could you do that!"

"And what do you take me for?" Guan Junshan held the controller, his tone icy. "Looking for sympathy?"

Just then, the screen flickered for two seconds. The magic circle Guan Junshan had drawn earlier lit up, and Lin Haoda's character was revived.

Lin Haoda, who had slumped back onto the sofa, immediately sat up. Staring at the screen for a long moment, he asked, "President Guan, have you played this game before?"

Guan Junshan kept a straight face, silent. He cast a shimmering golden shield on Lin Haoda's character, and the health bar above his head slowly began to recover.

Although it was a cooperative game, Lin Haoda still nudged him. "President Guan," he said softly, sounding pitiful yet annoying, "I give up."

Guan Junshan looked up, studied him seriously for half a minute, as if confirming that he truly admitted defeat. Only then did he open his mouth and say in a low voice, "No."

Then, mimicking Lin Haoda's earlier tone, he added, "Didn't you know? Everyone who comes here has to beat this game with me first."

His voice was calm, his expression still the usual Guan Junshan, but the words coming out didn't sound like him at all—they were unreasonable, childish, willful, completely immature, simply expressing his own displeasure.

Lin Haoda had no choice. He sat beside him for a while, wanting to laugh but not daring to, and finally said, "Sorry, I was wrong." Then he called to him, "President Guan, can you show me that bass?"

His voice held a hint of laughter, soft and warm, sounding affectionate and delighted. "Now that I know a secret no one else knows, I want to go check out that secret."

The room was at the far left on the second floor. After the band disbanded, most stuff had probably been cleared out, leaving only a few items stored away.

Now, Guan Junshan occasionally lent the villa to friends for parties, but since this room was locked, no one had been inside.

Lin Haoda stepped into the room and caught a faint smell of dust, but it was bearable.

A dark brown bass guitar rested on a stand. The ceiling light fell on it, reflecting a glossy finish. Lin Haoda bent down, examining it carefully for a long time, looking like he wanted to touch it but didn't have the nerve. Guan Junshan leaned against a cabinet and said in a low voice, "You can touch it. It's not some priceless antique."

Lin Haoda reached out a finger and gently plucked a string. The guitar let out a low note that echoed in the small room.

In Lin Haoda's limited experience, this was a novel thrill. For a moment, he couldn't hold back, grabbing Guan Junshan's arm and laughing like an idiot: "It makes a sound!"

Guan Junshan, though not quite willing to be grabbed and shaken by the arm, held himself back and didn't push him away, looking somewhat helpless. "If you still want to play, I'll plug it in for you."

Lin Haoda plucked the strings a couple more times to satisfy his curiosity, then shook his head, pointed at the photo frame in the glass cabinet, and asked, "Can I take a look at that?"

Guan Junshan let him open the cabinet door and stood aside.

Most of the photos were from the two years when the band was active; otherwise they wouldn't have been locked away together in that room. Some were of band rehearsals, some of stage performances. In the photos, Guan Junshan often carried that bass guitar, looking handsome and youthful, with bright eyes.

Lin Haoda looked at them one by one, very quiet, uncharacteristically not making any comments. Occasionally, only the sound of their breathing could be heard, rising and falling, mingled with the pattering rain outside the window.

When he put the last photo back in its place, Guan Junshan saw him gently wipe the dust off it with his fingertips, then raise his face, smile at him, and say softly, "Thank you, Mr. Guan. I've seen them all."

Guan Junshan lowered his eyes, looked at him for a few seconds, then nodded and said, "Let's go."

Neither of them moved. After a moment of silence, Lin Haoda suddenly spoke and asked him, "Was being in the band fun?"

Guan Junshan thought for a moment and didn't answer directly, only said, "Perhaps."

Lin Haoda was silent for a while, then pointed at one of the photos through the glass. "It seems like in all the time I've known you, I've never seen you smile like that anywhere else."

Guan Junshan stood under the light, his eyes hidden in the shadow of his brow, his gaze fixed on himself in the photo. After half a minute of silence, he suddenly asked somewhat abruptly, "If you say you're happy, if you say you like it, does that mean it doesn't have to end?"

"So why did it end?" Lin Haoda couldn't help asking, looking at him. "Was there a reason you couldn't keep going?"

"There was no reason to keep going," Guan Junshan corrected immediately. "When a dream reaches its end, you shouldn't persist; you might as well give up early."

"But since it's a dream..."

"Dreams are dreams, ambitions are ambitions." Guan Junshan raised his eyes to look out the window and uttered a ruthless remark very calmly: "Not everyone has the right to dream."

This was the first time in memory that Lin Haoda had noticed a sense of incongruity in Guan Junshan. He clearly liked something yet said he didn't love it; he clearly regretted it yet pretended to have long forgotten.

Is this the instinct that more rational people should have evolved? To seek advantage and avoid harm, to never regret decisions made in the past.

Lin Haoda couldn't say for sure, but from the current Guan Junshan—taller, more mature, and completely devoid of any immaturity—he saw a hint of evasive, well-disguised indifference in his expression, as if some vigorous emotions inside him had been, along with that bass and those photos, silently and forever sealed away in that room.

"If you say you're happy, if you say you like it, does that mean it doesn't have to end?"

Much later, when Lin Haoda thought back to this question, he more than once wanted to travel back in time and tell Guan Junshan face to face, "Yes, that's right. Liking something doesn't have to end—whether it's an underground band, a bass guitar, or a person."

He regarded everything in that small, dusty room as a crucial branch point in the later emotional game. Because he made the wrong choice, from then on the plot developed into a completely troubling situation, making all the kisses and likings equally hidden from the light of day.

If Guan Junshan were a difficult book to read, an obscure piece of music, or a puzzle game that is hard to solve.

Having come this far, could he be said to understand even one percent?