Chapter 106: Possessiveness or Love

Chapter 106: Possessiveness or Love

The slippers were originally just a random pair Lin Haoda bought at the supermarket in the downstairs neighborhood. Back when he first moved here, the kitchen gas stove often wouldn't ignite, so he had to call for maintenance workers.

Several technicians came but couldn't find the cause. Eventually, a fairly young repairman suspected a possible gas leak in the exterior pipeline. He was very responsible, coming back several times over half a month. It happened to be the rainy season—damp and wet—and Lin Haoda didn’t like people wearing shoe covers inside—they left a trail of wet footprints on the floor every time.

So he simply bought a pair of slippers downstairs, just around the time the neighborhood was undergoing collective renovation of old water pipes. Whenever there were workers over, they'd come in handy.

Later, after most repairs were completed, the slippers were handed down to colleagues who often came over for dinners. Among them, only Xiao Ye’s feet fit them. Of course, they later changed hands again, ending up under Pei Mingyi's feet and being used regularly for a while—after all, he visited Lin Haoda quite frequently during that period.

Lin Haoda and Pei Mingyi's breakup was sudden; many things at home hadn't been sorted out, including these slippers that Pei Mingyi usually wore, a set of pajamas left behind, and some documents and charger cables. Their relationship hadn't lasted long and was far from intimate. Still, once or twice when Pei Mingyi had too much to drink at business dinners and had his assistant drive him downstairs, Lin Haoda couldn't very well send him back and let him sleep over in the living room.

Now that person no longer comes and they're completely separated, Lin Haoda felt their breakup had been fairly dignified—nowhere near the point where he needed to indiscriminately throw away all evidence of Pei Mingyi's existence.

Besides, that night when Guan Junshan stayed over, he and Pei Mingyi were similar in height, so he wore those slippers, and the pajamas he borrowed were the same set that had been washed and hung in the closet.

They were just house slippers, far from something that had to be strictly divided into yours, mine, or his. They were still usable, still wearable, so Lin Haoda kept them. But this time when he suddenly decided to host a gathering at home, Lin Haoda counted the guests and figured he might as well buy everyone new slippers. As for the original pair, he simply tucked them into the deepest corner of the shoe cabinet—no one would wear them, no one would mention them, and he'd deal with them later.

It wasn't that he was petty; he just thought it pointless to specially call a local courier to send a pair of slippers and a few odds and ends of clothes to Pei Mingyi, just to make someone else unhappy for nothing.

But Guan Junshan spotted them with his sharp eyes. This guy didn’t believe in "first come, first served"—shoes he had worn became his belongings, people he’d spent time with to kill boredom became lovers he’d never let go of.

Lin Haoda couldn't be bothered to argue. He lifted his gaze and stared right at him: "Director Guan, don’t get the wrong idea."

"I... I didn’t mean anything by it." Guan Junshan swallowed a few times and explained dryly, "I just thought... you would have thrown them away."

Even if throwing them away didn’t mean a thing, keeping them was more than Guan Junshan expected. He’d thought Lin Haoda was always in a hurry to erase every trace of him.

"No need." Lin Haoda pulled his arm free from Guan Junshan's grip, his voice calm: "Don’t overthink it."

Guan Junshan looked at him with a complex expression between hope and disappointment, pursed his lips, and after a moment stepped aside, saying, "Okay."

The ingredients were mostly prepped, and the hot pot base needed boiling first. The afternoon sun was warm and pleasant, streaming into the quiet room. For a moment, there was only the faint drip of a faucet not fully turned off in the kitchen.

Tong Dong came over to help wash the strawberries. Lin Haoda turned off the stove and set the cooked broth aside to let it cool. They busied themselves for a while before Tong Dong spoke up, lowering her voice as she approached him: "You and Pei... you guys broke up?"

"Yeah." Lin Haoda answered softly, taking off the heatproof gloves, "Friday night."

Tong Dong frowned slightly at that, turned off the faucet, and looked a bit troubled: "...I thought you two were just having a fight."

"How could that be?" Lin Haoda laughed and shook his head gently at her: "He’s so easygoing, he doesn’t even know how to argue."

"Then how did you..." Tong Dong hesitated.

Lin Haoda paused for a moment, perhaps choosing his words. His sleeves had slipped down his arms, and he rolled them back up. It was such a nice day; he looked up, gazed at the bare ginkgo tree outside the window for a while, then said: "Blame me. I overestimated how easy it would be for me to get over it."

Tong Dong tilted her head, looked at him for a long time, and comforted him softly: "Now that you’ve decided, that’s an answer in itself."

Lin Haoda withdrew his gaze, looked down at the strawberries soaking in the water, and suddenly asked: "Tong Dong, do you think a person can change?"

"How to put it." Tong Dong was quiet for a few seconds before saying quietly: "Depends on how they change—for better or worse. It’s easy for people to go bad; it’s human nature, no surprise there."

Lin Haoda didn't speak for a moment, then nodded: "Mm."

Tong Dong waited for his next sentence but it didn't come. She smiled and pressed further: "So? Who exactly are you talking about?"

Lin Haoda smiled too: "No one. Nothing important."

Tong Dong raised an eyebrow, unconvinced. She leaned in and bumped his arm, joking: "Seriously, does your breakup have something to do with the guy outside?"

"Who?" Lin Haoda played dumb, squeezing dish soap onto a sponge to wash dishes, "Which one?"

"Fine, fine." Tong Dong teased him: "You can play dumb with me now, but you can’t keep a lid on it forever."

That was just banter. Tong Dong could clearly see who was interested in whom. But she felt Lin Haoda's attitude was slightly different this time. Before, no matter how persistent the person chasing him, he would always politely and gently turn them down, and after that, there would be no further contact, no matter how much the other person pestered him.

But Guan Junshan was different. He didn’t seem the type to pester anyone. And Lin Haoda was also uncharacteristically soft-hearted—he said all the necessary harsh words, but also gave more care than he should have.

Between the two of them, there seemed to be some shared history nobody else knew about.

They stayed in the kitchen a while longer, until about three in the afternoon—close to the time they’d agreed on the night before.

Lin Haoda and Tong Dong were bent over together, quietly discussing dipping sauce combos, when footsteps suddenly sounded behind them. Guan Junshan pushed the half-closed curtain aside and ducked in.

"Hao Da."

His voice was still a bit hoarse from waking up. Lin Haoda turned and saw sunlight dancing in his eyes as he gazed at him with remarkable clarity.

"Awake?"

Lin Haoda dried his hands as he walked over and asked: "Did you sleep well? Want to go back to the bedroom and rest more? The sheets and pillowcases were all fresh from this morning."

Guan Junshan's eyes were red from sleep. He looked down at him, a little slow from just waking, and after a two-second delay shook his head: "No, I slept fine."

The sofa was only a few steps and a short hallway away from the kitchen, and it was a semi-open space. Lin Haoda had been worried about disturbing his rest: "More people are coming later, and we'll start eating around four or five. You have plenty of time, don't worry."

Tong Dong, standing nearby, couldn't stand it anymore and joked with a teasing grin: "Oh, you two—one doesn’t want to sleep, the other doesn’t want to wake up. Why don't you both just stay the night and stare at each other all night?"

Guan Junshan was thrilled, his eyes lit up. He was about to say yes when Lin Haoda frowned and interrupted: "He often has trouble sleeping and takes so much medication—you know that."

Tong Dong immediately raised her hands in apology, apologized repeatedly, and ducked out from behind the curtain.

Guan Junshan stood there, his eyes fixed on Lin Haoda, his voice husky: "Don’t be upset."

Lin Haoda shook the water droplets off his fingertips, his gaze falling on Guan Junshan's damp chin. Having curled up on the sofa to rest, his shirt collar was rumpled and stained with moisture.

Guan Junshan had gotten up and wiped his face in the bathroom earlier. His hair was a bit damp and messy, but compared to the mall at noon, his complexion was rosier, and the dark circles under his eyes had faded a bit.

Lin Haoda felt a little relieved, walked past him toward the living room, and explained: "I'm not mad."

Then he brought up another matter: "Yang Yue just sent me the list of medications you usually take. I looked them up online—two of them shouldn't be taken long-term. Did your doctor tell you?"

Guan Junshan followed closely behind, step by step, and replied in a low voice: "He did. Just one course was prescribed—a separate two-month supply."

Lin Haoda walked to the sofa and noticed the blanket had been neatly folded and set aside at some point.

He paused, turned to look at Guan Junshan, moved his lips, nodded, and said nothing.

"What are you looking for?" Guan Junshan thought he was looking for something and asked proactively: "A water glass? After I took my meds, I washed it and put it back on the table."

"...Okay." Lin Haoda watched him: "Do you feel dizzy after taking them?"

"Not really."

"You should still go back for regular follow-ups." Lin Haoda’s eyes landed on the wrinkled back of his shirt, and he finally couldn’t help himself: "The back of your shirt... it’s a little wrinkled. You want to change? There’s a steam iron at home."

Guan Junshan was all too happy to oblige. He immediately reached up to loosen his tie but then stopped himself: "You could also show me how it works."

"It's a very simple one—you need to boil water first." Lin Haoda explained briefly, then stopped himself: "I’ll do it."

Guan Junshan went into the room to change clothes as instructed. Lin Haoda dug out his own largest hoodie, one he had bought back in college. When Guan Junshan came out after changing, even the largest size still looked like it was one size too small.

Lin Haoda hesitated, looking at him over and over again, thinking of asking him to just take it off instead, but Guan Junshan seemed completely unaware of anything wrong. He pushed the door open and headed straight for the kitchen, asking him for another apron as he walked.

"Alright, alright, someone's willing to do it. Finally, I'm off the hook." Tong Dong fled immediately, taking off her apron and thrusting it at him.

Lin Haoda was a step behind entering the kitchen. Guan Junshan had already skillfully lit the stove, poured oil, and started pulling ingredients from the fridge.

He cut a small piece of butter and slid it into the pan, where it melted silky smooth like cream. The spatula gleamed under his hand. First, he fried the bacon, turning it until cooked, then added the rice balls, eggs, stir-fried everything evenly, added simple seasonings, and finally sprinkled a handful of chopped green onions.

In no more than five minutes, a plate of bacon fried rice was on the table. Tong Dong followed the aroma, exclaimed in admiration, then remembered something and asked, "What's this? An extra meal tonight?"

Her gaze kept shifting between Lin Haoda and Guan Junshan and the fried rice. Guan Junshan smiled, washed three sets of bowls and chopsticks, and walked to the table. "I only had a cup of coffee at noon and haven't eaten anything since. You said we can't start the meal until everyone's here at five, right? How about the three of us have a little something first, so we don't ruin our stomachs from hunger."

"Thank you, Chief Guan! You're a lifesaver, Chief Guan!" Tong Dong immediately cheered.

He was right. From noon until now, Lin Haoda and the others had actually already gotten past the point of hunger, but they hadn't said anything just to wait for everyone.

Each of them took a small bowl. Tong Dong originally wanted another bowl but held back considering the hotpot later.

Guan Junshan handled both cooking and cleaning. Lin Haoda wanted to wash the dishes but was half coaxed, half shooed out of the kitchen. Water gushed noisily into the sink. Guan Junshan, wearing the ill-fitting, yellowed, old casual clothes, was busy alone in the afternoon sunlight.

Lin Haoda felt he had never seen this side of him. In his memory, Guan Junshan was always prominent and elevated in status—appearing in high-end restaurants with dazzling night views, at private banquets under crystal chandeliers, even at the center of a stage, the focus of attention, or in TV interviews. But never like this, in a cramped, shabby little house, slightly hunched over the sink, rinsing dishwashing foam off his hands.

This made Lin Haoda feel strange and dazed. It was as if the most impossible scene was playing out right before his eyes.

Tong Dong thanked him openly and slipped into the living room to play video games. Lin Haoda stood at the kitchen door for a long time, hesitating, until Guan Junshan finished tidying up and turned to look at him. "Where's the paper towels? I couldn't find it."

"In the cabinet." Lin Haoda walked over, reached up to open the cabinet door. A plastic jar on the edge wobbled back and forth a couple of times.

"Watch out!" Guan Junshan stood right behind him, and immediately reached out to brace the cabinet edge, steadying the jar.

The two were suddenly very close. Lin Haoda immediately turned his shoulder away, visibly stepping back defensively. Guan Junshan froze. For the first time, he didn't use his physical advantage but quickly stepped back, putting distance between them.

"Sorry, I was just worried..." he started explaining urgently.

"I know." Lin Haoda closed the cabinet door, then turned back to face him. "Thank you."

Guan Junshan let out a long breath, pointed at it. "The cabinet door is a bit rusty. I could help..."

He paused, then changed his words: "You should find someone to replace the hinges."

"Okay." Lin Haoda nodded. "I'll remember."

Guan Junshan's face immediately brightened. He smiled at him. "Where's the steam iron? I have time now. I'll learn how to use it now."

"Guan Junshan—" Lin Haoda called out to him. "You don't have to do this."

"Hao Da." The smile on Guan Junshan's lips suddenly froze. He stared blankly for a moment, struggled to force another smile, but it seemed insincere. He gazed deeply at Lin Haoda, who was a few steps away. "How can you... be so unreasonable?"

"I was a jerk before. I... said harsh words, did terrible things." He stood there, his brows slightly furrowed, his voice low. "You don't want my love, you want me to leave. Fine, I know I deserve this."

"But now I don't want anything. I don't even hope for your forgiveness. I just want to stay by your side, in the life that truly belongs to you. Leave a spot for me, just one spot. Even if I'm like your friends—the most ordinary, average people who can hang out with you on weekends, cook for you. Even if at this moment I'm not Guan Junshan, even if I become someone I'm not, I'll take that. I only want a little piece of your world."

But Lin Haoda thought this was the last thing he should do.

He didn't expect Guan Junshan to lose himself for this bit of love. Because Guan Junshan was Guan Junshan. There was no reason for him to force himself into a different world just to fit into Lin Haoda's life, to forcefully twist what's right and wrong like this.

"You... you don't need to do this." Lin Haoda also had a lump in his throat. "For me."

Guan Junshan took a deep breath, staring hopelessly at the ceiling. The tap wasn't tightened properly; behind him, the faucet dripped "drip, drip" into the sink.

It was hard to tell who had created their current situation—neither able to fall in love again, nor able to fully let go.

"Guan Junshan." Lin Haoda licked his lips, his voice soft and slow, as if it were passing through Guan Junshan's soul, echoing eerily inside.

And for the first time in his life, someone asked him: "Have you figured out whether what you feel for me is just possessiveness you can't let go of, or if you've really decided to just love me?"