Chapter 105: Even If It’s Just Wishful Thinking

Chapter 105: Even if It's Just Wishful Thinking

Guan Junshan was stunned for a moment, his gaze immediately seeking out Lin Haoda, perhaps worried that he might be displeased, and asked in a low voice, "Wouldn't that be a bit inappropriate?"

"How could anyone be that petty?" Tong Dong was the one who answered first, her tone full of confidence. "Later, when we go to the supermarket, we'll need you to help carry the shopping bags. With Mr. Guan providing the car and the muscle, how could you not be welcome?"

Hearing this, a distinct smile finally appeared on Guan Junshan's face as he readily agreed, "Of course. Just pick whatever you want; leave the paying and carrying to me."

"That's perfect." Tong Dong nodded with great satisfaction, elbowing Lin Haoda behind her as she turned around. "What do you say, Brother Haoda?"

Lin Haoda didn't look at her, nor did he meet Guan Junshan's distant gaze. His lips, pressed together, moved slightly as he said, "Do whatever you want," and then he turned and walked toward the elevator on his own.

His tone was still flat, impossible to tell whether he was annoyed at their presumptuousness or simply didn't care.

But regardless, for Guan Junshan, recalling the expression on his face when he had been worried about his insomnia just moments ago, his heart quickly filled with a lightness, easily dispersing those negative thoughts and leaving him feeling content and hopeful once more.

Taking advantage of the grand opening promotion, the supermarket on the first basement level was packed. They walked out of the elevator and, as they approached the entrance, Yang Yue was already waiting there.

One hand resting on a shopping cart, the other holding his phone, he was looking down at the screen, probably just about to make a call. But when he spotted Guan Junshan behind Lin Haoda, he immediately put his phone away and walked over, taking the initiative to greet, "President Guan."

Guan Junshan walked over and introduced him to Tong Dong, "Yang Yue, my assistant."

Tong Dong let out a "wow," her reaction exaggerated as she exclaimed, "Mr. Guan, you even have a dedicated assistant following you when you go out?"

No wonder he could so casually buy and give away such an expensive diamond bracelet without batting an eye.

Yang Yue smiled and greeted Tong Dong, calling her "Miss Tong," with a highly professional demeanor explaining, "President Guan is usually very busy. This is also part of my job and responsibilities."

Then he turned to Lin Haoda beside him and greeted him, "Mr. Lin, it's really been a long time."

A genuine smile finally appeared on Lin Haoda's face. He tilted his head slightly and looked at him. "Yeah. How have you been these past two years?"

Yang Yue nodded and told him, "Last month, my wife got pregnant."

Lin Haoda smiled in surprise. "Congratulations, you two. Entering a new stage of life."

Compared to Guan Junshan, the two of them seemed more like old acquaintances catching up. Tong Dong looked left and right, her gaze landing on Guan Junshan, who appeared a little forlorn beside them. Unaccountably, she felt a moment of sympathy for the big CEO in her heart.

The supermarket was laid out horizontally, with the fresh food section and the deli section at opposite ends. It would take too long for the four of them to slowly browse together, so they decided to split up. Tong Dong and Lin Haoda would do their own shopping, and they would all regroup at the checkout.

Lin Haoda was also visiting this supermarket for the first time. The layout was winding, the fresh food counters hard to find, and everywhere he went, it was so crowded it was hard to move. Fortunately, he had Guan Junshan pushing the cart behind him. Everyone else was in their pajamas and sweats, but there he was in a suit and tie, his gold-threaded tie perfectly smooth. He kept his handsome face stern, focused solely on figuring out how to steer the cart, looking like a living Jade-faced Rakshasa, as if the temperature around him had dropped several degrees.

Seeing him, people would glance over but then silently make way, allowing Lin Haoda, who was walking ahead, to pass through first.

It wasn't that Lin Haoda was intentionally ignoring him. He had already listed all the ingredients he needed to buy the night before, so he had to concentrate on finding the shelves and couldn't afford to be distracted by the person behind him.

But Guan Junshan was content. He had never shopped with anyone before. When he was abroad, he would basically drive to a nearby store once every half month to buy some necessities. In fact, he had never had the thought or experience of sharing the daily necessities of life with anyone.

But Lin Haoda was so different. Guan Junshan silently watched his trembling eyelashes, his delicate nose tip, and the fair skin behind his ears. He watched him slightly tilt his face up, concentrating on picking items from the shelves, his serious profile as he compared prices and expiration dates, and his occasionally slightly furrowed brow. He suddenly felt that this was also good, also adorable, and equally heart-stirring.

So strolling in a supermarket was never a boring thing. No wonder so many people considered it a necessary activity for couples. For the first time, Guan Junshan realized that if he were doing this with someone, he would willingly give up the time and efficiency that were once so important in his life.

As they passed through the fruit and vegetable section, a staff member was promoting free samples of some newly arrived berries, which looked bright in color and glistened with dewdrops. Lin Haoda walked over, bit into a strawberry, found it quite good, then took a blueberry and returned to Guan Junshan's side.

He held the blueberry between his fingers and offered it to Guan Junshan, intending to say that he had tried it and it was sweet, and asked if they should buy a box to share with everyone. But Guan Junshan misinterpreted his intention. He stared at him intently for two seconds, his gaze deep, then restrainedly lowered his head, opened his mouth, and took the blueberry.

Before Lin Haoda could react, he felt a slight warmth on his fingertip, mixed with a numbing tingle, as if a feather had lightly brushed against it.

Guan Junshan looked up at him, his Adam's apple bobbing slightly. "So sweet."

Lin Haoda was startled and quickly lowered his hand. From the corner of his eye, he noticed several people nearby staring at them. He opened his mouth but couldn't find any words of reproach, so he turned and walked away.

Guan Junshan was left standing there, completely confused about why he was suddenly angry again, or perhaps shy? In any case, his thoughts were unusually hard to guess, and Guan Junshan's heart, attached to him like a kite, rose and fell, now sunny, now rainy.

Guan Junshan pushed the cart and chased after him to the fresh seafood counter, where he saw Lin Haoda holding a plastic bag, standing obediently by the glass tank, asking the staff for a net. The tank was full of lively shrimp and crabs. Lin Haoda stood on tiptoe and tried to scoop several times, but they quickly slipped away, leaving only the injured and weak.

Lin Haoda refused to give up, so Guan Junshan watched him for a while from beside the tank, then walked over, took off his suit jacket, rolled up his sleeves, and asked the staff for another net before joining in.

He was tall, had a long reach, and worked out three times a week, making him a natural at catching seafood. Sure enough, the shrimp and crabs that had escaped Lin Haoda's net couldn't escape his. Every time Guan Junshan made a move, he would catch the freshest ones, still leaping and kicking in the bag.

Eventually, Lin Haoda gave up. He picked up Guan Junshan's expensive jacket, which had been casually draped over the cart handle, and stood silently watching for a moment before saying, "That's enough. If you catch any more, we won't be able to finish it."

Guan Junshan threw down the net, picked up his bountiful catch, and weighed it. The plastic bag, bulging with water, twisted nimbly in his hand, and he tied it into a neat knot. A crowd had gathered around the tank. Guan Junshan held up the bag full of seafood, searching for Lin Haoda in the crowd, and as soon as he spotted him, he couldn't wait to walk over.

"Did you see?" he asked when he reached him, his eyes dazzlingly bright, full of pride and satisfaction.

Lin Haoda draped the jacket over his arm, pushed the cart toward the weighing station, and deliberately pretended to be dense. "See what?"

"I just..." Guan Junshan was about to say that the shrimp and crabs he had caught for him were the liveliest in the tank, but then he thought better of it—how would that sound? Like he was bragging about catching shrimp? No, he couldn't say that. It was too childish.

"...Never mind." He paused, his tongue pressing against his teeth as he picked a neutral topic. "The seafood here is pretty good. Quite fresh."

Lin Haoda hummed in agreement, his tone a bit regretful. "But it's too expensive."

As they talked, they reached the weighing station in a few steps. The auntie at the counter, while sticking price tags on their bags, praised Guan Junshan. "This young man is strong and skillful. He caught today's freshest batch all by himself!"

Guan Junshan couldn't suppress the grin spreading across his face, but he still pretended to be serious. "It's okay. Pretty simple."

"Is that so?" Lin Haoda snorted. "Seems like President Guan is a regular at catching seafood for others. Practice makes perfect, right?"

"No," Guan Junshan quickly explained. "This is the first time."

He cleared his throat and continued, in an unconvincingly offhand tone, "If you want to eat it again, I can come here often in the future..."

Feeling his gaze, Lin Haoda's eyes flickered. He pressed his lips together and said nothing, pushing the cart onward. Guan Junshan followed beside him, wanting to say something, but finally let the silence settle between them.

They turned back from the weighing station and headed toward the exit. As they passed a larger tank containing even bigger and more expensive seafood, like king crabs and lobsters, no one noticed a little boy at the corner trying to scoop one by himself, with no parent in sight. He actually managed to catch a hefty one, but his thin arms couldn't handle the weight. With a loud splash, the net and the crab fell into the water, splashing everywhere, mixed with the gasps of the crowd.

Guan Junshan reacted first. He turned his head, glanced, and his body instinctively responded. He grabbed Lin Haoda's shoulder, almost pulling him completely into his embrace.

The splashing water hit only his back, without exception.

They were close. Guan Junshan was only wearing a shirt, which was now almost completely soaked, with water dripping down from his shoulders to his lower back.

Lin Haoda was initially dazed for a few seconds at his sudden closeness. It wasn't until his fingers touched Guan Junshan's body heat and the pleasant scent filled his nostrils that he slowly came to his senses. He was about to push him away when a few droplets of water, carried farther, hit the side of his face. Mixed with the panicked cries and dodging of those around him, it reminded him of what had just happened.

Lin Haoda, still held by the shoulder, instinctively struggled free from his embrace. He reached out and touched Guan Junshan's back. It was cold and soaking wet.

Many passersby had been splashed. The little boy had already slipped away while the commotion was going on. A staff member quickly brought out clean towels and handed them out with apologies. Guan Junshan's hair was half-wet, standing under the light, his jawline glistening with moisture.

Unable to see the state of his own back, he dried it hastily with the towel and then asked Lin Haoda for his jacket. He put it on and was about to hurry to the checkout, but Lin Haoda grabbed his wrist and pulled him back. He used the towel to gently absorb the moisture from his shirt, then took out the handkerchief he had just lent him to blot the dripping ends of his hair behind his ears.

"...That should be enough," Guan Junshan said, standing there like a wooden post, his Adam's apple bobbing up and down incessantly. His voice was hoarse. "It'll dry on its own once we walk around a bit more."

Lin Haoda ignored him and continued to wipe the water off him. His warm fingertips kept brushing against Guan Junshan's cool earlobes, then the nape of his neck. Because Guan Junshan was too tall, he had to place his other hand on Guan Junshan's lower back and stand on tiptoe a little to reach.

He had no idea how these perfectly normal actions were affecting the other person. The blame could only fall on Guan Junshan's lack of self-control, unable to withstand these subtle touches.

Standing there in full view of everyone, Guan Junshan wanted to catch his restless fingers, but he didn't dare move. He could only silently tell himself to endure, both fearing and anticipating where he would touch next.

Fortunately, this restless torment didn't last long. Lin Haoda quickly withdrew his hand and returned to the shopping cart.

Guan Junshan awkwardly put on his jacket, the tips of his ears tinged with red. He dared not linger any longer and headed straight for the checkout area.

When they met Tong Dong and Yang Yue at the entrance, both were startled. Yang Yue hurried over to ask what had happened. Guan Junshan shook his head, signaling him not to worry, while Lin Haoda gave a brief explanation.

Two shopping carts were packed to the brim, all the way to the underground parking lot. Guan Junshan's car was parked in a corner; the driver had already left, and the keys were handed to Yang Yue. With four people in one car, Guan Junshan had no choice but to sit in the passenger seat.

Once in the car, Lin Haoda was adjusting his seatbelt when he heard Guan Junshan call out to him, asking, "Where do you live?"

Lin Haoda was stunned for a moment, blinking in slight confusion. Guan Junshan turned around from the front seat, smiling, and offered a flimsy excuse: "The traffic is bad; it’s easier to use navigation."

That wasn’t the issue, Lin Haoda thought. Guan Junshan had driven to his place countless times before without ever asking for the address. Why now, as if he had amnesia, did he need to hear the answer from him again?

But in the next second, Lin Haoda realized they weren’t alone, so he cooperated and gave the address.

"Alright." Guan Junshan turned back, entered it into the navigation, and then added flatly, "It’ll take about twenty minutes."

It was still early, so parking wasn’t an issue. The black car pulled smoothly into the residential complex. Yang Yue said he needed to help Guan Junshan deliver a contract to his apartment later and would join their New Year’s Eve gathering afterward.

The trunk opened and closed. True to Guan Junshan’s promise, he took care of most of the purchased ingredients, leaving Tong Dong and Lin Haoda only the lightest items—fruits and flowers.

The old-style residential building had narrow hallways with steep, high steps. It didn’t feel cramped when alone, but climbing up with three people, with Guan Junshan bringing up the rear, Lin Haoda felt anxious, afraid that if he slipped, he’d drag Guan Junshan down the stairs with him.

Moreover, the units were close together. Whether intentional or accidental, Guan Junshan even took a wrong turn midway, and Tong Dong had to call him back loudly, reinforcing the illusion that it was his first time there.

Lin Haoda rarely exercised and tended to order takeout or supermarket delivery, so by the time they reached the fifth floor, he was panting heavily. Tong Dong was in the same boat, but Guan Junshan was moving briskly, carrying heavy loads in both hands up the narrow stairs without any flush or panting.

When Lin Haoda was about to take out his keys to open the door, Guan Junshan stepped closer, took the bags from his hands, and said in a low voice, "I'll take them."

The door opened. It looked the same as Guan Junshan remembered: a wooden shoe cabinet on the left, with a few new slippers of various sizes laid out on the carpet. There were sizes for both men and women, likely for the guests coming tonight. Tong Dong slipped off her shoes and stepped into a pair, then urged Guan Junshan to come in quickly. Lin Haoda took the bags from him with effort and headed toward the kitchen, but halfway there, he stopped and turned back to look at Guan Junshan. "Sorry… I added two extra people at the last minute, so I didn’t buy enough slippers."

Hearing him apologize in a low voice made Guan Junshan’s heart stir. It was his own shameless insistence to join, to squeeze into Lin Haoda's New Year’s Eve party with his friends; none of this was Lin Haoda’s fault.

Guan Junshan glanced at the shoe cabinet and asked, "Do you have shoe covers at home?"

Lin Haoda said, "Yes," and immediately put down his things and came over to get them. The hallway was narrow, and Tong Dong tactfully moved away. Lin Haoda crouched down, opened a cabinet door halfway, and pulled out a bag of blue shoe covers.

Guan Junshan stood right behind him, his shoulders and back almost pressed against the base of the wall. He swore he hadn't meant to look, but his gaze followed Lin Haoda’s movements. Through the half-open cabinet door, he spotted a pair of gray men’s slippers tucked away at the back, the heel peeking out—fleece-lined, neither brand new nor too old.

Guan Junshan’s heart pounded twice. He recognized that pair. He had worn them before. Lin Haoda hadn’t thrown them away; he had actually kept them.

His fingers hanging by his side suddenly felt warm. Guan Junshan rubbed them together restlessly, his lips parting and closing again.

Tong Dong had gone to the bathroom to fill a vase with water. In the dim entryway, only the two of them remained.

Lin Haoda turned around, standing very close. Guan Junshan caught the sweet, fruit-ice-cream-like scent on him and was reminded of the restless torment from the supermarket.

Lin Haoda waited a long time, seeing Guan Junshan’s hand still gripping the shoe covers without moving. He urged softly, "Try them on."

Guan Junshan forced himself to focus. He felt for the thin elastic band at the top, slipped his fingers in to stretch it open, ready to bend over and slide it over the toe of his shoe, but then—a light pop. The elastic closed back into a slit. Guan Junshan pulled his fingers out of the blue plastic shoe cover, his Adam’s apple bobbing violently as if suppressing some shameful emotion.

Lin Haoda looked up at him, a little puzzled. His eyelashes cast a shadow in the light, his pupils dark, bright, and pure.

"I saw... there’s another pair inside." Guan Junshan tried to keep his voice low, not wanting to startle him, as if merely driven by curiosity. He paused, then continued, "Are they mine?"

What he said was vague and sounded strange in meaning. What "yours" or "mine"? Everything in Lin Haoda’s home belonged to him. Guan Junshan was like an uninvited intruder, unreasonably picking up one item and forcing Lin Haoda to admit it was his.

But Lin Haoda couldn’t kick him out. Tong Dong emerged from the bathroom holding the vase, surprised to see them still standing there. She asked, "What’s wrong? Don’t the shoe covers fit?"

Guan Junshan cleared his throat, told her they were fine, and explained, "We’re just looking for a pair for Yang Yue."

Tong Dong said, "Oh," and carried the seafood back into the kitchen.

Lin Haoda stood there, eyes closed, saying nothing. Abandoning him, he turned and started to walk away.

Guan Junshan feared that the most: Lin Haoda leaving without a word, revealing nothing of his thoughts, leaving it all up to Guan Junshan to guess. Just a pair of slippers. He even scorned himself for it. Even if Lin Haoda had forgotten to throw them away, what did it prove? Lin Haoda didn’t even want to mention it.

It was all his own wishful thinking.

But even if it was wishful thinking, Guan Junshan stepped forward, reached out, and grasped Lin Haoda’s arm. He didn’t dare apply much force, fearing he’d truly anger him, but could only gently pull him back to stop him from leaving.

He stared into Lin Haoda’s eyes, his words coming out haltingly, illogical—just like those humble and devoted scenes in TV dramas. He used to watch them with Wu Manzhen and found them disgraceful, but now the wheel of fortune had turned, and he found himself adopting the same script.

He heard his own voice: "Lin Haoda... you’re not really that indifferent to me, are you..."