Chapter 86 This Time It’s a Deep Kiss

Chapter 86 This Time, a Deep Kiss

After a silence that felt like it lasted centuries, Zhu Shinian reached out a finger and wiped away tears Jiang Huaiyan hadn't even noticed he'd shed.

It hit him only afterward—when he heard the words Jiang Huaiyan had just spoken, the first thing he felt was a secret thrill.

He was selfishly relieved that his worries over the past few days had been for nothing, selfishly glad that Jiang Huaiyan hadn't fallen for someone else.

Jiang Huaiyan wouldn't leave him. He would stay right here with him.

That was the first thought in Zhu Shinian's mind when he heard Jiang Huaiyan's words.

Then, through the dim moonlight slipping through the curtains, he saw the wetness at the corners of Jiang Huaiyan's eyes.

This was the first time Zhu Shinian had ever seen Jiang Huaiyan cry.

Was Jiang Huaiyan hurting over something like this?

Was he... hurting because he liked him?

What could he do to make the sadness go away?

If I say I like you too, then you won't be sad anymore, right?

Without hesitating much, Zhu Shinian leaned in and pressed his lips to Jiang Huaiyan's.

It was just a quick, feather-light peck, but Jiang Huaiyan instinctively flinched away, as if those weren't the lips of the person he loved, but a branding iron that could burn him, a poison that would kill him on contact.

Zhu Shinian pulled back slightly and watched him in silence.

Those eyes, always so calm and controlled, were now slightly wide—a look of shock Zhu Shinian had never seen on him.

Zhu Shinian took his hand and guided it to his own waist.

The second Jiang Huaiyan's fingers touched his side, it was like he'd been burned—he curled them inward, but Zhu Shinian pressed them down again, slowly unfolding them until they rested flat against his pajamas.

He seemed like he was meeting his own body for the first time, stiff as a board.

Then Zhu Shinian leaned in again, like a little animal checking a scent, rubbing the tip of his nose against Jiang Huaiyan's.

Jiang Huaiyan's lashes fluttered violently. He wanted to dodge, but behind him was the edge of the bed—any further back and he'd tumble off.

All he could do was stay frozen, passively accepting it.

Then Zhu Shinian kissed him.

This time, it was a deep kiss.

His hands slid up to Jiang Huaiyan's shoulders, then gently looped around his neck.

Zhu Shinian knew exactly how to kiss him in a way that felt good. Even though Jiang Huaiyan was stiff and resistant, Zhu Shinian easily coaxed him into it.

"Zhu Shinian, wait—not yet..."

Feeling himself losing control, Jiang Huaiyan pulled away from his embrace, pressing a finger gently to Zhu Shinian's lips.

But it was nothing but a losing battle. Zhu Shinian quickly brushed his fingers away and kissed him again.

"You don't actually like me—you just... want me to be happy."

So what does it really mean to like someone? Zhu Shinian wanted to ask him that.

Back when he was a student in District 26, Zhu Shinian's deskmate had a crush on an omega who always sat in the corner of the classroom. The omega was shy, quiet, with big, wide eyes.

Every time that omega walked over, his deskmate would get incredibly awkward, his heart thumping so loud even Zhu Shinian could hear it.

The omega's family didn't have much money. In his free time, he worked at a small restaurant behind the school. When he ran into classmates he knew, he'd give a shy, awkward smile, then make an excuse to go help out in the kitchen.

Whenever they passed that restaurant, his deskmate would pretend he hadn't seen anything, lowering his head and hurrying by.

Half a year before graduation, the omega dropped out. His usually well-behaved deskmate skipped class to find him, and somehow—by some means or another—brought him back.

Later, Zhu Shinian found out his deskmate had been saving up money for a long time. He'd gone to the homeroom teacher, paid the omega's tuition, and loaded his meal card for half a year.

After graduation, the two of them—who had similar grades—enrolled in the same vocational college.

When they both turned eighteen, they got married in front of family and friends.

Back then, young as he was, Zhu Shinian would also look forward to it—wondering when he'd meet his own quiet omega—long bangs, big eyes.

That was Zhu Shinian's earliest understanding of what it meant to like someone.

It was like fruit on a tree—at first hanging green on the branch. If you picked it and tasted it then, it would be sour and bitter. But later, once the fruit ripened, it would turn sweet.

It was only later that he learned not every fruit gets to ripen.

Zhu Shinian's feelings for Gu Zhen were fruit that fell to the ground before it could ripen—the beginning wasn't pretty, and in the end, it would just slowly rot away.

He didn't want Jiang Huaiyan's feelings to end up as rotten fruit either.

"You say you like me, and that counts," Zhu Shinian said softly. "So when I say I like you, why doesn't that count?"

He cared about Jiang Huaiyan. He wanted him to be happy.

But it also made him sad to see someone else appear by his side—someone who could take his place, someone who could make him happy.

And more than anything, he didn't want his feelings to go unanswered.

"Then what do you think I mean when I say I'm being sincere? That I still like Gu Zhen, that I've always liked Gu Zhen, that I can't get over Gu Zhen?"

Jiang Huaiyan's face darkened almost instantly.

It took him a moment to realize Zhu Shinian was deliberately provoking him.

"Gu Zhen isn't good enough," he said slowly.

"He was bad to you, and he's stupid and useless himself—mmph!"

Zhu Shinian leaned in to kiss him again. He was so close—close enough that his lashes brushed across Jiang Huaiyan's face, leaving a faint tickle.

"Why... won't you kiss me." Zhu Shinian seemed deflated by all the rejections, his head drooping to bury itself in Jiang Huaiyan's chest, his voice muffled, like a puppy whining.

"Zhu Shinian." Jiang Huaiyan hesitated, then gently pressed his head a little deeper into his chest.

The spots where Zhu Shinian had kissed him still held the warmth of his lips, burning all the way from his mouth to his heart, to every limb and bone.

He thought back to the very first time he'd ever seen Zhu Shinian.

A snow-covered foreign land had just weathered a disaster when an aftershock struck without warning, trapping a child who was a stranger to them under the rubble.

Zhu Shinian turned back, confirmed the child was safe, and without a moment's hesitation rushed toward the ruins that could collapse again at any moment.

Delicate snowflakes clung to his eyelashes, yet his gaze was gentle and steady.

Words like kind and selfless couldn't be further from Jiang Huaiyan.

To him, needless compassion served no purpose—only enough power and profit could ensure he never returned to those days of being pushed around.

But even the most selfish egoist in the world wouldn't mind being the one who got that kindness.

Trapped in a burning villa, Jiang Huaiyan wondered who else besides himself could possibly get him out of there.

It seemed that unless that crazy "Happy Prince" happened to pass by, there wasn't a single idiot in the world who would come save him.

But Zhu Shinian was exactly that kind of fool.

Those innocent, gem-like eyes—if they truly were precious jewels, and if someone needed them, he would probably pluck them out and give them away without a second thought.

When he learned that Gu Zhen had gotten engaged to him without telling him, he actually felt guilty, felt like he'd done him wrong.

Even when he was pinned to the ground and nearly forced, marked, he was still worried about Zhu Shinian's wounds.

Why does someone like Zhu Shinian even exist?

And why would someone like him have his heart and soul already claimed by someone else so soon?

Gu Zhen was stupid, useless, nothing but his family's reputation.

Gu Zhen didn't deserve him, not at all.

"If you're willing to be with me, I'll take care of you, I'll always stay by your side, and I'll never make you sad or upset again..."

"I know," Zhu Shinian said softly. "I'll always be good to you too, and I'll always care about you."

Jiang Huaiyan held him a little tighter, the hand on his waist finally relaxing. His fingers slowly curled, fingertips sinking into his shirt, burning hot.

"If you wake up regretting this tomorrow... just pretend nothing happened tonight."

"Will you knock it off." Zhu Shinian seemed a bit annoyed, pretending to be mad.

His head moved slightly, soft hair tickling Jiang Huaiyan's neck.

Then he lifted his head, and Jiang Huaiyan watched his beautiful face draw closer and closer, until lips pressed against his, soft tongue prying his lips apart.

Zhu Shinian was kissing him.

Zhu Shinian. His.

Once that thought took root, it spread like wild vines, flooding his whole mind.

He pressed Zhu Shinian's lower back, palm sliding upward from there, running his hand up his back and over his bare neck.

Water sounds.

Breathing sounds.

Zhu Shinian, who had initiated the kiss, gradually began to lose his composure. His breathing grew rapid, a flush crept across his face, and the corners of his eyes grew damp, tears welling up from the intensity of it.

"Rest... rest a moment..." Zhu Shinian gasped.

He buried his face in the crook of Jiang Huaiyan's neck, forehead pressed against his collarbone, breath brushing against his skin—warm, ticklish.

His hand slid from Jiang Huaiyan's shoulder down to his chest, resting there, feeling that heart pounding wildly in his ribcage, beating fast and heavy.

"It's beating so fast," Zhu Shinian murmured.

Then he placed Jiang Huaiyan's hand on his own chest, where it too was thumping violently, beat after beat, as if it might leap right out.

Author's note: