Chapter 90 Child

Chapter 90: The Child

Zhu Tingjia had always been a child who feared the cold.

The 29th District was bitterly cold, and it wasn't until he was five that the unified Republic officially began nationwide heating.

His papa always said that when the first northern wind of winter blew through, no matter how thickly he was bundled up, his ears would reliably break out in chilblains—more accurate and earlier than any weather forecast.

He had poor circulation; just a few minutes outdoors would leave his hands and feet icy cold.

Yet Zhu Tingjia always felt that the first winter after coming to this home hadn't seemed cold at all.

On the day his papa left for the western front, Zhu Tingjia had actually woken up very early.

He'd heard his grandmother tell his papa not to wake him, so when Zhu Shinian pushed the door open, Zhu Tingjia obediently lay in bed with his eyes closed, pretending to sleep.

The door was pushed open silently, with a sound so faint it was almost imperceptible. Someone walked in and tucked his blanket in for him.

Then his papa gently kissed his cheek and softly whispered goodbye.

After the door closed, Zhu Tingjia buried his head in his pillow and cried. He regretted, a little, pretending to be asleep and letting his papa leave like that, but on second thought, he figured his grandmother must have known he'd cry, which was why she hadn't woken him.

He was a kid the pretty kindergarten teacher was always praising; his papa must have had something urgent to do. He shouldn't make trouble for his papa.

Since his papa had come to say goodbye, he would come back. His papa hadn't abandoned him.

It was just that... a few months, which passed in the blink of an eye to adults, felt incredibly long in a child's world.

Would his papa come back today? What about tomorrow?

And the day after that?

One, two, three...

From the very first day his papa left, Zhu Tingjia had been secretly counting the days.

He could already count from one to a hundred, but past a hundred, he still couldn't do it.

What if his papa still hadn't come back after he counted to a hundred days? What would he do then?

He'd have to ask his father to teach him how to count past a hundred.

Fortunately, when Zhu Tingjia had secretly counted to the fifty-third day in his head, his father woke him up very early.

His father dressed him in a thick scarf, a thick knit hat, gloves, and wrapped him in another scarf, and filled his little water bottle with hot water.

Zhu Tingjia knew this meant his father was taking him out somewhere.

His father was just as busy with work as his papa, and he rarely took Zhu Tingjia out on his own, so Zhu Tingjia couldn't hold back his excitement.

He was bundled up so tightly he looked twice as round as usual, like a chubby little bear getting ready for winter, but his father was dressed very lightly—no down jacket, no gloves, just a thin overcoat.

"Anything else you want to take?" Jiang Huaiyan checked to make sure the knit hat was covering his ears before asking.

"Yes!" Zhu Tingjia nodded and ran back inside from the doorway, his footsteps going thud-thud-thud.

His father was dressed too lightly, just like his papa always said about him—dressing so lightly would make him catch a cold.

"Father, wear this. Yours is too cold," he said, carrying back a big, thick black down jacket, earnestly mimicking his papa's tone. "Too cold, you'll catch a cold."

The adult-sized down jacket was indeed huge—as he walked over, Zhu Tingjia barely managed to keep it from dragging on the ground.

"I'm not cold right now," his father said, taking the down jacket from him and patting his head approvingly. "I can bring it to the car and put it on if I get cold. I'm an adult; I know when I should add layers."

"Okay, then Father must not catch a cold." Zhu Tingjia tilted his little face up and agreed.

It had snowed all night, and when they went outside, the ground was a blanket of silver.

Zhu Tingjia excitedly asked his father if he was taking him to build a snowman.

"We can build a snowman on the way back," Jiang Huaiyan promised. "By then the snow will be thicker, better for making snowballs."

Though a little disappointed about not building a snowman right away, Zhu Tingjia wasn't too upset.

His father had promised him, and when they came back in the evening, his father would definitely take him to build a snowman.

A little while after the car set off, snow began to drift past the window. The flakes were small, not like the delicate, beautiful shapes in picture books, but Zhu Tingjia still watched them with pure delight.

After getting out of the car, his father held an umbrella in one hand and carried him with the other arm.

There were a lot of people around, and the noise of conversation was a bit loud. Zhu Tingjia looked over his father's shoulder and saw a big thing approaching from the distance, roaring as it slowly got bigger.

It was a train—the one he'd seen in his picture book!

"Train!" he said happily, pointing at the distant train for Jiang Huaiyan to see.

"Yes, it's a train," his father replied gently.

The front of the train was piled with pristine white snow, as if it were wearing a white hat.

The train slowly came to a stop, and many people dressed in the same clothes stepped off.

They looked both tired and happy, embracing the people on the platform. Many of them were even crying.

Why were they crying? Zhu Tingjia felt confused—it was the first time he'd seen so many adults cry.

Weren't adults supposed to be strong and tough? Zhu Tingjia had stopped crying by his second day of kindergarten.

Then, amid the falling snow, Zhu Tingjia saw his papa.

His papa was wearing the same clothes as those people, but the same outfit looked especially handsome on him.

"Papa—"

The platform was packed with people, and just as Jiang Huaiyan and Tingting had spotted him at first glance, Zhu Shinian spotted them too.

Tingting seemed to have grown a bit taller.

Light snow drifted over the platform as many soldiers and their families wept tears of joy over this hard-earned reunion.

Some were crying endlessly, some were pouring out their longing, some were showing off gifts they'd brought from far away for their families.

.......

It was snowing lightly in the 29th District.

When Gu Zhen arrived at the agreed meeting place, the whole city seemed to still be asleep.

Only a few breakfast stalls had opened, steaming buns and grinding soy milk, giving off a warm, inviting smell.

He was about to see Zhu Shinian, and Gu Zhen felt his thoughts drift.

When the day of their reunion finally arrived, Gu Zhen found that he was not as happy as he had imagined.

For a long time after they parted, he came to realize that during the time he thought he and Zhu Shinian were in love, Zhu Shinian might not have truly been happy.

All those years, it seemed like he had always had smooth sailing, looking down from a height as Zhu Shinian struggled and floundered.

Then he pulled Zhu Shinian out of the mud and dried him in the sunlight.

He didn't mind giving, didn't mind being kind to Zhu Shinian, and was more than happy to solve problems that Zhu Shinian couldn't handle on his own.

Sometimes he would even feel frustrated—why would Zhu Shinian refuse to ask for help when he faced problems he couldn't solve himself, problems Gu Zhen could handle with ease?

Now he thought he understood.

If one person has to look up to another when their eyes meet, then how genuine can the happiness they show really be?

When he called his name, when he fell asleep in his arms, when he said he liked him so much—was he really happy then?

Gu Zhen didn't dare think about it further.

He grieved that Zhu Shinian hadn't been happy by his side all those years, and he also feared that in the years since they'd separated, Zhu Shinian might have met someone new who could make him happy.

If... if that were really the case.

Gu Zhen had been avoiding this question for years.

As long as he didn't think about it, he could play the ostrich, burying his head in the sand, pretending that Zhu Shinian missed him just as much as he missed Zhu Shinian.

But now he could no longer avoid the question. Gu Zhen struggled to force himself to accept it.

If that really was the case, then at least... at least Zhu Shinian was happy now.

He had met a mentor who appreciated and valued him, found a space where he could put his talents to use, subordinates and a people who admired him, and a partner who respected him and could bring him happiness.

No matter how jealous or regretful he felt, Gu Zhen should still wish him well...

Wish for his continued happiness.

The snow seemed to be falling more heavily.

Gu Zhen hadn't brought an umbrella. He got out of the car, intending to find a convenience store to buy one.

The sky was growing brighter. Besides the breakfast shops, other stores were rolling up their shutters one by one.

There were also itinerant vendors pushing carts, hawking hot sesame cakes and candied hawthorn skewers on the side.

Gu Zhen had never eaten candied hawthorn. His impression of such a thing came from hearing Zhu Shinian mention it long ago that he had always wanted to eat candied hawthorn as a child, but when he finally got to taste it, he found it nothing special.

Bright red and strung together in a row, it did look plump and pretty. He'd heard the ingredient was hawthorn, and Gu Zhen thought it indeed might not be delicious, but it would also be hard for it to be so bad that someone would remember it for more than a decade.

If Gu Zhen ate something that was neither good nor bad, he'd probably forget about it within a week.

Little Zhu Shinian must have wanted it for a long time.

What was Zhu Shinian like back then? Gu Zhen wondered. He must have been very young to have craved something like that.

He wore old but clean clothes, watching children his age on the street, each holding a bright red candied hawthorn skewer, walking past him, back and forth.

He knew that if he told his parents he wanted one, they'd give him money to buy it.

But for some reason, in the end, he never told his parents.

The stomach really did seem to be an emotional organ. Gu Zhen's stomach began to feel vaguely uncomfortable, as if he'd eaten a bunch of sour hawthorns.

A hollow, empty ache, yet he didn't want to eat anything.

He didn't buy breakfast. He found the convenience store, went in, bought an umbrella, and when he came out, he noticed a gap on the candied hawthorn rack—probably already sold.

"Hot sesame cakes! Fresh out of the oven sesame cakes! Two for six silver coins!" The pre-recorded loudspeaker continued its hawking.

"Candied hawthorn, one silver coin each!"

Gu Zhen opened his umbrella and walked back toward the car.

Beside the black business car, more and more vehicles were pulling up—probably staff members arriving one after another.

Under the eaves along the street, Gu Zhen saw a child eating candied hawthorn.

He was biting into the hawthorn with total concentration, cheeks puffed out, like a squirrel focused on its meal.

He couldn't say why, but as he passed, Gu Zhen took another look at the child.

And unexpectedly, he found that the child's features bore a striking resemblance to a young Zhu Shinian.

Author's note: