Chapter 99 Lover

Chapter 99: The Lover

Two months after leaving District 29, it seemed nothing here had changed at all.

Unlike the fear that gripped the capital upon arrival, the streets of District 29 bustled with their usual liveliness. Only the occasional celebratory firecrackers marked any difference from normal times.

After getting off the plane, Zhu Shinian went straight to the hospital.

He'd only just found out that Gu Zhen had woken up.

The second Tingting saw him, he burst into tears in his arms, sobbing "Daddy" over and over until his eyes were puffy. The moment he heard they were going to see Uncle Gu, he insisted on going too.

Tingting swore up and down that he and Uncle Gu had become very close, and that Uncle Gu would never find him annoying. He threw a fit, crying and carrying on, refusing to leave Zhu Shinian's side for even a second.

Zhu Shinian had no choice but to bring him along.

When Zhu Shinian pushed open the door, Gu Zhen was lying in the hospital bed, flipping through the latest newspaper.

A man sick for so long had little color in his face—he was pale and had lost a lot of weight.

Because of the constant IVs, the backs of both hands were covered in needle marks.

Gu Zhen figured it was a nurse coming to change his meds, so he calmly folded the newspaper, set it aside, and then looked up.

But when he raised his head, what he saw was Zhu Shinian's tear-filled eyes.

On his travel-worn face, his tired chestnut eyes were shining with tears.

"Why... are you crying?"

Gu Zhen lifted his hand with some effort, trying to wipe the tears away.

Tingting also lifted his head to look at him. Zhu Shinian didn't want the kid to see him crying, so he turned his face away and quickly wiped his tears.

But Tingting saw anyway.

It was also the first time he had ever seen Zhu Shinian cry.

Tingting got flustered. He quickly wrapped his arms around his dad's neck and patted his back the way his dad comforted him.

Why was Daddy crying?

Did someone bully him?

His little head spun round and round, trying to figure out who could've bullied his dad.

Father said Daddy was really capable, and lots of people respected him when they saw him. Tingting also thought Daddy was capable—last time the light in his room stopped working, Daddy fixed it in no time.

It probably wasn't him who made Daddy cry. If Daddy was mad at him, he would've scolded him directly.

Finally, his eyes landed on the other person in the room.

It had to be Uncle Gu!

Daddy was fine just now—he only started crying after seeing Uncle Gu. Uncle Gu must've bullied Daddy before!

"Uncle Gu is a bad guy! Why did you bully my daddy!"

"Tingting!" Zhu Shinian quickly tried to calm the kid in his arms. He didn't dare look at Gu Zhen, just quietly scolded Tingting. "Don't talk nonsense."

Daddy's eyes were still red, and his voice cracked as he spoke. Tingting felt even worse.

He thought about it and became even more sure it was Uncle Gu, the bad guy, who had bullied Daddy.

Uncle Gu was a big villain. And to think he'd admired him before, thinking he was so cool.

"It's you," Tingting said, even more certain now that he'd made up his mind. For the first time, he looked at Gu Zhen from his dad's arms with a fierce, rude look. "My daddy wasn't crying just now—you made him cry the second you saw him!"

"I'm sorry, I..." Zhu Shinian looked at Gu Zhen awkwardly. "The kid... doesn't know any better. I'm sorry, I'll teach him when we get home."

Gu Zhen didn't like kids.

He had zero patience for them. Even when a comrade's well-behaved kid greeted him as "Uncle," he'd just nod coldly and walk away.

If a stranger's kid threw a tantrum in public, he'd even scare them by saying he was a cop and would lock them up if they kept crying.

But now, there wasn't a trace of impatience on Gu Zhen's face.

"Alright, I'm sorry, it's my fault," Gu Zhen said gently. "Then why don't you comfort your daddy and get him to stop crying?"

Seeing that Gu Zhen had actually admitted he was wrong, Tingting suddenly felt a bit guilty and didn't know what to say.

"...My daddy can cry whenever he wants—it's none of your business!" After a few seconds, he finally thought of what to say and kept glaring at Gu Zhen fiercely.

"I'm sorry, the kid doesn't know any better. I'll take him outside for a moment," Zhu Shinian said, his voice still hoarse.

"He bullied Daddy, and he admitted it! Why is Daddy apologizing to a bad guy? Tingting and Father will protect Daddy. Daddy..."

As he was carried out, Tingting kept struggling desperately, like he was trying to break free from Zhu Shinian's arms.

"Uncle Gu didn't bully Daddy. Tingting, don't you trust what I say anymore..."

Zhu Shinian carried the kid away, their argument growing fainter. Gu Zhen stared at the door he'd left open, motionless, almost turned to stone by the Siren's song.

Was Zhu Shinian going to come back to see him?

He worried Zhu Shinian wouldn't come back, but also feared that if he did, he'd say things he didn't want to hear.

He was afraid of hearing words of gratitude and repayment, afraid of hearing him say they were even now.

"...I'm sorry," Zhu Shinian said when he finally came back, as if an entire century had passed. "The kid doesn't know any better. Sorry you had to see that."

Gu Zhen shook his head. "He's a good kid. He's probably just worried about you."

"He's not usually like this..." Zhu Shinian felt like no matter how he explained, it sounded hollow. "He said he'd be good, that you wouldn't find him annoying, so I brought him along."

"It's fine. He's a very cute kid."

The topic of Tingting ended there, and the two of them fell into an awkward silence.

Putting aside the fact that Gu Zhen had saved his life, he was also his former lover.

And now... he was already married to someone else.

Zhu Shinian wasn't that shameless. Some mistakes were enough to make once or twice.

He just wanted to see with his own eyes that Gu Zhen was safe, and thank him in person.

"Thank you..."

"I'm sorry."

The two of them spoke at almost the same time, then went quiet, neither of them saying another word.

"What are you thanking me for?" Gu Zhen said softly. "That man was my subordinate. If not for me, he wouldn't have been let in. If anything had happened to you, I'd have regretted it for the rest of my life."

Zhu Shinian shook his head. That man came to kill—he couldn't have seen it coming, and neither could Gu Zhen.

How could any of this possibly be Gu Zhen's fault?

"I always thought... being with me could make you happy, that's why I wanted so badly to keep you with me," Gu Zhen continued.

"But I think I've only just realized that maybe being with me was part of what hurt you."

Zhu Shinian kept his head lowered, not speaking right away. The monitor beeped tirelessly, sounding even louder in the dead-silent hospital room.

"It was painful," he said quietly, "but it wasn't your fault."

None of it was Gu Zhen's fault—except that he'd later gotten engaged to someone else.

And even that didn't seem like something Gu Zhen needed to apologize to Zhu Shinian for.

What made him sad was just that... he'd fallen in love with Gu Zhen first.

He wished Gu Zhen loved him the way he loved Gu Zhen—agonizing over every little shift in his mood, a hundred times happier when he was happy, a hundred times sadder when he was down.

But why should Gu Zhen love his lover, anyway? He'd already given him so much money, so much respect, so much kindness.

Zhu Shinian was the one asking for trouble. He'd already gotten so much, yet he still wanted equal love, exclusive love.

"How could it not hurt," he murmured, almost to himself, "no matter how good you are to me, I'm still your lover."

A lover who could be looked down on, who could be kicked aside whenever you felt like it.

Hearing that, Gu Zhen seemed completely stunned.

He looked up, shocked, and saw tears welling in Zhu Shinian's eyes, like raindrops left on rose petals after the sky clears.

"But Niannian, I have never once thought of you as my lover."

It sounded like a pretty thing to say to smooth things over, but hearing it from Gu Zhen's mouth, Zhu Shinian looked up in astonishment too.

Then the raindrops on the rose petals fell, leaving a clear streak down his face.

"On my birthday, you said you admired me, adored me, loved me, wanted to be with me," Gu Zhen said with difficulty. "I thought that was... a confession."

So it wasn't?

Zhu Shinian was stunned for a long moment as well.

The threats he'd received were real, and the contempt from the people around Gu Zhen had never been fake.

But Gu Zhen seemed... he really had never once admitted to him, or to anyone else, that Zhu Shinian was his lover.

On the contrary, Gu Zhen had said he loved him, had said he wanted to marry him.

Recalling that time in his life was a slow torture. It felt like an eternity before he managed to speak again, and even then it was hard.

He thought he understood... what had really happened.

"Do you still remember Huo Yuncheng?"

"He... was probably trying to get on your good side." He gave a self-deprecating smile, and only when Gu Zhen nodded did he go on.

"My mother was sick back then and had been kicked out by the family she worked for. I was desperate for money, so I went out to teach kids how to shoot and do math. He caught me and used it against me. He said there were unexplained funds in my account, that I was suspected of taking bribes, and demanded I pay a fine."

"I couldn't afford the fine, so he pointed me toward a... way out."

A day from years ago played back like a film, frame by frame, rewinding in Gu Zhen's mind from the moment Zhu Shinian said he liked him.

"Gu Zhen, someone's outside looking for you." At the birthday banquet Gu Zhen had thought of as his happiest and most perfect, a friend of his named Huo Yuncheng came up to him, grinning.

Gu Zhen asked who it was, and Huo Yuncheng kept smiling, all carefree, saying, can't it just be a surprise I set up for you?

What surprise? Gu Zhen frowned. He was way too old for that childish stuff, and what a hassle—he'd have to add another gift to the list.

Frowning, he walked out of the banquet hall and saw Zhu Shinian standing under the cherry blossom tree.

Eighteen-year-old Zhu Shinian was really beautiful.

The cherry blossoms were beautiful; Zhu Shinian was even more so.

Zhu Shinian said he admired him, adored him, loved him.

As he spoke, Zhu Shinian's face flushed deep red. Gu Zhen thought it was shyness, found it adorable, and couldn't help but kiss him.

Only years later did Gu Zhen realize that flush had been the shame and humiliation of someone who'd sold his own dignity.

Later, Huo Yuncheng had asked him a lot of rude questions—whether he still liked Zhu Shinian, how Zhu Shinian was in bed.

Gu Zhen didn't like those questions, but this friend had always been into that kind of crude talk, so he didn't take it to heart, just told him not to bring it up again.

So this, this was the truth.

Gu Zhen suddenly couldn't find the words.

His heart felt like it was being pricked by thousands of tiny needles. He looked at Zhu Shinian and, for the first time in his life, felt like crying.

He even started to hate himself—hate himself for being so stupid, so stupid he hadn't figured it out until now.

"So it wasn't that after all..." Zhu Shinian's voice caught. "So you weren't agreeing to make me your lover."

You were agreeing to be with me.

Zhu Shinian had told the story of what Huo Yuncheng did to him calmly, like he was recounting a news story, someone else's tale.

But when he said that Gu Zhen had never seen him as a lover, the tears fell.

So it wasn't that.

So Gu Zhen had never once seen him as his lover.

So during the days when he loved Gu Zhen the most, Gu Zhen had loved him too.

.......

Outside the car window, cherry blossoms drifted on the wind.

Falling is far easier for a person than holding on to their integrity.

What was wrong with clinging to Gu Zhen? Aside from throwing away his dignity, Zhu Shinian could hardly think of any other downside.

Grandma could get into the best ward now, and maybe there was hope for Mom. He wouldn't have to pay that sky-high fine.

If he'd done this sooner, maybe even his brother wouldn't have died.

But... but why did he still feel so awful inside?

What was there to be sad about? Zhu Shinian, you're being too dramatic.

He pulled himself together, turned his face away, and managed a gentle, shy smile at Gu Zhen.

"Sir, it's your own birthday banquet—won't it be an issue if you don't go back?"

"If you're uncomfortable there, why would we go back?" Gu Zhen said casually, his hands on the wheel.

Zhu Shinian was taken aback, feeling a wave of gratitude toward Gu Zhen.

He didn't want to see Huo Yuncheng... or any of Gu Zhen's other friends.

The way they looked at him wasn't like they were seeing someone like themselves, but like they were staring at a gorilla that looked almost human.

"...Where are you taking me?" Zhu Shinian glanced out the window; it seemed they were heading away from the city.

"It's a secret." Gu Zhen smiled.

The car stopped in front of a private airfield.

That should count as Zhu Shinian and Gu Zhen's... first date.

Zhu Shinian was smart and quick to learn anything. In just one afternoon, he actually took a light sport aircraft up into the sky.

Ten thousand meters up, it was only Zhu Shinian and Gu Zhen, who was flying alongside him. Apart from them, only white clouds floated quietly.

There were no looks that treated him like a monkey, no one staring at him like he was some kind of freak show.

Zhu Shinian felt happy—so happy he almost wanted to cry.

"The first time I met you, you turned me down, saying you'd rather go to flight academy," Gu Zhen said.

"Though I don't know why you gave up your dream to come to me, life is all about trade-offs. Once you choose a path, the other roads vanish behind you. There's no such thing as a perfect choice without any regrets."

"But within my power, I want to make sure you have no regrets."

Author's note: